[healingmysubymind]

Blog is 18+.

I used to use this blog as a form of educating myself and others, as well as posting personals, and sometimes still do. Mostly it has turned into an expression of love for life :)

pronouns: she/her/as perceived

That is me in my profile pic!

I'm 25, and have been in kink for a few years, been on my healing journey for a much shorter amount of time but love mixing the two.

Demisexual/Aro/Pan/Queer

[free-my-mindd]

[desultory-suggestions]

Anxiety can make you feel disproportionately about many things. Maybe you made a mistake, and it’s ok to feel guilty or ashamed. But if it starts to overwhelm you, absorb you, leave you paralyzed, etc. that’s not normal. Spend time learning to release that intense and excess energy while allowing space for reasonable discomfort.

[roughribo]

Alright everyone in. All service submission and domination kinksters huddle up.

I don't have anything important to say, I've just always wanted to do that. On to your regularly scheduled tumblr post programming:

I know some service subs are really shy and quiet but I do think asking your doms "how may I serve you?" when you want to feel subbier is an awesome and electrifying thing to hear as a dom.

And doms, I'm going to need you to not make the answer to that question about sex every time. Service does not automatically equal sex unless you as a couple agree that's what you want that word/phrase to mean. And also it can get boring. Your sub is asking because they want to feel subbier for you.

So choose something for them to do that allows them to serve and genuinely meets a need for you. And don't be afraid to challenge them from time to time, they want to feel like they accomplished something for you, just be mindful of any limits.

A good rule of thumb is choosing a sexual answer when you don't have a need. For example: if I am a bit parched when my partner asks that, I'll tell them to get me a glass of water. If they come back with the water and ask me again and I don't have any immediate needs then perhaps I'll tell them to get on their knees.

And if there is actually nothing they can do for you in that moment, you smile and tell them you need their company and directly tell them where to rest. I personally like them sitting on the floor, leaning against my leg so I can pet their head and massage their shoulders while I continue what I'm doing.

Alright, break. Go get 'em, team!

[another-random-dom-4]

[weirdopositive]

feeling yucky but can't figure out why? then it's time for a CHECKPOINT!!!!!

have you ate today? drank water?

have you done something that makes you happy today?

have you showered/bathed?

have you had enough social time? what about alone time to recharge?

have you been sleeping okay?

have you taken your medication?

have you done any necessary productive tasks?

you can do this!!!!

[prose-n-scripts]

Transphobia is about to be signed into law in the UK. We can fight this.

I am begging the UK trans community and its allies to attend the Mass Lobby at Parliament on June 25th, 11am-4pm, organised by Trans Solidarity Alliance.

Mass Lobby for Trans Equality

Last year we broke the record for an LGBT+ mass lobby of Parliament. Will you help us break it again? Join us on 25th June 2026 to demand be

The new EHRC Code of Practice pushes trans people out of toilets, hospital wards, and community spaces. It normalises gender policing based on appearance and stereotypes. It becomes statutory guidance in the UK by the end of June.

Trans people are now legally their assigned gender at birth and must join gendered spaces accordingly, but if they are perceived as their lived gender, they can also be ejected from those spaces. The guidance says: either break the law, or don’t pass too well.

A mass lobby is where you invite your MP to discuss your concerns with you in-person. Ask your MP to:

Demand full parliamentary scrutiny, debate, and use their free vote on the EHRC Code of Practice.

Support any motions rejecting the EHRC guidance. As of June 4th, Labour MP Nadia Whittome has submitted a prayer motion - Early Day Motion 240.

Write to Bridget Phillipson, the Minister for Women and Equalities about our concerns

Your MP does not have to be an ally, they do not have to respond to your email for you to show up and greencard them (details below the cut.) What matters is that as many people as possible show up.

I cannot stress this enough: Showing up in person matters. It is much more effective than petitions, emails, and letters.

It is a horrible, stressful time, and I am so sorry if you're trans and live in the UK. But I was at last year's mass lobby and the line for greencarding alone stretched around the back gates. It was a record breaking mass lobby and made us impossible to ignore. Let's do even better this time. Details under the cut:

Worried about what to say? Bring your personal worries about transphobia being signed into law, and trans friends being excluded from public spaces. You are a living person who deserves dignity. Remind your MP of that. You will also get guidance and brochures from Trans Solidarity Alliance that outlines our demands. This is mine from last year.

