Y’all rinse ur bread?
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@gregheffley739-blog
Y’all rinse ur bread?
bruh the only time a man should have an abortion opinion is if he’s pregnant
My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.
do they smoke weed?
Yes, actually.
you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?
It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)
They don’t look like they smoke weed.
Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.
Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.
I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING
Well that escalated quickly……
What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*
haha oh my god
who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes.
love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE GIRLFRIENDS”, “THEY ALL KISS ME”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”.
and let’s not forget the “Blaiz” and her “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”.
“the goo pile that is now your body”
i’m dying over here, jesus
please, Jory, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.
*shoots you dead* Heh, idiot… *leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*
this dude playin omg
Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you. I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.* Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*
damn CNN tried to get #AskACop trending but it backfired completely and twitter isn’t holding back
I L I V E
AU: President Obama falls for part white house intern part rockstar Harry Styles. Obama surprises Harry in the audience of one of his shows and the affair blossoms from there.
Please get this off my dashboard right now immediately
this is the best post on this website
Mingus Reedus
The holy trinity
Pokemon is coming to Nintendo Switch in 2018
why is he sitting like a 14th century monarch
he is one
tell me why i found this ad in my local newspaper with this man on it
its been over a year and i still dont understand
it has been over two years and i still dont understand meat clown. i have been contacted and notified that this ad has appeared in other parts of the pacific northwest. i dont know who he is but he haunts me
Can’t believe this legendary post managed to get better
More of the best memes at http://mountainmemes.tumblr.com
This is so fucking funny
I’ve been scamming the Dominos app promotion where you take a picture of any pizza for free points. For three weeks in row, not only has their shitty camera always interpreted any photo of my cat as pizza, I always tell them it was “the worst I’ve ever had” and “made at home”.
Excuse me @crooked-fingers may i see a picture of your cat plz? This sounds genuinely awesome.
And I just love cats
Here he is, the Pizza Boy
And so it continues
Mmmm, another week, another delicious pizza.
That’s all, folks. Six cat pictures within six weeks, and for a total of 60 Dominos points, redeemable for a medium 2-topping pizza of my choosing. I will be getting pepperoni and chicken, mine and Charlie’s respective favorites. He will be given many tiny pieces of chicken for being a perfect little model pizza boy, and also for aiding me in tricking a multimillion dollar company into giving me free food. Thanks for giving him the love and attention you all have given this post! He’s gonna try to stay humble.
GUYS REBLOG THIS THIS COULD FEED A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO NEED A MEAL
This also works with pictures of pizza. So if you take a picture of an image of pizza from a computer or other phone it works. That’s how I did it!!
@thanks-a-maxamillion
You know, probably my favorite part of the movie Hercules, besides all of the horridly inaccurate mythology and fun gospel music, is that Hercules was already super strong and didn’t need to work out. Phil just made him work out for the Hero Aesthetic™
Skinny arms don’t cut it, kid.
Only big arms will get you an action figure.
Never mind that you’ve been lifting houses since you were a toddler.
Phil knew hercules needed to be thicc
See, you understand.
Hang on
What if it was actually Phil protecting Hercules?
Like yes he’s strong without having the muscles and everything but that’s only because he’s a god…
What if Phil gave him actual strength? So if his god strength was taken away (i.e. hades taking it away) he would still be able to fight?
He wouldn’t have a weakness like Achillies.
He really would be perfect
But also consider hades reaction to him taking away his god strength and Hercules is just standing there like yeah okay I’m just gonna fight you and hades is like losing his shit cause that was not how this was supposed to go
Phil also taught him and helped him train his hero skills. Hercules was strong, but his strength was aimless and did more harm than good. Phil taught him how to use his abilities to actually help people and not fuck up as much.
respect Phil
shipping is disgusting you should all be ashamed of yourselves
MY VENMO ACCOUNT GOT FROZEN WITH ALL OF MY FUCKING MONEY IN IT!!! I NEED HELP, NOW I HAVE NOTHING!!!
PLEASE USE MY PAYPAL!!!! I’m so fucking devastated!!! I can’t even afford food now !!! Let alone meds , my upcoming appointment.
