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[thededfa]

whenever my kids complain of being bored, I'll suggest their games or books, and if they refuse, I'll give them a chore.

My partner had an unexpected day off and got bored. I suggested a few things that didn't appeal, and then jokingly said, "Well, then go clean your room"

And he stomped his foot, went "gah, fine!" like a petulant teenager, and went and cleaned our room XD

[ididntmeantotho]

Steeeaaaalling this

[ididntmeantotho]

The last sentence has actionable useable stuff so skip the ramble

I have more FEELINGS and You are the unwilling recipient of my rambling.

Endless scrolling social media is detrimental to long term constructive user engagement.

The type of person who will post hither and thither and get sucked into conversation and make things in support of other things? Is liable to get addicted to the endless feed and stop posting while their mind fogs over in the depths of endless content.

Page breaks give a moment to stop and try something else, which is bad if you seek time on site kpi's over true engagement.

And if someone can pull themselves out of the endless scrolling, they are likely to permanently leave the site!

Anyway, if you doomscroll on your phone set 10 minute app limits on everything, you can always increase the timer but it being there stops the doomscroll for a second and gives you time to pull out.

[ididntmeantotho]

I have FEELINGS about national flood insurance and California representative Adam Schifts' proposed governmental fire insurance.

We know how to make fire proof homes. It's been a thing for a long time now, the first time I saw a trade show on one was as a child in the early 2000's! We know how to prevent fire from spreading home to home in the WUI (wild urban interface) it's called firebreaks.

HELL we even Know how to make nonfireproof homes able to survive firestorms like the LA fires of 25'! There are branches of architecture that are solely concerned with cheap resilient structures that look... Better than mcmansions?

But when a home building company makes a home, all they care about is the legal minimums to make their profit. And power to them? Power to the insurers that saw the fires of 25' coming and said fuck no.

So long as there is no Policy change new houses will always be at imminent risk of destruction. So long as there is no Policy change firebreaks will not be installed.

An insurance program solely aimed at making fire insurance affordable is a mistake that will bankrupt the government to a similar degree the damn national flood insurance does every hurricane season.

There needs to be a change, and it can't be an asset protection scheme that doesn't solve the inherent issue of homes going up in flames. Renters don't get a dime from those schemes! They are just homeless now.

Maybe a governmental offer of mortgage buyouts and communal housing on the land? So communities can stay intact?

I don't know, but the issue is obvious and the solutions are hard to find. I've thrown one into the ring at least...

[ididntmeantotho]

I am slowly coming to realize I need to rely on other people to get work. Applying myself does not seem to work.

[escuerzoresucitado]

The landlord fears the urban oyster mushroom farmer

[aluminumapples]

I have seen this on every social media site and folks- if your home is damp enough to get full fruity flushes of oyster mushrooms (from stray spores from a grow bag batch), they are the LEAST of your worries. You know what doesn’t produce highly visible fruiting bodies? Most molds. And wood rot. Go ahead and grow them indoors, because they’re a canary in the coal mine if they start fruiting anywhere.

[walks-the-ages]

^ the above reblog right here!!! People in the notes saying "don't do this!!!" Are missing the part where people are not deliberately growing Oyster Mushrooms all over their apartment, but that the stray spores from Mushroom Growing Kits are revealing systemic dampness problems that Landlords cannot dismiss and forces them to take action.

[ididntmeantotho]

In the US... Revelation of a systemic issue in an apartment unit is often taken to mean the discovery was caused by the discoverer: To the point that the norm on move in to a new unit is the documentation of every single scratch to keep from losing your security deposit. I think the people screaming "don't do this one simple trick" are coming from the understanding that your security deposit is at risk despite it not being your fault & your landlord likely has the money to sue you. That said! Document Document Document! If you notice a damp anything on move in put it on your 10 page 3. Point font list and point to it when your landlord freaks out. It's on there, they have no case.

[fairycosmos]

studio ghibli movies are like if someone took all of your fondest, softest childhood dreams and put them into a film

[covid-69]

[ididntmeantotho]

Truly my softest fondest childhood memory of someone relentlessly pursuing what is right over what is easy.

[lgbtmi]

To say I've been exhausted this year would be an understatement, but I got to play vampire the requiem with my friends and they're all dearly beloved by me

my vampire is so dumb I love her so much

The coterie is collecting stray kindred like pokemon cards

[ididntmeantotho]

The more I hear about this series the more like Pokemon but edgy it seems ...

