Charmingly.Chaotic

....Disease.Sickness.Infected.Septic.... ...Books.Music.Art.DIY.Religion.Stuff... ..A secret hidden by a smile.. .You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

[venomoustongue]

Hello Darling… Shall we?

[fragmented-fate]

My War.

[fragmented-fate]

Fucking kill me.

[fragmented-fate]

There are others who would love to have your bad days.

[fragmented-fate]

100 Stupid Questions Because I'm Bored

1. Last kiss - so long ago that I can't remember. 18months? 2 years? 2. Last phone call - 4:21pm, my little bro 3. Last text message - 10:04pm beautiful Cassie 4. Last song you listened to - Around the world - Hamish and Andy global choir 5. Last time you cried - today HAVE YOU EVER: 6. Dated someone twice - yes 7. Been cheated on - yes 8. Self harmed - yes 9. Lost someone special - yes 10. Been depressed - yes 11. Been drunk and threw up - yes THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: 12. had sex - nope 13. How many people have you had sex with this year? - refer to #12 15. Made a new friend - I have! 17. Laughed until you cried - many times 18. Met someone who changed you - yes :) 19. Found out who your true friends were - sadly, yes 20. Found out someone was talking about you - always 26. What did you do for your last Birthday - princess/pirate party 27. What time did you wake up today - roughly 9:40am 29. Name something you CANNOT wait for - birthday celebrations this Friday 30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time - a few weeks back. I miss them. 31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life - self harm addiction + chronic illnesses 32. What are you listening to right now - Gilmore girls 33. When is the last time you had sex? - enough with sex questions 34. Who's getting on your nerves right now - myself for doing this quiz 35. Most visited webpage - watchtv.se (I guess fb is an app so it doesn't count) 36. Favorite colour - teal 37. Nicknames - too many to name 38. Relationship Status - singleeeee 39. Zodiac sign - don't really believe in them 40. Male or female - female 41. Primary school - 5 different ones 42. Secondary School - 5 different ones 43. High school/college - hmm in Australia high school and secondary school are the same thing 44. Eye color - blue 46. Height - 173cm 47. Do you have a crush on someone - I do actually 48. What do you like about yourself - quite a few things actually 49. Piercings - currently just my ears 50. Tattoos - just the one (so far) 51. Righty or lefty - righty FIRSTS: 53. First piercing - ears 54. First best friend - Christy Ogden (wolvi state school) 55. First hookup - like make out? Sam Lawrence, grade 4. 56. First Bestfriend - ummm? RIGHT NOW: 59. Eating - nothing 60. Drinking - nothing 61. I'm about to - go to sleep 62. Listening to - Gilmore girls 63. Waiting for - meds to kick in YOUR FUTURE: 64. Want kids? - yes please 65. Get married? - yes please 66. Career - yes please WHICH IS BETTER: (assuming for opposite sex) 67. Lips or eyes - ohh I can't choose 68. Hugs or kisses - hugs 69. Shorter or taller - taller 70. Older or Younger - doesn't matter too much 71. Romantic or spontaneous - both? 72. Nice stomach or nice arms - arms 73. Sensitive or loud - both? 74. Hook-up or relationship - relationship HAVE YOU EVER: 76. Kissed a stranger - yes 77. Drank hard liquor - yes 78. Lost glasses/contacts -yes 79. Had sex -enoughhhhhh 80. Broken someone's heart - yes 82. Been arrested - no 83. Turned someone down -yes 84. Cried when someone died - yes 85. Fallen for a friend -yes DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 86. Yourself - not a whole lot 87. Miracles - yes 88. Love at first sight - nope 89. Heaven - yes! 90. Santa Clause - obviously 91. Kiss on the first date - depends 92. Angels - yes 93. How would you label yourself? - a human with issues 94. Someone You Pray Everyday For - my family 95. Did you sing today - I did 96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About - all of them 97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? - I'll just stay here 98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For - no more poverty 99. Are you afraid of falling in love? - so much yes 100. Do you like the way you look - sadly no

