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@herofromanothertimeline
"So, wake up, mr. Fremen. Wake up, and smell the spice."
I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:
—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.
—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.
—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money
—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them
—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa
—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them
—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in
Also drink water and eat a plant
This is all GREAT. I turned 40 last week, so permit me to add what I learned in my 30s:
keep on not working for startups
sometimes there comes a point where the thing (fandom, hobby, friendship, romantic relationship) you loved no longer brings you joy. And that’s okay. Try to mourn the loss, take joy in the memories, and don’t burn any bridges in case ten years go by and you find yourself back in that fandom/hobby/relationship again
it turns out that (ugh) moderate regular exercise is (spit) good for you. The sooner you make it part of your life, the easier it’ll be
related: if you throw yourself into a new exercise regime too hard and too fast, without stopping to rest or consider whether a particular move is good for you … well, shoulder injuries are painful and consults with orthopedic surgeons are expensive
knees are bastards too
don’t even get me started on ankles
there may come a time when your digestive system is too fragile for ibuprofin. I’m sorry
one day you’re gonna wake up and realise you no longer give any fucks about some things that used to bother you
on the other hand, you might be alarmed to realise what you still give a fuck about
never get down on the floor without an exit strategy for getting back up
I turn 50 this year. what I have learned in my 40s:
“loving yourself” is less of a feeling and more of an action. you can start doing it any time and it will make your life better and better as you go on
this will happen incrementally - be patient
along those lines, if you haven’t started making an active effort to quit shit-talking yourself, suck it up and do it
no, shut up. do it. “but it’s haaaaard!” don’t care. do it.
whether you like it or not, you are mortal and you need to go to the doctor for an annual checkup
stretch regularly - your future self will thank you
at some point you will encounter people much younger than you arguing passionately and incorrectly about history you personally remember and experienced
this will be infuriating and annoying
otoh, most other things just… will not matter to you as much
at some point you will shift from wanting to go out to being like “eh” and deciding to stay in. this is okay.
you will have absolutely no idea what The Youth are talking about and you will not care
but if you keep your mind open to new ideas you’ll never be irrelevant
your company still doesn’t love you - don’t give them more than they pay you for
get a fucking hobby, especially a hobby that involves physically creating/handling something and/or moving your body in physical space. it will do you more good than you can imagine
A few that are good to remember/learn at any age
sunscreen is really important. for all skin types. use it liberally
stay curious. try new things, learn new things, never stop.
there will be a time when you think “I’m too old to do/try/learn that” that is rarely true, you just might need to adjust your goals or tactics
Related to the above, here’s one I just learned a few weeks ago:
to prevent your digestive system becoming too delicate for ibuprofen, ALWAYS TAKE IT WITH FOOD! or at least a glass of milk! a doctor told me this very recently and I was SHOCKED because no one ever told me. TAKE IT WITH FOOD!!! your tummy will thank you
Related to the
above, here’s one I just learned
a few weeks ago:
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
"Madoka? [Knocks] Do you wanna sign a contract? Come on, let's go and play! I never see you anymore Come out the door It's like you've gone away
We used to be best buddies And now we're not I wish you would tell me why!
Do you wanna sign a contract? It doesn't have to be a contract..." "Go away, Kyubey" "Okay, bye..."
If you like piña coladas
And getting shot in the rain
I'm writing a book series that's pretty lengthy and sometimes I worry I'll die before I can get all my ideas on paper. Do you ever worry about that with your music? That you'll die and won't be able to get that idea out to the world before it is finished?
Imagine your consciousnesses a river, apt as it sounds - imagine the thoughts that protrude from your subconscious bits of debris washed ashore. What would an idea be in this instance, a nugget of gold found in the banks of such a river? maybe you got down deep into the stream and sifted the sands yourself until a nugget found itself in your basket. There are ways to actively seek these ideas out from such torrents of inscrutable consciousness, however chance always has some control in the matter of frequency - why should I worry when these nuggets will appear in my basket? Ideas and the way that they appear, the way they materialize on paper, it's all a process of laminar flow. Stressing out over such a thing only creates torrents.
if you don’t know the difference between a hare and a rabbit you’ve never gazed into the cold wild eyes of a hare and known that if it could speak it would speak backwards
Jack Rabbits are North American Hares and they’re the WORST to encounter at night becuase:
You all know how big a rabbit is. Jack Rabbits and hares are much bigger. they’re the size of large cats or small dogs or just-walking-age children.
