A Song Of Mice And Fire
What the fuck is redwall
Noah Kahan
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
🪼

Love Begins
Claire Keane
almost home

Kiana Khansmith
untitled
Cosimo Galluzzi

if i look back, i am lost
One Nice Bug Per Day
NASA

No title available
Doug Jones

izzy's playlists!

roma★
Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!

gracie abrams

seen from Germany
seen from Vietnam
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Spain

seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States

seen from Japan
seen from Vietnam
seen from India

seen from Sweden

seen from Japan
seen from Italy

seen from United States

seen from Australia

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States

seen from India
@goonlalagoon
A Song Of Mice And Fire
What the fuck is redwall
i have an alcoholic beverage and way too many words to write about slagar the cruel
he really is.
I might not be able to convince you that Slagar is the best Redwall villain- others are better armed, more dangerous, cause harm on a larger scale. Some of these guys have entire hordes at their disposal while Slagar is just one dude with a handful of cronies. In the grand scheme of things he accomplishes very little, but his scope was never large to begin with. Unlike all these warlords and pirates, he never wanted to take over the abbey or plunder some legendary treasure.
And this is where Slagar stands apart, what makes him the most compelling villain to me by a longshot. Because he's the only Redwall baddie motivated purely by emotion. He believes he was wronged, he's pissed, and he's making it personal. It gives his character a sense of weight and conviction even though his version of the truth isn't quite correct. It also makes him kind of suck at what he does. And that's actually fantastic.
Slagar has the distinction of being the only recurring Redwall villain over multiple books, which is kinda weird when you think about it, but I digress. In the original Redwall he was a minor character and the reader is led to assume he dies at the fangs of the adder Asmodeus. In Mattimeo it turns out he's survived, taken a new name, lost half his face, and changed careers from healer's apprentice to slavedriver. (Never too late to follow your dreams.) He's also determined to make all of this Matthias's problem, specifically, even though Slagar/Chickenhound and Matthias never even met during the events of Redwall. Does this make sense? Absolutely not. But it's perfectly logical if you're Slagar the Cruel.
What we do know is that there was a significant time skip between books, long enough for Matthias's son Mattimeo to be born and grow up into a hotheaded youth, and during that time Slagar was also staying busy. If we take the fox's account at face value (ha) then Slagar spent half a year just trying not to die while the adder's venom ate through his flesh. You can argue that he put himself into that situation in the first place, and he did, but it's still horrific. That's a lot of time to stew in pain and uncertainty and hatred. We know that Slagar wanted to kill Asmodeus for doing this to him- but by the time he was finally well enough to take action, the serpent was already dead by Matthias's hand.
And instead of going Hooray! Thank you so much for killing that horrible creature that was terrorizing the woods! Oh, you took care of Cluny too? The guy who killed my mom and left me for dead in a ditch when I was a kid? You're awesome, I owe you big time! Slagar, in his immature fury and unmatched pettiness, takes this as the ultimate insult. The idea of vengeance is what kept Slagar going this whole time and Matthias stole his kill! This will not stand!
It's funny when you deconstruct it like that but it's also the tragedy of Slagar's character. He could have continued pursuing medicine in his mother's footsteps. He could have been grateful to the mouse who saved Mossflower. But even though Slagar grew up and changed his name, he never really stopped being shitty little Chickenhound, who rejected the compassion the Redwallers showed him from the start. He was already full of poison before the snakebite and losing half his face just makes him double down.
Anyway, we aren't told exactly how he settles into his new role, but by the time we rejoin Slagar in Mattimeo it seems like he's already done this slave run at least once before and he's coming in with a plan. It's a solid plan, honestly, maybe the easiest time a baddie has ever had getting inside the abbey. Slagar can put on an act when it suits him. He's not stupid or incompetent by any means. But when he has the entire population of Redwall at his mercy, to conquer and dispatch or enslave at his whim... he snatches the kids and runs without even glancing at anything else.
