werplastic

member of esmé gigi geniveve squalor, the city's sixth most important financial advisor's fan-club

[raygorartshit]

Some people have to be practical over fashionable Esme.

[honeysorwell]

I still think about them

[emmettverhoogen]

one scene I often think about in netflix!canon is the one were olaf and esmé are about to leave the tent after asking the baudelaires to burn it down. in the books olaf just doesn’t care about sunny’s disguise as a wolf and grab her like a watermelon at a fruit market; in the show he tries and fails to grab her but esmé gently gets in front of him, stares sunny as she’s growling, and just grabs her to take her to the car

in a way I think this single scene compensates for the scene in the books (they didn’t adapt) where esmé angrily runs her long nails through the cage and scares the lions as she approaches olaf and madame lulu

[victorsqualor]

geraldine is now esmes journalist on retainer. also esme actually shows up at her financial advising job

inspired by THAT scene in the devil wears prada... woof

[cannibalmukbang]

I'm never going to forgive Netflix ASOUE for replacing Olaf's line "what choice do I have?" with "it's all I know how to do" in the Penultimate Peril. It's so on the nose. It's too self aware. He would not fucking say that.

[emmettverhoogen]

since we’re here I’d like to propose a thought

“But if you don’t join us, where can you possibly go?” she asked. The Baudelaire orphans had no answer for Esmé Squalor’s terrible question, but Esmé answered it herself, with a long, wicked laugh. “If you don’t choose the wicked thing, what in the world will you do?” she asked, and disappeared into the night.

vs

The children took one last step, and silently put their hands on the harpoon gun, which felt ice cold, even through their white gloves. They tried to pull the weapon out of Olaf’s hands, but their first guardian did not let go, and for a long moment the youngsters and the adult were gathered around the terrible weapon in silence. Violet stared at the hooked tip of one harpoon that was pressed against her chest. Klaus stared straight ahead at the bright red trigger that could press at any moment, and Sunny stared into Olaf’s shiny, shiny eyes for even the smallest sign of nobility.

“What else can I do?” the villain asked, so quietly the children could not be sure they had heard him correctly.

[he-wears-fine-things-well]

the biggest mystery in all of asoue is why bertrand and beatrice baudelaire, two very obviously clever and smart people, chose such an absolute moron to handle their money, estate, and kids

[emmettverhoogen]

esmé was also in the right to be appointed to care for wealthy people’s states (the quagmires, for example). I like to think they, at first, didn’t have a choice bc both had history with esmé but ended up growing fond of that moron and his job

[ispyspookymansion]

does anyone care about WOMEN making bad decisions and overstepping boundaries to get the job done does anyone care about WOMEN following the road to hell paved with good intentions. lets get more girlies with morally gray situations going on and lets get it Now

[emmettverhoogen]

the scene in the ersatz elevator show where olaf as gunther pretends to sneeze, says he’s allergic to something and esmé very mockingly asks if it’s the orphans right in front of them (Is it their dust? then nodding like that’s so worrisome to hear) vs the scene in the ersatz elevator book where olaf as gunther says orphans are in and esmé adds that they’re so in they ought to be auctioned at her event the next week (telling their plan to the baudelaire orphans without them realizing)

[emmettverhoogen]

BREAKING NEWS

A Wedding In Distress, But Their Penthouse Appartement At 667 Dark Avenue Is To Die For

Celebrities: Something wicked this way comes. Esmé Squalor and Jerome Squalor’s wedding might be in trouble, reports says. Internal sources searched The Daily Punctilio and told the couple who married at the Vineyard of Fragrant Grapes that everything seems to have changed after both of them escaped the Hotel Denouement fire. Sources claim the city’s sixth most important financial advisor’s adoption of a young girl, Carmelita, might be part of the reason for the constant arguments. An external source assumes a shocking secret might be in the way: pregnancy! But who would be the dad? Reporters still ought to investigate Esmé Squalor’s kidnapping during the annual auction at the Veblen Hall at the hands of the evil Count Omar and his treacherous theatrical troupe. The Daily Punctilio searched both parties, but neither of them returned our contact.

