Honey, it’s ✨Goblin Time✨

petey - they/him - i am never on here unless the ‘tism strikes me so - i do art sometimes - writing is also fun Commissions: OPEN! https://ko-fi.com/heyitssnek/commissions

[heyitssnek]

!! PLEASE SHARE !!

My iPad is on its last legs, so I'm trying to get ahead of the curve and replace it before it fully craps out on me. Since I create the majority of my art on my iPad, it's how I make my livelihood!

In order to save the money to get a new iPad, (by which I mean, refurbished or used, I absolutely do not have the funds for a brand new one,) I'm having a COMMISSION SALE!!!

Featured commissions:

💥Profile Pictures - $20 (50% off typical price!!)

💥Character Reference Sheets - $30 (40% off typical price!) Add your D&D Character Stats for $10!

💥 Full Illustration (with background and up to 3 characters) - $100 (70% off regular price!!!!)

All of my other commissions are 40% off! If your commission is accepted, I will give you a code or invoice you for the lowered price. Want a commission? Shoot me a DM or go ahead and fill out the Commission Interest Form

Don't want a commission but still want to support me? Like and reblock this post!! Or donate to the new funding goal on my Ko-Fi page!

[heyitssnek]

HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY FROM THE TRANS OPOSSUM

[heyitssnek]

I am nothing without my friends.

I don’t mean that in a “I have to have people around me to find meaning in my self,” but in that I am made up of pieces of all the people I surround myself with. I am not unique to me. I still share vocabulary that I borrowed from my high school best friend’s mouth. I laugh like my brother and my mom. I hug the way I do because someone else hugged me that way once and I thought, “yeah, this is the right way to do it.”

I find meaning in the little memories that stay with me when the rest of the memory goes fuzzy. The laughter and joy and tears and sadness and food and song and love and life I share with my friends are what create every piece of my whole, every piece of my heart. The little interactions that I have with them, a simple message complaining about the homework for a shared class, running into each other to and from home and class and work, giving and receiving gifts, making food, making plans with the express idea of sharing them with other people. I am made of love, and I am made of my heart which I share with the people closest to me.

I am nothing without love, which is to say I am nothing without my heart, which is to say I am nothing without my friends.

[willgrahamscock]

[theebbestboy]

[a-sentient-cup]

[virtualgirladvance]

[sausaged-rat]

[wltsquareih]

AARRGH- <3

[hard-times-paramore]

Attack on @heyitssnek and @design-bug 's hobbit best friends!

Attack link

Perry Brandybuck link

Camomile Took link

[heyitssnek]

RAHHHHHH OMGGGGGG!!!! Our hobbitssssss ahhhhh 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[pomeg-glitch]

Baby’s first commission for @semiaquaticcat, who asked for a selkie Martin smooch for Jon! I had so much fun getting back to my roots and drawing my darling guys again :]c

If you’d like me to draw you something and support me too, my commissions are open over on my kofi! Come say hi!

[shurikthereject]

HAPPY YURI DAY YALL!!

To celebrate, me and an another creator decide to do a collab consisting of a ficlet accompanied by some art! Please enjoy the wonderful amazing and stunning fic with fembagginshield AND dragon!Thorin written by @belalubroski !!

Enjoy!

~

Bilbo whipped her head around, staring wild and wide eyed at her dear friend.

"No! Blast it all, Thorin! You can't leave! Not after everything!"

The dragon sighed and drooped her head so that they were nearly at eye level.

"Mistress Baggins…"

"No!" The hobbit shook her head vehemently. "You're yourself again! They can't make you leave, not after overcoming the sickness. And what you've done in the battle. It isn't right!"

Thorin's eyes grew dark, her next words dripping with self-contempt.

"Myself? I am not myself. I have not been myself since…Mistress Baggins, I have--"

"Bilbo."

"…Bilbo. I have failed. This form is now--It is my burden to bear. And for the troubles suffered by the men, it is their right to demand my departure. I will not dishonor myself further."

"Poppycock!" Bilbo threw her hands up, before bringing them to rest on the cool scales of Thorin's face.

"You're you again. It's…Your eyes. They are clear again. They are the ones I've grown to know and--erm. Ah. Anyway…you've fought off the sickness. And. And! If you go, I'll just go with you! Just. Give me some time to prepare and. And I'll come with you. I will not abandon you now. Not ever again."