Money issues? Trans Solidarity Alliance provides a travel bursary that you can sign up for via the link.

Got a refusal or no response from your MP?  Come anyway! You can request a same-day appointment with your MP through a process called greencarding. They will come and see you if they’re already in Parliament. Even if they don’t, they’re made acutely aware of your cause because you showed up in person. This is my greencard from last year.

Here is the EHRC Code of Practice in full. It's a tough read, but some highlights are:

Organisations can’t provide trans-inclusive, single-sex services, or they risk being sued for discrimination. e.g. domestic violence support for women including trans women, men’s rugby group including trans men (12.68).

Trans people will have nowhere safe to pee. If you’re a trans man, businesses can't allow you to pee in the men's, and you can also be ejected from women’s bathrooms if you’re perceived as a man. Vice versa for trans women. EHRC suggests a ‘third space’ bathroom, which is discriminatory and unworkable for most businesses. (13.130-133)

Sports organisations must exclude trans people from single-sex competitions (13.73).  A women’s only sports competition must exclude trans women because of their biological advantage or face potential lawsuits (13.74), but a trans man who has undergone testosterone treatment can also be excluded based on fairness rules (13.81).

Trans women are stripped of the legal definition of ‘lesbian’, and therefore no longer have legal protections if they’re discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation. (2.50, 2.92).

Here is the Good Law Project's better explanation of the EHRC Code.

I have also made a PDF printout of QR codes for the government petition, email your MP tool, and mass lobby link to pass around your communities. DM me and I'll send it to you.

[local-lesbian-tree-demon]

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

[partywithponies]

Strange racists and homophobes on the internet seem to have access to an alternate way cooler version of TV than me. "every white character on TV is in an interracial relationship" "every show has a gay couple in it" "main characters keep having to secretly be bisexual and nonbinary" "every show has gratuitous full frontal nudity" like damn promise?? What channel???

[urlocalpyshcopan]

as a black gay person real like where y'all be finding this stuff pass the name

[brainsforbabyjesus]

for real though, those DO NOT WATCH OR YOU'LL CORRUPT YOUR CHILDREN lists put out by conservative christian family groups is where I find all the stellar tv shows. Like, shit I didn't know half of those existed, thanks for finding them for me, gonna go watch 30 hours of gay tv now!

[infamousbrad]

I think I know how this works.

For personal context, before I went to the '98 Burning Man festival, one of the things I'd read from a couple different journalists was that "everybody" runs around naked. Which, fine by me, I'd already spent a lot of time in clothing-optional spaces, I'm not fanatic about it but it's nice.

So I got there early and set up a public shade structure on one of Black Rock City's main roads and spent most of each afternoon just watching the crowds go by. I don't remember seeing more than one actually naked person the whole week. I think a topless woman passed by my intersection maybe every half an hour, sometimes once an hour. So why in the hell were people, normally pretty smart and observant writers, coming away with the impression that everybody was naked?

Then I remembered an unrelated passage from Joel Garreau's great book about the history of the outer-ring suburbs, Edge City. Mall developers told him flat-out that they tried to keep the crowds in their malls less than 5% black. Not because they themselves were racist, but because they had determined, experimentally, that if more than 5% of the people in the mall are black, the median white shopper will wrongly describe the mall as at least half black, as mostly black. And not a few of them would describe it, at 6% black, as a mall where "only black people go." Why?

Because, emotionally, they were still upset over the last one when the next one came into view.

Same as the journalists describing Black Rock City as all naked. Same as the right-wing religious culture warriors describing television as entirely mixed-race and gender non-conforming. Not because it's even vaguely true, we know that, but because they haven't gotten over their discomfort over the last one by the time the next one comes along. The anger, not the stimulus, is the part that's continuous, so their mind lies to them that it's "all" the thing they can't get over.

[kagedtiger]

Similar effect for the presence/proportion of women in things, by the way: https://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/perception/how-17-equals-496-the-amazing-multiplying-women.htm

[aromantic-diaries]

"everyone should get more aromantic" can appeal to tumblr's sensibilities but I genuinely think everyone should also get more asexual. I don't mean everyone stop having sex, what I mean is

Sex is not essential. You can live without it. Full stop.

Not having sex isn't shameful or a sign of failure. It also doesn't make anyone boring.

