Collared Fox

Foxes dont fly, So as I've been told Then what do they do, So wretched and bold? They cry to the Heavens, Where their secrets are told But no one will answer, As they lay in the cold

[foxesdontfly]

you collared a violent fox and expected a lap dog, what did you think would happen?

[foxesdontfly]

Sometimes i wish I was a guy. Well, I think i do. Ive always hated having like a chest. I'll wear tight bras or a hoodie to ignore it but I cant ignore looking in the mirror feeling like I just dont want to look like this. Im more ok with it now than i used to be, but idk if thats actually being ok with it or just acceptance. Also I can wear dresses now without it feeling like crap. Ive always had self image issues (once when i was 12 i didnt look into my reflection for a month until i gained an irrational fear of becoming faceless) so im not sure whats the source. I vividly remember standing outside when I was little and wondering what my life would be like as a guy. The only downside or meaningful difference i could think of was that my best friend wouldnt be my best friend anymore (either we wouldnt be as close or she never would've been my friend at all). Ive almost always played guy characters in games or had a male avatar, unless im playing DnD where my brothers will look at me weird if I do that. Almost every character ive ever related to has been a guy or some sort of genderfuck. During 8th grade through freshman year, I pretended to be a guy online. Ya know. Just to see if people would believe it. I felt bad about lying so I would dodge the question about my gender and imply being a man. At that time I hated my voice and my body more than ever. Telling my friends i wasnt actually a guy made me feel a lot better. But it feels good being called guy and enby things. Also I just wanna be someone's prince charming, even though I'm not a man or charming and im aroace. Maybe I just want someone to do all the feeling for me instead while i follow them like a dog. That wouldnt be new.

Its not that i dont like being a girl. I like having girly interests even if theyre few. Im ok with beibg called girl stuff. I like feeling pretty and a girl kind of cool, like the hot edgy girls in shows (not that i currently achieve this look and my mom would judge so hard and has). I dont like my name but the only ones I would realistically choose are girl names.

I dont even know if these feelings are mine or just what my brain thinks i should do.

I cant be anything else than what i am anyways. If i was born a man my mom wouldnt love me as much, most of my friends wouldnt be my friends, the bad things that happened still wouldve happened, and i still wouldnt be enough of something. If i was transmasc or enby, the people I know irl would see me as a project to fix or as more stupid than I already am. My mom would hate me or think im being influenced and probably my dad too, not to mention my brothers (younger maybe would be more ok with it).

I wanna stay in my fantasy world where im just not me. Im too afraid of permanence to let anything else be real anyways.

This is too much feeling for a Friday morning

[the-worm-sys]

[foxesdontfly]

[foxesdontfly]

POV the depression has been slowly getting better over the past few months and you're usually doing better now, aside from that one time a few weeks ago which was actually 10 times worse than anything previously and you almost ghosted every single person you knew for the next month or maybe 3, but now your functioning enough that the anxiety comes back so hard you have a panic attack on the last day of school because your brain is so convinced you WILL drop all 3 ceramic projects you spent the last semester making and you really don't want that to happen so you death grip the box while going back and forth around the school because you manage to forget things like 5 times and you have to back for that and all the while you are lowkey crying and praying no one notices and have to force yourself to calm down because people can't see you cry especially not your brother who is picking you up from the school

doin great guys, dw

[foxesdontfly]

"Am I enough of a girl"

[orion-archives]

"I want to be a dragon."

[foxesdontfly]

I hate when people say like "random thing you like is actually KILLING YOU SLOWLY!!!!"

Like ok

The air you intake is technically toxic and slowly killing too. I still need to breathe tho

[foxesdontfly]

i am constantly in a state of either

"oh my god i'm such a horrible person, how could i be this much of a failure"

or

"I couldn't give a flying fuck how horrible i am and, in fact, i am going to be worse and i don't care how much i hate myself later"

[foxesdontfly]

i've become friends with this guy and i just. i don't want to be friends with him. like not like i hate him or something, just idk. talking to him feels like a chore, like it's just something that i have to do, not something that i want to do.

He feels like the type of person i would talk to like once a week, forcefully, and like at church or something. except he has my number, and for once in my life someone actually wants to talk to me consistently and is nice to me.

I should be happy, it's what i've wanted for years, just someone who gives a shit. But i don't feel happy, i don't feel comfortable, and i don't want to talk to him. But it's not like i can just not talk to him, that'd be cruel. Especially since he's told me he doesn't really have anyone else.

i'm very emotionally inept but he tries to talk to me about all these things anyways. He wants answers i cant give to things i don't even understand.

It's like watching someone jump into the kiddie pool like it's the deep end and break their legs

He's super nice and he compliments me and just wants to talk and he's sad when i don't respond that fast but i don't like it and i don't want to which again is cruel as fuck

[foxesdontfly]

am I your favorite dog

[foxesdontfly]

Im just tryna cope with what the fuck this world is. Because what world is worth living in where someone can do things like this and worse, and face no justice instead having the sick, easy release of death. And those who CAN be prosecuted are protected and hidden by "the law" while their victims are put on display for the world. What kind of world is worth living in where the only joy most can find is by not living in it at all?

[foxesdontfly]

I think i accidentally asked someone out

What kinda Shaggy rizz is this the fuck

[foxesdontfly]

you ever just go into weeklong hazes where hours pass like minutes and you can't really feel much anymore and you're only waiting to sleep again

Locked in? nah bro i'm locked tf out

[foxesdontfly]

Aphobia is so weird to me

like bitch why you care if I dont wanna get down with it with somebody or not wanna kiss 'em, that aint none of yo business. Ive got a lotta rage in place of where that sex drive went so come and get me motherfucka

[entropymisanthropy]

Bc if you could permanently remove sex and everything sexual from society, 99% of people would crumble into empty husks

[foxesdontfly]

Good, let 'em

[foxesdontfly]

Aphobia is so weird to me

like bitch why you care if I dont wanna get down with it with somebody or not wanna kiss 'em, that aint none of yo business. Ive got a lotta rage in place of where that sex drive went so come and get me motherfucka

[foxesdontfly]

I refuse to let you keep this in the tags, some people needa see that

[foxesdontfly]

Aphobia is so weird to me

like bitch why you care if I dont wanna get down with it with somebody or not wanna kiss 'em, that aint none of yo business. Ive got a lotta rage in place of where that sex drive went so come and get me motherfucka