A sharp intake of breath drew Bilbo's attention, and she gazed into Thorin's wide, cat-eyed gaze. It was ironic, she thought, to see her like this. Physically larger and more powerful than she's ever been, and yet, looking as though she could break under the hobbit's hands.

She ran her fingers gently down the side of her face, Thorin's responding growl sounding mournful and tender.

"My burglar, even now you find ways to surprise me. Your heart is worth more than I'll ever be able to repay--"

The dwarrow-drake was cut off by the press of the hobbit's warm lips to her cool scales. Her heart thudded sharply within her, and for a moment, there was only the sunlight of Bilbo's presence. Perhaps she was cursed to stay in this form. Maybe she'd never be the dwarf she once was.

Not in form. But she would learn to be okay with it, for Bilbo's sake. For if she was to forever be a dragon, she would be one that coveted not gold or jewels, but the shining heart of one Bilbo Baggins. She'd protect her. Care for her, however she could. Show her it would not be a mistake to follow her, stubborn hobbit that she was. She would….

She would….

Whatever remaining thoughts that ran through Thorin's mind were lost to the sudden darkness that overcame her.

~

It was the feeling of fingers detangling her hair which finally roused the dragon from her slumber. Thorin groaned and cracked her eyes open to find herself staring up at the open sky, the vision of a smiling, tear streaked hobbit hovering over her. Thorin furrowed her brow.

"For what reason have you to cry?" She asked, her throat feeling strange and dry. she lifted a hand, intending to caress the apple of her beloved's cheek, when the sight of her hand froze her midway. Her, strong, thick, hairy-knuckled, blessedly dwarven hand. Bilbo's softer and smaller ones met her halfway, and she pressed her large palm against her chest, where her heart was beating, strong and slow. Thorin melted and allowed herself to gaze with open longing into Bilbo's hazel eyes.

"You know," said the hobbit, her voice like harp-song on Thorin's rounded, very undraconic ears. "If that confounded wizard had simply told me all I'd needed to do was snog you a bit, you would've been a dwarf far sooner. Leave it to Gandalf. He always enjoys his mischief, even in times such as these."

"I love you."

Bilbo was caught off guard for only a moment before her grin widened and her cheeks flushed deeper.

"I love you too, silly old dwarf."

Bilbo then leaned down to kiss her again. A proper one, this time, filled with all the love and promise she could muster. When they finally parted, Thorin sat up, sighing as she felt everything settle back into place within her.

With a lighthearted smile, she cupped Bilbo's face in her hands, relishing in the smoothness of her skin.

"So," She began, slowly. "You would truly love me, even if I were a wyrm?"

Bilbo snorted, and only responded by pulling her dwarf down into another kiss, which spoke of many more to come.

~

[buggachat]

eh, screw it *releases my fucked up vampire au from the confines of my mind*

anyway I decided my blog is for me and I can draw and post all the weird silly concepts of my dreams and nobody can stop me. I actually have a lot of potential comic ideas ping-ponging in my head for this AU — not a linear story or anything (beyond what's on this post), just some good fun and shenanigans.

bonus:

[complete-clownery]

Okay guys

[alexdesappho]

Thorin: I could give you the world!

Bilbo: The fuck would I do with that?

[discosfish]

🌄

This is how the movie actually ended trust me on this (😭)

[trashcancalicojack]

Kili: I need advice

Thorin: With what?

Kili: With love. How did you know you were in love with Bilbo?

Thorin: ...

Thorin: I'm in love with Bilbo?

[starberrysap]

you will SIT DOWN and we will WATCH the hobbit AND the lord of the rings and NO you do not have a say in this

[heyitssnek]

@dehydratedcherry us with Charlie lmao

[wltsquareih]

Maybe a vampire au idk

[ravenclawscanbedumb2]

Imagining Gandalf just rolling up to bag end one day, and a tiny little hobbit with dark hair and blue eyes opens the door and just is like

Gandalf: bilbo baggins why didn’t you invite me to the baby shower

Bilbo: what

[lovely-v]

Every time Sean Astin makes a statement on whether or not Sam and Frodo were indeed gay for each other in lord of the rings he’s always like “well we have to acknowledge that attitudes around sexuality have changed dramatically over the past several decades and since authorial intent is only up to speculation, the story is open to multiple readings, some of which might have different significances for different groups of people also they kiss on the lips because I said so”

[busket]

at the rose city comic con panel this month a fan asked them (sean and elijah) if sam and frodo were in love and they said

Sean: .....yes. absolutely

Elijah: 100 percent.

