aspiring god of war

erica. boston. sometimes i draw things, often i forget to put them on the internet. she/her/hers, please.

[thehybriddoctor-deactivated2018]

omg my dash did a thing

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“If I told you what it is…I’m afraid you wouldn’t try it…”

“IS THIS A PERSON”

“What”

“IS THIS A PERSON

THAT YOU ARE FUCKING FEEDING US RIGHT NOW”

“hahahahahahaha Mr Ramsey what a strange…TASTE in humour you…”

“See you’ve been doing shit like that all fucking night

You keep making these weird fucking food puns

And hinting that this is something fucking horrifying

And fucking smirking to yourself

DID YOU JUST FUCKING COOK A FUCKING PERSON

AND FUCKING FEED IT TO US YOU WEIRD FUCK”

(SWEATS NERVOUSLY)

[scots-dragon]

The worst bit of it is, Hannibal isn’t even cooking human properly and Gordon Ramsey’s now torn between visceral disgust and professional disgust.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“This human is as overdone as Anthony Hopkin’s performance as you”

[brookietf]

“ARE YOU STORING COOKED HUMAN ON THE SAME SHELF AS RAW HUMAN?!

THAT’S CROSS-CONTAMINATION! YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE!!”

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“AND NOT IN THE WAY YOU NORMALLY DO”

[bleemoo]

My name is Georg adn wen you cownt or tally up the hole amownt of spyders ayt by men, do not cownt those i eet - i eet a lot.

[prokopetz]

Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.

[writebastard]

So to everyone else in the galaxy, all humans are basically Doc Brown.

[prokopetz]

Aliens who have seen the Back to the Future movies literally don’t realise that Doc Brown is meant to be funny. They’re just like “yes, that is exactly what all human scientists are like in my experience”.

[roachpatrol]

THE ONLY REASON SCOTTY IS CHIEF ENGINEER INSTEAD OF SOMEONE FROM A SPECIES WITH A HIGHER TECHNOLOGICAL APTITUDE IS BECAUSE EVERYONE FROM THOSE SPECIES TOOK ONE LOOK AT THE ENTERPRISE’S ENGINE ROOM AND RAN AWAY SCREAMING

[roachpatrol]

vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core

humans: we’re going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast

vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast

humans: hahaha yeah

humans: it did tho

vsa: IT EXPLODED

humans: it exploded twice as fast

[froborr]

I love this. Especially because of how well it plays with my headcanon that the Federation does so much better against the Borg than anyone else because beating the Borg with military tactics is nigh-impossible, but beating them with wacky superscience shenanigans works as long as they’re unique wacky superscience shenanigans.

[megabeeprime]

Yeah, I love this.

[underscorex]

Reminds me of the thing I wrote a while back about Humans in high fantasy realms - they’re basically Team Fuck It Hold My Beer I Got This.

Impulsive, passionate to a fault, the social structures they build to try and regulate this hotheadedness ironically creates even greater levels of sheer bull-headedness. Even their “cooler” heads take action in months or weeks.

All their great heroes of the past were impossibly rash by galactic standards. Humans Just Go With It, which is their great flaw but also their greatest strength.

[roachpatrol]

klingons: okay we don’t get it

vulcan science academy: get what

klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you’re also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way

klingons: why do you let them run your federation

vulcan science academy: look

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip. 

vulcan science academy: they did that last week. we have the write-up right here. it’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred different disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how. 

vulcan science academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hell they want. 

klingons: …. can we be a part of your federation

[the-real-seebs]

Come to think of it, I mean. Look at the “first human warp drive” thing in the movie. That was… Not how Vulcans would have done it.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

you know what the best evidence for this is? Deep Space 9 almost never broke down. minor malfunctions that irritated O’Brien to hell and back, sure, but almost none of the truly weird shit that befell Voyager and all the starships Enterprise. what was the weirdest malfunction DS9 ever had? the senior staff getting trapped as holosuite characters in Our Man Bashir, and that was because a human decided to just dump the transporter buffer into the station’s core memory and hope everything would work out somehow, which is a bit like swapping your computer’s hard drive out for a memory card from a PlayStation 2 and expecting to be able to play a game of Spyro the Dragon with your keyboard and mouse.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

you know what, I’m not done with this post. let’s talk about the Pegasus. the USS Fucking Pegasus, testbed for the first Starfleet cloaking device. here we have a handful of humans working in secret to develop a cloaking device in violation of a treaty with the Romulans. they’re playing catchup trying to develop a technology other species have had for a century. and what do they do? do they decide to duplicate a Romulan cloaking device precisely, just see if they can match what other species have? nope. they decide, hey, while we’re at it, while we’re building our very first one of these things, just to find out if this is possible, let’s see if we can make this thing phase us out of normal space so we can fly through planets while we’re invisible.

