shark vs the universe
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Acquired Stardust
Sade Olutola
Discoholic šŖ©
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Claire Keane
ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
we're not kids anymore.
d e v o n
Jules of Nature
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
wallacepolsom
trying on a metaphor
romaā
@theartofmadeline
hello vonnie
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
seen from Serbia
seen from Malaysia
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@fatbirdphd
part 3 of Black Codex and Thedas origin by Matt Rhodes ā¤ļø
This is all good as far as explaining origins of the Veil and Blight and elven past but I still need someone to explain origins of Humans cuz at this point that is the bigger mystery lol
part 1 | part 2
More of Black Codex by Matt Rhodes! ā¤ļø
They really did let Solas do all the heavy lifting, and than carry all the guilt. š
part 1 | part 3
Thedas Creation š„° Black Codex by Matt Rhodes
I think this was always clear to those who payed real attention to lore and explored lore and all the hints more deeply, not just on surface level of game story. still so fascinating to see it all spelled out like this, this artwork is STUNNING!!!!! man what I would give for a game set in creation days of Thedas and Titan War and early Arlathan š But only if it was done by all the original devs and writers ofc. so yeah... we can dream.
part 2 | part 3
Mario Chain Chomp Cat BedĀ made byĀ TemptedBelongings
Snake snacks š
why does this have 32k notes? itās just a picture of a knife in a ranch bottle, is there some unspoken joke that 32 thousand people share? what is going on here, i dont get it. itās just a fucking picture of a knife in a ranch bottle. is there some spiritual connection people have to this picture? is there some ominous and mystical reasoning that this has 32 thousand notes? do people reblog this because it makes them look like some indie blogger? or is there just something funny to this? someone please explain
no one tell him
This is it, lads. The post that started us on this path 9 years ago.
I sure hope no one told him.
Its that time of the year again. Praise
Iām not like, super religious but I do celebrate the major holidays (an idesāer and greasonās tumblric)
@iamfuckingweeping
canāt believe this iconic moment hasnt shown up on my dash yet in light of today
et tu
ā¦feEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN NO ONE ELSE CAN FEEL FOR YOU ONLY YOU CAN LET IT IN
Iāll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words ācrucifix nail nipplesā into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.
I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?
All right buckle the fuck up kids, itās the year 2012 and Iāve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. Itās a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I havenāt edited a single thing in months which isnāt about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice thereās a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see Iām not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. Itāll be dead by page 24, but I donāt know that yet. Iām just editing one more vampire boner fest.
The MC is a girl who weāll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girlā¢, Sue is Not Like Other Girlsā¢, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boyā¢ for a boyfriend. Weāll call him Dickhead.
Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The Oneā¢ but he loves her really so itās okay. Except itās not okay because Sue is a Good Girlā¢ and holding out till marriage which heās fine with except heās got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words āhey studā and he follows, dick out before sheās even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because sheās a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that heāll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now heās a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause itās about to get weirder.
Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Loveā¢ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! Heās been āinstinctively protecting her from rapistsā by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because thatās not fucking terrifying at all.
Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only sheād let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he canāt decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I donāt mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.
If youāve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.
So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: āher breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldnāt stopā
This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be āgod fucking dammitā as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.
When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with āa dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flowerā (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, thereās more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and Iāll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and itās all a bit of a blur.
A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed āTHATāS NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEARTā and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldnāt take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.
And thatās the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. Youāre all fucking WELCOME.
Happy ten year anniversary to this fucking post š
(ā”āæā”āæ)
(ŹāæŹāæ) āwhat you say ābout meā
(ŹāæŹ)ćāæ āhold my flowerā
āæļ¼¼(ļ½”-_-ļ½”) āKick his ass, baby. Ā I got yo flower.ā
i found it
the original post
i found it
this should have the opportunity to be on everyoneās blog.Ā
*tour guide voice*
and here on the left ladies and gentlemen, you see one of the posts before everyone went batshit crazy
Official graveyard post
me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: IāM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?
decay exists as an extant form of life
Thatās a terrifying answer, have a nice day
THE ORIGINAL?!?!!!!!!!!;!!!!!!!!???
On my dash!??!
Please hold
Dragon age origins is likeā¦. Youāre nineteen, new in town, and itās your second day at pizza hut. You donāt even know how to work the register yet and you just watched your manager get carted off by the paramedics. You have no contact info for him, his next of kin, or corporate. The only other employee is the guy whoās been here for two weeks and is a bit of a doofus, and neither of you really know what youāre supposed to do now. You both desperately need this job though, and the doofus at least has a drivers license and *kiiinda* knows how to use the oven so you just. Shrug, and start taking orders and making pizzas and praying to god that the bills are on autopay.
And weirdly enough youāre really good at this: making pizzas and dealing with shitty customers and breaking up fights in the parking lot and pretending to be Duncanās cousin on the phone so the utility company doesnāt cut off the power. But running a store is a lot of work for two dumb kids, so slowly you start accumulating a bunch of competent weirdos to help out, like the nun who left her convent because god told her to help you make pizzas, and the elderly school teacher who just survived a mass shooting, and the guy the papa johns down the street hired to run you over. And really thereās no way any of this should be working as well as it is - youāre absolutely committing fraud of some kind here - but youāve managed to dodge the landlord every time heās stopped by, and the health inspector never shows up to tell you to stop letting your dog hang out behind the counter and youāre all still kinda looking at each other and asking āare we allowed to just do this?ā before shrugging again and continuing to make pizzas, until somehow, through a series of unlikely technicalities, your doofus coworker ends up on the ballot for governor.
And after like five months of this the regional manager wanders in out of nowhere and youāre sure heās about to chew your ass out for this mess, but it turns out heās pretty chill and honestly kind of impressed with how you managed to keep the place up and running all on your own. So now youāre all thinking āthank god, thereās someone here who actually knows how to run a Pizza Hutā only for him to get hit by a car two days later on the night of the Super Bowl.
Has this been done?
When an Ur guy / sells Nanni things / but the copperās bad, / He simply records his complaint for all time / āI got a bad deal / Iām maaaaadā
My Favorite Things [Explained]
:/ kinda mean hearted
if I had a wrestling persona they would be part demon part pharmacist and their name would be DVS (like CVS but pronounced Devious) and their catchphrase would be Welcome To The Harmacy
