Castle of the Highlands

I'm as tired as the sea. Find me on ao3 at The_BloodyEagle

[flyer9550]

Despair has its own calms

[residentaliengif]

It’s you. It’s you. You’re the reason that I feel it. The joy and the fury all wrapped up.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

love it when a queer character's identity is the least interesting thing about them. like yes she's trans but that's less plot-relevant than the fact she's a wanted fugitive on 6 different planets

[rarestsparkle]

Replace “what if I regret this?” with “what if this sets me free?”

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

I remember seeing a comedian years ago doing a bit about how she tries everything because what if when she dies and gets to heaven or whatever's after, and asks why did I spend my whole life feeling unfulfilled? Why did things never click for me? Only to be told because you never did darts duh, that was your thing and you never even tried it. I think about the bit a lot.

[dotsz]

jet, bursting into the tea shop and pulling a weapon on zuko and iroh: these two are FIREBENDERS they’re here to DESTROY THE CITY FROM THE INSIDE we have to STOP THEM

zuko, putting down his teapot to draw his swords, not even going to argue with jet: finally, a reason to beat up a customer

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

So there’s a lot of “citizens of Ba Sing Se freak out when Lee the tea servant turns out to be the Firelord,” but consider the alternative. What if Zuko is just chilling at the Jasmine Dragon one day and sees an old regular and addresses them by their name but said regular does not remember him at all and is just like “wait what the fuck why does the Firelord know my name?” 

[peter-pantomime]

A citizen who frequents the tea shop rises in rank and ends up at the palace one day, and Zuko snaps his fingers in memory, points to them, and recites their order, and the citizen has a mild freak out wondering if the Fire Lord is psychic

[ito-itonomen]

RIP Lee with the really good tea

[weloveshortvideos]

Condom filled with tea

[yukaryote]

It’s 4:41am, my insomnia is in full swing, and as soon as I unmuted this I skipped the laughing and went straight to crying.

[agentumbls]

tea condom, under vicious slapping assault: blapblapblapblapbloopblapbloopblapblipbleopbleopblwepblepblepblap

[arellasmercy]

@shaemoi

[hippyelfchick]

WHY

[thedevilsyouknew-deactivated201]

Is this what sex in England is like?

[hecho-a-mano]

I thought “oh it’s balloon filled with water :)” but alas

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

For the love of god unmute this

[radishnt]

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

[mothman-misato]

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

[boimgfrog]

Radish. Answer the question radish.

[radishnt]

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

[boimgfrog]

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[catsnraincoats]

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

[boimgfrog]

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

[catsnraincoats]

Its takes less than a minute

[boimgfrog]

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

[catsnraincoats]

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

[boimgfrog]

Like seven minutes

[catsnraincoats]

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

[boimgfrog]

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

[pidoop]

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

[allofmystudentsrunaway]

*distantly from the UK*

do none of you people own an electric kettle.

[normal-horoscopes]

Among puritan Christians in the 1840s, many believed that material disease was due to material sin. You do bad things and you get sick.

This eventually morphed into the idea that spiritual disease is therefore caused by spiritual sin. I.e. you think bad things, you go insane.

John Harvey Kellogg was an innovator. He sort of blended the two, popularizing a new category; the physiological sin. Eating unhealthy, disrupting the natural balance of the body, is a sin against the natural order of the body as God ordained it, and he punishes us with chronic illness.

[normal-horoscopes]

His followers were banned from:

Sex, masturbation, all meat, salt, grease, fat, dance, gambling, coffee, tea, alcohol, or warm water of any kind.

[cheerycheesecake]

why warm water????

[normal-horoscopes]

Excites the body. JHK considered man's natural state to be an unfeeling resting neutrality. All biological excitement was a sin.

[normal-horoscopes]

Yes. The cereal guy. As in Kellogg's Cereal. That guy.

[salamencerobot]

.... That explains the whole "bland cereal means no sex" idea, to be fair.

[blessedetherealfae]

Actually incorrect!!!!! His BROTHER was the Kellogg cereal guy - literally took the shitty bland-ass flakes he made with John before John started his own sanitarium (think of the old equivalent of a detox/cleanse luxury spa) and put sugar on them, and thus “Frosted Flakes” were born!!