Sean: dont tell rosie

[explorerrowan]

Rosie: "This is my husband Sam, and that's his husband, Frodo. Frodo is my husband-in-law. I'm not into him, he's he's a bit too 'elfy' for my taste, but Sam likes him, and that's fine with me. As far as I know, Frodo can't give Sam children, but Frodo looks after ours all the same, so I don't mind sharing Sam if it means another pair of eyes on the wee ones. In all honesty, our family tree is right simple compared to some hobbits. Yes, I'm referrin' to you Lobelia, over there pretendin' you ain't eavesdroppin'. Still bitter you ain't got either of my boys or their house, eh?"

[arcaniumagi2]

[ms-katonic-of-tamriel]

Tbh it's canon that Frodo invited Sam and Rosie to move in to Bag End after their wedding and they all lived there for a couple of years until Frodo went to Valinor, so yeah. Running with it.

And once Rosie dies, Sam says his goodbyes and disappears after him.

[roach-works]

what’s funny is people assuming that rosie would somehow be too dim or naive to KNOW that sam loved frodo, instead of looking at a guy who would loyally follow a beloved friend to hell and then help carry him home again, and not be like ‘oh i can’t not fuck that.’

[elodieunderglass]

Polyamory, specifically polyandry, would be an interesting solution to the oddball population of the Shire.

The Shire is excellent farming country, with consistently good weather, and only one tough winter in living memory; hobbits like to produce large families; they’re resistant to disease, rarely violent, and encounter few dangers. It is usual for hobbits to produce many children, so that (for example) Bilbo and Frodo are unusual in both being only children, with no siblings, and not having children of their own. All of this should point to a population that increases every generation if not doubling outright. Young people (and their ideologies!) should rapidly outnumber the old with an ever-increasing effect and impact on society. However, the Shire has a surprisingly stable history; it never seems to increase or decrease greatly in population, and the bell curve of age seems… demographically balanced? There certainly isn’t a conflict from rising young bloods challenging the middle-aged reactionaries; there’s no unemployment; there are no housing crises or waves of emigration, or even a tendency for young people leaving home to marry. Meanwhile, not only does the Shire not suffer from internal pressures, but it remains obscure and hardly noticed in global politics.

What makes sense here is that adult hobbits form a loose group. Four parents in a polycule, between them all, may produce four children. All four parents claim to have four children. An outsider would assume this meant the adults had eight children.

Hobbits therefore are not especially fertile or fecund. They simply have large families. Much of their interest in genealogy is due to the complex relationships of blood-kin, hearth-kin, love-kin and pledge-kin, who must all be carefully tracked and measured - not just because you need to make sure that you don’t climb into bed with an un-permitted degree of blood-kin, but to track family alliances and carefully quantify the precise level of thoughtfulness to put into the proper present to gift your father’s lover’s lover (too much implies a degree of intimacy that might upset the polycule.)

Thus, while a hobbit matron may tell a startled dwarf that she has seven sons, she might only have borne five of them herself, and have one hearth-son by her wife, and a pledge-son of her first husband’s. There are between three and four fathers involved at various stages of production, from conception to pledge-duty, but there is debate about the precise number of fathers, as one child was festival-conceived and therefore provisionally pledged to the Brandybucks until more distinctive paternal traits should materialise. It’s expected that four of the sons will be uninterested in women, and their contribution to family life will be in raising hearth-children and pledge-duty. However, this level of detail is normally negotiated later in conversation, as a mutual overture of friendship. So she’s just clear and simple: yes, certainly, she has seven sons. Yes, they’re all hers. Yes, that’s fairly normal - yes, hobbits like big families. How big? That’s really hard to say! Well, about thirteen hobbits live in her house… er, she has forty-three nieces and nephews. Yes! She has nine siblings, that’s correct, but some of them are still babies themselves..

