ignore this

he/ him _ my original posts _ some good days some not _ late diagnosis _ this is the place where we take off our mask and scream into the void _ come in please sit down everybodys welcome _ [untagged triggers warning some 18+ thoughts and some positivity]

[gingerbreadspaceship]

Ive been working this dead end job so long that the stagnation has left my skills in the past. I couldn't do another tech job now even if the opportunity came along. The world has moved on while I stood still. There's no bright future.

[gingerbreadspaceship]

let's try something different,,,

so, we came to terms with the chronic nerve pain and when it shows up it's acknowledged and put into perspective, it's understood that it will pass, sometimes it's bad and sticks around a while, sometimes not.

let's try something different with our cyclical chronic depression,,, along the same lines,

acknowledge, put it into perspective, understand that it will pass, know that it's not permanent, know that it is a false signal which the brain is interpreting as an end-of-days disaster

let's try being the observer and keeping things in perspective

[gingerbreadspaceship]

it's unlikely you're seeing this,

question your perceptions

[gingerbreadspaceship]

I've alienated just about everybody in my life

edit - I've brought this upon myself

[gingerbreadspaceship]

am i alone in here?

[gingerbreadspaceship]

struggles with perceived rejection

[gingerbreadspaceship]

so recently I've had the opportunity to get away, from literally everything, home, work, people, all of it. and over the course of a few weeks the "normal" ongoing underlying stress and angst has sort of just dissolved away. it wasn't at first obvious, it's only by contrast that it showed up at all. when the emotional energy around me became aroused and I found myself activated, into a fight flight response. then, Ive had the luxury of time to observe these physiological responses diminish back to the baseline chill that's been the normal for the last little while. very interesting to notice the activation level peak and slowly drop off as the hormone levels return to pre-activated levels. it's happened a few times and each time it's been interesting to observe, maybe all my mindfulness practice is starting to pay off. edit- there's also been a lot more brain space, or capacity for thinking and remembering day to day stuff and I feel like I'm getting some of my old sharpness or mental agility back, that's all for now. oh don't even get me started on the premonitive dreams and visions, synchronicities and the flow state, like wow

[gingerbreadspaceship]

quietly hoping

that this bleeding

is the beginning

of the end

[gingerbreadspaceship]

"Wishes and intentions, the same.

Meaningless, unless they impel you to one choice or another, some deed or course of action, however insignificant. Thoughts that lead to action can be dangerous. Thoughts that do not, mean less than nothing."

Ancillary Justice - Ann Leckie

[gingerbreadspaceship]

psilocybe subaeruginosa and look-alikes in pine forest

Generally growing in the soil, very occasionally on a rotting log.

The nipple-like cap, sometimes more obvious.

White, rubbery firm stipe and resilient cap. Lack of an annulus.

Purplish black spores.

Stipe is sometimes the colour of dead pine needles towards the base.

Bruising where handled or squeezed becomes more obvious over time to a blueish green, esp around the edge of the cap.

A subtle rubbery, pepper-like smell.

The impostors often have a fragile cap or stipe, which is easily smooshed or broken. There are reddish ones with obvious reticulum on the stipe, these nearly always grow on wood. The yellow capped ones are very similar until you turn them over. See also ALT text on images.

[gingerbreadspaceship]

im good, thanks [ lets it go ]

[gingerbreadspaceship]

ive realised i won't make it through that pile of books in the time that i have left

[gingerbreadspaceship]

In the way that object permanence also applies to people for some of us spectrum buddies, I just wanted you to know I always know you exist.

You made a kind comment on a post of mine a while back. I remember it sometimes randomly with fondness.

Thanks. Glad you’re here :)

tears burn my eyes 🙏

[gingerbreadspaceship]

taking a mental health day

[gingerbreadspaceship]

realised today

music is stim

[gingerbreadspaceship]

what are the rules for IRL friendship?

in the context of Platonic IRL adult relationships, how does it really work

i need answers

being late diagnosed autistic and only really coming to terms with this recently, i see my interactions with (colleagues, acquaintances, other humans with shared interests, peers) from a very different perspective now

it used to be that i would initiate communications, organise meetups, and basically hassle people into "friendships"

this always seemed very one sided, me doing the doing

and i still have no real friends, not for want of trying

it seems like it would be good to have people in my life but is the truth that "we" just can't function that way?

for many years i tried to accept that I'm just an alien, or too weird or naive or different [immigrated as a child from another language speaking country + childhood trauma] and that i will always be alone

but it's so difficult to be alone so much

and it makes me sad that i can't share fun times

i see people who just do it so naturally

it seems so easy for them

who knows, maybe there's no answer

or maybe I'm not asking the questions correctly

maybe i simply do fcuk everything up

is it my karma?

hello, is this thing on?

huh

so...

syntax error

404 fuck you

Voting ended onNov 10, 2023

ive accidentally hit the survey button and don't know how to fix that, sheesh :/

[gingerbreadspaceship]

needed that, next time less analysis and defining and more mindfulness and acceptance, thanking the teachers