zeebee🍂

• 20 | she/her | architecture student | coffee addict (not) | singer | music&art lover | journals! | hopeless romantic •

[fazeebee]

I've been inactive as fuck I should post here again soon even tho no one rlly gives a damn— cuz sometimes I gotta remind myself that I don't always have to do something for someone else, it could be for me too.

life got so damn hectic I feel like a tomato going through a rather difficult juicing process jfc hELP

[fazeebee]

06.10.2025

Candles and New Beginnings

I've taken a long, stressful, eventful yet somehow uneventful 4 months.

Honestly wasn't the best time, I went down bad in a long depressive episode somewhere along the way.

I'm still slowly coming out of it, many parts of my life took a bad hit because of it.

But things are slowly coming back to normal, I'm currently in a new chapter of my life where I've moved out to another city, going home every other weekend.

I've officially reached the stage of life where I'm worrying about money, how to make money, about jobs, about general adulting. I always knew it was gonna come, and I was slightly mentally prepared for it, and that's why I'm not having a total meltdown at this point. Things have been going smoothly, and I've been incredibly lucky with finding a really cozy space shared between like 10-12 people that somehow doesn't feel very crowded.

But change is known for its difficult nature, no matter how good or bad. But this too shall pass, and I'll be financially independent soon, I hope.

Being almost 20 and still unemployed and leeching off of your parents feels like a crime in these times, though I know that isn't really the case. But I'm going to try to convert this negative thought and feeling into something productive and try finding small part time jobs I could do along with my studies and work.

That's the best I can do right now, I fear.

[mysticalcoffeequeen]

When you thought it would be easy peasy lemon squeezy but it turns out to be difficult difficult lemon difficult.

[switchnx]

Wait that’s actually really good, gonna pop this out of the tags

[itsreallystupid]

[teaboot]

[strawberrycatcrowbar]

[lone-nyctophile]

You, who opened suns in my heart.

- Alfonsina Storni

[kashmirkikali]

yellow is such a happy color.

[anxietyproblem]

[kosmogrl]

when you listen to a song for the first time and the lyrics deeply resonate with you

[fazeebee]

11.06.2025

End of a season, start of an era.

Hello my dears,

The vanish for the past month should be self explanatory I believe, as t'was but a hectic block of architecture academia once again.

But not to fear, block 4 season has officially come to an end. Which means,

Year 1 of architecture: officially closed.

The essay, the model (which is what the pictures show), the illustrative journal, the tasks—everything. Done.

And I couldn't be more relieved.

A lot awaits the next 4 months, a lot of big and small changes that I'm... trying to be ready for. Through all of that I will stay curious, I will study more about the more interesting parts of architecture for me, more about herbalism (and Witchcraft tailored for me🤫🌱🧹), and also more about myself.

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

After this season starts another one filled with self discovery, changes that could alter my journey hopefully for the better, and connection. And I couldn't be more eager and excited.

And I will try to be more active here just for my own sake, to leave a small, positive mark of some sort.

[fazeebee]

12.05.2025

Summer days of May

Life for the past few weeks has been anything but great. Some good moments here and there, but the bad outweighed the good this time, even though they weren't as bad as my childhood.

But with the start of block 4, is the pile-up of work once more. But the work isn't that bad, it's something I enjoy as well as not that great in amount.

Today I have kept it simple, I allowed myself to indulge in witchy little magic that helped me regulate my nervous system (a spiritual cleansing shower with three lit candles and no soap, journaling and casting whimsical little spells on my glasses of water and coffee to heal me and give me energy). And now I'm outside at a park nearby, grounding myself and getting Earth's electrons in.

It makes my inner child happy, and it's harmless. So I let my intuition take over and did what I needed and wanted to. Took back control of my life and actions.

As a result my mind is clearer, so are my priorities. I can work on my tasks much better too.

Let yourself indulge in some whimsical magic. It helps. 🌱

[surqrised]

“She knew the power of her mind so she programmed it for success.”

— Carrie Green

[glowcowboy]

gonna take a hot shower and put on a big t shirt and my undies and i’m gonna sit on the floor and color at my coffee table like im 6 years old again and then i’ll feel better

[of-earthandlight]

This works btw

[fazeebee]

16.04.2025

a little bit of reading, a little bit of calm.

I've been quite productive lately.

But just not in my career life.

Whilst I'm having second thoughts about the architecture competition that I'm definitely not really ready for, I'm also trying to finish up some work for the office that I have kinda been procrastinating on.

But other than that, I've kinda been letting my creativity take charge of my holidays, and made an incense holder that I like to call 'the Morning Flower'.

