[theriverbeyond]

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

[ooppo]

At this point it's more disappointing than shocking that not a single assassin in the states can aim a fucking gun

[ooppo]

Not fucking really

[aqueerkettleofish]

For those who have missed it, a tourist in Hawaii decided it would be fun to chuck a rock (a BIG rock) at a monk seal. He missed, but he was captured on video, and when told it was illegal to interfere with them, said "I'm rich, I can pay the fine."

Is the best part that he got doxxed? No.

Is the best part that he got tracked down by a local and beaten? No.

Arrested on state at federal charges, looking at up to 5 years and 50K? Nope.

The best part is the local city council's reaction.

And the best part of that is the look on the attorney's face.

[ralfmaximus]

More of this please, everywhere.

After the incident, another video went viral showing what appeared to be that man getting a beating. The Maui Police Department said they had no record of any reports of disorderly conduct or assault related to the monk seal incident.

Even the local police are being cool about this.

[ozempicofficial]

[aureliagaming]

*coughs blood* youre all just jealous of my wound. yuore trying to make me get rid of it because you wish you had a wound this cool

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I see that "learned helplessness" is the hot new psychological term getting wildly misused. the phrase you're looking for is "weaponized incompetence," babes

[yellow-cat]

actually hate that the bodys response to anything is nausea. ate too much? nauseous. ate too little? nauseous. an imaginary threat got you scared? be nauseous. on your period? you guessed it. sawed into your hand and need to go to the emergency room? perhaps throwing up into your open wound will be of help

[hollowboobtheory]

this is gonna sound really bitchy but some people really need to learn to realize when someone isn't talking to them. if you don't like beans then the lady posting a bean soup recipe isn't fucking talking to you. if you dont like reading then the people who post about the books they're reading aren't fucking talking to you.

I wanna start saying "not you, rabbit ears" bc that's what my dad always said growing up but idk if the tone will come across.

[partywithponies]

Strange racists and homophobes on the internet seem to have access to an alternate way cooler version of TV than me. "every white character on TV is in an interracial relationship" "every show has a gay couple in it" "main characters keep having to secretly be bisexual and nonbinary" "every show has gratuitous full frontal nudity" like damn promise?? What channel???

[chillyfeetsteak]

this is what i mean when i type 👀 btw

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

For a city to be walkable. It must also be sittable.

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

#every time I read this phrase the same thing happens#I read it as shittable and go wait that can't be right#oh right they were talking about public benches that makes more sense#but public bathrooms available without fees should also be a thing tho#cities should definitely be shittable#it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME

it must also be shittable

[girlikeahole]

morning/night person is a false dichotomy because its impossible to have any energy at any point of the day

[haughtyraban]

“there’s an ai tool for that” okay ?? there’s probably an ed sheeran song for it too who gives a fuck

[ohlivish]

hey did ya'll know that ed sheeran is working on a series of 6 albums named after media player buttons and the first one released last year and the last one is to be released posthumously on the day that he dies

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about Ed Sheeran to prove otherwise

[knifefarty]

…huh

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

[partywithponies]

[partywithponies]

[caz-the-yarncromancer]

First time I see the full lyrics without it being take me to snurch (snail church)

[darrenpillowscriss]

What really makes this for me is that OP could have phoned it in on the chorus and just repeated the same fics, but no. They found a unique one every time. Class act.

[loveridden1999]

[milanesa42]

“The employees need a larger salary” “hmmmm large celery”