Entire armies have crashed and broken upon these sandstone walls like waves time and again. Warlords have lusted after Redwall Abbey only to die without ever setting a paw inside. And this fox just walks in through the front gate, does a few magic tricks, roofies everybody, and leaves.
You can imagine Cluny and the other villains just screaming at him from the afterlife. You can also imagine Slagar kicking himself later on when Matthias gives chase and ultimately pursues him all the way to his death. He had the chance to remove Matthias as a threat, heck, he could have taken over the whole abbey when everyone was knocked out, but he never gave it a second thought. It wasn't part of the plan.
No, Slagar isn't stupid or incompetent- but he's short sighted to a fault because he's driven by emotion even when his scheme to gain entry was a clever one. He can't kill Matthias because he needs Matthias to suffer, and Matthias needs to suffer because he killed Asmodeus, and Asmodeus made Slagar suffer, and Slagar wanted to make Asmodeus suffer!! Duh!!!
Look, it would make perfect sense if you had six months to fume and seethe in agony while watching half your face slough off and wondering if each day would be your last. I find it really interesting that Slagar speaks highly of his mother's memory in Mattimeo when his parting impression of her in Redwall was basically "dumb bitch was too stupid to survive, not like ME, i'm awesome". We can only guess as to how much of Slagar's account is actually true, and how much is due to his warped perception or a flat-out lie... but it's clear that he has come to see himself as someone wounded and robbed, and everything that drives him now feeds back into his version of the narrative whether or not it's accurate.
If you're going to write an "insane" character you could do a lot worse than Slagar the Cruel. He doesn't hear voices or hallucinate or babble nonsense like some other villains in this category. He can make a plan and execute it- he can even muster a bit of charisma, though it's not his strong suit. Slagar's madness lies in his insistence that he is right, despite all reason and evidence to the contrary, and the obsession that makes him unable to deviate from his path. He can be logical, but his logic only serves the delusion. He can think quickly on his feet, but can't see far enough ahead to know when his scheme is doomed to backfire.
BJ gave us so much out of this side character, who only showed up in Redwall for a few chapters and was presumably killed. Imagine if every vermin rando who met an implied end had the potential to come back as a bigger threat later on! That would be so much more interesting than Generic Warlord #54752! As it is, Slagar stands alone- broken and messy and spiteful and compelling in a way that other baddies with no emotional ties to Redwall get to be. He's not actually justified in his revenge, but he thinks that he is, and that gives him more conviction than any general with an army at his back.
Other villains do more, but Slagar pulls it off with much less. The scope of his damage at Redwall is really quite small, but the deeply personal and violating nature of his plot is what makes him so nasty, why he feels like a major threat even though he doesn't want to conquer or kill his enemies. He wants to hurt them. He wants to screw with their heads. And there's no low he wouldn't stoop to in the interest of achieving his goal, because Slagar the Cruel is of course right!
TL;DR Shoutout to self-destructive mentally ill mangled men in capes, gotta be one of my favorite genders. This one just happens to be a talking fox. When I say I want more nuance in Redwall villains I'm not just talking about vermin who learn to change their ways, though of course we can never see enough of those. I mostly crave complicated villains who demonstrate positive qualities in the mix... but in the case of characters who are straight up evil, Slagar stands out as the only one who isn't motivated by greed or wanton bloodlust. And not only do you get to see exactly how he turned out that way, you get a glimpse of what he could have been if he made better choices, and you come to understand that his rabid tunnel vision is what leads to his downfall. Literally. He doesn't have a dramatic sword fight against Matthias. He fails to look where he's going and falls in a fucking hole. It sums up Slagar's character perfectly. You might even argue he's the worst Redwall villain based on that-
