functiondys

[poemsforpersephone]

what if when icarus fell apollo caught him before he hit the sea, arms as warm as the sun, but safer.

what if when ariadne cast the rope across a broken branch aphrodite stepped in with a reminder that this, this is not the kind of love you die for.

what if when achilles was ready for war ares appeared with a smile and said “you win well when you win, but what are you unwilling to lose if you lose?” and achilles knew the answer.

if you could retell the tale wouldn’t you want to tell it kinder? wouldn’t you want to give them peace, even love, where you could?

l.s. | I AM TRIED OF RE-WRITING TRAGEDY WITHOUT CHANGE. LET THEM LIVE. LET THEM LEARN. LET THEM LOVE © 2016

[no-terfs-no-swerfs-no-fascists]

We have no choice but to stan a queen 💪❤️👑

[themainspoon]

Trying to escape military service like: "Poison Seller, I require your weakest poisons."

[dumbtrannybitch]

it's actually so amazing she helped save the lives of the honorable men who did not wish to fight, while killing the most vile men, that is so fucking based

[beardedmrbean]

they used to let kids have real fun

[afriendofblahaj]

There's an xkcd for that :3

Side note: polonium-210 is a very dangerous isotope, however it "does not pose a radiation hazard when kept outside the body", as the alpha particle it emits have very little penetration power and cannot pierce even the outer layers of dead skin. It has still killed countless people, though, not because of children's rings, but because of tobacco. Polonium latches onto and concentrates in tobacco leaves, leading to heavy smokers being exposed to more radiation than survivors of the Chernobyl disaster.

It's always wild to me seeing comments about different toxins like this on information about random things in the past, but it's never discussed when it comes to cigarettes.

[stardustandtea]

Adding a relevant source on the polonium-210 in tobacco and how the industry tried to keep it quiet

[gabe-dasha]

It's been almost 48 hours. I have processed the finale. I'm past my grievances. I've ran out of the conventional stages of grief and I'm currently on the secret 6th one. It's time for memes

[gabe-dasha]

Alternatively

:)

[gabe-dasha]

By the way

[depsidase]

[depsidase]

[hortensius-deactivated20240909]

the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable

[agnesmontague]

you can kinda tell when a writer has spent a lot of time around kids bc they avoid most of the pitfalls that come with writing children. namely, not giving them a too cutesy or twee voice but making them sound more like extremely weird little adults. kids playing pretend will almost never cutely slot into some romantic scenario for the adults' benefit bc the adults are usually too busy cleaning up or wondering what the fuck is wrong with their child. kids also have surprisingly stringent hangups ranging from very petty grievances to downright chauvinist gender roles, more often than not the result of a tragic education but sometimes far surpassing what they were taught in intensity. what im saying is there's nothing inherently wrong with treating fictional kids as stock characters but it's always quite nice to see when they aren't

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

It's extremely common for very young children to suddenly say something extremely cogent and articulate, that's jarringly inconsistent with their normal speech. This is usually something that they heard an adult say recently. A kid will spend ten minutes telling you a story about how they fought a wolf yesterday using simple sentences of fifty cent words, then nibble a snack, wrinkle their nose and say something like "I feel like Mum was overenthusiastic with the salt today, and not for the first time either" before going back to their clumsy story. (They do understand what they're saying when they do this. Kids' communication is usually held back by their vocabulary and pronunciation, not their understanding.)

Young kids are also a lot more socially aware than people give them credit for. Young children are perfectly aware that adults don't take them seriously. They know when their parents don't actually like them. They listen and remember when adults talk about them while they're in the room. Kids will develop basic abilities to charm etc. from babyhood and will begin experimenting with social norms and concepts of deception, appropriate information, and acceptable language and attitudes in toddlerhood. By the time a kid is five or six, they have solid social strategies for relating to adults and separate ones fr relating to their peers, that they'll continue to refine for the rest of their lives. They will also say completely off the wall shit because they don't have the context to know what is and isn't considered super fucked up yet.

By the time a kid is eight or nine, their main difference from adults is in experience, interests, and ability for long-term focus. An eight year old can think as intelligently and coherently as a thirty year old, they just have less experience and information to draw from, and are likely interested in very different things. They're also likely still slightly hamstrung by vocabulary and literacy, though much less so than a younger kid.

Teens will behave like adults who have little power (a teen is often at the mercy of their parents and the state and rarely taken seriously, which is extremely frustrating) and who are high stress and mid-crisis, because they're going through a transitory period where their bodies and moods are changing and are having to constantly learn and adjust; a fourteen year old in a stable situation will act pretty much like a thirty year old with an oppressive boss who's just left a tumultuous relationship.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#oh is *that* why i feel 14 again after my fiance broke things off with me and i had to move halfway across the continent back in with my ma?

Yeah that's just what humans feel and act like when they're unmoored and powerless and unpredictably changing. Teenagers are pretty much constantly unmoored and powerless and unpredictably changing, and react reasonably to those circumstances.