[emmettverhoogen]

UPDATE: Esmé Gigi Geniveve Squalor, the city’s sixth most important financial advisor and “rich as piss” [sic], searched The Daily Punctilio to clarify her marriage with Jerome Squalor (no available recent pictures) is “as perfect as ever.” The former actress also addressed the adoption and pregnancy rumors, stating the following: “There’s no such thing as arguments because I happened to adopt an adorable little girl. Jerome loves her. We’re happy to finally have our own family. And I’m not pregnant,” she stated. “Nor did I fall in love with that man. Anyone who entertains these rumors is a fool, and I doubt they would maintain this ridiculous fallacy of a wedding in distress before me.”

[emmettverhoogen]

BREAKING NEWS

A Wedding In Distress, But Their Penthouse Appartement At 667 Dark Avenue Is To Die For

Celebrities: Something wicked this way comes. Esmé Squalor and Jerome Squalor’s wedding might be in trouble, reports says. Internal sources searched The Daily Punctilio and told the couple who married at the Vineyard of Fragrant Grapes that everything seems to have changed after both of them escaped the Hotel Denouement fire. Sources claim the city’s sixth most important financial advisor’s adoption of a young girl, Carmelita, might be part of the reason for the constant arguments. An external source assumes a shocking secret might be in the way: pregnancy! But who would be the dad? Reporters still ought to investigate Esmé Squalor’s kidnapping during the annual auction at the Veblen Hall at the hands of the evil Count Omar and his treacherous theatrical troupe. The Daily Punctilio searched both parties, but neither of them returned our contact.

[virginian-wolfsnake]

esme, in an interview with geraldine julienne about her relationship with one-time former co-star beatrice baudelaire: “the best time i ever had with beatrice baudelaire was when i pushed her down the stairs”

[emmettverhoogen]

esmé going to an award with count olaf as his date, accepting an absent actress’s award on her behalf (bc she was nominated in the same category as beatrice, who’s also not there bc she’s doing a show that night), then being photographed like: “i love winning things!” just for beatrice to win in another category that same night

[bl00dysn0wfall]

series of unfortunate events really said: sometimes adults are wrong. sometimes they do not have your best interests at heart. sometimes the authority figures you’ve been told to trust are evil, and sometimes they’re just plain idiotic. often, they won’t listen to you, even when you are right. they will misinterpret things you say and belittle your interests and then expect you to take it lying down. sometimes you will know better than they do and there will be very little you can do to change their mind. despite all this, there is good in the world and it will be okay. being young does not mean you are worthless.

[emmettverhoogen]

netflix!canon ≠ book!canon aside, I think it’s really intriguing how esmé reacts in both versions to the orphans’ question about why stealing from them if she’s already filthy rich.

esmé from the books is matter-of-factly, toying around with them, as if it’s all fun and games. we only see how the sugar bowl theft issue isn’t fun at all to her during TSS (from lemony’s perspective, in THH), specially in TPP when she threats dewey and doesn’t flinch at the idea of manipulating a child to very literally murder him with a harpoon gun if he doesn’t tell her the lock code to retrieve her sugar bowl from the laundry room.

netflix’s esmé is much more emotional about it, more possessive, and despite my personal grievances with the show’s changes in her personality and, by extension, her relationship with olaf, I think it does fit a little with who she appears to be in the books.

esmé (in both versions, but book!esmé specifically) is all about façades; she doesn’t bother pretending she’s the kinder woman there ever is, but she’s reserved, at the surface just a vain, self-centered and fashion-focused woman. in the books, we only get to know (part of) what is her deal with beatrice late in TSS, when she wears a coat and implies it was stolen from beatrice; when the sinister duo is around and scheming a wicked scheme even olaf and esmé shivers at; when VFD seems a bigger issue than the baudelaire fortune; when retrieving the sugar bowl before the volunteers is a greater good that demands esmé’s immediate attention more than olaf’s plans to get the fortune (olaf’s personal grudge against beatrice).

netflix!esmé might’ve been more gentle with the orphans at first, but right after klaus’ question (it’s violet in the books, which I think it’s fun bc in TEE she’s the only orphan esmé bothered to learn the name of and it’s said somewhere in the books that violet looks just like beatrice) we get to know esmé and her motives. no mysteries. no pretending it’s all fun. in the book she says; in the show she shouts, stomping her high heels as she walks away as if she’s genuinely offended by such a stupid question with a clear answer. from there, the sugar bowl is her main goal—in TVV, merely some couple days or less after TEE, she even suggests olaf on giving up his goal to go after her sugar bowl. book!esmé only verbalizes that in TSS, when the threat of VFD is real and the sinister duo is present.