[normal-horoscopes]

That's not correct. Both of them worked at the Battle Creek Sanitarium, which was established in 1866.

John Harvey Kellogg invented Corn Flakes, William Kieth Kellogg was a factory owner and designed the factory process to mass-produce them, and thus held the patent. In 1897 they started the Sanitary Food Corporation.

W.K. Kellogg knew the cereal would be more marketable if they put sugar in it. J.H. Kellogg thought that was a sin. The two had a falling out in 1906 over this, and W.K. split to form the Battle Creek Toasted Corn Flake Company, which later became the Kellogg Company.

[blessedetherealfae]

Oh thank you for the corrected info!!!

[normal-horoscopes]

I didn't read two whole biographies on this enema obsessed weirdo for people to be Slightly Wrong On The Internet About Him.

[halfricanloveyou]

please @normal-horoscopes expand on that enema thing. u can’t just mention that and not tell us.

[normal-horoscopes]

John Harvey Kellogg was obsessed with enemas. He was an early proponent of studying gut bacteria. He even worked at the Pasteur Laboratory in Paris for a while.

In 1936, he filed a petition for his invention of improvements to an "irrigating apparatus particularly adaptable for colonic irrigating."

Basically, he invented a chair that would pump water up your ass at over a gallon a minute, often followed by a half-pint of yogurt.

The irrigator was INCREDIBLY popular, notable people who used the irrigator were the likes of: Amelia Airhart, George Bernard Shaw, J.C. Penny, President William Howard Taft, Thomas Edison, and C.W. Post.

[yeehawcowbi]

CT I know you didn’t just say that the guy who was afraid of masturbation and warm water made a chair that blasted yogurt up your ass please say sike

[normal-horoscopes]

He also patented several designs for chastity cages.

[bogleech]

If you’re puritanical enough you just loop back around to a freak.

[c-rowlesblogs]

but ONLY room temperature yogurt! If that yogurt’s warm when it goes up there, it’s a sin!

[lemonsharks]

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

[sighinastorm]

I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.

[therinde-dreams]

My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT

[idhren]

She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar

[villainous-queer-deactivated202]

My ancestors watching me use my stand mixer while living in a small apartment and attending university: Thou hast kneadeth bread in FOUR hail marys??? FOUR??? And thou ist poor as a churchmouse, yet liveth in a fine cottage with four pounds butter and fresh berries in thy larder!! And two featherbeds! And thou attendeth the King’s college, as a lord!!

[homochadensis]

my ancestors watching me light a fire in less than a min with modern implements: [happy homo erectus noises]

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

A few contenders for Avatar’s Spiciest DILF:

1. Gansu

Pros 

- Zuko-approved (probably)

- protective af

- probably has a mysterious, dark past

- will fight cops

- can fix your roof

- pretty built tbh

Cons 

- his kid was a shit-stirrer 

2. Iroh

Pros

- canonically the smoothest man in the whole earth kingdom

- 1000% Zuko-approved

- dragon-approved as well

- protects endangered species

- makes great tea

- does the whole firebending breathing thing

- actual royalty

- invented lightning redirection 

- went to prison and got buff

- single-handily broke out of prison

- has fought cops

- enemy of the state 

Cons 

- more of an uncle figure 

- did some war crimes 

- shopaholic 

3. Tyro

Pros 

- can earthbend

- best(?) beard in the show

- went to prison twice 

- will fight prison guards

- broke out of prison 

- tall

Cons 

- needed some random teenagers to help him break out of prison 

- that beard again, is it the best beard? or is it too santa claus-esque? 

- let Haru grow that dumb mustache 

4. The Mechanist 

Pros 

- best(?) eyebrows in the series 

- chaotic energy 

- raised Teo, aka the literal definition of sunshine 

- King of Accessibility 

- biomedical engineer 

- made some cool submarines 

- has gone to prison 

- has fake fingers 

- will have snacks on standby at all times 

Cons 

- gentrified a genocide site 

- made some airships for the fire nation 

- has that Count Olaf hair going on 

- worst(?) eyebrows in the whole series 

- some randoms kids had to force him to grow a spine 

- does he have a name? who knows? 

