🫶🏻

she/her. 19

[oh-no-its-bird]

why’s kakashi’s waist so small? for other men to grab?🤨

-Obito talking to himself in a mirror at 5am after four all nighters in a row (time well spent doing Terrorism(tm)), gripping the mirror frame so hard the glass is starting to crack.

[hano0onat]

Wrestling

[fuckrozanov]

very sexy to think of shane being tangentially aware of his wants and needs but having no outlet for it and no time to think about that rn because they’re building him into a hockey machine and then ilya grabs his stupid slack face and tells him to get on his knees one time and shane winter soldier activates and now he’s constantly two seconds away from asking ilya to unhinge his jaw and crawl inside so shane can be full of him and ilya is like. baby. baby can we just cuddle please i’m so scared right now

[hano0onat]

A or B

[lavenderprose]

Scott, two days after the Chirp Heard Round The World, having had a nap and ate a carb and kissed his boyfriend and realized that he should have under no circumstances let the two craziest motherfuckers in hockey know that he knows their secret: Ilya Rozanov is going to shoot me with a gun.

Shane, pacing in Ilya's living room and wringing his hands: Ilya, Scott Hunter knows about us we need to kill him we need to make it look like an accident we need to do it now

Ilya, kicking his feet and giggling: He said you sound like me?

[suraks-sweet-tits]

Thank god that Ilya was obsessed with him cus he was really the only person Shane could ever be with for real. Imagine you have a competency kink and you only care about hockey and you're gay and you're the best hockey player in the world and secretly a pretty judgmental bitch(you won't admit that) so who else are you suppose to respect? Ilya tailor made for Shane for real and no one else was gonna cut it.

[neon-junkie]

what do you mean hes fictional. i need him

[fuckrozanov]

80% of unrivaled has to be ilya being incredibly uncool at all the casual intimacy he gets to have with shane now. they go to a bar with the team and shane puts his hand on ilya’s knee midsentence and ilya chokes on the rest of it. at the grocery store and ilya is holding up an avocado to see if it’s ripe enough and shane walks up behind him and puts a hand on his hip and ilya drops it. yes they’re having freak sex but now it’s because shane was on the phone with the dog groomer and they’re asking about appointment times and shane says “hold on let me ask my husband—“ and now he’s face down ass up in the middle of the kitchen and ilya is like say that again say that again say that again say that again

[batsplash]

reposting for those of you who wanted them together x

[shane] [ilya]

[polartss]

”genetic” girl WHATEVERRRRR

[hoko-onchi-writes]

I’ll never get over Ilya being like no no, I must set record straight. I want to fuck your son since the literal moment I first saw him at seventeen. It was freckles. And then I fuck him. Repeatedly. For entire decade. He gave up that ass like absolute freak. He is my good little boy. Yes, that is right. Since the markets crash and millennial dream is dead. I hear on radio, then I fuck your son. We grow old together. Lovers.

[hoko-onchi-writes]

I bet young Ilya Rozanov never thought he’d get slapped in the face with that tism rizz and he would be so fucking cooked.

This man has eight of the same shirt and five of the same hoodie. This man memorizes hockey stats for fun. This man will have a cold ginger ale. This man will look awkwardly at the camera with a smile like he wants to incinerate himself in every wet t-shirt contest sports drink ad his mom books for him. This man will take everything you say absolutely literally. That’s French, Ilya. You just said a French word and we’re talking about Russian, are you unfamiliar with your own language. This man takes three days to recognize a social cue. And ten years to name an emotion. You’ll tell him you like him in the most roundabout way and you’ll think you NAILED it, and he’ll promptly have a panic attack on your dick. When he names that emotion finally? He’ll be absolutely relentless and will not stand down; he’s had an emotion and he knows you have one, too. By that point, there’s no escape. He’s imprinted on you and is starting to ovulate in your vicinity. He will bludgeon you with adorable nerd and insatiable ass. And his oral fixation is so mighty he’ll suck your remaining brain cells out through your dick.

This man drives a Range Rover because it’s good in the snow. This man does a loon call. This man will make you eight cheeseburgers. Buddy it’s over for you.

[muppetshow2026]

you may think misogyny is good because it is made up of miso, which is delicious, and gyny, which is woman. and girl miso sounds great. but 👆 it is not girl miso

[j4ckme]

Two years?! I’m in!

[kentishviking]

why not

[texas-bi-lover-deactivated20181]

I’ll try it

[blog-of-what-comes-to-mind]

Eh

[eliyora]

Double your nana, double your yum

[fuckyahumor]

give me luck double banana

[possiblityforjoy-deactivated202]

No fucking joke, I was offered 4 days of film-set marshalling and I told him I was unavailable for one of the days but I could cancel. And he told me he’d potentially found someone else.

I reblogged this.

And not 20 mins later, he came back to me and said if I really want it, let him know now. So fuck. Wow.

[aslongasitsblack]

ilya rozanov giggling to himself like omg im going to blow this virgins mind and then within two seconds of stepping into his hotel room shane hollander has matched his freak to a degree that could cause a seismic event

[symphoniccowboy]

hollanov's separate issues w denial are soo funny . ilya's inner monologue is like i love DANGER & HOT SEX ! which is why i am obsessed with fucking shane hollander who only eats plain steamed fish & bitches me out for having even ONE cigarette & doesn't listen to music because he doesn't "get it" . meanwhile shane is staring grimly at a view overlooking a city skyline like he's batman going "This Horrible Fucked Up Thing Between Us ....... It Has To Stop ." & then the second he gets ilya alone he's like HIIIIIII stupid asshole 🥰 if u dont let me suck your dick right now im going to kill myself . awesome work guys seriously .

[forthereaderinserts]

Kakashi: If…we were to have kids. What do you think they’d be like?

You: Baby, sweetheart, love of my life, they’d be soooo fucked in this village, I’m gonna be real.