Cosimo Galluzzi
YOU ARE THE REASON
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
d e v o n
DEAR READER
Monterey Bay Aquarium
One Nice Bug Per Day
No title available
blake kathryn
#extradirty
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Janaina Medeiros
No title available
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
★
Kaledo Art
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
taylor price
Product Placement
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Sweden
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
@flaskinkaptain
“Why I Wasn’t Contracted to Write Beauty and the Beast” by I have no idea who, and desperately want to know. If anyone does, please tell me! Edit: Through knmajorblogs I have discovered the genius behind this piece of art. The genius in question is LordJazor ! Thank you!
Alternate Avengers/MCU Timeline
So... I took a nap earlier today and had the most terrifying dream.... involving an alternate timeline for the MCU (films only.) Feel free to ask any questions, request for details/specifics, I’ve just written down the basics because it... was a mindfuck to relive. Alternate MCU Timeline: -Cap is thawed before Iron Man makes his suit. -Cap faces the Winter Soldier without the aid of Falcon. -Cap is killed by WS. -WS killed by joint S.H.I.E.L.D. efforts (BW, Hill, Coulson, Fury) -Hulk/Bruce never successfully recruited. -Falcon never successfully recruited. -Loki/Chitauri taken down by Hawkeye suicide-mission after Hawkeye comes to his senses. -Without Cap to bring the Avengers “together” Thor abandons Earth to bring Loki home. -No Cap to bring Falcon into the fold, HYDRA successfully takes over S.H.I.E.L.D. -S.H.I.E.L.D. is destroyed (taking Fury and Hill with it.) -Sakovia destroyed but Wanda & Pietro live. (On the run.) -Ultron kills War Machine. -Ultron kills BW without Hulk to save her. -Ultron (and JARVIS) destroyed by system kill-switch Coulson set in place around the time of IM2. -Without JARVIS, Vision is never created/born. -Coulson (perhaps inadvertently) sacrifices himself. -Civil War never occurs/Spiderman never recruited. -Without the distraction of Earth/Ultron, Thor never realizes Loki has taken Odin's place. -Odin dies alone/unseen. -Hela returns to Asgard and obtains the key to the Bifrost. -Hela kills Loki in Odin's throne. -Thor is killed there-after, never learning his power was inside him all along. -Hulk either ends up on Sakaar via worm-hole during Malacath's invasion/the Convergence or simply through dumb luck. -Hulk and Valkyrie never see Thor and thus never join “the Revengers” -Hela begins her conquest of the universe, with all the power of Asgard at her command. -Surtur never begins Ragnarok. -Hela takes over the Sovereign homeworld. -Thanos stirs, leaving the Guardians of the Galaxy to fight off him **and** Hela's advancing forces. -The Guardians get both the Aether from the Collector and The Orb/Power Stone back from Nova to fight against Thanos and Hela. -Thanos gets both when he wipes them out. (Including Groot.) -Hela uses a world-sized spike to impale Thanos's entire torso, so when it retracts, he looks like a well-fucked salmon fillet- with only shreds of skin to hold his limbs to what remains of his body. -Hela claims the Infinity Gauntlet and the two infinity stones the Guardians had. -BP, IM, the Dora Milaje/Wakanda, and DS only ones around to stand in Hela's way when she comes for Midgard/Earth. -Ant-Man and Spiderman assumed to join up, but likely die early on.
11 months out of the year: life is a trainwreck
in december: life is a polar expresswreck
I want in on this action
Spinning toy with animal heads. Mesopotamia, 2000-1800 BC
nobody say it
Deidara: What in tarnation
Itachi: What in assassination
Kakuzu: What in discontinuation
Zetsu: What in mutation
Tobi: What in sexuality exploration
Konan: What in evil organization
Sasori: What in altercation
Hidan: What in procreation
Kisame: What in evaporation
Pein: I hate you all
Konan: *glares*
Pein: *sigh* ... what in world domination
I pretend to be complex and clever but in reality, nothing has ever made me laugh harder than those bad Chinese subtitles from the bootleg Lord of the Rings DVDs. Tears streaming down my face, core aching, slowly suffocating because I’m laughing too hard.
also (because one can never have too many of these)
and my personal favorite:
I somehow forgot to add my own favorite, which is this one:
I also appreciate the ones that really change the tone and suggest that the characters openly loathe each other…
and this one, which gently encourages self-care:
listen you guys forgot some important ones
ya’ll forgot the best one
No I am cold full
There’s more:
have u ever met someone so terrible that it makes u a better person like u learn from mistakes that you haven’t even made purely from observing them, thank you for being so obnoxiously terrible, please don’t ever interact with me again
update: i’m no longer plagued by the presence of the person i wrote this about nine months ago, reblog this now and you too can banish your unloved ones within nine months
What if it bites me and it dies?
that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.