-but that is exactly why I think he's the best.
Be yourself as best you can whenever you can.
at least now we know why he has yet to return when Britain is in peril
We need a flick where King Arthur wakes in modern Jamaica and is very confused.
I think that would be so much funny. He wakes up on a remote beach in Jamaica and he only speaks/understands Brythonic and Medieval Latin. Locals assume he was a tourist who fell from a cruise ship or received a head injury and floated away from a resort. The authorities cannot match his description to any missing persons reports and his fingerprints and DNA produce no hits on INTERPOL. They suspect he may be Welsh or French because the language he speaks resembles Welsh or Breton but France and the UK both state he is not a citizen of their country. Stateless and deeply confused, he is taken in by the community near the beach where he was found, being cared for by a number of local families and doing odd jobs. He slowly learns English and adjusts to the contemporary world, uncertain if his belief that he is the legendary King Arthur was formed by whatever traumatic event caused him to end up Jamaica or if he is actually King Arthur and Prydain is in eminent peril. Mysterious letters from Morgan begin to reaffirm his belief he is King Arthur. He must choose between staying in Jamaica and continuing the happy life he has made for himself or finding a way to get back to Britain without any documentation.
ancient king white boy stuns locals by ordering in perfect Jamaican Patois
He gets to Britain and everyone expects him to sound like a posh noble Englishman because that is the picture Malory painted but he prefers to speak Welsh and when he has to speak English, he speaks with a thick Jamaican accent.
also the way he pulls britain out of said peril really pisses off the right wingers, at least in part because he recognises that he cannot do it alone and chooses those he trusts (his jamaican community) as his knights
Absolutely, Guinevere is the Jamaican nurse who took him in in this universe and many of his friends in the Jamaican community that took him in are analogous with/reincarnations of common characters from Arthurian mythology. Except for Merlin. Who is the original Merlin. Who is living a retiree lifestyle in The Bahamas for plot and wizard foresight reasons.
Unrelated side note, I love slipping in an occasional Prydain in place of Britain just to remind everyone King Arthur was not English. The landmass is Ynys Prydein to him. ☝️
This is the funniest thing I've ever read. I would have LOVED to see that
three types of people
Maybe quantum physics is different in a universe where a mob boss built a working supercollider that could create portals to other worlds in 2018
@abominablesnowdude's tags are too good to let vanish
Fake Dating Dialogue Prompts
“Let’s get one thing straight: this is strictly for show.”
“So what now? Do we just go back to being strangers?”
“No kissing. No touching. No catching feelings. Got it?”
“Grab my waist.” “W-What?” “Grab. My. Waist. They’re watching.”
“It was just a kiss.” “No one kisses like that and doesn’t mean it.”
“You said you'd never lie to me, but this whole thing was a lie, wasn’t it?”
“You keep looking at me like that and someone’s going to think you actually like me.”
“If we’re doing this, there’s one rule. No falling in love with me.” “Trust me, darling, there’s no risk of that.”
“Fine. I’ll stop. I’ll stop if you look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing when I look at you like this. When I touch you. When I kiss you. Tell me all of this is still fake and I’ll walk away right now.”
“All I did was wait for you to say it. To admit that somewhere along the line this became real. But you never did. And I’m done waiting.”
“I didn’t say all those things because I had to. I said them because it’s true. All of it. The way I feel about you, this thing between us… I can’t keep pretending this is fake.”
There are a few different factors to the One Ring's extended lack of success with hobbit ringbearers (Frodo, Sam, Bilbo, and yes, even and perhaps especially Gollum*), but lately I've been thinking about how the hobbits have... genuinely very little understanding of what the One Ring's powers actually are and how a hobbit could ever hope to wield them.
As opposed to, say, someone like Boromir, who has the education of a prince (including history, military studies, maybe some magical theory?) and grew up on the increasingly apocalyptic front against Mordor. Boromir understands that the One Ring's unmatched ability to influence and dominate could perhaps, if someone with sufficient magical ability could hack it, get the orc armies to back the hell off his home.