You are not entitled to having sex with anybody and nobody is entitled to having sex with you.

Sex is not what makes someone an adult.

Nobody's worth is defined by how much sex they have or don't have.

Sex is not equally important to everyone.

You can have fulfilling and happy relationships without sex.

You should only have sex on your own terms, not because you feel like you owe it to someone, or because you feel like you'd be incomplete without it.

Know your boundaries around sex and be firm about them. Know how to respect other people's boundaries.

The previous point also applies when it comes to discussing sex. If someone doesn't wanna talk about it or hear about it you have to back down.

Anything can be sexual but not everything has to be sexual.

[leathersys]

so... we may have made something.

have YOU ever thought like this?????? i know WE hate the current plural diagnostics!!!! so! WE MADE OUR OWN!!!!!!!

it's 50 questions long, you can receive a total of 55 points!

Plural Checklist

*Due to how Google Forms is built, your "System Percentage" is shown as your amount of correct answers. Plural systems typically get a score

we are not doctors, do not take your result as medical advice.

feel free to reblog with your result!

Please read this reblog if you have a concern about the nature of the questions!!

[hug-your-face]

via @swatercolor [insta]

[hug-your-face]

This is the best tag I've ever received on a post, I think

[tslurcollective]

Leatherdyke archives

We've done a solid amount of digging on the internet over the past couple years and found scans of a bunch of important leatherdyke-related magazines, zines, books, etc. in a bunch of different places, in addition to our own work at collecting, cataloging, and scanning whatever materials we've been able to get our hands on. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but we wanted to post some links for people to find a lot of the materials we've tracked down. We do archival work to keep our history and culture alive and accessible. We highly encourage everyone who sees this to share this post widely, share the links around, send them to friends off tumblr, download all of these materials, repost them elsewhere (every online archive is at risk of being taken down without notice, so the more places things are, the better!), and just generally spread it far and wide!

So, here's a bunch of links:

Our archive, which we're continuously updating as we scan and prepare materials we've collected. If you tab over to "Lists", we've made a bunch of lists of other materials we think are important - including scans of Quim, Venus Infers, On Our Backs, a bunch of important leatherdyke books, and a full run of TransSisters!

Carta Monir's archive, with a couple things we put in our lists, and a bunch of cool trans materials

Digital Transgender Archive's Internet Archive page, where we found the full run of TransSisters. It's got a ton of trans fetish magazines, which can be tough to read at times but there's a lot of stuff to be found in there if you're willing to wade through it all. If you've seen chastity's Trans Leatherdyke History talk, a lot of that research came from these kinds of magazines

Middle and Ring has an extensive archive of lesbian materials sorted by topic, including a lot of important books, 12 issues of On Our Backs, etc.

A couple Flickr albums with incomplete scans of two issues of Quim

We have not been able to track down any scans of the original run of the BIPOC leather magazine Black Leather in Color (BLIC), but there is a revived version of the magazine first launched in 2024, available exclusively online on their website. At the time of this post, they've put out 4 issues

Fat Girl has been publicly archived in full (save for some images of people who have not consented to be included in the archived versions) on the Fat Lib Archive, with a wide range of accessible options to view its contents

The first 3 issues of DaemonumX's FIST zine are available for free download

Not a digital archive, but if you're interested in physical copies, the long-running leather shop ASWGT produced issues 18-39 of the leather periodical SandMUtopia Guardian, and you can order a full run of the issues they produced from their website. The website looks ancient and you might be nervous to order from them, but we can confirm they're still active - we ordered and received all of those issues! You can also order single issues from them. And while you're at it, order some gear from them! They've got really cool looking impact toys!

We'll try to update this periodically! There's certainly other places to find things - if you know of any we didn't post there, we'd love to hear about them! Put links in the comments or send them to us over DM - we'll add them to the list, or if for whatever reason you don't want them added we'd love to at least have access to it for internal archival purposes!

[000l]

[shrewreadings]

like to charge, reblog to cast.

[hypersexual-alter-culture]

Consent, and How it may work for Systems

Recently, an anon reached out to us asking about consent, which made us realize that we should make a separate post on how consent can work for systems as this is a very important topic that must be discussed within system spaces.

What is consent?

