summary: ellie's still in love with her ex (you)
you’re pulled away from the essay on your computer when ellie bursts into your room, rambling about how she’s so fucked.
it wasn’t unusual for ellie to come to you about her problems, even after you two broke up you’d still talk to eachother about your problems. this time wasn’t any different.
you turn around in your chair to face ellie who’s frantically pacing in your room. “dude, what’s your problem?” you ask, slightly laughing at how stressed she looked.
“keira asked me on a date.” a pit formed in your stomach after hearing those words. was she already seeing someone else?
“okay… and?” your voice flat.
“and i don’t know what to do.” she says, hands coming to her head in a panic.
you raise your eyebrow, “okay well do you like her or not?”
“i mean kind of, i don’t know her that well.”
you roll your eyes, “that’s what dates are for ellie, to get to know the person.”
“i know but-“ she cuts herself off, not knowing what to say next.
“but….” you continue staring at her.
she groans, “nevermind, i’ll just tell her yes.”
“okay problem solved.” you shrug.
you turn back to your desk, continuing to write your essay. trying the push away the jealousy brewing in your stomach.
ellie comes back into your room frantically panicking not even a day later.
sitting down on your bed she starts ranting, “can you please please please help me find something to wear i don’t know what to wear on a first date.”
you sit up on your bed, “just wear something you wore when we went on dates.”
she stares at you blankly, “i can’t wear the same thing, that’s like cheating before the relationship even starts.”
you roll your eyes, “it’s just ethically reusing clothes, you’ll be fine.”
“if this date goes bad i’m blaming you and ethically sourced clothing.” she says before leaving your room.
the next morning ellie’s in the kitchen making you both breakfast.
“so… how was the date?” you ask, walking into the kitchen.
you don’t know why you asked, not wanting to hear about how ellie probably had her tounge down another girls throat.
ellie turns to you, handing you a plate of food, “it was good.”
you walk over to the couch, taking a seat, “just good?” you question, raising an eyebrow.
she shrugs, “i mean it was a normal first date, pretty chill.”
your face heats up while asking, “would go on another date with her?”
ellie comes to sit next to you, “i mean yeah, she was nice.”
you don’t respond, just nodding in acknowledgement. ellie notices how the mood shifted. turning to you, hand coming up to toy with your hair. “do you want to come with me and keira to the record store later today?” she asks.
you don’t look her, eyes glued to your plate. “wouldn’t i be interrupting your date?”
she laughs, “it’s not a date, and i’m sure she won’t mind you coming along.”
you finally look up at her, “okay.”
“yay, get ready, we’re leaving in an hour.” she says, taking your plate from your hands and to the kitchen.
“can’t i go like this?” you joke.
ellie looks over at you covered in baggy pajamas, hair messy. she thinks you look beautiful like this, she always thinks you look good to be honest.
she bites back a laugh, “well… respectfully you kinda look like trash right now so no.”
you laugh, “sorry wouldn’t want my trashy appearance to scare away your girlfriend.”
“she’s not my girlfriend.” ellie says, coming by and messing with your hair.
“do i look less trashy now?” you tease, standing in ellie’s doorway waiting for her approval.
she turns to look at you, “yeah, some may say you almost look beautiful.” she says, taking in your appearance.
“almost?” you raise your eyebrow.
she smirks, “yeah, almost.”
you walk over to ellie who’s putting her shoes on, “what would it take for me to be fully beautiful?”
she looks up at you, green eyes staring into yours. “maybe helping me with my hair, it looks like shit.”
“you’re not wrong about that.” your hands moving around to fix her hair.
she hits you in the stomach, “fuck you.”
you gently wack her head, “hey! be nice to the person who’s making you look halfway decent.”
she scoffs, “what do you mean, i look fully decent.”
you roll your eyes, “if you say so.”
“were you always this mean to me? i swear you were nicer as my girlfriend.”
you fake offense, “guess you’ve been demoted from nice girlfriend to regular friend.” you shrug.
she shrugs, “i think i prefer nice girlfriend to be honest.”
you tense at her words, not responding as you continue to fix her hair.
the record store was nice, half the time was spent helping ellie find a vintage nirvana record and watching her poorly attempt to flirt with keira. towards the end of the day, ellie invited keira over to your guys shared apartment to show her record collection.
“didn’t you get me this one?” ellie asks, showing you the foo fighters record.
you nod, “yeah for your birthday last year.”
she turns back to keira, “oh yeah, she got me this for my birthday and it was the best gift ever. she’s such a good gift giver, like the best.”
ellie continues showing the rest of the records to keira before she tells her that she’s ready to go to bed.
you shove her shoulder, “ellie it’s only nine at night, what do you mean you’re ready for bed.”
“talking about records tire me out.” she shrugs.
“bye keira, it was nice to meet you!” you say as she heads out the door.
she smiles and waves, “you too.”
as the door closes you turn your ellie, “she’s nice, i see why you like her.”
her eyes widen, “wow im surprised.”
“surprised?” you question.