And I do think that urgent relief is actually possible on a very TEMPORARY basis before the situation somehow blows up. The One Ring is both a source of power for Sauron and his greatest vulnerability. I don't think either Galadriel or Gandalf would be tempted by it unless you could pull SOME significant benefit from the One Ring; but they also know that the downsides of keeping it are worse in the long run, and also that the short run is likely to be much, MUCH shorter than they'd like.
(I do think Denethor and Boromir are most likely to try to wield the One Ring themselves, but I just remembered that Faramir was tutored by Gandalf once upon a time. Now, I'm imagining a deliciously dark AU scenario in which Denethor makes Faramir try to wield the One Ring for them.)
I'm not necessarily making an "ignorance is bliss" argument. It's just... Okay, supposedly, a rather effective negotiation tactic is to calm the whole process down and to utilize "how" questions as both a soft, unspoken "no" and also move the conversation out of emotional "winning the deal" territory into a more productive "what are the actual logistics of implementing this ideally mutually beneficial agreement" area. I think the hobbits generally just have... a very different "And how am I (a very small hobbit of ALL people) supposed to do that?" questioning mindset.
Smeagol, Bilbo, and Frodo get the One Ring when it's at its relative weakest, for one thing, and they're not under the same overwhelming desperation as someone like Boromir. Sam gets the One Ring at perhaps its most powerful and his most desperate time, but even then, the One Ring tries offering him everything and he's like, "How is that supposed to work? I'm a hobbit. I'm a humble gardener who doesn't know anything about magic. How am I supposed to wield ultimate power or rule the world? Seems unrealistic, honestly." (It helps that he's also just intimately seen the One Ring screw over both Frodo and Gollum pretty badly. Other factors, yes.)
I think the One Ring is most in its element with people who have some power and self-importance already, with kings and princes and sorcerers. Meanwhile, you hand a magical item of unspeakable destruction to a hobbit and the hobbit is like, "How am I even supposed to use this? No, really, how does it work? I don't get it. What is this, again?" Starting with nothing compared to many other characters, Frodo and Sam have perhaps the plainest view that all the potential power and leverage is on the One Ring's side of any arrangement. And you have to first persuade them that this IS a usable tool for anything besides turning briefly invisible, because from their perspective, it's not.
The Wolf and His King is now out in paperback!*
If you're looking for a melancholy medieval tale of yearning, fealty, and the mortifying ordeal of being known, then you can now pick this one up in a cheaper and more pocket-sized format (but still with Tom Roberts' beautiful cover art). TWAHK is a retelling of Bisclavret from the Lais of Marie de France; it's not genre romance, but it is a love story, and it's also about disability and living in a body that doesn't feel like yours, and which so often steals you from yourself.
I hope you enjoy it, and if you've already enjoyed it, now is an excellent time to recommend it to a friend or slip a copy into their bag to read on summer travels :) It should be available wherever books are sold -- if it's not stocked in your nearest bookshop, I encourage you to ask booksellers if they'll order it in, as this might mean they end up stocking it for other readers as well as getting a copy for you.
*Note: this is the Gollancz edition for the UK and worldwide; North American readers will have the lovely Erewhon hardback until January, and of course the French hardback is newly released by Korrigan Editions too.
Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).
When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".
When the boat is still being built, your say "it".
When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".
When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".
When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.
If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").
If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")
If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").
If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.
If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.
I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.
Hit "view post" and lost it
