“he’s a steal at only $49.95!”
“i JUST. DROPPED. DEAD!”
“how many times are they gonna play that ad?”
“i don’t like it. and i’ll tell you why!”
“relax, it’s just a toy!”
“cabbage patch kids were just toys. and there were riots over those things. literal riots.”
“i wanted a salad, but now i have a child.”
“it’s just mania, ___. like a spell.”
“you brother-in-law’s a bit of a scrooge, isn’t he?”
“i’m done fucking things up. i just need this to work, okay?”
“he invited you over! he wants you to be a part of his life!”
“everything’s going to be okay. okay?”
“it’s 6:30 in the morning..”
“well, we haven’t put a label on it yet, so.”
“i don’t really like getting hit by cars anymore.”
“i do not get flashbacks! i remember bad things vividly.”
“i didn’t do it for you.”
“ski ball sucks!”
“i’ll try to be quick so you can get the hell outta here.”
“wow! great priorities, ___.”
“i don’t have a drill press! and even if i did, HOW WOULD IT FIT IN THE SEDAN?”
“you should have been in line last week.”
“last christmas, this kid lost more than any kid deserves.”
“this kid deserves to have one fucking things that he asked for.”
“i will be goddamned if he does not have a merry fucking christmas. and a happy new year!”
“anything he wants, he can have it.”
“someone’s gotta pay for it.”
“he used to like cars.”
“i couldn’t hold him still to teach him guitar.”
“all i need is some time.”
“all i need is a break from the madness.”
“after all, you’re my son..”
“he still lights up a room.”
“there’s no ending in sight.”
“there’s nothing i can’t fix.”
“i don’t say it enough.”
“i’m scared you blame me for your luck.”
“there’s no end to how much i love..”
“i’d give up both of my arms to keep you on track.”
“all i need is a smile.”
“our lives have just begun.”
“hey, does your mother know you smoke?”
“how does it feel to be a role model?”
“that’s not a very fair thing to say.”
“school’s supposed to prepare you for the work place, and i have a job.”
“yeah, well. if i don’t support my drinking habit, who will?”
“you just gonna leave your car there?”
“do you know why they call it black friday?”
“well, well, well. hello, naughty list!”
“you know, you got a real attitude problem.”
“i know this is hard for you, but try to keep up.”
“peace on earth and lots of money!”
“we’ll see who’s laughin’ by the end of the day.”
“hey, come on, it was just a goof!”
“oh, i must have forgot ‘cause i’m so stupid!”
“do i gotta put a leash on you like a dog or my cousin?”
“oh great. now we gotta talk to the imaginary spider from outer space.”
“can you translate? i don’t speak crazy.”
“see this hat? it was gifted to me by a great warrior. don’t you fuckin’ laugh.”
“i’d make a great dad, i’m just saying.”
“SEVEN FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS?!”
“MY MOM’S A BITCH!”
“it beats being broke.”
“that’s not how cameras work, babe.”
“i’d say you did your best, but i’m not a liar.”
“we get it ___, you’re a good speller!”
“don’t write, don’t call, don’t ask.”
“you’re not to step within a thousand feet of a cinnabon, ___!”
“hold on, ___ is accosting me! YES, call the police!”
“that’s called a bribe, sir, and it’s illegal! or it should be.”
“do you really think your children are better than everyone else’s?”
“i hope you don’t get a ___. i hope you FUCKING DIE.”
“well, my children were accidents. you don’t see ME pushing my problems onto everyone else.”
“they knew what was happening, they just.. didn’t care.”
“oh stop crying, ___! i wasn’t talking to you!”
“i think they dated in highschool.”
“it’s called PTSD.”
“what do you say when years have passed?”
“oh my god, it’s a trainwreck!”
“you don’t have half of a chance, bitch.”
“i missed you.”
“they still love eachother.”
“only one of us is getting a steal.”
“if you spend money, your kids will love you maybe.”
“us capitalists, we are honest.”
“we’re not liable for anyone who dies!”
“i’ll gladly take your money now.”
“your net worth is in my back pocket.”
“give us your fucking money!”
“you should be ashamed of yourself, you disgusting little pervert!”
“I’M IN A HURRY!”
“get ready for audits! audits up your ears! audits in your yin yang. audits in your wazoo!”
“OOOH, RIGHT IN THE SUBPOENA!”
“fuck you!!!”
“show me the money, people!”
“if he gets one, then i want four!”
“it’s my fucking money to spend!”
“you never should settle for a lifetime that is handed to you.”
“there’s always a line to be cut and someone to barrel through.”
“take what you want, return what you get.”
“I’LL KILL YOU ALL!”
“do you have a death wish?”
“it’s all i need and all i came for.”
“it’s something that i can’t resist.”
“the price i pay will be discreet.”
“this is not a type of place where you can haggle, sir.”
“i’m gonna find you at school, cram you in a locket, and fart in it!”
“ain’t you been told not to hang around this mall?”
“i thought i could get us in.”
“i know you’re nervous to leave home. but you gotta trust me. it’s gonna be so much better for you once you’re outta there.”
“hey, what’s with that grammar? even i know it’s ‘more badder’.”
“i’ll get you to california, ___. then you don’t gotta cry so much no more.”
“give me the FUCKING DOLL, i’m in a hurry!”
“no, i’m not frightened! i’m annoyed!”
“*sobbing* I HAVE A HAIR APPOINTMENT TODAY!”
“i have pepper spray and i use it more than you can ever imagine!”
“i don’t know if you wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna fuck with me!”
“i wanna give you everything you ever desired!”
“i want what everybody wants. to be loved. is that a crime?”
“we all know that love is highly overrated!”
“why should you give when you can get?”
“YES I FUCKING SEE HIM!”
“it’s a goddamn uprising is what it is!”
“i need to understand what we’re dealing with here.”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
“I ORDER YOU TO HAND ME THAT FUCKING DOLL!”
“take one step closer to my friendy-wend and i’ll rip your fucking throat out with my teeth!”
“YOU’LL BE SCRAPING WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR KIDS OFF THE FUCKIN’ PAVEMENT!”
“hope you don’t mind if i let myself in.”
“that was a joke, sir.”
“behind the veil of the universe you perceive are entities both ageless and foul.”
“you’re going to have to come with me.”
“no need to raise the stakes.”
“there are monsters that live in your head.”
“there are forces in this world that mean you real harm.”
“it is the monsters who should live in dread.”
“look me in the eye now, sir!”
“it must be you.”
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