first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets or the masterlist so kindly put together by @tafkarfanfic. it's time <3 (or is it...?)
July 2015
Shane texts Brian that he had an unexpected brand opportunity come up and that he'll be out of town for a few days. Then he books it to his cottage.
It's maybe cowardly but just this once, Shane thinks he's fine being a coward. The thought of seeing Brian right now makes him feel uneasy, like being on the ice without any padding. The version of himself who thought he could love Brian again seems like a stranger to him now. Shane doesn't want to become him again but he can't trust his own judgment, so. Safer to stay away.
Being alone in the cottage helps him gain some equilibrium, even though the closer it gets to Ilya's plane touching down in Montreal, the slower time seems to pass and the more Shane feels like clawing his skin off.
He still kind of can't believe Ilya offered to come. It makes him oddly giddy thinking about it, sets off a flutter in his stomach like he's some teenager with a crush.
Rose said you should stay single, he reminds himself. But then, She doesn't know Ilya, though. She wouldn't have said that if she knew him.
God, he really is turning into a teenager.
It should feel scarier, considering his track record. Shane has no rational explanation for why it doesn't. Why, despite everything, Ilya feels so safe to him.
The day Ilya arrives in Montreal, Shane drives back home feeling miraculously calm. It's like locking in for a game, he reasons. He knows the play, knows he has teammates backing him up, so now he just has to execute it.
Shane beats Ilya to the apartment by a couple of hours. He experiences a brief moment of panic when he hears a knock on the door, a vivid imagine of Brian standing on the other side popping up in his head.
It's Ilya, of course, which does nothing to slow Shane's heart rate but does make his stomach swoop funnily.
"Hey," he says, breathless.
"Hey," Ilya replies softly. He looks a little bit shell-shocked, eyes scanning Shane's face like he can't believe he's real.
Shane wants to kiss him so bad.
But first thing's first.
Ilya doesn't join him for the actual breakup. Even Shane, with his compromised judgment, recognizes how crazy that would be. He stays in the car outside, which shouldn't be a problem because Shane doesn't plan on letting this drag out.
"It'll be ten, maybe fifteen minutes," Shane tells him. His hands feel sweaty around the wheel of his car so he removes them, rubbing them on his pants. "If I'm not back in twenty, you can come in."
Ilya's eyebrows quirk. "That's quick."
"I can't do a whole confrontation," Shane says. "I just need to tell him it's over. I don't - I don't owe him anything more than that."
It feels kind of true. Shane counts that as progress.
"You don't," Ilya agrees.
He takes Shane's hand, squeezing it. Shane squeezes back, the touch grounding him.
His palm still feel warm as he's knocking on Brian's door.
It takes Brian twenty-seven seconds to answer. There's a surreal moment as he opens the door that Shane braces himself, expecting some flood of emotions, only for nothing to happen.
Shane is looking at his boyfriend of eight years and he feels nothing.
Then his eyes catch on the yellowing bruise on Brian's cheek and something does stir - a hollow kind of pain at the center of his chest.
He lied about that bruise so easily, his story seemingly designed to knock Shane off-kilter.
What else has he been lying about?
"You're back," Brian says once the door is closed. He smiles. "You know, you could have let yourself in. That's why I gave you a key."
"Right." Shane reaches into his pocket, fist closing around said key. "I actually - I came to give it back."
Brian blinks. "Give it back?"
"And to break up with you," Shane adds.
It slips out and Shane immediately regrets how flippant he sounds. Brian laughs, because of course he thinks it's a joke.
"You're fucking with me, right?"
"I'm not."
Shane tries to hand him the key. Brian's arms stay stubbornly at his side, smile sliding off his face. Finally, Shane puts the key down on the counter instead.
"You're fucking with me," Brian repeats shakily. "I don't - is this because of Vegas? I thought we were moving past it. Things have been good between us since we talked it out."
It's an unpleasant reminder of how differently they've been viewing this relationship. "Things haven't been good. I haven't been happy."
"Then you're not trying hard enough." Brian takes a step towards him, hand held out. Shane steps back. "Shane." His voice turns pleading. "Please, think it through. You can't give up on us just like that."
"This isn't a spur of the moment decision," Shane says. He really didn't mean to get into it but God. Has Brian always talked to him like this, like he's a stupid kid who doesn't understand his own heart? "I haven't been happy with you for a while."
"Is this because of Rozanov?"
Irritation shoots through Shane. "Fuck off."
"It is," Brian says, eyes heated. "We didn't start having problems until you started fucking him."
"And whose idea was that?" Shane snaps. He huffs, uncertain if he's more angry at Brian for making this so difficult or at himself for getting distracted. "It doesn't matter. I wasn't happy before we opened the relationship either. It's - you're not good for me. I don't think you ever were."
Brian laughs incredulously. "I get it. You need me to be the bad guy, huh?"
"That's not what I said."
"Might as well have. If I'm so awful, what does that make you? Why would you choose to be with someone who apparently makes you so miserable?"
"I was sixteen." Shane feels his shoulder hunching, feels the way he's making himself smaller, and forces himself to straighten. "I didn't know any better. You took advantage of that."
Brian goes still. "You're kidding me. That's your excuse?"
Shane's stomach twists. "It's not a fucking excuse."
"I didn't even know your age."