[papayajuan2019]

cuz everytime we touch i get this feeling

[identifying-cars-in-posts]

2013-2016 Hyundai Genesis Coupe

[teobug]

and every time we kiss I swear I could fly

[ididntmeantotho]

Don't you know my heart beats fast

[wikilifeadvice]

make your own foot scrub

[pochowek]

feet are pretty hard to make

dont call me a scrub ever again

[wikilifeadvice]

please stop making me read this

[ididntmeantotho]

It can be satisfactory! To make scrub? Simply! Be the sand. Add the xanthum gum. Much soap! Other things? Ask someone for advice! Cry.

[probablybadrpgideas]

Wanna hear my favourite power in any game?

So! In Chronicles of Darkness, the way skills work is you have a broad skill and then specialties in that skill. Say, you could have Academics and then a Specialty in physics, say, or Persuasion and then Bribery. Got it?

One vampire bloodline has a universal skill specialty in "snakes". They have + 2 dice to all rolls - enough to match a skilled person - as long as that roll directly involves snakes.

Which is amazing. I can't fight unless I'm wielding a snake. I can do art commissions as long as you commission a snake, because I otherwise can't draw. I can sell snakes - don't ask me to sell anything else, gotta be snakes. I can give you detailed insider knowledge of the history, culture and political situation of any region on earth but only regarding how it affects the local snake population.

Roll to Snake, Motherfucker.

[ididntmeantotho]

*Snake Hyperfixation Bloodline Intensifies*

[dog-of-ulthar]

I’m gonna teach you to fix your dang pants

Alright are you DUMMY THICC with POWERFUL THIGHS that keep DESTROYING YOUR JEANS?  Are you super fucking broke and can’t afford new clothes?  Would you rather not contribute to disposable fashion, one of the MOST UNETHICAL industries of the modern age, on which I have many thoughts?  I’m here to show you how to keep your pants on unnatural life support until they literally disintegrate off your legs.

You’ll need some basic sewing skills and supplies.  If you don’t have a sewing machine, jump to the end, I’ll add an epilogue just for you.

Step one: look at this disgrace.  How did this even happen.  What was I doing.

Now you don’t need to do this next bit, especially if it’s a less extensive repair, but I’m going to show you how to make a nice pattern for this, if you like nice patterns.

Turn one leg inside out and put it into the other, so you can see the tear.

Put a piece of paper on the area and trace around the hole - it’ll take some guesswork, but you can figure it out.  You want it big enough to cover the hole, and extending far enough from it that you aren’t just sewing into places where the fabric is worn super thing.  I like to stop at the crotch and inner leg seams, both because the pants are shaped there so it’s hard to get a patch to span it without something puckering, and because it’s a good sturdy anchor to sew to.  Mine looks like this.  Yours will…probably be smaller.

Now cut that shape out of some fabric.  I cut two, because I have similarly shaped holes on both sides.  You do NOT need to add seam allowance.  For the fabric, I recommend cotton twill or canvas (not treated canvas, you don’t want anything plasticky on your crotch).  Twill is what most casual pants are made of (denim is a kind of twill).  Canvas is the same but heavier.  You’ll want something that roughly matches the color of your pants, obviously.  I did not have this.  I decided I do not care.  My pants will look DUMB but I am a GOBLIN.

I serged the edges of mine (because I’m the kind of goblin with a SERGER but not TAN FABRIC?? apparently) but that’s not necessary.  Turn your pants inside out and pin the patch in (one at a time, if you’re doing multiple).  Make sure the patch lies completely flat against the pants fabric, and isn’t bunching or bubbling.

Now shove it under the sewing machine and stitch around the edge.  I recommend sewing right on top of the existing seams where you can, since the pants are sturdy there.  The tricky thing is not accidentally catching other parts of the pants while you’re sewing around the patch, but you can do it, I believe in you.  If you mess up, just seam rip that bit and try again.

Once the patch(es) are in, turn them right side out.  The holes are covered, but there’s a bunch of loose, ragged fabric flapping around that’s just going to keep getting shredded.

So take it back to the sewing machine, and just…sew everywhere.  Start at the edge and make a big spiral to the center.  Or make a bunch of parallel lines.  Or start wherever you want and just go wild.  But fill the patch with stitching everywhere there are two layers of fabric.

This not only keeps the layers together but REINFORCES them, so your sad pants will be STRONGER THAN EVER.  It’ll look like this, and you’ll be like “ew, everybody’s going to see my butt stitching.”

But they won’t.  Trust me.  They won’t.  Because it’s all up in your butt crack, and if they’re looking close enough you’re legally allowed to kick them.  Even with my dumbass fabric choices, you can’t see it at all from the front (enjoy weird blurry shot of my crotch).