Consent, in this case, is the act of giving a verbal or gesture cue that signifies that you want to engage in different activities related to sex and physical contact and are okay with it. It is a mandatory step that must be taken before any sort of activity, which can include kissing, touching, giving or receiving head, penetration, BDSM, etc. While the act of consent can apply to any situation (for example, asking for someone’s consent to take a photo, asking someone if they are okay with answering a survey, etc), this specific post will cover consent in relationships and with the different activities that need that consent.

What difference exists on consent from a singlet vs a system?

Singlets are able to give consent without having to worry about their ability to consent. Systems however, may have to consider the symptoms of their disorder (alters, memory loss, possible trauma responses that may arise during activity, etc) before consenting to anything. This may not always be the case, and is often dependent on how the person with DID/OSDD may want to consent.

Some systems may be okay with letting the alter in front consent on behalf of everyone else (like a host consenting to sex on behalf of everybody without gathering consensus). Other systems may wish to only give consent if everyone in their system consents. What is important is to respect and abide by what the person wants to do when it comes to giving consent.

Why does this matter?

DID/OSDD systems are much more vulnerable than the average person due to the disorder impacting their memory, their identity, and how their trauma responses may affect aspects of their life. Consent may work very differently for them, and not having their partners understand that could result in them going through more traumatic experiences like SA. If your partner is a DID/OSDD system, communicate with them on how consent will work. Make sure to understand and respect what your partner may want to do in order to consent, even if it may cause you any inconvenience. No inconvenience is more important than your partner’s safety. If you need to ask every single alter, then you will do that. If you need to accommodate for an alter, you will do that. Communicate with your partner(s) about what can be done to ensure that the everyone is able to enjoy whatever activities you choose to indulge in.

Consent is voluntary, informed, specific, ongoing, and enthusiastic:

Voluntary: Consent must be given freely and not from pressure, threats, or coercion

Informed: All parties involved are fully aware of what they are getting themselves into

Specific: Consent for one act does not imply consent for other acts

Ongoing: Consent must be given continuously, it can be given or taken away at any time, even during the activity

Enthusiastic: Consent must be positive and direct. Silence, hesitation, or an ambiguous answer does not count. If its not a yes, its not a yes.

Following these key elements to consent can ensure a safe and pleasurable experience. Please be sure to abide by these universal guidelines whenever asking for consent from someone with DID/OSDD. Regardless of how they may choose to consent, these key principles must be applied.

If any one of these key principles was not met for any reason, then it is not consent.

We hope that this post helps you better understand consent more, especially in the case of systemhood. If for any reason you feel unsafe, reach out to someone if possible. If you are in an unsafe situation, please contact local authorities and/or helplines that can aid you with your situation. We hope that everyone stays safe! Our blog is a safe space for anyone who may need a place to vent or talk about their experiences.

[healingmysubymind]

I guess this is me both supporting and coming out as a system in the BDSM community and space 🤷

[despazito]

Are we calling women who read shitty harlequin romance novels porn addicts now?

If you read one paragraph of vintage victorian smut you'd hurl.

[despazito]

God forbid women read a lame book with sex

[despazito]

people have been writing fucked up erotica for hundreds of years. of all porn consumption habits to label as an addiction i think reading erotica books is like.. one of the least applicable examples and written erotica is one of the least exploitative forms of porn out there. stop pathologizing things that give you ick, you're allowed to just say you dislike something

[stormsbourne]

again I must stress that ten or more years ago mormon leaders put out a statement that reading romance novels was equivalent to porn addiction and both would send you to hell

you guys are not progressive you're just mormons in disguise

[susiephone]

"Oh you love action movies? you're not a movie watcher you're a violence loving sicko" <- how these people sound

[hollow-toy]

mutuals can always dm me but be warned i talk like your coworker who is trying too hard to get to know you and my response times are akin to the response times you might get if we were communicating by letter

[roycohn]

stop saying "gen z brought back bush-era purity politics" i grew up in the bush era and even then people weren't saying that you're a sex addict for having boring marital sexual congress in the same house as your children. this is just plain unhinged

[prof-grace-aspen]

Literally almost every millennial I know has a memory of accidentally walking in on their parents or hearing their parents having sex. It's fucking normal. Human beings have sex. Your parents fuck. Get over it. Being weird about it isn't healthy.

[whatsnewalycat]

I really loved Robert Evans’s response to this