“but why” said the one Vulcan in the room.

“because that would fucking rule” said the humans, high-fiving each other and slamming cans of 24th-century Red Bull.

there must be like twenty different counselling groups for non-human engineering students at Starfleet Academy, and every week in every single one of them someone walks in and starts up with a story like “our assignment was to repair a phaser emitter and my one human classmate built a chronometric-flux toaster that toasts bread after you’ve eaten it.”

[sameenbyhat]

Humans get mildly offended by the way they are presented in non-human media.

Like: “Guys, we totally wouldn’t do that!” But this always fails to get much traction, because the authors can always say: “You totally did.”

“That was ONE TIME.” 

There’s that movie where humans invented vaccines by just testing them on people. Or the one about those two humans who invented powered flight by crashing a bunch of prototypes. Or the one about electricity. 

And human historians go, “Oh, uh, this is historically accurate, but also kind of boring.” To which the producers respond: “How is doing THIS CRAZY THING boring????????”

There are entire serieses of horror movies where the premise is “We stopped paying attention to the human and ey found the technology.”

[jazzybot4]

reblog for new meta.  RE that last line: McGuyver. 

[deadcatwithaflamethrower]

“MacGuyver” is the equivalent of Vulcan vintage human horror television.

[roachpatrol]

during orientation at a human college, vulcans are presented with a list of swear words. 

“what is the word ‘fuck’ for,” the innocent young vulcans want to know. “surely there are more logical intensity modifiers.”

“yeah, you’d think so,” say the weary, jaded vulcan professors. “you’d really fucking think so.”

there is a phrase in vulcan for ‘the particular moment you understand what the word ‘fuck’ is for’. 

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

This is why the Federation is the only organisation to ever stand a chance against the Borg

The Borg can adapt to the brilliant millitary strategies of the Romulan Star Empire, the Klingons and even the cold logical intellectual prowess of the vulcans

The Borg weren’t prepared for a starship captain to lure them into his 50′s noir detective holo-novel and then machine gun them to death with a weapon made out of hard light

[thewolverina]

This thread is amazing. Even as a baby star trek nerd that only really knows the new movies.

[sniperct]

“there is a phrase in vulcan for ‘the particular moment you understand what the word ‘fuck’ is for’.”

I just died

[sunrisingblue]

I lost my shit at “toasts your bread after you’ve eaten it”

[randomingoftherandomness]

Oh please please someone write this

[fozmeadows]

the best thing about this post is that the way it’s written - by multiple human authors getting over-excited about ridiculous, wonderful, impossible ideas that ought by rights to be terrifying - is itself proof that we’re like this

[bijoux-et-mineraux]

Ammolite (Late Cretaceous, 70 million years) - Bearpaw Formation, Alberta, Canada

[thinkpiecebot]

Does “Essential Oils” Help Or Hurt Law School?

[blackpyrefly]

troubling graffiti spotted in manarola

[targuzzler-deactivated20180224]

all i see is a band name and a debut album title

[bogleech]

“sex dwarf” is actually an 80′s song

Dress Her Like a Squirrel……is a sentence with only five results on all of google out of all the trillions of combinations of text google has access to and none of those five explain why anyone would write this

[theredpelican]

we’re literally floating on a tiny planet in fucking space why are we surrounded by hatred and misery. why can’t everyone just calm the fuck down and lay on some grass. the sun is a GIANT BURNING ORB why does money exist. fuck everything

[the-real-eye-to-see]

Black kids are everything, I swear!

[cyberjock-deactivated20250329]

Hate when people call me a nerd, like listen I’m a fucking loser but don’t put me on the same level as those fucking dr. Whomst people

[whispact]

Dr.Who*

[heartseeker]

dr. whomst’d’ve'ly'yaint'nt'ed'ies’s'y'es

[pigeonsandnonsense]

[xaina-cosplays]

the best moment in any media involving super heroes ever

[pretz3l-log1c]

I’ve seen this at least ten times on my dash and it never stops being funny

[weatherscan]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[jt-sexkik-deactivated20210420]

Finally, a worthy heir to the distinguished legacy of None Pizza With Left Beef

[kotortwo]

doctor: congratulations, your wife just gave birth to a healthy baby boy! what do you want to name him?

me: *on fantasynamegenerators.com* hold on

[theronancycle]

at adam and ronan’s wedding gansey is the “something old,” henry is the “something new,” the dog ronan stole from his neighbor is the “something borrowed” and blue is the “something blue”

[thinkpiecebot]

What Does Canon Trans Link Mean For Indie Rock?

[gmmmtv]

someone turn this into a fic, i’ll pay you with my endless love

[nevver]

Fear of flying, Daniel Gebhart de Koekkoek