And you can barely see it from the back.

AND NOW YOU CAN WEAR YOU FAVORITE PANTS, AND NEVER BUY NEW CLOTHES EVER AGAIN.  I think I’ve done this to EVERY pair of pants I wear on a regular basis.  Some MULTIPLE TIMES.

My note for people without a sewing machine:  you can do this by hand, it’ll just take longer.  Use sturdy thread and sew with a prick stitch (or pick stitch, depending on who you ask).  That means that when the thread is on the outside of the fabric, make the stitches absolutely tiny.  That leaves less surface area to be abraided by the aforementioned slapping of your thighs.  It also looks nicer - so I would do that if you’re fixing some really nice dress pants whether you’ve got a sewing machine or not.  This is what a prick stitch looks like on the outside.

If you’re doing it by hand, and if you want extra reinforcement, I’d also recommend getting some Heat ‘n Bond (or Wonder Under, etc, there are a few different brands, any permanent iron-on adhesive will work) and affixing the patches with that first.  I only didn’t do that because I don’t have any.  I would not recommend putting the patches in ONLY with iron-on adhesive, even though the manufacturers say it will work.  It’s not strong enough for your powerful thighs.

Now go.  Stop buying pants.  End the disposable fashion machine.  The revolution starts with your ass.

[ididntmeantotho]

I am going to use the hell out of this, My pants have a tendency to explode on me while I'm out in public.

[zonerbonerz]

Thank you to everyone who submitted their annoying cursed items! After looking through and picking some of my favorites (and after a few game-mechanic modifications), I’ve made a list of some just Garbage Knick-Knacks. (I added a few I made myself, too). The players roll a d100 to determine which item they get. Feel free to use in your own campaign.

I tried to credit everyone as best I could, but if I mispelled ur url, plz let me know :)

the list is long, so I’m adding it in a series of reblogs. 

[zonerbonerz]

NOTE: anything that’s italicized, you don’t tell the players.

1. Papier Koott’s Tome of Cantrips- a book full of cantrips chosen by the DM. Holding this book gives you hella papercuts. Player takes 1d4-1 slashing damage and has -3 on anything that requires their hands. @mral3x1s

2. Puddle Jumpers- A pair of boots that allows you to walk on water (as long as the body of water is less than a foot deep). @itrustbirdsmorethanyoudo

3. Bag of Scolding- A sentient bag of holding. It ruthlessly mocks you for everything you decide to store in it. Anytime you want to get something back or put something in you have to convince/bribe the bag to let you (Roll persuasion). @questbedhead

4. Rosetta’s Ring- A ring enabling you to speak fluently in any language, but in the most un-elite, barely mutually intelligible, generally derided dialect available. Gives disadvantage to all charisma rolls when speaking with the ring. @ceescedascity

5. Genevieve’s Dress-Up- some costume fairy wings that let you fly, but only straight up and only while you are flapping your arms like a bird. Good for 40 ft of vertical movement. Does not help you with the whole getting-down part. @versidue

6. Bow of Bellowing Rage- a birchwood bow engraved with a traditional Orcish call to arms. Deals 2d10 piercing damage. It’s enchanted to yell in your ear a moment before you let go of the bowstring. Roll with disadvantage- on a failed roll, take 1d6 psychic damage. @ckret2

7. Ring of Invisibility- a white metal ring. when you put it on the ring turns invisible. @dnd-one-shots

8. Spoonful of Sugar salve- A small jar of healing salve that never empties, but only ever has about a spoonful of salve in it. Restores to full capacity after a long rest. @amakhuakrie

9. Un-Spice- A small cloth pouch filled with a bright yellow powder. This spice makes everything flavorless. Good for 5 uses. @thatssochoulette

10. Pot of the Angered Swan- An apple-sized clay jar with a small painting of a red swan decorating the side. Whenever you open this pot, a swan comes out that will attack anything in sight, including you and your allies. Closing and reopening the pot will lead to another swan appearing. The pot holds infinite angry swans. Swan lasts for 1d4 turns and deals 2d6 slashing damage to 1d4 creatures per turn. @duskirises

11. Lawfell Goode’s Lawful Gloves- pair of sentient gloves that will give a +2 to attack rolls….unless the wearer has been unkind to anyone in the last 24 hours, in which case the gloves judge you shameful and will not allow you to grab a weapon. @datvikingtho

12. Wind Walkers- a pair of boots that make your footsteps absolutely silent (in broad daylight). but they make fart noises with varying intensity in relation to how dark it is. Stealth advantage in bright areas, stealth disadvantage in dark ones. @datvikingtho

