hi

take a look at banner, micheal!

[goodfoxbadfox]

TRAGIC: double homicide victims found; autopsy indicates murder weapon was single stone

[goodfoxbadfox]

doing a job for my dad lately. i dislike his line of work, but he can’t code, so im lending a hand.

it’s weirdly pleasant working with him. he isn’t giving me orders and picking on like when i was a kid. we each need data from the other, so there’s respect. we’re equals, for the time being.

it’s maybe the first time i’ve EVER felt like i’m useful to him. like he doesn’t regret me. he sees me for what i am capable of, instead of all the things i fall short of. not sure how to feel abt that. probably had larger implications on my emotional development growing up, but right now, it feels tolerable and very “adult” so im rolling with it.

[goodfoxbadfox]

do you ever have a hard time comprehending that other people are real

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how come my dick never work when i’m drunk #watdatmean

[dogpuppy]

[dogpuppy]

[goodfoxbadfox]

joe keery anakin skywalker? is that anything? i cant be the first

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i bet gumball is such a fun show to animate. they be doing so much silly shit

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Oh ok

[marshmallow-dust]

looking at the texts I sent 2 seconds ago like I would NOT say that

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bitch!!!! he dgaf about me😒

[goodfoxbadfox]

at my parents place. i miss @stinkysweatysnails

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i wonder how much dish soap u can drink before it becomes a problem. like, given that it goes on dishes,,, a little has to be ok to ingest bc you obviously can’t get 100% of it off the plate every time. but also, it’s soap? you can’t just drink soap. right? so what’s the limit??

i think i may have a science experiment on my hands.

[redsel]

[goodfoxbadfox]

every summer, pretty reliably, i get deeply suicidal. i don’t know why that is. why not winter? there’s even an acronym for it! and although the “seasonal” in SAD ≠ winter, it’s still puzzling. shouldn’t the vitamin D be converting my tryptophan into serotonin????? ahhaaaahaa #neurosciencemajoorrrrrr

i think it’s the free time. the sudden absence of anything meaningful to do. when it’s quiet, i can only remember my failures. it brings about this weird, out-of-body experience, like being on drugs. i’m watching myself exist, not DOING the existing. i am a frustrating, off putting, weird person. i don’t really have anything of value to offer other human beings; i’m kind of incompatible with the world at large.

but im a scientist, and a rational person, so i try to think logically: on the one hand, im not totally useless, ive done valuable things! i’ve made a project bigger than myself that will help educate people about the body. i can admit that is good. i’m proud of it. but it’s just something i DID. the CREATION is valuable. as a person, i’m kind of a leech. considering the people i’ve made a GOOD impression on, i’ve probably made a stronger valence NEGATIVE impression on 20x as many people.

i’ve always imagined that one day ill blow my shit cleeeaaannn off, and i’m sure i will SOMEday, i’ve had it worked out for years. but when im busy, i’m distracted from how impending that feels. now i’m sitting around going.. “well shiittt.. why not later today? it’s not like im doing anything lol”

i don’t necessarily MISS being busy, and i probably won’t actually do-it either. both things can be true. i should kill myself AND i think i appreciate parts of being alive. i can acknowledge that the variance in my feelings is indicative of instability, and therefore i can’t actually “trust” my own thoughts. ive survived many attempts in the past and im likely to try and incidentally fail again—or just pussy out entirely—before i stick the landing.

sorry to the one person i know irl who will probably see this, i just can’t discuss it to anyone in person. i will puke. or go totally silent. it’s easier to talk into the metaphorical void

[goodfoxbadfox]

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[goodfoxbadfox]

based on the advertisements i get i think tumblr thinks im a woman lol