all of that might be a huge over exaggeration, and it might not even make much sense considering I’m writing this before bed, but I like to think it’s something cool to ponder.

book!esmé is more offended by the theft, whereas netflix!esmé is (even) more offended by the theft of her sugar bowl. book!esmé cares about the baudelaire fortune as long as olaf’s beside her and aiding her in her own goals (the fortune is the least of her concerns in TPP during all the hotel, VFD and sugar bowl chaos, isn’t it?). netflix!esmé doesn’t even pretend to care—her grudge against beatrice, her incomplete tea set, her missing sugar bowl is much more important than any orphan fortune to the point where her alliance with olaf starts showing the cracks still in TVV (in the books it’s implied in THH, confirmed in TCC, insufferable by TPP; all that in the spawn of nearly two weeks since TVV events).

yet while esmé’s story through the baudelaire’s pov end the same way in both versions, each of those endings only further show how different book!esmé is from netflix!esmé; the first coys when olaf denies there’s a fire, apparently unbothered about the sugar bowl that should be still locked inside the laundry room. netflix!esmé is more vicious, anxious to go after her sugar bowl, whether the orphans or olaf are telling the truth or lying.

not a huge deal, but that’s interesting. I think. esmé seems cold in the books, hiding her cards as long as she can, while she’s emotional in the show, untamed, more attached to what’s hers than what happened to her. her tactic in both universes brought her to the same ending: clashing with olaf, without her sugar bowl.

[emmettverhoogen]

I think esmé and olaf tried to kill the other after their first-time alliance went awry but neither expected the other to outsmart them

which is why their relationship at the time of the series has some kind of contract and rules to be obeyed

(or else olaf could’ve dumped esmé in the hinterlands at any time, or esmé could’ve killed olaf and his whole troupe at the tiniest inconvenience)

so following that, it was fair game when they called things out and esmé had to escape the fire by her own or the marine force or whatever possibly went after olaf—as long as they deal with whatever trouble they have by themselves and don’t mess with the other’s life from afar

[emmettverhoogen]

i will never get used to see people talking about (and praising!!!) Esmé or Lucy Punch's portrayal of Esmé. i confess a part of me gets kinda jealous. maybe I'd be her Geraldine Julienne if I were a character in the books

[thesnicketfile]

“I think you can be an enormous reader and not be an intellectual, and probably — maybe, be a better reader by not being an intellectual. I think the world of Lemony Snicket is entirely governed by books; crucial information is in there from all the characters that are named with things that usually have literary allusions, and so the stuff of literature is the stuff that’s being thought about. Someone said to me once it’s like a world in which it’s literature instead of money. It’s not that money is absent from Lemony Snicket, but the idea … that having a different interpretation of “Madame Bovary” could lead to a huge schism, or something like that.”

— Daniel Handler reveals the cause of VFD’s schism in A Series of Unfortunate Events

[beatricebidelaire]

“They’ve already anesthetized the bratty orphan,” Esmé said, “so you ladies merely need to go to her room and bring her to the operating theater. I’m going to try to find that sniveling bookworm and that stupid baby with the oversized teeth. Mattathias says I get to choose which one to keep alive in order to force Mr. Poe to give us the fortune, and which one I get to rip to shreds.”

“Good,” Klaus said, trying to sound fierce and villainous. “I’m so tired of chasing those kids around.”

“Me, too,” Esmé said, and the enormous assistant nodded in agreement.

-- the hostile hospital

esme has been with olaf and crew to chase after the orphans only 1 book at this point (the vile village while she disguises herself as officer luciana). the ersatz elevator doesn't really count because she's just at her home. she worked with olaf for length of one book and he failed his goals that time and she's already tired. honestly understandable

[tarmairons]

“You volunteers are never brave enough to do something for the greater good,“ Esmé said with a mocking smile.  "Throwing people into pits isn’t the greater good!” Quigley cried. “It’s villainous treachery!” “If you weren’t such an idiot,” Esmé said, “you’d realize that those things are more or less the same.”