13. Juliet’s Wand- a rosewood wand of mending with a bleeding heart carved in the handle. This wand can only mend broken hearts. @textbookenigmas

14. Hell’s Bells- a set of two small bells, one of which is blessed, and the other, cursed. Ring to activate. One bell, when rung, heals the whole party for 2d6 each. The other plays We Like to Party by Vengaboys at increasing volumes and causes 2d6 psychic damage to anyone within 50 feet. They are exactly identical. Any attempt to mark one as different will fail. Roll a d20 with no modifiers to determine which affect you get (11+ is heal, 10- is hell). @taako-waititi

15. Fallen Angel’s Flask- A flask that, when filled with water, creates a Potion of Healing. However, that potion is also tailor-made to be the most disgusting thing the drinker has ever tasted. Whatever it is that the drinker hates the most, tastes just like that. Roll a constitution saving throw. On a successful roll, roll as you would for a Potion of Healing (2d4 + 2 hit points). On a fail, take 2d4 poisoning damage. @hawkyaly

16. Cargo Shorts- a pair of cargo shorts. Makes you resistant to cold. Player must make a wisdom saving throw every four minutes to overcome the urge to say something about how you don’t even feel it. like it’s not even that cold guys. they also make you extremely sensitive to spicy food @lesser-of-two-weeaboos

17. Shield of Bellowing Rage- a simple iron shield engraved with a traditional Orcish call to arms. +2 shield that screams continuously when wielded for the bonus. Put on a youtube video, loud, of it screaming, the entire time that the player has it out. Disadvantage on ranged attack rolls when it’s in use. @wizardshark

18. Rain (or Shine) Coat- A royal blue cloak with a ruby clasp that is entirely weatherproof. The wearer will take no disadvantage from the weather around them and their outfit will remain in perfect condition. The clasp is always complaining about the weather. Disadvantage on stealth and wisdom rolls. @aroredhoodie

19. Hair of the Dog- a narrow glass bottle filled with healing potion. Gets you very drunk. Disadvantage to all INT, WIS, and DEX roles for 1d4 hours. @saja-star

20. Shoes of Stone- A pair of shoes made of polished grey stone. +5 AC bonus. Reduces the player’s speed by 2d10 while equipped. @wundergirllovesyou

[zonerbonerz]

21. Foley’s Steed- A pair of coconuts that let you move at the speed of a full galloping horse (60 ft), but only if you hold them in both hands and clonk them together. The user cannot hold other items in their hand while the coconuts are in use. @thecrashman-reloaded

22. Direction of Destiny- a compass that always points you to where you need to go. It doesn’t tell you what it is, how far, or any of the obstacles stopping you. Can be used once per long rest and breaks after 3 uses. @localbanoraman

23. The Axe of the Ice and Snow- an axe forged of blue metal that is cool to the touch. Does 1d8+1 damage. When pulled out in battle, it will constantly play the Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin. @perhaps-im-dead-inside

24. Ring of Disguise- a rusted metal ring which allows you to cast disguise self at will. The ring will only disguise the person as the most wanted criminal in the area. @wolfe-child

25. Magic Beans- a small burlap pouch containing a handful of magic beans. If exposed to ANY MOISTURE WHATSOEVER, they will instantly sprout and engulf the party in plants. They do not make a stalk because they’re climbing beans and will climb the party. They have a DC of 7 and 10 hp. @quill-of-thoth

26. Glove of Incontinence- you touch someone and they have to make a Constitution saving throw or they shit their pants. In turn, you always feel like you have to poop while you’re wearing it. Disadvantage on all DEX rolls. @crimsonsoldier12

27. The Wabbajack- a twisted oak staff that casts spells at random. The player must roll a WIS saving throw to avoid casting the spell on their party members. Breaks after 5 uses. DM can pick the spells and their level. @snarrlingdarling

28. A Really Cool Hat- a really cool hat. Gives +3 on charisma rolls. This hat is cursed so that it forces the wearer to speak in rhymes. If they try to speak without rhyming, no sound comes out. The hat can only be removed after a successful WIS roll against the hat’s 18 DC. @disaster-lucretia

29. Light of Sight- A candle that lights a room no matter how big (but only when someone is looking straight at the flame). Good for 3 uses. @tinylifeboat123

30. The Hemogoblin- a needle that, when used to pick someone’s finger, creates a goblin that is loyal to the person who gave blood. Has 2d6 hp, 25ft of movement, 1d4 unarmed damage, and can be given a weapon with up to 1d8 damage. Lasts for 1d4 turns or 1d4 hours when not in combat. This goblin is 100% free-thinking and shares the alignment of its master. Particularly fun when used by a chaotic neutral.