“yeah, thought you’d go all jealous ex on her.” she laughs.
you dramatically place a hand over your heart, “wow, i’m sad you think so low of me.”
ellie and keira start to hang out more, you end up hearing all about it though ellie. after every “hangout” she comes and sits on your bed, telling you about everything they did together.
once night, ellie came into your room with a small bunch of flowers in her her hand, excitement beaming off her.
you giggle at how giddy she was, “what’s got you so happy?”
“keira asked me to be her girlfriend!” she says, holding out the flowers keira gave to her.
you smile, “aw that’s so cute.”
she climbs on your bed as she starts to tell you exactly what happened, not leaving out a single detail.
you were happy ellie found someone, you were worried that she wouldn’t move on after the breakup. insisting that you were the love of her life and no one else could replace you. she begged to get back together for a while until she realized that it wasn’t what you wanted, the last thing she wanted was for you to be unhappy.
after keira and ellie started dating, you saw keira around more often. ellie would invite her along when you two would go places, wanting you to get to know keira. you were important to her, she wanted you to like whoever she was dating.
soon enough you became friends with her, she’d often call you to ask for help when it came to things with ellie.
“wait which comic was her favorite?” keira asks through the phone.
your phone is pressed against your ear as you look for ellie’s keys, she lost them again. “the nineteen ninety eight amazing spider-man comic, that’s the only one she doesn’t have. i’ve been looking for it for years and i’ve been able to find it, hopefully you’re able to find one. she’ll love it so much.”
“thank you, i’m gonna start looking for it.” her chipper voice rings through the phone.
“no problem, hopefully you can get it. bye keira.” you say, walking into ellie’s room to hand her the keys.
“bye, thanks again.” the phone hangs up.
ellie turns around in her chair, getting up to take her keys from you. “who was that?”
“keira, she just had a quick question for me.” you say, turning around to leave her room.
“oh okay, see you later.” she says, watching as you leave her room.
the following weekend, keira threw a surprise party for ellie. it’s a small party, a few of their mutual friends together at their local bar.
ellie was having a great time, she was drinking and dancing with her friends. she was there with her girlfriend, everything was perfect. at least it should be. an hour into the party something felt wrong, she brushed it off and continued partying. as the night went on she couldn’t help but feel something missing.
it was you. you two always spent birthdays together, even after you broke up the tradition still stood. it didn’t feel right not having you by her side on her birthday.
a few more drinks later and she already had her phone in hand, pulling up your contact.
i miss you, wish you were here rn
she hit send before putting her phone away and heading back over to keira. wrapping an arm around her shoulders, she leans in the whisper in her ear. “i’m going to head out, i’m getting pretty tired.”
she turns to ellie, planting a kiss to her lips. “okay, get home safe.”
ellie says her goodbyes to everyone else before heading back to her apartment. the whole walk back, she’s thinking about you. you’ve suddenly consumed her mind, she hasn’t thought about you like that for weeks. maybe it was the alcohol that caused the feelings to resurface or maybe she knew deep down she would always feel a certain way about you. that she was still in love with you.
the apartment door slamming loudly pulls you away from the book you’re reading, “ellie?”
you see her before you can hear her, she walks into your room. her steps slightly faltering as she makes her way towards your bed. “hey.” her voice low.
“are you drunk?” you question.
“maybe.” she giggles, dragging out the e.
you raise an eyebrow, “aren’t you supposed to be at your surprise party?”
”yeah, but i wanted to come back. it didn’t feel right celebrating my birthday without you there.”
“so that was what the i miss you text was about, i thought you were about to confess your undying love.” you laugh.
her face falls slightly, “well… i wasn’t going to say it over text but i kinda am.”
you blink, a confused expression on your face. “ellie you can’t be serious.”
she begins speaking, rushing through her words. as if she spoke fast enough you wouldn’t hear her. “i’m sorry- but i kinda realized earlier that i still have feelings for you, i know we broke up but i'm lowkey still into you. i still love you.”
you’re quiet for a moment, not knowing how to respond.
“do you feel the same? do you still love me?” she asks, her voice low and cracking slightly.
ellie takes a breath, looking at you like she’s deciding what to do next. her eyes are on yours, leaning in her lips connected with yours. the kiss is soft, quick before you pull away.
your hands rest on her shoulders, “ellie- stop this is wrong. you’re with keira, we can’t do this.”
she frowns, “why not, i still love you and by the way you kissed me i think you are too.”
