If the tide takes California, Iâm so glad I got to hold you.
AN: So Iâve been listening to âTill forever falls apartâ by Ashe and FINNEAS for the past two days and I needed to write something based on it. go listen to the song because I love it and i wanna hear what others think!!!!
Oct 31, 1981
The sky over Godricâs Hollow was an inky black, with thick clouds rolling overhead. Despite the horrors that had happened not long before, the small town was comfortably quiet, the sound of Hagrid riding away on his motorcycle having faded away into nothingness. Sirius felt a pang of guilt as he thought of Harry, as his godfather he should have stayed with him, shouldâve made sure he was somewhere safe. There were more important things to do right now, though.Â
His footsteps echoed of the pavement as he walked away from the ruin that was once James and Lilyâs home. Sirius Black, usually lead by emotion, who never gave his plans a second thought before jumping in, was completely composed. Calm. Perhaps you could say this was the calm before the storm, but Sirius knew what he was doing, and he knew it was right. Thatâs not to say he wasnât feeling anything at this particular moment, because oh god was he feeling everything right now. But, unlike when he let his anger and his pain take control of his actions as a kid, now his grief and heartbreak and unbridled rage bubbled under the surface, not yet taking control.Â
He thought of Remus as he walked towards Peterâs flat. He was out on a mission, had been for 2 weeks now, there was no way he could have known what had happened, or what was going to happen. Sirius felt such a sense of longing when he pictured his boyfriend that it was almost enough to turn around right then and let the aurors handle this. Almost.Â
âOut on our own, dreaming in a world that we both know is out of our control.â
Sirius thought about how naive they had been to believe all of them would see the other side of this war. Now it seemed only one Marauder would survive it. He didnât want to die, but he felt certain that as long as Peter didnât survive either, all would be well. He hoped that maybe Peter would go without a fight, he knew this was unlikely.Â
âBut if shit hits the fan, weâre not aloneâ
He started to dread every step he took. Every step closer to Peter meant another step farther away from his future with Moony, from his future where they raised Harry, and everything was okay. Remus was going to think this was his fault, Sirius realized with a jolt. How had he been so stupid as to mistrust Remus? Remus, who held him and took care of him when he had missions go wrong. Remus, who kept his secrets and never judged him. Remus, who had forgiven him for every stupid thing heâd ever done. Sirius knew he didnât deserve forgiveness for believing he was the traitor.Â
âCause youâve got me and you know, that Iâve got you and I knowâ
Peters flat came into view, and Sirius knew that the only way anyone would believe his innocence was if he could get Peter to the ministry to admit the truth.Â
As he drew closer to the building, he caught sight of Peter slipping out the side door with a duffel bag in hand. His heart leapt in his chest, relieved to have found his target. In the moment, it doesnât seem odd to have found Peter so easily, it doesnât seem planned. Sirius quickened his pace, drawing his wand as he followed Peter down an alleyway.Â
Peter walked purposefully, but Sirius caught up to him easily. They had just reached the other side of the alley, which opened up into a busy road when Sirius grabbed Peter by the shoulder and forcibly turned him around. When Peter met his gaze, his expression was not one of fear, like Sirius had been expecting. Nor was it one of regret.Â
Peter looked pleased, smug even.Â
It was only half a second, a smirk, and an aura of confidence coming from someone who normally reeked of fear and cowardice. This is when Sirius realized he has made a grave mistake. Suddenly Peters demeanor changes, he takes a step back, away from Sirius.Â
âYou killed James and Lily Potter!â He screeched, the busy street all but came to a halt.Â
âIf the tide takes California, Iâm so glad I got to hold youâ
Sirius knew this is not ending in his favor, heâd been played. He knew he will not see Remus again. And as Peter causes a scene on the street, yelling and pointing at Sirius, making accusations that couldnât be farther from the truth, but that will be believed by everyone in the wizarding world by tomorrow, Sirius thought of Remus.Â
He thinks of them at home, in bed, Remusâs gangly long limbs cradling Sirius as they sleep. The smell of cigarette ash, and chocolate. The heat of his body, like a furnace, keeping the cold air from the window at bay. He thinks of kissing his scarred flesh until his blonde eyelashes flicker open in the mornings. Why hadnât he been more grateful for the time theyâd had together.
âAnd if the sky falls from heaven above, I know I had the best time falling into loveâ
His world turned into red ash, Peter has fled, leaving only destruction, dead bodies, and a finger in his wake. Sirius finally broke. His laughter poured out of him, echoed through the street.
âWeâve been living on a fault line, and for a while you were all mineâ
It had only been a matter of time until things all blew up, he had already known this. The war had been getting worse and worse each day, the Order had been getting progressively smaller. Sirius shouldâve known it would be his life that fell apart in the end, thats just how it went for him. He shouldâve known from the first day of this war that things would not end in his favor.
Things between him and Remus had been bad for months. Months of distrust, of resentment. He knew after tonight, Remus would never be able to believe that what they had was real. He would believe it was all a lie, just to get close to all of them so he could stab them all in the back. But his relationships with Remus and with James were probably the only things in his life that hadnât been lies.
âIâd spend a lifetime giving you my heartâ
As the aurors stun him and tie him up, Sirius only wishes they had had more time. He longs for Remus and James.
âI swear that Iâll be yours forever till forever falls apartâ
His thoughts of Remus are the last happy thoughts he has for 12 years.
âTill forever falls apartâ













