Some long rambles on the same topic lol
Honestly though it's not even at odds with Uzi hating the murder drones and wanting to kill them! Like the topic of her having like a secret Thing for them, fascination, fantasies, what have you. Losing her mom because of them wasn't a joke to her by any means, and like, freeing everyone from living in terror was kind of a deeply personal thing too, as in like, less about being a cool n brave hero (not to say that desire wasn't there at all) and more about proving her dad wrong about his contentment in hiding forever.. and like, leaving her freeling so alone and unloved because he was more preoccupied with, essentially to her, his life's work of hiding, than being there for her. Like kinda in a way she probably blames the murder drones for everything wrong with her life.
But that's the thing y'know, when a part of your identity involves hating something, that's still a type of obsession, and oddly enough even if it's an obsession with killing them, it makes her just by default, the person most interested in the murder drones than anyone (even Doll, because her obsession was one specific drone she had specific beef with. She didn't give a shit about any of the others. Contrast Uzi where it was broad, didn't even matter finding out which one destroyed her family)
But like I rambled about in that post with the fanfic note screenshot.. she's a weirdo outcast with absolutely no one she relates to. And if the whole Khan implying Uzi was already "into cannibalism" is something to consider, well, we don't see all that much what her relationship with her peers was like long term but they were clearly weirded out and scared of her long before the introduction in the pilot.. oh speaking of which, it's kind of funny isn't it, like, the fact she turned a random bland school project into a whole presentation about the murder drones. Like we get the notion it's not the first time she's just done something wildly different instead of actual classwork by the fact the teacher is like, boredly sighing about it .. but do you think that specifically was actually a common topic she would bring up? The murder drones? And just like freak everyone out with her fixation on them? I'm feeling like "probably not that deep" about it in terms of canon lore, BUT! I think there's fun headcanon potential there.
Anyway basically I'm saying like. It's not even at all uncommon for people who have deep fears or disgusts about something to end up very fascinated or even turned on by them. In fact, traumatic experiences can lead to people developing kinks too. I feel like that angle—trauma and obsessive hatred manifesting as sexual fantasies—works really well for Uzi. As funny as it is I don't think at all when she outside she was like "I hope no one comes out of the ominous fog and comes fucks me", and I don't think she found her face off with N at the time hot. It was fucking scary and she for real wanted to successfully kill a murder drone.
But when she WASN'T actually in danger, and it was just her alone with her thoughts.. I can see it being a sort of shameful secret kink thing (even the sticky note about it.. questioning if it was genuinely problematic). And there's that thing I pointed out in my other post too, the fact the note has a drawing of like a handsome "bad boy" and seeing her as beautiful, and how feel it makes a lot of sense to secretly wish to be swooped away by someone who wants and understands her. I'd focused a lot of the romance aspect of that but... The "Uzi was already into cannibalism" thing sure does make me think maybe those fanfics are freakier than I thought......
Like.. what are we even talking here... Is she daydreaming about being eaten? Or is it more like watching one of them kill and eat all her shitty classmates and being like Wow That's Hot and then also she doesn't have to feel that bad I guess cause they suck anyway lol. (I like to think perhaps either depending on her mood)
Anyway you already know how I feel about all the stuff with N is like. At the time it was scary but now that everything's chill and he's her loving boyfriend she has feelings for, I think she probably lies awake staring at the ceiling wide eyed sometimes flashing back to all sorts of things and being like fuck. That was really hot. Goddam it.