
JVL
Sweet Seals For You, Always
hello vonnie
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Jules of Nature
Stranger Things

No title available

Discoholic 🪩
Misplaced Lens Cap
cherry valley forever

titsay

oozey mess

Andulka

@theartofmadeline
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Love Begins
Three Goblin Art

⁂
d e v o n
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
seen from Malaysia

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seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
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seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Russia
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seen from New Zealand
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seen from Pakistan
@escapingreal
i'm that rat type, concealed inside his hat type, control his every act type,
John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon
I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
TRANSCRIPT:
JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.
AUDEINCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I just - all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere - I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much - they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now - let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like -
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife - I have this wife - she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
Why use a printer? When you can use an ink cannon?
What. The. Fuck.
#this is so fantastically unnecessary
This is like….steampunk levels of excessively dramatic engineering and I love it.
Why did the kid wait a whole month to respond
Reading a thesaurus
Going into therapy like
Since it’s Halloween, don’t forget the scariest costumes ever:
“College loan debt”
“Parental responsability”
“Decreasing property value”
“Dishes I left in the sink for a week”
“MY EX WIFE”
“Unexpected pet surgery bill”
“The guy who wants to date your daughter”
Then, the best one:
“UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE”
directions
comics then: funny cat loves lasagna and hates mondays comics now: pigeon experiences a micro-aggression
there is nothing you can say that will make me stop occasionally putting a q tip in my ear to remove ear wax. i know the ear is self cleaning. i know it doesnt need to be done at all, and in rare cases where earwax buildup actually does need to be removed this is absolutely not the way. i know theres a risk of serious injury to the inner ear. i know there is no material benefit and it can only do harm. but heres the deal: i dont care. im fully aware and im going to do it anyway. im fucking crazy.. but im free
theyre happy to see each other
“What are your hobbies?”
me: “Well, I love reading - I’m a massive bookworm! Literally all I do is read-”
my books:
this is such a strong opening paragraph for an article about a medieval cookbook
it’s been 3 days and i can’t stop thinking abt these
You missed the best part, my friend. These are just two photos from a whole book.
Please, enjoy this smattering of beauty and wonder.
These make me so happy
I love all of these, but I am SCREAMING over the last one.
Those boys are perfect.
if i might add:
This entire book looks like someone’s fever dream brought to life through some dark pact with an eldritch being… and I love it.
Sometimes things aren’t good. But this.
A masterpiece.
Really excited it’s almost time for this again
nonlocal area code = hang up. obvious telemarketer
local area code = hang up. this one is also a telemarketer but trying to be sneaky
never answer the phone ever