31. Boots of Invisibility- iron boots that turn the wearer completely invisible. Every step sounds like a suit of plate mail falling down stairs. Disadvantage on all stealth rolls, but those you are trying to sneak past will have disadvantage AND -2 on all attack rolls against you. @dapenguingodfather

32. Husband’s Key- a bright red key that is able to open any door/lock. When it opens, however, it screeches out “HONEY IM HOOOOOOMMMMEEEEE”. The higher the user’s stealth, the louder it screams. Breaks after 3 uses. @gernumblie

33. Divine Denim- pair of blue jeans that give you an automatic successful saving throw every time you’re knocked to 0 hp. Due to the fact that they’re wearing dad jeans, the player will have -2 to all charisma rolls while the pants are equipped. @thetriggeredhappy

34. Fantasy Scrabble- a Scrabble set that can predict the future. Anyone who wins gets the privilege of having their fortune told, and upon winning, the game realigns the letters to make a fortune much like you’d get out of a fortune cookie. Playing takes 45 minutes. Players roll a d20 to determine who wins, and the difference of those two rolls decides how many words the pieces will form. @thetimeladyofgallifrey

35. Mysterious Earring- a mysterious gold earring. What does it do? Nobody knows. Actually, we do know. Whoever wears the earring is cursed, but the curse is that they cannot tell anybody that they are cursed. Very fun to watch.

36. Normal Rug- a simple, brown rug. Anyone who walks within a foot of it has to make a dex save or be grabbed by the fringes and tripped. @weirdness-on-the-roof

37. Wings of Macarane (MAH-car-ayn)- a set of white feathered wings. Good for 100 ft of movement in any direction (including vertical) per long rest. The speed is controlled by how fast or slow the player does the macarena. They will not work if the player is not doing the macarena. @andbucky

38. Vase of Lively Sauce- a vase that will produce any fluid substance you ask of it. Immediately afterwards, it throws itself out of the player’s arms and towards the ground. They have to succeed on a dex save in order to catch it before it shatters. Good until broken. @sunny-bab

39. Sneakers- a pair of athletic shoes that make your footfall imperceptible. They also light up when you move. Disadvantage on stealth, but advantage on athletics and agility checks. Advantage on charisma if the person you’re checking against has 9 or less intelligence.

40. Angler’s Wish- a belt made from scaly blue leather. Grants the user the ability to breath underwater for 2d4 minutes. It also makes them glow in the dark, meaning disadvantage on all stealth checks. @stop-and-smell-the-roses117

[zonerbonerz]

41. Ariel’s Masquerade- A gilded mask that gives you advantage on charisma checks and saving throws. Prevents the player from speaking, singing, or communicating verbally in any way.

42. Hue’s Holder- An ornate tin that can store a near infinite amount of objects—of a single, specific color. Objects of any other color will be destroyed. And um….it doesn’t look like any hints about the correct color were included. The DM picks the color as soon as the player obtains the item. The DM must be honest about the color, no changing it after it’s been chosen. @bootlegfuriosa​

43. Robe of Elegance- A very, very good-looking robe. +2 to CHA. It’s inexplicably slimy on the inside. -2 to Comfort and Dignity. Roll d100 to see how many minutes the player can stand wearing it. @miniature-cyan​

44. Ring of Yelling- a golden ring. Whenever you touch it, you scream. That’s it. @aquatic-equestrian​

45. Sword of Breaking- a simple sword forged from an unknown metal. The sword breaks when it’s used. Just snaps in half. Or disintegrates, depending on how bad they rolled. @aquatic-equestrian​

46. Mood Ring- a black metal ring inlaid with a hue-shifting jewel. It changes color and your mood changes based off of it. Roll a d10 to pick the mood: 0=hostile, 1=horny, 2=devisated, 3=neutral, 4=ecstatic, 5=confused, 6=annoyed, 7=embarrassed, 8=hysterical, 9=confident. @aquatic-equestrian​

47. Gaseous Potion (fablehaven)- a sparkling blue potion filled with tiny bubbles. turns you into a gas. Acid can’t burn you, poison can’t spread, you can’t be cut, but you’re also a gas and can’t do anything but float in directions. Lasts 1d4 turns. @aquatic-equestrian​

48. Spell Dictionary- You can use this book three times a day to change one word in a spell to change the effects of the spell, but the word must: Rhyme (detect evil→ detect weevil), Alliterate (Barkskin→Burning Barkskin) Have the same sound (miner, minor) or something along those lines.  @aquatic-equestrian​

