i wish he would come down from heaven & kill every instagram fitness liquid diet ozempic green juice low calorie food blogger
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@greenbeanmill
i wish he would come down from heaven & kill every instagram fitness liquid diet ozempic green juice low calorie food blogger
*kicking my feet n giggling* you're kinda scary
i can't imagine a world in which i haven't put this video on my page
"it's time to surface, (unintelligible, possibly "back to people), the vacation is over. oh blyat, a grenade. what sort of moron keeps the...-boom-"
Can't help but appreciate how well the body language translates through VR.
The frantic head turning while looking for a place to stash the grenade, the double take as they realize the drawer they chose was FULL of grenades, and the "WTF" hand gesture as they point in disbelief at the drawer full of grenades? Chef's kiss.
POV you’re Wile E Coyote
No translation neccessary
let me. innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
tamagotchi pancakes ive made ^_^
one time i was having sex and i was going “i’m yours i’m yours i’m yours” and then my partner stopped all of a sudden and said “can we talk about new kinks before we introduce them during sex” and i was like yeah what but it turned out she thought i was saying im a horse im a horse im a horse
there was an incident at work today
Children near a magical wood catching bugs and their family are like. Please do not catch pixies and small fae and bring them into our home. They are sentient and they are intelligent
And the kids are like "but they get into our bug traps" and "we didn't catch him he followed us home"
And their parents are like. Please i do not believe that 6 fucking pixies smuggled themselves into our garage on the underside of your bicycle saddle and then set up shop in the old dolls house. These are living beings they're not toys it's not kind to treat them like this
And the kids are like we are NOT treating them like anything you said we're not allowed to trap them and they always get into our traps so we always run away when they see us and then they follow us and get inside our backpacks and stuff
And the parents are like
Stop lying!!!
And then they set up wildlife cams and not only can pixies apparently do all of that and are very desperate to hang out with these human kids (who have fun life-sized toys and are covered in wonderful things like glitter and are a free source of fresh bugs and pop tart crumbs)
But they can also like. Fully just pick locks and shit.
Setting up little cameras and having to come to terms with the fact that not only are these small fae initiating every interaction with the kids but have also taken their cat's side in the war against pigeons and keep riding it into battle
The fae quickly realise the camera is a camera, and just as quickly invent silent movies
Each intertitle card has been crafted from words cut out of other writing, so a piece of paper looking like a ransom demand states "BuT Hoo wil SAVE the Dams3l?" is pulled away to reveal a doll tied to train tracks
Imagine that one day as you're walking on a hot sunny path, your hat jumps off your head and lands into a muddy ditch. And you look at your muddy hat and ask it: "What did you do that for?"
"I don't want to be a burden anymore", your hat answers. "You are always carrying me around, and I can't carry you. That's not fair."
"I don't mind carrying you, little idiot", you tell your hat, "you hardly weight anything at all, and you shelter me from the sun."
"But that's different", your hat protests. "I don't mind the sun scorching on me. That happens anyway. It's literally no trouble for me to shade you too."
"Just the same it's no trouble for me to carry you. But now, because you wanted to stop inconveniencing and bothering me, I am now hatless and you are in the dirt."
hello Aesop; how's the underworld been?
Every day I wake up and Hades kicks me in the nuts.
clawns
The fact that this is completely incomprehensible to me makes it funnier than if I could understand it
skill issue. i understand it completely
sorry to tack on but i have a folder full of these images bc i collect ones that make me laugh, MY TIME HAS COME
@zoethesportsblog
a few of my favorites
a new one just dropped
had to add a couple favs from my personal collection
had to add these bangers
Something to keep in mind…. building muscle is so hard people compete to see who can do it best. If you’re a woman worried about “getting bulky”, i promise you that you cannot achieve that physique by accident. Now go lift weights to increase your bone density & protect yourself from osteoporosis and improve your insulin resistence and eat a fiber + protein dense meal with some carbs to refuel and fat for satiety + energy 🫵
trans women this goes double for you especially the part about eating 🫵 you are not immune to your bones becoming tapioca in your old age pick up the weights and the fork sister we’re all gonna build our new bodies if i have anything to say about it
we are never going to be free until it literally doesnt matter whether a person is ugly or not
do you have a hobby that's expensive as fuck
yes
no
all of them
absolutely 0!!!!
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