yâall think its jokes but the government is Big Mad about this companyÂ
Good luck watching me now, Chad
DEAR READER
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

Discoholic đȘ©
đȘŒ
NASA
Sade Olutola
Misplaced Lens Cap
Stranger Things
Three Goblin Art

⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ

Product Placement
I'd rather be in outer space đž
YOU ARE THE REASON
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Claire Keane
occasionally subtle
h

Janaina Medeiros
we're not kids anymore.

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@fuckyouuthatshow
yâall think its jokes but the government is Big Mad about this companyÂ
Good luck watching me now, Chad
That moment when you download Windows 10 on your Windows 98 computer
this is literally inhumaneÂ
this is the equivalent of sea world putting orcas in tiny-ass tanks
Person on the phone: Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?
Me, handing the phone to my cat: Itâs for you
i sleep nude because if someone ever breaks into my house they gotta fight me while im naked and i dare you to try and swing on a nigga when his dick is out
You are grade A guarenteed to get yourself hurt with this mindset? You think Iâm afraid to grab a dick and yank it, bruh? You think I wonât get my hands dirty on your dick in order to end you? You got the wrong one, manâand your ass better hope I donât have a knife.
Okay weirdly this exact situation has happened to me. It was summer so I was sleeping naked, but then I heard the lock on the front door being opened. I thought someone was breaking into my house and I had enough time to either grab my sword or my nightgown, not both.
Two things I learned.
One, sometimes apartment complexes will flat out forget to tell you theyâre sending someone over from the fire department to check your fire extinguishers.
Two, no matter how bad ass a person thinks they are, a naked person swinging a sword at them will knock them off balance both physically and mentally.
However, the fireman was very nice about it and accepted my apology.
didnât think it could get any better, yet here we are
*FBI Agent assigned to me sweats nervously* Me: Thatâs right, Chad, Iâm coming for you FBI Agent: *Puts tape over camera* *mutters* whyâd I get the crazy one?
reblog if youd say yes
THEREâS A GUY SCALING THE TRUMP TOWER IN NYC WITH GIANT SUCTION CUPS LIKE A MISSION IMPOSSIBLE STUNT AND IM LAUGHING
UPDATE: OKAY SO police are all over and they sent a window washer platform down from the top of the building but it was too far above him so then sent it back up and police just shattered a window slightly above him to try to get him and now heâs moving away from the hole in the window and continuing up heâs been climbing for like an hour now and they cant figure out how to get him down this is so incredible
UPDATE: LOOK AT HIM GO
UPDATE: they just inflated a giant inflatable on 56th street a third of nyc is in gridlock bc of this guy climbing the trump tower i cannOT BELIEVE
UPDATE: heâs on the 18th floor this so surreal
UPDATE: weâre approaching hour 2 of the climb and since the last update heâs made it up at least another 3 floors
UPDATE:Â SOMEONE TOOK A PICTURE OF HIM FROM INSIDE THE TOWER
A HERO
update: apparently his name is steve and heâs from virginia
ASCEND, STEVE
UPDATE: they just used suction cups to pull two panes of glass into the building a few floors above him
you know what they always say. you cant fight fire with fire, but you should always fight suction cups with suction cups
UPDATE: HEâS TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM THEM STILL IM CRYING WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK IS 2016????
Anyone got a hot take on Gen Z students at Hogwarts?
Me, a new professor desperate to connect w the youths: and so expelliarmus will âyeetâ the wand right outta their hand
THIS EXCEEDS ALL EXPECTATIONS. THANK YOU
Kids are interesting. Iâm babysitting a 9 year old boy right now whoâs homework is to write a fictional story and he wrote about how in millions of years the sun will expand killing everything and one man fell asleep at the beach and missed all the official announcements about the world ending but he managed to be the only survivor of the solar flares because he applied SPF 100 sunscreen.
This hit deep. Service members experience so much discomfort for the sake of their country, and so do their families. I respected that enough to enlist, and have no regrets about it. Semper Fi
New tat đ€đ»
So I just learned ejaculation comes out at 27mph. That makes it illegal in a School zone.
there are other reasons ejaculation isnât generally accepted in school zones, but sure
Want to collaborate on a Google Doc with Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky, Dickinson, Dickens and Poe?Â
Click here. Start typing. Enjoy the hilarity.Â
Ninja Update: Wanna see something fun? Mention Shakespeare in a sentence and see what happens.Â
Poe kept writing distinctly into my sentences so I wrote âEdgar, youâre not funnyâ aND HE BLATANTLY DELETED THE NOT I AM SO DONE WITH THIS ASDFKJL
OH GOD IF YOU TYPE âEDGAR ALLAN POEâ POE ADDS A :( AFTER HIS NAME PRECIOUS BABY
Oh my God so I typed âShakespeareâ and Shakespeare butted in and wrote âThe lovely and handsome Shakespeareâ but Poe burst in saying âThe dreadful and lonely Shakespeareâ.
aND FYODOR DOSTOYVESKY ADDED â I do not wish to make myself a laughing-stock before these idle listeners.â
IâM DONE.
Look what they did to All Star by Smash Mouth
âSomebody once hushedly told me the world is going to roll me. I ainât the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of glocky with her finger and her thumb in the shape of a âLâ on her forehead. Well, the years start voraciously coming and they donât stop coming; fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. It didnât make sense absolutely to live for fun. Thy brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to behold. So whatâs wrong with taking the back busy thoroughfares? In everything one thing is impossible: rationality. Youâll never know if thou donât go. âYouâll never shine if you donât glowâ, he growled incoherently. Hey presently, youâre an All Star. Get your game on; go play. Hey now, youâre a Rock Star. Get the show on; get laid. As well as all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mold. ~All Star by Smash Estuary of opinionâŠâ
Imagine putting your research paper in here and letting them go at it.
OH MY GOD I WAS WRITING AND EDGAR WOULDNâT STOP FIXING THINGS SO I WROTE âEdgar shut up Iâm trying to writeâ and he changed it to âEdgar shut up Iâm meagerly attempting to writeâ THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE
I typed in âHelloâ and Shakesphere erased it and wrote âBegone with this rubbish.â
HOW R00d
I typed âparty in the Usaâ and Poe changed party to âill-fated gatheringâ
I just used it to yell at Dickens about Tale of Two Cities, I am happy now
I typed in âhello other writersâ and Edgar Allen Poe changed it to âHello secondary writersâ
After I had been writing for a while Edgar suddenly deleted my last sentence and wrote âTHE END.â rude son of a bitch
I have to try this.
Rebageled again but to add if the link above doesnât work, try this one instead.
I put my author bio into it and Edgar Allan Poe and William Shakespeare started fighting over the werewolf puns.
I simply asked Charles Dickens a question and Emily Dickinson kept erasing his last name and putting her own. They had a fight about it..until finallyâŠOliver Twist was typed.
neck kissing is honestly the hottest, most seductive thing anybody could ever do to me. if you kiss my neck, if you playfully bite my neck, if your tongue touches my neck i will melt in your fingertips.
If my long ass text post about a Moana headcannon didn't post Ima be SUPER FUCKING PISSEd
I remember this one time in my high school study hall me and some students from a few grades down were discussing biology shit and why things were the colors they were. I was munching on my little pancakes and was about to tell them why grass was green when one of the girls interrupted like "Chloroform makes the grass green," and then it went silent as I chewed slowly and tried to figure out how to explain just how wrong she was and this girl behind me who hadn't spoken all period muttered "I'll show you what chloroform really does," and I choked on my mini chocolate chip pancake