I’m so fuckimg upset I’m crying idk what to do now
https://cash.app/$YvesOrage
https://www.paypal.me/YvesOrage
I NEED YOUR HELP NOW MORE THAN EVER. NOW I HAVE NOTHING
I used the last of my funds for my appointment today and transportation!!!!! Please help me !!
im stuck in a situation so please boost this and my links, thank you
I have nothing now, at the worst time in my life. Fuck venmo. I need to survive
‼️VENMO FROZE MY ACCOUNT WITH ALL OF MY EMERGENCY MONEY IN IT SO I NOW HAVE NOTHING! TOMORROW I HAVE TO GO GET MY MEDS THAT ARE 400$!!( w online discounts) IF YOU CAN DONATE ANYTHING ID APPRECIATE IT AND BE SO GRATEFUL, I NEED THESE MEDS TO SURVIVE‼️thank you !!
https://www.paypal.me/YvesOrage
Please BOOST!!
‼️I HAVE NOTHING NOW‼️
IM CURRENTLY WORKING ON GETTING ASSISTANCE BUT THAT TAKES TIME‼️ I JUST GOT A DISABILITY LAWYER BUT I DONT EVEN GET TO SEE HIM FOR TWO WEEKS AND THE PROCESS TAKES MONTHS, EVEN W A LAWYER!! MY EMERGENCY FUNDS WERE FROZEN BY VENMO AND I HAVE NOTHING NOW TO SURVIVE ON.. NOTHING FOR RENT, MEDS, FOOD, TRANSPORTATION, OR MY MEDICAL APPOINTMENTS (some for getting assistance ironicall) ‼️
SO PLEASE IF YOU’RE IN AN OK PLACE TO DONATE WHATEVER YOU CAN, EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING COUNTS ‼️! I just had to pick my medication over food this month. IM WORKING MY ASS OFF ON GETTING ASSISTANCE BUT THIS TAKES TIME ! BUT IN THE MEANTIME I HAVE NOTHING !! So PLEASE share and boost my links !!!!!! This is all I have right now.
https://www.paypal.me/YvesOrage
‼️I NEED YOU HELP‼️IM TRYING MY BEST AND HUSTLING BUT ITS NOT ENOUGH! I WANT TO SURVIVE AND DESERVE TO SURVIVE. I APPRECIATE ALL OF YALL ♥️♥️
‼️I have a disability lawyers appointment coming up and a doctors appointment this month, if I could get ANY help I’d really appreciate it. I’m really desperate but I promise I’m calling everyday to try and get help / resources!!! I don’t have rent for this month, and I don’t have money for food, so PLEASE HELP!! ‼️
its been years and yet that stupid amnesia the dark descent video, the classic milky ways one, still fucking influences my speech
“u know that feel when no gf” no actually i dont because im a MANLY MAN who plays SEVERAL sports am i right my fellow sportsmen
name all seven sports
ball throw
ball catch
ball run
ball kick
shoot ball
dong touch
memes
get fuckin wrecked
“After learning my flight was detained 4 hours, I heard the announcement: if anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic, please come to the gate immediately. Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there. An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress, just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly. Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her problem? We told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she did this. I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly. Shu dow-a, shu-biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick, sho bit se-wee? The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used—she stopped crying. She thought our flight had been canceled entirely. She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late. Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him. We called her son and I spoke with him in English. I told him I would stay with his mother until we got on the plane and would ride next to her—Southwest. She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it. Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and found out, of course, they had ten shared friends. Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours. She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering questions. She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—and was offering them to all the women at the gate. To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California, the lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies. And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—non-alcoholic—and the two little girls from our flight, one African American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice and lemonade, and they were covered with powdered sugar, too. And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands—had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing with green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere. And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought, this is the world I want to live in. The shared world. Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped—has seemed apprehensive about any other person. They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women, too. This can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.”
— Naomi Shihab Nye (b. 1952), “Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal.”
easy pete you son of a bitch, there isn’t a sign on this earth that could deliver you from my fury
i never stop laughing at this fucking post