[jethroq]

[wettestwraith]

prev dont leave this in the tags

[silvergryphonart]

Literally the definition of imperialism and classism. Doesn’t matter how many peasants you sacrifice as long as the most powerful piece is left standing

[musicalhell]

Proximity of bishops to the rulers promotes theocratic oppression

[juh-was-deactivated19691231-dea]

the horse is so fuckable

[armageddidnt]

The 5 real themes of good omens that the finale completely botched

I know we only had 1 episode and whole plotlines were scrapped but I was just left feeling so empty after the finale given how powerful and moving and profound the themes of season 1/the book were. So buckle up for a long ride let's talk about it

Theme 1: Human Incarnate

The book and the show established that humanity is unique because it is neither purely good or purely bad. From the book: "Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people." This Aziraphale describes as "much better" than either Heaven or Hell

This is one of my favorite sequences in the whole show. And the music is soaring and gorgeous. Adam recalls the things in his life he has come to know and love; his parents, his friends, his dog, his home. He makes it have nice weather all year. Aziraphale could feel that love at the Tadfield Manor. Heaven and Hell tried to create an instrument of destruction. But by putting that inside a human boy, they didn't realize the strength of one boy's love would be strong enough to literally burn the hell out of him. He told Satan himself to shove it and rewrote reality to have the dad he truly loved. The power of humanity's love is stronger than any immortal power could ever be.

This is the idea that would have been so cool for the finale but unfortunately never paid off. As the second coming prepares to destroy Earth again, Aziraphale and Crowley could have teamed up with the power of humanity to reshape heaven and hell for good. Adam and Jesus as the antichrist and christ born to end the world and instead used their humanity to save it. Instead we got the book-of-life arc and humans were literally left to dust

Theme 2: Free Will

Next good omens establishes that angels and demons are just puppets but humans are the ones with real free will because they have the ability to be good or bad. Even with heaven and hell, the humans on Earth always have a choice. In season 2, they agree on this, but Crowley's main grievance is the inequity of it all. Humans have free will but it still isn't fair.

God made angels and demons and humans but the humans never had to follow her 'plan.' Free will and the ability to recognize what is truly right outside the propaganda of good vs evil is what saves the world.

Humans always had free will, even if God was around to kill a bunch of them with floods or take their stuff to win bets or something. Creating a new universe without God wouldn't change that. They would still have free will, just less threats from above/below, I guess. What Crowley's established character really should have wanted here was to fix the inequity inherent in human society. That's what is truly holding them back, not a lack of will. Removing God from the universe doesn't actually solve the root problem here

Theme 3: Our Own Side

This is something Crowley learned very early and spends the whole show trying to teach Aziraphale. That good must be separated from heaven and bad must be separated from hell.

Heaven can do some truly appalling horrors and demons, at least Crowley (and somewhat Beelzebub I guess) have the potential to be kind. 'Their own side' is one where they have the freedom of humanity, to do what is truly right. Aziraphale and Crowley sort of found their way there in the finale, but it was all rushed and Aziraphale never really turned his back on heaven, it sort of just became irrelevant when everything started disappearing. What a beautifully flawed and nice world they could have created together

Theme 4: Love Conquers all

What was it all for? Love. God made Aziraphale and Crowley for each other because she liked to smile at the silliness of their love. The literal only constant in the entire universe. Their love for the world and each other saved it. I think the decision to turn Aziraphale and Crowley's queer love story into a tragedy was the biggest mistake of seasons 2/3. Forcing the soft and romantic comedy of good omens into a queer tragedy was the instant it all crashed and burned. Now everything is tainted leading up to the pain and destruction of it all and the whimsy and lightness is gone. There were moments of it, but it was all leading toward the end. And queer love deserves to not be a tragedy. We have far too much tragic queer love in our society. Yes we got the south downs, but Aziraphale and Crowley never got to experience that freedom. They finally came together just to instantly be destroyed. We deserve happy and fulfilling queer love that is sweet without the bitter parts. Good omens was intended to be a comedy, not a tragedy

And then this was SUCH A COOL IDEA they introduced. Perhaps the first time ever an angel and a demon performed a miracle together. The power of their love could create magic stronger than anything heaven or hell had ever seen. I was so excited to see the wonders they were going to create, they ways in which they could have rebuilt the world better using that love. If they had this kind of power doing a tiny miracle, what could they have accomplished if they really put their minds to it? God herself couldn't have stopped them. And instead, the finale literally revoked Crowley's magic for the entire episode. They sacrifice themselves for a new earth and people that didn’t even exist yet instead of using any of their power to change it. The god awful execution of this theme is probably the biggest letdown of the entire finale imo

Theme 5: Fix It, Don't Replace It

This is so obviously established in seasons 1/2 I cannot believe how badly they missed the mark with this one

Literally shows us the horror of replacing the Earth with all new people. Even children can recognize that just because something is broken, it doesn't mean you throw it away and start all over. They loved the world enough to want to save it. The world is inherently worth saving, flaws and all. If you love something, you don't abandon it. The ENTIRE PLOT of season 1 explores the horrors of humanity and yet humans, Aziraphale and Crowley do everything in their power to save it.