49. Escape Bees- Bag of bees. Use in areas with no ceilings or suffer. Open bag, roll to see how far they carry you. Has 1-3 uses depending on your bond with them. CAUTION: You may be stung. Using this as an attack weapon will kill all the bees and you’ll be left with an empty bag.  @aquatic-equestrian​

50. Ring of Crime- all crimes committed get a +4 roll bonus. but afterwards, all constitution and will checks have -4 for a day. You’re good at crimes but you feel bad. Even if you take the ring off immediately after. You can’t fool justice. @aquatic-equestrian​

51. Hot Knifer- 1000 degree knife vs anything you stab with it. Must roll wisdom saving or else you’ll get distracted by that good good asmr. Does 1d8 piercing damage and can cut through any small/medium objects. @aquatic-equestrian​

52. Schrodinger’s Box- a mysterious box that used to be owned by a powerful wizard. If you listen closely, you think you can hear a faint scratching from the inside. Or not. This box can be opened once. The player rolls a d20. On a 10 or lower, the box is empty. On an 11-19, a cat jumps out. On a 20, a temporally shifting figure that is visually adjacent to a cat bursts out of its confinement. It will teleport sporadically within a 30 ft range while wailing miserably. Lasts for 1d4 turns and deals damage to 2d4 creatures in the range per turn. Can deal 2d10 slashing or 2d10 psychic damage. It will not hurt the person who opened the box, but the rest of the party members are fair game.

53. Gwasses- a pair of spectacles that let you read any language (but only in uwu speak).

54. Drunkard’s Spellbook- a spellbook written by a drunk wizard. Contains 3 spells of the player’s choosing. The spells work, but only when the caster is intoxicated. @gay-ghostboy​

55. Necklace of Protection- a shiny, jewel-embellished necklace that gives protection against magic. Instead of actually protecting the player from magic, it just makes them invisible to spellcasters. @indignantbarista​

56. Big Boy Amulet- a simple amulet that gives the wearer advantage on persuasion, deception, and intimidation once a day (but only on children). @dungeons-and-danis​

57. Infernia’s Scrying Mirror- a black mirror with flames etches in the handle that allows the user to see a known person/location for 1 minute. The view reaches to 5ft around the person/place they are watching. Has 4 charges and regains 1d4 charges per long rest. It also sets whatever it scrys on fire. @risinglycan

58. Power of Heart Compass- a golden compass that points to priceless treasure. It believes the true treasure is the friends you make along the way so it won’t stop pointing to the party @allonsyavalon

59. Deck of Perfectly Normal Playing Cards- a somewhat thin deck of perfectly normal playing cards that have some unusual art. Let everybody roll whatever they want to, but only ever tell them they Seem perfectly normal. If they get a nat 20 or higher, say that there is a powerful enchantment on the ace of spades and that when drawn it will destroy all enemies in the area (It’s really a shame that all the aces are missing from the deck tho). @wolfbro92​

60. Fedora- a black fedora that disguises the wearer. It disguises the player by making people perceive them as the person they hate most. @auberginesdonthavelimbs

[zonerbonerz]

61. Ooblek Sword- a pile of green goo that is vaguely in the shape of a sword. If the player rolls a nat 20 the sword shatters, if they roll below a 17, the sword turns flaccid and does no damage. @theedegu

62. Dress of Posterior Enhancement- A dress that tailors itself to you in a nice color and a fashionable cut. It also makes your ass look fantastic. Dumb thicc. Advantage on all seduction-based charisma rolls bc of Dat Ass. @porqueonion

63. Dagger of Friendship- an obsidian blade fashioned to the hilt with a small animal skull. When moved, it leaves a trail of sparkles and rainbows in the air. The blade offers 1d4+1 piercing damage. It also heals the target for 1d4+1 damage. Surprise attacks heal for 1d12+1. @tasty-poptard

64. Bottle- a seemingly empty glass bottle, stoppered with a cork. If the cork is removed, every creature within a 15ft cone of the open top of the bottle must succeed on a DC 20 Dex saving throw or be sucked harmlessly into the bottle. The save must be repeated each round if a creature moves into the cone or starts its turn there. Stoppering the bottle ends the effect. An infinite number of creatures can be trapped in this way, and regardless of how many creatures are trapped in the bottle, it always appears empty. Trapped creatures are kept alive, in stasis, and require no food, water, sleep or air. The only way to free trapped creatures is to break the bottle (AC 10/HP 5), which releases all trapped creatures at once. @dualclock