Here's the pic:

Every morning I sit in front of it, put some sound bowl music on a timer of 15 minutes and light a white sage incense stick to meditate and visualize how I want my day to be like. This is... my version of a prayer, I suppose.

I've also made reading a habit that I'm growing to love more and more each day—and currently I'm reading a book about 'The Power of your Subconscious Mind' by Dr. Joseph Murphy. I've got like 5 chapters left. And needless to say of course I'm incorporating some of his main spiritual ideas and beliefs in my life and it seems to be working pretty nicely.

I feel a lot more connected with myself, a lot more sane and in tune with myself. Especially after the detox I did prior a few weeks, and now with a little bit more spiritual connection and rest days. It feels as if my personal growth is progressing quite well. So I'm not too unhappy about not being productive enough in my career field, because another important part of me is being catered to more.

I'm also in the process of semi-deep cleaning and reorganizing my room, which makes my mind clearer somehow. I've got just a bit left and the plan is to finish it tomorrow.

Let's see how that goes.

[fazeebee]

07.04.2025

here comes April's spring greens

April is here, which means my work for the 3rd block is fully done and it's spring break.

I'm currently a bit sick again, due to the weather changes and also because of how active I was during the farmstay with my family and uncle's, it included a lot of running around and barbequing and swimming—I may or may not have been soaking in the pool for hours on end for two days.

But anyway! Life's good.

In terms of what's happening with my architecture life, I've kind of decided to participate in an architecture competition even though I don't feel fully ready. The opportunity was a little too good to not take since there was no entrance fee this time around and I guess it is a good chance to expand my skill set a little more, but.... it still feels like I'm jumping into the deeper end of a pool while barely knowing how to float.

I wanted to spend my spring break as a break without worrying about doing any more work (not counting the internship) but, I guess I've also gotta make some productive use of my time. I wanted to restart painting, songwriting and playing music and go outside more while also focusing on my health again, but now I'll have to allot some time for the competition as well. It feels like too much especially after how hectic the last block was, but I guess I have to get used to always having something to do. I don't want to complain about this, I'm just scared cuz I don't feel like I'm ready for a competition of all things, even though I'm not expecting anything from it at all.

But I suppose that's how you grow. So I'm going ahead with it.

[fazeebee]

24.03.2025

Take me Back to last Saturday Sunset

It's final submission week.

I've been working every day since this 3rd block started and yet I still have a demanding amount of work left, apparently such is architecture school.

It's quite frustrating, how whenever someone asks "How's work coming along" my only answer is "still not done." Makes me feel I'm slow and horrible in managing time, makes me wonder if I should follow the footsteps of my peers and disregard my sleep altogether, barely survive on 3-4 hours.

But no, I'm still stubborn. I want to prove people that you don't need to kill yourself slowly for your work, because ultimately at the end of the day to be successful in any career the main needed skills are people management and networking. Of course, the actual work should be good quality and proper, but that's only about 20-30% of a successful career.

That being said I can't help but feel anxious, and though my mind tries her best to calm my body down, my body refuses to. For the past two weeks my stomach hasn't been stomaching, and I'm almost always fatigued (tbh that's always the case so nothing new). I haven't gotten a chance to restart gym again, it's been over 3 months. Which is why I'm looking forward to April's spring holidays. I need to get my life more in order.

But right now, I wish to go back in time to last Saturday, when I went out on a date with myself to calm my system down from anxiety. I wish to do that more often, especially after this submission. The pictures you see are from then, where I was journaling, reading and petting cute kitty cats while watching the sun slowly sinking under the sea and random people walking by doing their own thing.

It was a lovely time. I wish to enrich my life with such moments.

[toupeiraamarela]

Aguacates House . Valle de Bravo . Mexico . Francisco Pardo Aquitecto

www.franciscopardo.mx

[fazeebee]

blue days.

02.03.2025

February went by faster than I expected. Life got busy, very busy. And the ending few days of February really weren't that fun. Some of them for good reasons other days... not so much. The painful zit on the right side of my nose and the bad days and mental health tells me that oh yeah, the bloody waterfall exists. I haven't gotten it yet, but these are my pms symptoms so. Not looking forward to that.

I've got a little good news though, two actually.

I've somehow (through networking) gotten myself an internship-training situation going on in one of the biggest companies in the UAE. It's only every Friday that I go to work there now, unpaid, but this is for experience sake so. Plus it's going to be a pretty big plus for my CV. Insanely grateful for that.

Secondly, my fiance's coming back this Wednesday from Berlin. And I get to be with him every few days again! I've missed him a lot, and I'm pretty sure being with him irl will soothe my moodiness for the next few hellish days.