I have done some weird trickshots, and some difficult trickshots, but that last one is the most of both I’ve ever put together!
there is a stripper pole in my attic. i saw it in a dumpster one day, and i went, shit, this is exactly the kind of thing my wife would want. and i didnt really want it in the house, what with it being a used stripper pole lightly seasoned with dumpster juice, but i mentally decided that if she were to see it and ask for it, i would say she could have it, and then sure enough, later that evening, she went soooo baaaaaaaabs there's this thing by the dumpster and i want it but i get it if you don't want it in the house but i have to show it to you- and i went, no you dont, you can have the pole, and that was the most surprised i have ever made her look. even compared to the day when i proposed to her, which she was prepared enough that we both knew she would say yes, and she could also get her hair done up and have a cute outfit, but not so prepared that she was not fucking flabbergasted by the 12 empty decoy ringboxes i sprung on her. i handed her so many decoy ring boxes that day. still one of the funniest things i've ever done to her.
anyway we like pacing around together and ranting in the attic but sometimes instead of pacing one of us will just hang on the pole and spin, and the other person will watch on the beanbag, which makes for these really goofy conversations where the person on the bag will say something that gets the other persons goat, such as, hypothetically, that xylophones do not belong in rock music, and then the other person will go on a tirade about this, but they'll actually only be facing the Hot Take Speaker half of the time, what because of the pole, so the response will sound something like
I can't believe
you would even suggest such
a stupid opinion. You've
been to a Danny Elfman
concert! How can you
have heard Oingo Boingo
live and say with a straight face
that they alone do not justify
rock and roll xylophones
and then that person will continue until they get too dizzy, then they'll get off the pole, and by unspoken agreement, the person on the bag will get up and trade places with them to deliver their rebuttal while also spinning and it just creates this sort of crazy strip-court lawyers debating absolute nonsense for no reason kind of vibe that frankly just really does it for us.
i don't really have any marriage advice for this i guess its just a look at what being married can look like. i thought that being married would involve a lot more stuff like carving the turkey, or barbecuing, or watching the sunset, and if id known how much time it would involve arguing for xylphones in rock music while spinning upside down i might have prepared for it a little differently.
I’ve been cackling about this for like five minutes now
[Video caption:
O-okay, let’s get into this, shall we?
*grumbling* Would you rather work for Lex Luthor or the Joker- *shouting* Lex Luthor, by like, a fucking mile!
Yes, yes, working for Lex Luthor is basically like being an Amazon employee that makes weapons of mass destruction, which is bad. Lex is like Donald Trump mixed with Mark Zuckerberg mixed with Jeffrey fucking Bezos, it’s not a great mix. He does not treat his henchmen well. Their lives still suck, and they are probably monitored on how long they take piss breaks for.
But let’s analyze what working for Lex Luthor is like versus the fucking Joker. With Lex you probably get a dental plan, a health plan, a paycheck, and the guy that you’re fighting really cares about human life. Superman will hit you just long enough to knock you out, so you’re not a treat, so he can stop the problem.
If you work for the Joker, your payment is you’re not fucking dead. You say one wrong thing? Bang. You don’t laugh at his jokes? Bang! You do laugh at his jokes? Bang! You think Joker gives a fuck about a henchman?
Who’s Lex Luthor’s right-hand-man? It’s a woman, you sexist, her name is Mercy, she’s awesome. Who’s Joker’s right-hand-man? Bob? Nah, he’s dead. Harley? Tried to kill her multiple times. Slappy? Who the fuck is Slappy?
The best case scenario of working for the Joker is that you fight the fucking Batman! And that presents its own fucking list of problems. If you stop Superman as a Lex Luthor henchman, Lex’ll be pissed, but he’ll be at least happy that Superman was caught. If you stop Batman as a Joker henchman, you better have a fucking coffin picked out yesterday.
This isn’t a fun hypothetical question, this is a screening technique that the doctors at Arkham use to determine your mental health! There is a right and a wrong answer to this question, and the correct one is Lex fucking Luthor. Thank you for coming to my fucking Ted Talk, have a nice day.