It didn't stop you once you found out, Shane almost responds. He can't. He feels exhausted all of a sudden, imagining going through every shitty thing Brian has done, having to argue every point and listen to Brian try to minimize it or pretend there wasn't any harm.
Shane doesn't want to do any of that. He just wants to get out of here.
He wants to see Ilya.
"I'm not gonna do this with you," he says. "It's over. We're broken up. Have a nice life, or whatever."
He turns to leave and Brian grabs his arm. Shane shakes him off unthinkingly and Brian flinches back at the force of it.
"Shane." Brian's demeanor has shifted completely, voice gone soft, eyes pleading. "Please. I can't lose you."
It's incredibly unkind, but Shane can't help but think he's being pathetic.
"I've hurt you," Brian continues, taking Shane's hesitation as some sign of his willingness to listen. "I understand. I never meant to, but I did and I'd do anything to make it up to you."
He's not even saying sorry. All of these theatrics and Brian can't even be bothered to apologize. Shane wonders if he even realizes it.
He shouldn't be entertaining this. He's not actually gonna forgive Brian. And still, "You could start by telling me the truth."
"The truth?" Brian echoes.
"How you really got that bruise," Shane suggests mildly. "Why you came to Vegas. Why you even suggested an open relationship in the first place, when you were fucking other people already."
He doesn't mean to let that last question slip but it's been eating at him since Rose suggested the possibility. He takes no pleasure in seeing Brian's face pale and knowing that she was right.
"Who have you been talking to?"
Shane wants to punch something. He wants to throw up. He didn't think it was possible for him to care so much when he doesn't even want Brian anymore, but it hurts all the same.
Rose was wrong. Shane is stupid. Naive and too trusting for his own good.
"It didn't mean anything," Brian is saying. His voice sounds far away. "It was a moment of weakness. You're the only one I love, the only one I've ever loved."
A sharp knock thankfully interrupts him. Before either of them can react the (apparently unlocked) door swings open.
"It's been twenty minutes," Ilya says. He shoots Brian a dismissive glance before focusing his attention on Shane. "Are you finished?"
Shane has never been happier to see him. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go."
"You can't be serious," Brian says weakly.
Shane ignores him. He reaches the door, allows Ilya to place his hand on the small of his back and guide him past the threshold.
Brian doesn't protests again. Maybe it's finally sinking in for him that it's useless. Maybe seeing Shane with Ilya made him stop wanting to try. Or maybe he fucking spontaneously combusted.
its soooo funny its so funny that shane is all drunk earnest sparkly eyed like ohh shit thats ilya ok play it cool say something casual say something normal say something normal and what comes out of his mouth is a suicide joke ep1 rooftop scene you will always be famous
How is it that you can a music library of like 1,200+ absolute bangers but as soon as you put it on shuffle in a group setting it's like. anime opening you added in 2010. homestuck parody song. musical artist who was cancelled last year for kidnapping and eating children in his basement. Hamilton
I can't believe some people are actually reblogging this like "Tch. Omg, so embarrassing OP, I can't believe you would ever admit to liking Hamilton š " like ok, first of all congratulations for hatching as a fully formed adult in 2022 from the pure white egg of a virgin swan i guess. Raised in a cave on a diet consisting solely of nuts and berries and leftist twitter clapbacks. "ooooooh, I've never had a complicated relationship with a piece of art that was phenomenally well-received at the time but aged like milk as later reflection revealed the fundamental flaws in its premise that were in fact present from its inception but which I didn't notice because I was 17 and hadn't heard of neoliberalism yet" Should we throw a party? Should we invite Anthony Fantano? Anyway second of all. you draw the line at Lin Manuel Miranda but you're fine with basement guy?
imagine you are letting your boyfriend suck your dick while you're on the phone with your friend and then he tries to put his fingers in your mouth and when you slap his hand away, he slaps You in the face
i think the key difference between george lucasās star wars and disneyās star wars is that lucas is a man with an ideology. someone with a point of view, and all that entails. which comes with ideas of revolution, anti-imperialism, challenging the status quo, cultural appropriation and racist stereotypes. complex and contradictory ideas because thatās how artists are: complex and complicated people. disney is not. disney is a corporation. a corporation canāt have ideology, because ideology defeats the purpose of profit. and when the only thing you do is to turn on the movie manufacturing machine before you sit down and plan what ideas are you trying to convey to the audience, then your results are going to be washed out corporate garbage. and because when youāre a giant corporation who only cares about selling to the widest audience possible, you canāt take sides. you canāt decide on an idea. because you want to sell your product to people who are on the entire political spectrum. which results in movies without ideology, without purpose, without soul.
I have been looking for this post for years after I came across it and itās finally here and I need to reblog this because it is absolutely and entirely accurate.
#as I always say: lucas was making a samurai film and a ww2 flying ace film and a western film and adding laser swords#because he fundamentally LIKED samurai films and dambusters films and westerns and 40ās adventure serials#but disney are making a āstar wars filmā and adding nothing because it already had laser swords and they have nothing else to say#xerox of a xerox baybeeeee (via harrietvane)
save me loyal to the death second in command characters. save me. love you loyal second in command characters that are forced to turn against their leader. save me. loyalty
zendaya wearing real 3000-year old ancient iranian earrings with no known track of provenance to the odyssey premiere. nasty work. even worse than the kim kardashian marilyn dress to me. they could have promoted modern greek jewelry designers but chose to do this instead. very tacky at best. especially in this geopolitical climate
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