Today starts off on a good note though. I'm writing this post in my bed, having just woken up. My mum came into my room, climbed onto my bed and gave me a big hug for no particular reason. That already makes me feel better. The rest of today is going to be just me working and taking a break, cleaning my room and simple stuff like that.

....I kind of really don't want to work but.. oh well.

[fazeebee]

11.02.2025

Books and roses, for the month of love?

First post of February. Starts with reminiscing the past few weeks. Kind of long, so apologies in advance-

It's been one heck of a time where I feel like nothing happened yet everything happened as well. We live in strange times, and that's evident even in my relatively drama-free life.

The last block came to an end in slight chaos, but I somehow managed. The following week of holidays were spent with one of my closest friends, my family and myself. I spent time kayaking after a little picnic with my buddy, being slightly weirded out by going on a horse carriage with family, and reading.

In other news, my fiance and I have challenged ourselves to go through a dopamine detox for a month. Today is day 3 and I'm already f*ckin losing my shit with no coffee, no sugar, no music (kill me), no scrolling (which is good) and no personal pleasure—iykwim. No shame in admitting that, really. And honestly I didn't realize just how addicted I was to coffee and music until now. It makes sense why I have an absolutely useless memory and bad anxiety.

How can I not, with how much I run away from myself? I zone out even mid conversations while passively talking, I zone out at the most minor of inconveniences to avoid a small amount of negative emotion, I zone out from my present.

I decided I didn't want to live like this anymore, so I took up the challenge. I'm absolutely dreading it, I'm dying with the lack of dopamine flowing in me. I've never been THIS discontent before and low key depressed, it feels like I'm parched but only for coffee. Particularly the simple kind I make.

4-5 total hours on the bus and while trying to fall asleep with absolutely nothing but my own thoughts is not... fun. Not at all fun. It freaking sucks. I low-key feel like a zombie rn.

But the good thing is that I am more forced to be present. And more aware. And I also realized that my thoughts aren't as scary as they once were. Well unless I'm actually feeling horrible. But otherwise I don't need to run away from myself, I'm just me.

So I think from now on I'm gonna give myself some time. Dedicated time. In my own head. I'm actually kind of excited to see how that works out during this new block, and how it'll affect my work.

[whyenn-reader]

Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I really wish more ADHD mental health care told you WHY things like this matter to our quality of life.

The Hyperactivity in Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is NOT about being physically hyperactive, it's about having a "hyperactive central nervous system" because it's a form of inheritable dysautonomia. The problem with disautonomia, especially the ADHD kind, is that it makes boredom flag to your nervous system as a THREAT, triggering hyperactive and maladaptive central nervous system processes like fight or flight.

But dysautonomia kills you that way. Literally, part of the reason our average life spand increase on stimulents is that it helps manage risk-taking impulsivity that can get us killed by accident, but the other part is that stimulents can regulate a hyperactive CNS such that it is functionally (while impacted by the stimulent) NOT dysregulated anymore. And PHYSIOLOGICALLY that is essential because the physical outcomes of dysautonomia can reduce your life span by YEARS if not decades through self-perpetuating hypervigelence, endocrine disruption, and adrenal fatigue.

So when the ADHD brain goes stimulation-seeking and a doctor tells you to practice mindfulness, it feels like being told "hey go stand in a functioning boiler until you can stop thinking" rather than WHAT IT IS which is the process of re-teaching your body what is and isn't safe.

Standing outside making mindful, non-interpretive/moralized observation of the world helps your brain and body re-acclimate to the idea that absence of that frantic "busy" feeling isn't a threat or a risk to your safety, and gradually reduces the level of distress that just hanging out somewhere triggers for you.

Learning WHY this stuff was being suggested and understanding what it was actually supposed to do went a long way towards changing my relationship with my ADHD. I am FAR more functional now, far less prone to shame spirals and rejection sensitivity, hell, I can **sit physically still for near on an hour at a time** now without feeling like I'm going to crawl out of my skin.

So yeah. Go outside. Let the world narrow around you and take deep breaths until it stops feeling claustrophobic or like you need to climb walls. Learn how to let little sensations become big ones like the way the heat of the sun on your skin starts as a gentle warming and be omes a unique collection of sensory moments depending on how it lands on you. Listen for sounds under sounds and let them fade in and out as you move your focus from one sound to the next. Enjoy. Move on. Rinse and repeat.

When you no longer feel like the world is actively killing you, it's a lot easier to navigate it.

[whyenn-reader]

S++ tier addition to the post, thank you tumblr user butts bouncing on the beltway