End caption.]
Bitch neither I work for Wayne Industries, they got better offers than work these clowns:
batmans secret special attack is offering all of his enemys henchmen a living wage and guaranteed healthcare
reading this deposition that just got dropped where someone sued musk and ohhhh my god it is this funniest thing ever . i can see why his lawyer tried to keep this confidential . they’re both maybe the biggest idiots . this is like ace attorney
Musk is being sued for falsely suggesting a 22-year-old Jewish man was part of a neo-Nazi brawl.
Elon Musk was deposed in a recent lawsuit for falsely linking a 22-year-old Jewish man to a neo-Nazi brawl. Musk, who attempted to keep the
PLEASE read this
bankston is my HERO he’s tearing these people apart
damn
HE LEFT
????
oh my god
KILL HIM
he is DONE.
HELP ME .
wow. ok.
genuinely first two pages he says that he thinks ben’s lawyer is the one who is actually suing him and admits he has no clue what the lawsuit is about .
doing a reread now this is so cunty
goddamn .
fun fact: the Mr. Bankston here is Mark Bankston, the same lawyer who absolutely ruined Alex Jones during the Sandy Hook trial.
how in the fuck did the muskrat's attorney pass the bar
Mark Bankston is gonna make me fucking SWOON.
I don't think Mark can ever top "INDEED, MR. JONES, INDEED" and "AND THAT IS HOW I KNOW YOU LIED TO ME" from the first Sandy Hook trial in Texas (not to be confused with Chris Mattei, the attorney in the Connecticut trial), but this part
MR. SPIRO: Do you give these lectures at all of your depositions? MR. BANKSTON: I do, and you can watch them.
is ESPECIALLY hilarious to me having listened to multiple depositions Mark has had to take in the Sandy Hook case, where he has needed to lecture EVERY. SINGLE. ATTORNEY. at some point in the case about how they're violating Texas Rule XYZ, because they all, to a one, did something seriously ethically questionable during the deposition.
like, YOU CAN WATCH/LISTEN TO HIS DEPOS. HE DOES HAVE TO GIVE THOSE LECTURES EVERY TIME. IT'S NOT EVEN A JOKE.
acrylic, canvas 30 * 40 cm "North Sea. July" 2020
Whenever I tell people that I dream of playing as many versions of Cinderella’s stepsisters as possible, I have to mention the mildly deranged illegal production of Cinderella I was in when I was 12.
I used to go to this small drama camp as a kid that was entirely run by one nice lady, I believe named Carol. We would put on abridged minimalist versions of popular musicals at a local church with only one week of rehearsal. These weren’t licensable junior versions. Carol created them herself.
She wrote the scripts to include the major plot highlights and famous lines from the various musicals and she arranged and accompanied all of the songs on the piano herself. We did Annie, Mary Poppins, the Wizard of Oz, and, the year before I came, Peter Pan. These shows were definitely illegal, but they were so small that nobody really noticed, and they were a ton of fun. The camp was also extremely affordable, so nobody was getting rich off of it.
But Cinderella, my final production with them, was next-level. When I arrived for the first day of camp, I was curious to see if it would be the Disney version or the Rodgers and Hammerstein version.
It was both. And neither.
Carol somehow wrote an almost entirely original book for Cinderella that used the best songs from both the Disney and R&H versions. That meant that I, as a stepsister, got to sing the “Stepsisters’ Lament,” a peak song if you ask me, but adorable little kids playing mice also got to sing “Cinderelly, Cinderelly.”
The one thing about combining both versions is perhaps an overemphasis on the Fairy Godmother, because the songs “Bibbidy Bobbity Boo” and “Impossible” are both no-brainers to include. But somehow, things worked out perfectly there, too, by splitting the role.
See, we didn’t just have a Fairy Godmother.
We also had a Fairy Godfather.
I was 12, so I didn’t quite get the joke, but as an adult, I’m obsessed with the implication that Cinderella got her dress, slippers, and carriage through some kind of vague affiliation with the mafia.
"Alright, I've... acquired a carriage, but only until 1am or we're gonna have a situation on our hands. So I absolutely need it back in my hands by midnight so the feds don't get involved."
"Honey I can't tell Cinderella that!"
"Tell her it'll turn into a pumpkin or something, not my problem. That's your part of the job. I get the things, you make them work. Just get it back to me by midnight, capisce?"