“you’re drunk, we can talk about in the morning when your head is clear okay?” you gently push her away from you.
she mumbles a quiet okay before heading to the door of your room.
before she walks through the door, she quietly says. “i meant what i said, i still love you.”
ellie felt nauseous, not from the severe hangover but from the memory of last night. her drunk, in your bedroom, telling you she’s still in love with you.
too scared to face you, her bed became her hiding spot. laying under her many blankets, staring at the ceiling and thinking about how to avoid you for the rest of her life.
her phone buzzing pulls her attention away from the ceiling, a text from keira asking if they’re still going on their date tonight. ellie let out a quiet groan, having forgot about the date they planned.
ellie got up silently, guilt rising inside her as she started to get dressed. she already felt terrible for last night, the thought of having to see keira after telling her ex girlfriend she was still in love with her made her feel even worse.
on her way out she saw you sitting at the kitchen table, eyes focused on your computer. ellie’s face reddened as her eyes were fixed on you, you looked so pretty when you were concentrating. before ellie’s thoughts could wonder further she quickly grabbed her things and left.
you watched as ellie left the apartment, that was the first time you saw her since last night. the whole day you avoided ellie, pretending that last nights conversation didn’t happen. you knew not to get your hopes up, ellie was drunk and even though she said she meant what she said you knew she probably didn’t.
after the breakup you tried moving on, seeing other people and going on dates. you tried surpressing the remaining feelings you had for ellie, it worked for a while up until keira entered the picture.
you’d be lying if you said you didn’t still have slight feelings for ellie. you didn’t realized how you felt until her and keira started dating. seeing her move on with someone else made the feelings you had for her come right back.
you continued on with the rest of your evening, providing distractions to pull your mind away from ellie.
ellie showed up to the restaurant five minutes early, keira’s favorite flowers in hand. she anxiously awaited for keira to show up, constantly wiping her clammy palms on the sides of her jeans. when keira arrived she greeted ellie with a hug and a kiss, happily taking the flowers from ellie.
the date went well, ellie did everything right. opening the door, pulling out keira’s chair, showering her with compliments. their conversations were great, keira constantly making ellie laugh with her funny jokes.
“you’re staring.” ellie says, letting out a quiet laugh.
keira shrugs. “i’m not staring, just admiring.”
a blush covers her face at keira’s words, “you’re admiring me?”
she laughs, rolling her eyes. “can’t a girl just admire her girlfriend?”
“i’m not complaining.” ellie says, holding her arms up in defense.
the rest of dinner went smoothly, although ellie was internally panicking. it hadn’t fully hit her until now that keira was her for real girlfriend, meaning as long as they were together she wouldn’t be able to have you as her own. that realization hit her hard and she was torn on what to do.
she managed to hide the silent battle going on in her head for the rest of the night. as they began to wrap up ellie decided it was the right time to end things with keira. she didn’t want to string keira along for any longer when she knew her heart still belonged to you.
ellie’s walking keira to her car when she breaks the news. “i’m sorry.” she says, looking down at her shoes.
“for what?” keira asks. her voice is low, like she knows what’s coming.
her voice is quiet as she speaks, “i’m sorry to do this but i think it’s best if we end things. i know this is horrible timing but it feels wrong to continue this when my heart isn’t fully in it, it’s not fair to you and you deserve someone who’s fully committed.”
“it’s okay, i could tell your heart was somewhere else and i get it, i wasn’t over my ex at one point too.” she laughs.
ellie’s face cringes, “was it that obvious?”
“yeah, you look at her like she hung the stars and the moon.”
she awkwardly scratches the back her neck, “i’m really sorry, i wish i could’ve been a better girlfriend for you.”
“ellie it’s okay i promise.” she says leaning in to give her a hug.
she pulls away from the hug, “thanks, see you around sometime i guess.”
“yeah see ya.” she says before hopping inside her car.
ellie lets out a sigh of relief and starts to head back home.
the door creaks slightly, causing you to look up from your computer. “i ended things with keira.” is the first thing you hear.
“ellie? what do you mean?” you ask.
she walks closer to you, “i couldn’t continue on with the relationship anymore, not when i wanted someone else.”
she pauses looking at you for a reaction, “i know you probably don’t feel the same or even want to hear this but i love you, and i don’t think i ever stopped loving you.”
it’s silent for a moment before you start speaking, “i don’t know ellie, i mean i love you too but why are you saying this? i thought we both agreed we’d be better apart.”
she sits down next to you on the bed, “you said that, i didn’t want that.”
you turn to face her, “then why did you agree?”
her eyes are glued to her hands as she speaks, “because that’s what you wanted and i wanted you to be happy but i know that’s not what you actually wanted.”
“how do you know that?” you question.
she looks up now, eyes focused on yours. “i know you and i know when you’re just saying things you don’t really mean.”
you look down at your lap, ellie was right you didn’t actually want to be apart from her. admitting that you still loved her was hard, hiding your true feelings is what caused your relationship to end.
as you kept thinking you decided that it was time to be honest about how you felt towards ellie. “i wanna try again.” is all you say quietly.
“our relationship?” she asks.
you reach out, placing your hand on top of hers. “yeah, i still love you as well and i want to make it work this time. i want you to be in my life again not as an ex or a friend but as my girlfriend.”
her eyes widen, “for real?”
you smile, “yes for real.”
her smile widens as she engulfs you in a hug, sending both into the pillows. “yay! i missed you so much.” she says, sitting up and leaning down to give you a soft kiss.
“me too, and i promise we’ll make it work this time. i don’t want to lose you again.” you say, looking into her eyes.
“me neither, i love you so much.” she says kissing you again.
a/n: sorry for not posting anything for like a week ☹️ anyways, hope yall enjoyed!🪿