5. Hakoda

Pros 

- Cheekbones™

- gives good hugs 

- beat up a tank 

- where Sokka got his Hair™ from, you know what I’m talking about 

- protective AF 

- single dad 

- Zuko-approved 

- tripped a prison warden after being in prison for 5 minutes 

- said ‘fuck cops’ 

- dad jokes 

- supports both of his kids equally unlike *glares at his unroyal majesty bitchlord Ozai* SOME PEOPLE 

- went to prison and escaped within less than 2 days 

- I mean… is it really a competition? 

Cons 

- is bad at starting prison riots 

[sokkable]

OP WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS

[aangarchy]

Because they’re right that’s why

[memeuplift]

[wingwisher]

When I was 12 I was taken to a pagan summer camp where I was the subject of a fertility ritual, they called upon the wind to bless me. I’m now infertile and can’t talk about the wind without it sounding like I’m describing a lover, with phrases like “The wind gently tucked my hair behind my ear“

I’m engaged to someone for whom we are each other’s rebound relationship.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I once went to look at 3D printers with my PhD supervisor and we somehow ended up in a secret underground tea cellar with a Chinese Buddhist who didn’t speak a single word of English (neither of us spoke any Chinese either), drinking extremely caffeinated tea for 2 hours. I’m still not sure how we ended up there or how we managed to talk for 2 hours without a shared language, nor why I thought it was a good idea to drink ‘you will never sleep again’ levels of caffeine with a freshly diagnosed heart condition.

[thypandatetor]

Surprised I hadn't seen this cross posted over here

Liquid Death is renaming their Armless Palmer iced tea and lemonade to Dead Billionaire because Arnold Palmer's estate threatened to sue for the use of the word Palmer. What a brand

[winged-void]

you might think the princess and maid thing is just a schtick but while making tea I did just manage to catch the teabags on fire

[winged-void]

Incorrect responses:

Correct Responses:

[stitchposts]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[puckgoodfaggot]

i’ve been told by various european friends that the most american sentence i’ve ever said is “sophomore year of college, some friends and i road-tripped thirteen hours to florida for spring break.”

and now i can confidently say this is the most guy-who-lives-in-paris sentence i’ve ever said: “today i was cycling to meet a friend at buttes-chaumont and i went over some cobblestones and my baguette got launched out of the bike basket into the middle of the roundabout”

[barleynaut]

@derinthescarletpescatarian I need an Australian sentence now.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Once I was on an eighteen hour train ride into the city and the complementary tea service was down because the train had hit a kangaroo on the way up and broken their hot water system.

[clueindonut]

I think you can get both more broad and more specific at the same time I was going to walk down to the milk bar for a snack but there's a magpie in the tree by the roundabout that swooped me last week so I don't want to risk it

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I got swooped by a magpie walking out of a hospital once and I couldn't stop thinking about how funny it would be if she'd injured me and I'd had to turn around and walk back in.

[secondimpact]

i've never been swooped by a magpie but i do have a scar on the topside, and underside of my finger where i was bitten by a cockatoo as a toddler.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Cockatoos are such bastards.

I have a lifelong petty hatred of kangaroos because when I was a toddler, one stole my biscuit at a wildlife reserve.

[42beanbag]

how do you manage to have magpies which are still way more dangerous than our magpies

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

They're a different species of bird that were given the same name for some reason

[xacocax]

Oh thank goodness, I've been so confused about why Australian magpies are talked about in such tones, when ours in the US just, like, eat cat food annoyingly.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Ours will also do that

[kitstacean]

another Aussie sentence

My friend's parents had to take their ute to the mechanic because they hit a wombat. On the way back home after the repairs, they hit.... another wombat.

[loumandliker]

one thing about americans is that they know how to make a fucking milkshake

[loumandliker]

i hate the stupid milk consistency shit you get here like if you give me a milkshake it better be rock fucking solid. i want that thang thick like concrete. it should piss me off trying to drink it through a straw. i should have to wait for it to thaw

[caltracat]

[behindnightmaresanddreams]

Americans are so good at making Beverage. One of our Foundational Moments was actually a party involving Making Beverage. Google "Boston Tea Party" for more

[supreme-leader-stoat]