65. Logan’s Lucky Marbles- a small silk sack containing 20 marbles, each of which contains a bit of magic. when a marble is fished out of the bag and thrown to the ground as an action, it breaks and summons one of 20 possible items from the list below. Roll a D20 to determine the item:

      1. Dagger with an ornate ivory hilt (worth 15 gp)

      2. Bullseye Lantern (Filled and Lit)

      3. Steel Mirror

      4. Fishing Pole

      5. Hempen Rope (50 ft, coiled)

      6. Sack

      7. Bag of 100 gp

      8. Telescope

      9. Pipe and a Tobacco Box (5 uses)

      10. 2 pearls worth 50 gp each

      11. Wooden ladder (15 feet long)

      12. A riding horse with saddle bags (see the Monster Manual for statistics)

      13. A Compass

      14. 4 potions of healing

      15. Rowboat (12 feet long)

      16. Spell scroll containing one spell of 1st to 3rd level (DM’s choice)

      17. 2 Cats (see the Monster Manual for statistics)

      18. Spool of Twine with a Needle

      19. Grappling Hook with 15 ft of hempen rope

      20. Wild Card (DM’s choice) @dualclock

66. Vial of Shit- it’s a vial of shit. Heals for 3d10 damage. The drinker has disadvantage on the next 7 checks/turns because they’re distracted by the fact that they just drank shit. @lucas-miller-is-a-bitchboy

67. Fursuit- a brightly colored cloth suit designed to look like a large anthropomorphic dog. Gives the wearer +7 AC. The wearer also has disadvantage on all perception and charisma rolls bc they are wearing a fursuit. Submitted by Anonymous

68. Boots of Sick Kicks (aka the Boots of I’ll Kick My Own Ass)- a pair of radical leather boots that grant advantage and proficiency on any kick-based unarmed attack. They also grant an extra 1d4 of damage. However, anytime, anywhere, up to the DM’s choosing, the player takes an equal amount of force damage to the ass for every kick they successfully deliver. @notaaronsroomate

69. Romeo’s Rod- a golden wand that makes who/whatever it’s used on incredibly horny. More specifically, it makes them horny for the caster. Fun when used on villagers, bad when used on a bugbear. Gives caster advantage on CHA rolls against the person they used it on.

70. Ring of Protection- a small, silver ring. grants +1 AC. Also causes the DM to secretly roll a d20 to decide if the player is struck by lightning every time they step outside. Up to you whether this information is given to them up front or not. @notaaronsroommate

71. Parrot Brooch- a finely crafted, jewel-studded brooch in the shape of a bird. When worn, repeats bits of sound at random. Submitted by ??

72. Nobleman’s Guardian- an beautiful, ornate shield decorated with the face of a sleeping man. Has +1 AC. Until its wearer enters battle for the first time, this item does not appear to be cursed. The shield will then do anything in its power to not get hit and howl in pain if it does. It cannot otherwise speak. It cannot be unequipped. When the curse is removed, the soul is released and appears momentarily to thank the curse remover and explain how they got trapped (if you wish) before departing. The shield then functions as +2 or better depending on level. Submitted by ??

73. Cup of Limited Holding- a jade-encrusted aluminum goblet. When filled with liquid, it acts as a normal cup. But when filled beyond ¾ths, the liquid turns scalding hot and pours out of the bottom, into the user’s lap, dealing 1d4 heat damage. @spycrabsunited

74. Sack of Goat Eyes- a large sack made of a see-through material that feels like silk. Inside is what appears to be about 2 lb of goat eyes. When you take some out, the eyes replace themselves. No matter how many you take out, or if you even flip it inside out, eyes just keep coming. The eyes themselves are just goat eyes that never rot. @spycrabsunited

75. The Great Claw- a reskinned Great Sword. Looks like a massive crab claw with a handle stuck in it. Enchanted to cast a half power guiding bolt made of saltwater once a day. The user must make a wisdom saving throw every time the weapon is used (DC 7) or they are overwhelmed by the stench of fish, losing a round of combat, or failing the task attempted to be achieved by using it out of combat. @spycrabsunited

76. Jackson’s Ranger Bow- An enchanted bow that doubles the effective range of each type of attack. Deals 2d6 piercings damage and 2d4 force damage. The user must make a wisdom saving throw after every shot (DC of 7) or they forget who they are for 5 minutes, now believing they are Ranger Jackson: a non-binary ranger who lost both of their legs (user promptly forgets how to walk), and talks in infernal. When spoken to, Jackson will ignore whatever said and talk about a hawk the size of an elephant. @spycrabsunited

77. Essence of Cherry Blossom- a small, pink-tinted glass bottle sealed with a golden wax heart. Inside, there is a pink liquid flecked with an opalescent material. When consumed, it makes the affected individual fall in love with the first person they see. The caster rolls a 1d4 to see how many hours the spell is in affect. The enchanted individual will follow the party around for that period. They are head-over-heels for the caster and refuses to leave their side. The only way to get rid of them is to physically restrain them in some way.