They also like to hang out in gangs of a hlf dozen to over 30.
and in the middle of backcountry dirt roads.
perhaps they’re dustbathing
or blood sacrifce
I don’t know because when you come up the road at night because your dog has a tiny bladder and needs to go out at midnight and you have no yard so you’re walking him on the dirt road around your neighborhod because you might aw well get some stargazing in, and you come just over the ridge to see a coven of twenty jackrabbits in the middle of the road
and
they
all
stand
up
not just onto all fours like a proper prey animal
No they get up on thier hind legs and don’t just sit but STAND like tiny rabbit-skinned toddlers, wobbing slightly as they stare directly at you eyes shining in your flashlight’s glow
…Blood Red.
And a chill goes through you on that warm july night because while they’re a puntable size and allegedly herbivores they’re standing and watching you just like people and you are vastly outnumbered.
everyone freezes
you’re considering your odds aganst roughly 200lbs of Suspiciously Humanoid Hare
and they’re considering their odds against you
the only sound in the never-ending high desert wind
somewhere in your peripheral vision you can see the streetlights but they seem awfully far away
The nearest Jack Rabbit
Blinks
and takes a single shuffling step
forward
You area an overdevloped monkey and your prefrontal cortex is capable of some amazing feats but it runs very slowly compared to the reflexes of a rabbit and you’re frozen as you desperately scramble for the appropriate course of action, hands feeling thick and useless, mouth dry and feet imeasurably heavy there’s no way you’d outrun THESE, god there’s a rabies outbreak going around that shit’s not curable-
The Dog
L U N G E S
It’s only the briefest of movements but the animal you’d picked out for his gangly legs and floppy ears and goofy smile is suddenly a dark shape of muscle and teeth and had flung himself at the horrible goblin rabbits faster than mere physics should dictate, appearing in the circle of the flashlight for only the briefest of moments before the jolt from the leash makes you stumble and the light falters
The Jack Rabbits
Scatter
Vanishing into the faintly starlit sagebrush in as so many faint gray shapes that might be mistaken for the dustclouds they kick up
Later, you sit on the couch disquieted
and you wonder
If the sight of the Jack Rabbits standing and studying you was frightening enough to make you yearn for the safety of the yellowed streetlights
what must it be like from thier end?
what terrifying creature
deliberately ties itself
to something so horrible
As a Dog?
@gallusrostromegalus that last bit gave me such a strong mental image I absolutely had to draw it
WELL HOLY SHIT.
CONGRATULATE, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
is it ok if I print it out and stick it on the fridge?
HOLY FUCK THERE’S AN AUDIOPOST NOW.
I LOVE IT.
See this shit? This is why I love Tumblr
jurassic park but it's tiny elephants and nothing goes wrong 🥺
I suggest we differentiate between Childe’s three phases using these names: Childe Boey and Mahn
I and a group of random people were wanted by the police because we knew the location of some treasure (we didn’t, really). The dream ended after we found that treasure.
Months (if not years) later, I had the same dream, and halfway through I said, “Wait! I had this dream before! I know where it is!” And proceeded to head straight to the treasure hideout to get it out.
Fatui, an organization from Snezhnaya that is loyal to the Tsaritsa. Its Harbingers are on the hunt for the Gnoses.
Signora: Got your gnose!
Venti: What the fuck-
confession time! I know nothing
reblog if you wear glasses. too many mutuals don't know they have glasses wearers in their midsts
Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/disneyvacation/comments/75e1te/how_to_assert_dominance_using_only_whale_noises/