It absolutely blows my mind how directly this scene contradicts the entire message of the finale. Job didn't want new children, he quite liked the old ones. Aziraphale and Crowley didn't want the antichrist's new Earth, they quite liked the old one. We didn't want new human versions of Aziraphale and Crowley, we QUITE LIKED THE OLD ONES. Where the hell did that mentality go when they told God to create an entirely new universe????????????? Season 1 said the world is flawed but it deserves saving exactly as it is. Season 1 said an angel and a demon go off to the ritz together, exactly as they are. The finale said the world is too broken, we have to make it disappear and start over. The finale said Aziraphale and Crowley have too many issues/traumas to be happy, we have to destroy them and start over. That's why as cute as Asa and Anthony's love is, we quite liked them exactly as they were, angel/demon trauma + history and all. They deserved saving too.

Good omens has always been so special to me for how much it pokes fun at but also celebrates the messiness and wonder of humanity and love. The 6-to-1 episodes was a major setback but somehow the finale still managed to drop basically every one of its most endearing and powerful messages. What is the "real world" the finale is trying to make us value? One without a god to screw things up sometimes?? The best parts of humanity always shined through not even despite, but BECAUSE of the heavenly challenges they overcame. It's very clear good omens as a whole was always meant to be a one-season/one-book story. There was so much potential and missed opportunities and I wish we could have had the finale we were all dreaming of. I will always love the world of good omens season 1/the book, so that is the world I'll keep in my heart. And all the nightingales therein

[bebs-art-gallery]

Albert Square, Manchester (1910) by Adolphe Valette | Contemporary Art (2015) by Emily Allchurch

[bread-making-vikings]

the top is an original, from 1910, the bottom is a new version painted in 2015

[spacedouterri]

THE BOTTOM IS A PAINTING????

[open-sketchbook]

also does a really good job reminding the view just how much air quality has improved since we stopped burning coal in every building lol

[some-zer0]

Y'all really getting angry that Aziraphale and Crowley didn't kiss? Is it not enough for them to be LITERAL SPOUSES? To be able to find love while middle aged? To have at LEAST 20 years with each other? Is it so necessary for them to kiss in order for it to be a satisfying romantic relationship?

If the end universe of Good Omens is our universe, they would've lived through AIDS, they would've lived through same-sex marriage not being legal, they would've lived through all the struggle and strife that queer people have to deal with, and even with all of that they still found each other. They have a life together. They're happy. They hold hands and listen to a nightingale sing while watching the stars in their heart-shaped chairs in the yard of their shared home. FUCK.

[suzieloveships]

Two being will literally say that they are each other other half, that they are completing each other, confess that the other one is everything they want, have God told them that their love is something that always made her smile, find each other in every timeline, in every universe, get marry and spent a life together and instead of being happy, motherfucker online will complain that they didn't kiss

Fuck you and your inability to recognize romance unless it's physical

[ramen-dog-o7]

As an aroace girly, I think people are placing too much importance on a kiss. It’s not needed when their relationship and bond does all the talking.

[rrrick]

[turquoisedata]

How very depressing that Neil Gaiman had trended not even a tiny bit for demonstrating what a fucking horrific person he is.

As a reminder, he's suing Caroline Wallner, one of his accusers, for breaking her NDA. Not for libel. He's saying she shouldn't have told anyone about it, not that she lied.

Neil Gaiman Seeks $500,000 From Accuser Caroline Wallner

The author says Wallner broke her NDA by sharing her story with the media, including with New York Magazine.

He doesn't need the money. He's risking the Streisand effect. He is punishing Caroline, he's trying to intimidate other victims who have signed NDAs to scare them into continued silence.

He is no friend to women, to the LGBTQIA+ community, to anyone quite frankly unless he thinks they are of value to him.

Share the story. Put it on Facebook and bluesky and whatever else you're on. Make it clear what a horrifying person he is. Tell your friends. He's paying Edendale a fortune to try and cover this up. Make this hard for him. Make it cost him money.

[nealashitposts]

A year or so ago I went to wood carving club with a bruised eye from my dog slamming his nose into my eyesocket and like every old lady there pulled me aside at some point to ask if my partner hit me here are some of the solutions they had in case he did.

-Replacing his vitimens with poision

- getting her brother to invite him out onto his boat and then killing him and dumping him in the ocean and saying he got drunk and fell off.

- get tboned with him in the passenger seat and then once he was in the hospital theres all kinds of easy ways to kill him like not washing my hands after a poop and then touching his wound casually.

-replacing his drink of choice with moonshine!?

- take him on a hike thats locally notorious for a rapid otter attacking hikers and once he had rabies I could just kill him any ol way and say self defense.

-One lady just cheerfully informed me she had a gun and only a few years left anyway

[lyricwritesprose]

By the way, this is why we have, and why we need, no fault divorce. Because otherwise Granny will cheerfully find you an alternative.