In this way, a bewildered dwarf might assume that hobbits are absurdly fertile, producing an average of seven children per couple, at an absurd pace.

When in fact, with about half of hobbits never bearing biological children, the population of hobbits is pretty much always the same.

Tl:dr, hobbit population works perfectly well, both internally and in the perceptions of outsiders, if the majority of the Shire is gay, they’re all polyamorous, and they all firmly claim to be parents of high numbers of children. Of course Frodo fathered Sam’s kids - he named them! They were pledge-kin but not hearth-kin, as Frodo needed a lot of quiet and stability in the home.

No outsider ever parses hobbit genealogy well enough to understand this except for Gandalf, who never explains anything either.

[dancingspirals]

are you kidding? Gandalf would WEAPONIZE his knowledge of Hobbit genealogy against outsiders

[elodieunderglass]

Since “pledge” kinships are multidimensional and can occur in different directions, hobbits can form - and formalise - family bonds simply because they choose to. Gandalf doesn’t tell anyone that the formation of Thorin’s Company, the Fellowship of the Ring, and Belladonna Took’s Accidental Troop of Mercenaries* are legal formations of pledge-siblings, a hobbit family structure usually claimed to increase social class and prestige (as high numbers of pledge-kin confer distinction on a hobbit, being a sort of popularity vote/endorsement that adds greatly to their social power. Incidentally, this is partly why Bilbo was both controversial and successful in his pledge-claim of Frodo; outsiders mistook his “bachelor” status as someone living outside of heteronormativity, while the Shire was bewildered and increasingly annoyed by his rejection of pledge and hearth commitments. By rights Bilbo had too few pledge-kin, and too little parenting experience, to claim rights to an orphan, especially one from Brandybuck hearth; but conversely, his social status was high enough that his belated bid for his very first pledge-son couldn’t reasonably be denied by anybody.)

In short, all of the hobbits enjoyed achieving even larger families on their adventures, legally and without argument or debate. It’s free real estate. If nobody else is going to sibling these losers, we will. (The condensation of so many entanglements at once also legally made Pippin his own father-in-law.)

Gandalf never explained.

* see the post about the Old Took’s “enchanted diamond cufflinks” that obeyed the wearer’s commands; which were probably, given the general state of things, two lost silmarils recovered by his Remarkable Daughters and gifted to him because things stay small and safe in the shire

[chaosaccountant]

@elodieunderglass wouldn't that make pippin both denethor's pledge-son-in-law, and (as pledge-brother to the king) probably outrank him?

[elodieunderglass]

Only through Boromir while Boromir was alive! Pippin’s familial claim through Boromir technically dissolved on Boromir’s death, as Denethor hadn’t been privy to it, and those bonds rarely stretch to a stranger when the person in the middle has died before introducing them; although Pippin, who was well-brought-up, perfectly and politely rectified the problem at once by simply swearing himself as Denethor’s pledge-son. but through his blood-cousinship to Frodo, who was older than Boromir, his status as the Took double-primarc (don’t ask) and the proximity-enhanced status-doubling effects of having a five-way cousin in Merry, Pippin was demonstrably higher status as a pledge-sibling and was also his own father-in-law and approved of himself. As such, he would have significantly raised Boromir’s social status and marital prospects in the Shire.

Inheritance follows parent-child pledge as the primary consideration, with matrilineal descent as the secondary. Pippin would have been bewildered to gradually understand that Denethor held his two sons in such odd and different standing :-/ hobbits don’t recognise kingship so it would’ve been very upsetting and disappointing to Pippin to understand how Denethor stood in position of sworn-father to a whole city of people without even being slightly fair to his younger hearth-son. Aragorn is demonstrably much better dad-material and therefore had Pippin’s vote. Pippin, by virtue of being an excellent father-in-law to a spectacularly promising young son-in-law, also considered himself a better candidate for king of Gondor than Denethor, by outranking him in Dad Competence - but was too busy by the time he realized this to point this out .

Ironically, the events in which Pippin realized this made Faramir his own hearth-son - so Pippin won in the end and took a great interest in ceremonially approving of Eowyn. Gandalf never explained

[elodieunderglass]

[tkingfisher]

I will buy that for a dollar, yup.

[deafmangoes]

It crossed my dash again! The Hobbit Polyamory Post!