What if it bites itself and I die?
It’s voodoo.
What if it bites me and someone else dies?
That’s correlation, not causation.
what if we bite each other and neither of us die
that’s kinky
oh my god
I FOUND THE POST
The best of Tumblr: Star Wars
(The best of Tumblr: Captain America, The best of Tumblr: Harry Potter, The best responses on Tumblr)
The best of Tumblr: Harry Potter
(The best of Tumblr: Marvel, The best of Tumblr: Disney)
I NEED THE CAT STORY. TINY BLACK KITTY. I NEED DIS.
I would like to share this beautiful passage with all of you, it’s long, but worth it. And I swear to god I didn’t alter any of this.
….
Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm. “Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.” Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently. Hilda looked at him expectantly. “Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room. Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.
….
i fukcing lost it at meat wand
Guys someone did a dramatic reading of this!
“dick Parkinson’s”?????? Guy, I think you seriously need to see a doctor about that.
So this is what the headmistress on “10 Things I Hate About You” wrote…
SPONGY LOVE MOUNTAINS
DICK PARKINSON’S OMFG
This is both the best and the worst thing I’ve read in my life.
@joneskillian
throbbing meat wand
@thebibliosphere MOM, YOU NEED TO READ THIS.
Ah yes. galloping abs. The abs that gallop.
DICK ANEURYSM OMFG 😂😂😂😂 @maxwell-demon @elfpunk @angelsseb @angryschnauzer @sarabeth72 @angelus80 @icybluepenguin @storiesitellmyself @adamcansuckme @morriggannlostinfandoms @lokilickedme @lokiwholockfactory
oh my god I laughed so hard I’m dying.
‘Entered her like a lottery’
At least she’s safe from being plagiarised?!
@ancientfinnishgoddess @devikafernando @writerlivinginadarkworld @prplprincez
I reblogged this once and I’m reblogging this again just because this is golden 😂😂😂
There is so much that is good in this! OMG! It brightened my day so much! @incredifishface @fourletterwordsstartingwithl I think you both need this! And @angrymadsygin too.
@earrinde-lancaeriel @fromthedeskoftheraven @indomitablemegnolia @little-red-83 @lonelygoddessy @leepacesweetfantasy and anyone else needing a laugh 😂😭😭😭😭
I can’t breathe. 😂 Someone call an ambulance!!! @everyjourneylove @drabbletastic @averil-of-fairlea @fromthedeskoftheraven @oakenshieldgisborneandwinchester @snugsbunnyfluff @letsgetoutalive @chaos-and-the-calm67 @ozhawkauthor @lark-cale @audlie45 @lonelygoddessy and everyone else who needs a laugh…. I can’t even.. I’m dying here.
DICK. ATTACK. WHAT?!
I will get a book out into the world someday. Where there’s room for this, there’s room for my humble efforts. <3
Every bad thought I have ever had about my smut has been blown to bits… Suddenly I feel like a much better writer. x3
If a guy ever spreads a rumor that he slept with you, don’t deny it. One, because there will always be people who think it’s true, and two, because that dumbass boy just handed you the power to say anything you want about what he’s like in bed, and people will believe it. Say he bleats like a sheep when he orgasms. Say he put on pearl earrings and asked you to call him Daisy. Say he couldn’t get it up until he watched an old Billy Mays infomercial. The power is yours.
This is my new favorite post
“Why I Wasn’t Contracted to Write Beauty and the Beast” by I have no idea who, and desperately want to know. If anyone does, please tell me! Edit: Through knmajorblogs I have discovered the genius behind this piece of art. The genius in question is LordJazor ! Thank you!
