When you want the results faster
I was never trained in painting, but I love painting. I just hate that they always turn bland or straight up ugly. But I never studied how to paint. I just like the thought that whenever I paint (which is only twice a year) it should turn out good, and when they don't, my mood turn sour.
Somehow I got myself a huge board canvas and cut it into tiny pieces. My goal is to make a beautiful canvas photo album. I started with a reference photo of a fabric. I was frustrated the entire time doing it because I don't know color theories, or blending techniques, or the fact that acrylic dries too fast so it uses a layering technique. And worse, the reference photo has two different colored light sources. It was hard.
I was mad, angry at myself, complaining all the time. Yet I persist. It was just a mere 15x7cm canvas anyway. I should be able to finish it within an hour.
After three hours, I was done with the painting. It didn't turn out exactly like the photo (also because my linearting sucks haha) but it is finished! The silhouette is there, the colors look nice, it's not the best of the generation but it's the best of myself. I'm proud of it.
In theee hours of frustration and messy whining, I learned the basics of color theory (I was searching as I do the project), layering of colors, techniques to not waste the fast-drying acrylics on the palette, and I even developed an efficient workspace organization to make it easier for me to work. I learned the names of colors, too! Like ultramarine blue, phthalo blue and green, burnt sienna, burnt umber, titanium white, etc.
Funny how doing one realistic photo reference forced me to learn as much as I can for 3 hours. The thing is, I did something and I learned something, while suffering the entire time, but I went through it. Now I am braver to suffer through to a process, because I know I will learn more. In the next page after that, I was still struggling, but much lesser than before. I used my learnings from the past to acquire new learnings in the present.
In our journey to self-improvement, there are moments in which we think finishing a book will improve us drastically already, so we slow down and not read the book at all. We think we can get results by watching life guru videos and sharing these findings to others as if we have lived the lifestyle our entire lives, or worse, let it shower our ego to the point that we think we are already better than others so we don't need much work at all. Sometimes, I even think the term "self-improvement" has become capitalized so much that life gurus want us to hate ourselves so we can purchase their expensive 'online courses' and books. For years I have bought these books, only to learn more from a novel and its plethora of fanfictions. We like shortcuts from materials, but we do not know that a long journey is the best material.
Expose yourself to a learning process, and BE AWARE that it is a learning process, and not a final output. You are allowed to make mistakes, and in every mistake, take out the lesson, not the dread. Do not be afraid to repeat the same learning experience over again, heck maybe it could be a lifestyle, who knows. But go on a journey. Just go. Some would have a literal journey, like going to another country and learning the trade of tourism and absorbing other cultures. Some would go on a spiritual journey by enrolling in a monastery or entering seclusion. Some would wish to learn compassion, so it's better to practice it by volunteering and meeting more people to share your compassion with than staying at home reading the bible. Some would start small by having a weekend off in another island/state. The thing is, go on a journey. Your emotions will be exposed, your patience will be tested, your talents will be used, and your skills will be developed.
Just go on a journey.
Be patient on how long you need to do this journey.
Don't rush improvement while only sitting. Don't expect to always do it perfectly the first time.