[fragmented-fate]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My beautiful niece while we were shopping 
2. Are you outgoing or shy? Bit of both 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? A certain man in roughly 22days 
4. Are you easy to get along with? I think so 
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? I wouldn't be drunk 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Beards 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I hope so, though I doubt it 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? ;) 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Not at all 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My psychologist 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? Goodnight, I love you x 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Come to the well, casting crowns. Thinking out loud, Ed Sheeran. Brother, Matt Corby. Man in the mirror, Noah (cover). It is well with my soul, Hillsong. 
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Love 
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Miracles for sure 
15. What good thing happened this summer? It's winter 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Nope 
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I don't think so, but I'm open to be proven wrong 
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Nope 
19. Do you like bubble baths? Love 
20. Do you like your neighbors? Noooo 
21. What are you bad habits? Sshhhhh 
22. Where would you like to travel? Pretty much everywhere 
23. Do you have trust issues? Yep 
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Yoga in the sun 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Most of it 
26. What do you do when you wake up? Open my eyes 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Nope 
28. Who are you most comfortable around? My closest friends 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yah 
30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes please 
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Nope 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? None 
33. Spell your name with your chin. Cknnur 
34. Do you play sports? What sports? Pffft no
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes. 
37. What do you say during awkward silences? I ramble uncontrollably 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? loves God. Loves me. Loves people. 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? OpShop/thrift store 
40. What do you want to do after high school? Lol high school is long gone 
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Absolutely. Christ gives me second chances 100x a day 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Probably just leave me be 
43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes :) 
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Space 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Needing to pee 
46. What are you paranoid about? Most things 
47. Have you ever been high? Yes 
48. Have you ever been drunk? Yes 
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Yes 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Grey 
51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes 
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Less fear 
53. Favourite makeup brand? MAC 
54. Favourite store? Books 
55. Favourite blog? N/A 
56. Favourite colour? Green 
57. Favourite food? Thai 
58. Last thing you ate? Rocky Road 
59. First thing you ate this morning? Quiche 
60. Ever won a competition? For what? Year free subscription to Bella Box 
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Yep. Fighting 
62. Been arrested? For what? Nope 
63. Ever been in love? Yes 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?my primary school boyfriend when we got pretend married on the school oval under a pretty tree 
65. Are you hungry right now? Nope 
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Nope 
67. Facebook or Twitter? FB 
68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr 
69. Are you watching tv right now? Yes. Gilmore girls 
70. Names of your bestfriends? Elijah, Casey, Beej, Ruth, Jacqui 
71. Craving something? What? Sleep 
72. What colour are your towels? Teal 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? I think 8 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Stuffed owl 
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 2 
75. Favourite animal? Giraffe 
76. What colour is your underwear? N/A 
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Choc 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Salt caramel 
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? N/A 
80. What colour pants? Blue 
81. Favourite tv show? Friends 
82. Favourite movie? Into the wild 
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? First one for sure 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Too hard to choose 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dori 
87. First person you talked to today? Psychologist 
88. Last person you talked to today? Friend on fb 
89. Name a person you hate? No one 
90. Name a person you love?my mum 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Yes 
92. In a fight with someone? Not really 
93. How many sweatpants do you have? No idea 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? No idea 
95. Last movie you watched? Paper towns 
96. Favourite actress? Rachel McAdams 
97. Favourite actor? Steve Carrel 
98. Do you tan a lot? Nope 
99. Have any pets? Nope 
100. How are you feeling? Tired and bored 
101. Do you type fast? Yah 
102. Do you regret anything from your past? I try not to regret 
103. Can you spell well? I think so 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Lots 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Many 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yep 
107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yah 
108. What should you be doing? Sleeping 
109. Is something irritating you right now? My commitment to this survey. It's too late to turn back 
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes. 
111. Do you have trust issues? Yes 
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My housemate watching a movie 
113. What was your childhood nickname? Bub 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes 
115. Do you play the Wii? Sometimes 
116. Are you listening to music right now? Nope 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Nope 
118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes 
119. Favourite book? The fault in our stars 
120. Are you afraid of the dark? Nope 
121. Are you mean? No 
122. Is cheating ever okay? Nope 
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Negatory 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope 
125. Do you believe in true love? Yes 
126. Are you currently bored? Yes 
127. What makes you happy? So many things 
128. Would you change your name? Yes 
129. What your zodiac sign? Leo 
130. Do you like subway? Love 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? No idea 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Psychologist 
133. Favourite lyrics right now? Too many to choose 
134. Can you count to one million? Yes 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? Too many 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed 
137. How tall are you? 173cm 
138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight 
139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette 
140. Summer or Winter? Winter 
141. Night or Day? Night 
142. Favourite month? July 
143. Are you a vegetarian? No 
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark 
145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee 
146. Was today a good day? Nope 
147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 
148. What’s your favourite quote? Gods ability to redeem your mistakes is far greater than your ability to make them 
149. Do you believe in ghosts? I don't think I do 
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? I wish I knew what the answer was. Some clear sign with neon lights showing me the way.

[fragmented-fate]

The world of gastroparesis

[fragmented-fate]

Trigger warning : Today I did something rebellious (for a spoonie). I got my first tattoo! I have a severe self harm addiction. I have had one clean day in over 3 years. I struggle daily with suicidal thoughts and desires... So here's where the tattoo comes in... A semicolon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life. This tattoo represents my choice to keep fighting. It will be a reminder that though life is hard, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Maybe this will help me to not harm and instead choose to keep fighting life. Maybe it will divert my next suicide attempt. Maybe it will inspire hope.

[fragmented-fate]

I just can’t stop.

[thebookhangover-blog]

♔ endless list of book to movie adaptations ♔ ↳ the fault in our stars ( the fault in our stars - john green )

[fragmented-fate]

I love this oh so much. Reread this book this week. Still so in love.

[fragmented-fate]

This I live by. Encourage each other. Love each other. Build each other up. Believe in each other. Let each other dream. Dream, dream and dream more.

[fragmented-fate]

Life on Prednisone.

[whatshouldwecallchronicillness]

The Good News: I’m finally stable enough in my health that I can start tapering off of prednisone after several years on the nasty stuff!

The Bad News: The side effects of tapering make me feel more sick than I have felt in years.  Uggg……………bleh.

[fragmented-fate]

Fucking hate pred.

[kcdoodleart]

#art #artjournal #artjournaling #zentangleinspired #zentangleart #zendoodleart #zendoodles #zentangle #zendoodle #zenart #zen #draw #drawing #lineart #visualart #kcdoodleart #journal #journaling

[fragmented-fate]

New GPer

I'm now in the process of being diagnosed with gastroparesis. On top of all of my other chronic illnesses. This would explain so much, but I'm so confused about it all and what's going on in my body and what I can eat and not eat or whatever. I don't knowwwwwwwwww.

[fragmented-fate]

Awkward Illness Conversations #1

Me: Well, I have *lists chronic conditions*.

Person: Oh, I hope you get better soon!

Me: They're chronic. I'm not going to get better.

Person: Don't be so negative!

Me: .......

[qjusttheletter]

i don’t ‘suffer with a smile’

i don’t have a brave face, i don’t ‘push through’, i’m not ‘still living life to the fullest’

i’m not going anywhere

and it makes me feel like a bad sick person

it makes me feel like i’m not good enough for compassion or understanding 

[fragmented-fate]

This person gets it. Thought it was just me.

[fragmented-fate]

Just let me sleep through this nightmare they call "life".