Not Here Right Now

[wizardshark]

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

[saspitite]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

[elizapad]

Happy Pride, cave dwellers 🦇

[limpwristedrose]

Someone asking Luca after Shane's first season as AC on the Centaurs: "So, is it difficult with basically three captains, especially if two of them are married that must be hard to get used to.

And Luca and the other rookies being like, oh you mean the Dad-Trifecta? it's the best thing that has ever happened to us.

You loose your skates or you need help with paperwork or you're just feeling kinda sad and need a dad hug - you go Bood. he will grill you some chicken and go speak to Coach for you. You call him or Cassie if you're sick and they will pick you up and deposit you on the floor with Milo and you are their baby now. I'm 23 years old but that's my dad tho

If you're having trouble with other players, or if you're in like, a crisis? Mama Bear Ilya, will 100% get arrested for any of us and/or pick you up from the middle of nowhere any time of night. You wanna ragebait other players? He has the perception of a God and can tell from one look when a players second wife will leave him. He can also tell when you're feeling like shit mentally and he will pick you up take you to Harris farm and make you dog walk with him while throwing sweets at you. Holmberg got high sticked the other week Ilya spent like, 2 hours going through the guys Instagram with us while wine drunk and ripping his entire life to pieces with us.

and Shane? He will come early to practice for you, he will tell me things wrong with my playing I didn't know EXISTED. Boyle was in a slump Hollander turned up at our house with a fucking smoothie get your ass out of bed we're going to the rink and he will completely pull apart your playing style with such precision that's it's beautiful to watch and I'm not even mad about it. Roz will be giving a fucking captains speech about how we can do better next week and he'll fucking pipe up in the corner going, well we will if Lapointe improves his footwork Coach, we're gonna be staying late on Saturday and Wiebe is like, sounds good Hollander like COACH you can't Agree For Me and he'll just go, Shane Hollander is giving you a private lesson I don't care what you're doing cancel it

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

HATE when u can feel ur intestines writhing. cease your wriggling insolent belly worm

[skyporf]

WHEN do you ever feel that

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the worms yearn for escape

[leo-forgot-to-create]

The worms are telling you to go see a doctor...

[skyactually]

@entities-of-posts the corruption/flesh?

[purlturtle]

After my hysto, I was in *intense* abdominal pain that didn't feel like wound pain from the ablation but something different that I couldn't explain, until the gynecologist told me "yep, that'd be your intestines rearranging themselves into the gap left behind by your uterus."

So there's a mental picture for you. Slither slither. Slither slither.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

awwww, they were exploring their new enclosure 😍😍😍

[rainbow-femme]

“Shane fuck Shane help we fucked up, we lost Ilya, I swear he was here one second ago and now-“

“Haas, where are you right now?”

“The club by the hotel.”

“And he’s not in the bathroom?”

“No.”

“Not on the roof?”

“No.”

“Not trying to access any of the dancers poles?”

“What? Why would- Oh, Troy says no.”

“Is he hanging out with drunk girls in the women’s bathroom?”

“Umm, one sec. Harris, can you ask her if Ilya is in there? … Harris says no.”

“Ok. What were you talking about before he disappeared?”

“We were trying to figure out where to eat.”

“Did anyone bring up sushi?”

“He didn’t say he wanted-“

“Just answer the question.”

“Uh yeah, someone suggested it, but he said he wanted-“

“He’s at the pier.”

“What?”

“He got bored, sushi put fish on his brain, which made him think about water, and he likes going to piers, and the hotel is walking distance from a boardwalk by the water. He’s there, most likely trying to look at fish going under the dock.”

“… How do you know that?”

“Do you have any ideas how many times I have gotten this exact phone call? He’s easier to catch if you bait him with mozzarella sticks but make sure he knows he only gets them if he comes quietly. If you let him negotiate he will take the sticks and run. Cliff always fell for that.”

[owa-tagoo-siam]

[woolandflax]

[hellyeahrihannafenty]

Tom Holland does Rihanna’s “Umbrella” on Lip Sync Battle

[dr0wnedperfectionist]

I’m literally zendaya reacting like he didn’t have to go that hard and yet..

[kiera-jpg]

if this comes up on my dash and i don’t reblog it - just assume im dead

[claudiagray]

The burning question: When she has her hands on either side of her face, right at the start, is this the moment she realized, “I’m gonna have to marry this guy” ?

[frownyalfred]

do I even need to caption it at this point

[hometoursandotherstuff]

NASA lapel pin.

[epicallyepicepicosity4]

I own this pin

[booksandchaos-world]

[socialistexan]

Babe wake up, new all time great image just dropped

[gremlininho]

then & now ♡

[smolkittehsmewmew]

Clark: *sees bruce crouched on sidewalk outside of the manor* Bruce... What are you doing?

Bruce: Alfred made Harley give me therapy and Harley said i need to "Heal my Inner Child."

Clark: Bruce you are sitting on the sidewalk watching ants eat a raisin.

Bruce: Yeah.

Clark: How is that healing your inner child

Bruce: ....

Clark: ...

Bruce: My inner child is weird, ok?

[nina-s0]

I think it would be so funny if a reporter accidently overhears one of the waynes insult batman under their breath, and like everyone is just flabbergasted till they realise that these are the Wayne's. Of course they know (and have beef) with batman.

--

Tim, in a interview, trying to explain Wayne stocks or sum idk: well, yk Wayne industries wouldn't have to pay for so many building repairs if fucking batman stopped throwing bane into buildings-

Interviewer: what was that, Mr drake?

Tim: what was what?

Interviewer: right. What do you think Mr Wayne?

Bruce: ...

Bruce: fuck batman.

--

Dick, being bombarded with paperazzi after a kidnapping: oh ffs couldn't batman save me from these snakes too.

Dick: I'm gonna fucking kill him.

Reporters: ???

--

Kid recording a tiktok: hey! Mr Todd! What do you say about the rumors that the Wayne's hate batman?

Jason: huh?

Kid recording, shoving the phone closer to jason: thoughts on batman?

Jason, leaning into to the mic: fuck batman.

--

Someone recording with shaky hands: *Duke Thomas walking out of a private gym, clearly having worked out and looking exhausted*

Duke: fuckass batman, I'm gonna beat his ass.

--

Street kid #2: hey batman! Have you heard what the Wayne's are saying these days?

Batman: *batman noise*

Street kid: do u have a message for Bruce Wayne?

Batman, leaning in: Bruce, say it to my face next time you little bitch.

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[bambicoded]

that's my hamster #myhampster

AND WHOEVER IN THE TAGS STARTED "SHAMSTER" I OWE U MY LIFE

[rylandsgrace]

[soldierboys]

THE BOYS 5.02 Teenage Kix

[fridayjonesbacon]

I fuckin cackled at this scene!!!