Fantasminity

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[frownyalfred]

broke: Jason beats up people who mess with him

woke: Jason tells the neighborhood kids to steal shit off their car

[funnytwittertweets]

[lolawashere-deactivated20240904]

Meanwhile, on Twitter:

Brain farts, a thread

[radioactivepeasant]

At the library where I work, I once told a patron a book was due on the "thirty-oneth".

And then when I grabbed the next patron's hold, I tried to say "here we are" and "here it is" at the same time and said "here we is"

We just stared at each other for a minute and I whispered "Oh, I need coffee."

[catcrumb]

[godkillerbrigade]

ROMAN SOLDIER: halt, strange person! where are you from?

TIME TRAVELER: i come from the future. what are your names?

ROMAN SOLDIER: my name is QUINTUS, as i am the fifth child in my family. my comrade is SEXTUS, for he was the sixth child in his family. what is your name?

TIME TRAVELER: my name’s LIV

ROMAN SOLDIER: [starts counting on his fingers as his eyes open in fear]

[rabbitindisguise]

Hang on I need to google something

[rabbitindisguise]

Yeah this is funny

[thatdisasterauthor]

I had actual real work to do today but noooooooo. Now I’ve gotta deal with the “OMG, The Rock bought the Stan T. rex fossil for $36million?!?!?” nonsense.

No. He did not. He bought a cast of the skull for around $12,000. Stan is the most cast T. rex in the world. He’s freaking everywhere. Shhhhhhhh. Everyone calm down.

[thatdisasterauthor]

And now I get to try and invite The Rock on a paleontology dig. Because sure. What even is this job. How did I get here.

[valtsv]

guy who'll follow you to the ends of the earth even into hell but won't ride the rollercoasters at the theme park with you

[gay-pippin]

[jazminesullivan]

THE PRINCESS BRIDE dir. Rob Reiner, 1987

[theycantalk]

plans

[rustyskateblade]

hmm let me think of a super normal, heterosexual thing to comment on this youtube compilation video of hockey players apologizing after accidentally injuring another player

nailed it

[rustyskateblade]

since a couple people have asked me here is the link to the video

[rustyskateblade]

HEY QUICK QUESTION WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THIS

[tits-n-trix]

Infringing on the prime directive

[legallybrunette1997-deactivated]

film bro starter pack or something like that

[do-you-have-a-flag]

nothing could have prepared me for the song choice

[comradekatara]

tbh azula could’ve really benefited from some cactus juice. like, this was the stuff that got sokka, the grumpy old man of teenage boys, who thinks nearly everyone is an untrustworthy incompetent idiot, to say “maybe it’s friendly!” about a mushroom cloud. i genuinely believe that whatever that shit does to your brain could fix her.

[comradekatara]

world peace achieved

[trekbooks]

Oh my god Spock

[spockandstars]

(For context, this is the man that has been torturing Jim)

[nierreplicantver122474487239]

hannibal’s name rhyming with cannibal is like vague enough to be a coincidence but he’s also a fancy chef who always serves organ meat and/or raw meat dishes that exactly line up with whatever body part disappeared from the FBI’s most recent batch of bodies, and he serves it to the FBI, who doesn’t notice

[nierreplicantver122474487239]

Who’s the biggest weed dealer in Baltimore? I have to consult my friend Hannibis Lecter, the renowned gardener

[mareep-is-transfem]

Someone keeps running people over! better talk to my buddy Hehicular Hanslaugher Lecter, the world-famous racecar driver

[willelbyers]

shane not believing in ghosts despite hearing a disembodied laugh by his bed as a child vs. ryan believing in ghosts because his toothpaste fell over on a boat once

[ryan-sometimes]

To those of you who aren't in the Portuguese speaking sphere, let me give you a hilarious update. Parents in Portugal are currently HORRIFIED because their children are now only speaking Brazilian Portuguese from watching so many Brazilian YouTubers. They are finding this deeply disturbing and want the Brazilian Portuguese to end IMMEDIATELY

[ryan-sometimes]

There are NEWS articles about this

Translation:

"Luccas Neto (Brazilian YouTuber) is accused of making Portuguese children talk like Brazilians"

"Luccas Neto, who just celebrated his son Luke's first birthday, is becoming the target of criticism among some Portuguese families. The reason? Luccas Neto has become such a success that Portuguese children are starting to talk like Brazilian people.

That's right: the little ones have lost the characteristics of their local dialect and adopted the speech of the 29 year old YouTuber, who was born in Rio de Janeiro.

'All of his speech is Brazilian. We've reached the point where people ask if one of us parents is Brazilian,' said an interviewed mother, who said her son now frequents speech therapy sessions."

[ryan-sometimes]

"Other parents who spoke with the Portuguese newspaper revealed they don't leave their children alone with tablets or phones, especially when they watch Luccas Neto.

'At this moment we're in a phase of treatment like it's an addiction. We explain everything to him, that he can't watch this because it's harmful. And we notice that he's much better now. What we're trying to do now is play with him more, and block some content, leaving only Netflix and everything that's in Portuguese from Portugal.'"

[that-one-scared-gay]

@homo-sex-shoe-whale i hadn’t thought of this but you are absolutely right

[biandanxious18]

REVERSE COLONIZE THEM

DESTROY PORTUGAL PORTUGUESE

[qwertyu858]

So basically, they never talked with their kids and expected the internet to raise them.

[crazy-brazilian]

brazil strong

[sugarmountainspring]

You're not going to Brazil. Brazil is coming to YOU

[thatdisasterauthor]

Smol friend in the garage! Haven’t seen one of these guys in years.