78. Bag of Sustenance- a brown paper bag that appears to be dripping. This bag contains a loose bowl of soup. When opened, the player must roll a DEX save to avoid being covered in soup. On a win, they don’t get drenched, but they still have a bag of full soup.

79. Man’s Best Friend- a brass whistle in the shape of a dog. When blown, this whistle will summon every dog in the area. These dogs do not affiliate with any side of battle and do no damage. They just want to be everybody’s friends. DM rolls a d100 to see how many dogs are summoned. Can be used once per long rest.

80. Claws of Climbing- enchanted iron gauntlets that stick like magnets to any surface the user wishes to climb. One use per long rest. Once the climbing starts, the claws will not want to stop. Regardless of the intended height, the gauntlets will continue climbing until the top of the structure is reached. They do not help the user get down.

[zonerbonerz]

81. Fish- a fish. It’s flopping around. When used to slap an opponent, the fish does 1d8 bludgeoning damage.

82. Can of Redbull- a blue metal cylinder with a label that reads “Redbull”. When opened, the can releases a red demon that looks like a bull. It has 2d8 hp, 40 ft of movement, and deals 2d8 bludgeoning damage. Lasts for 1d4 turns or until killed.

83. Bouquet of Wildflowers- a bundle of wild flowers tied together with a lace ribbon. How lovely! When used as weapon, the bouquet releases a swarm of very angry bees. They do 1d6 piercing damage on 1d4-1 creatures. The flowers are destroyed afterwards. Good for one use.

84. Thread- a spool of red thread. When used to mend clothes, it makes the garment fire-resistant.

85. Baz’s Biscuit- a cherry scone wrapped in translucent white fabric. When eaten, this item temporarily turns the user into a vampire. The effect lasts for 1d4 turns or 2d10 minutes (depending on if they’re in or out of battle). They can turn into a bat, have advantage on all charisma checks, have night vision, and their bite does 1d6 poison damage. They cannot turn other creatures/people into vampires.

86. Die of 20 Sides- a strangely shaped die with 20 sides. Who would ever want to use that? When unhappy with a roll, the player can have their character roll this die to try for a better outcome. They must go with whatever the die says. The effects will be amplified drastically. Anything below a ten would be similar to rolling a 1 and eleven or higher is like a 20. Can be used once per long rest.

87. Chekhov’s Gun- a small flintlock pistol that might have importance later. Pulling the trigger as an action does nothing, but after 1d6 rounds of combat, a random creature is stricken by a bullet from nowhere for 3d10 piercing damage. @ink-the-cryptid

88. Footbah!- A strange, oblong ball colored brown with runic markings. No one’s quite sure what it does, but legend say it can be activated by being placed under one’s arm and having the user yell “Hut, Hut, HIKE!”. On your turn you can choose to spend a bonus action to hold the ball under your arm. This causes you to take form of an ancient and mysterious warrior known as The Quarterback. As The Quarterback, you gain your current hitpoints in temporary hitpoints, you are considered of size large, and you cannot use other weapons or items. You gain the Shoulder Check attack (1d20+8 to attack. 2d12 bludgeoning damage. On successful attack, the enemy must make a strength contest against you, if failed, the creature falls prone). You remain as The Quarterback for 1d4 rounds. @ink-the-cryptid

89. Cursing Whip- a pale leather battle whip capable of casting a bane upon target creatures. Any enemy stricken by this whip will have immediate disadvantage on their next attack roll, ability check, or saving throw. This effect cannot stack. When you land a hit using this weapon however, roll 1d4. On the result of a 1, the whip deals no damage, casts no curse, and instead booms in a loud voice any vulgar word of the GM’s choosing. @ink-the-cryptid

90. Glass Globe- a grapefruit-size globe made of glistening green glass. It’s hovering. A floating globe that is actually an unseen servant possessing a driftglobe. Incredibly eager to serve, no limbs to help with, just kinda bumps into things trying to open doors. He’s just a sphere. Capable of doing… whatever a floating orb can do. @knight-of-the-setting-sun

91. Viagro’s Dagger- a knife made of dark iron that smells strongly of men’s cologne. The knife randomly become flaccid and useless until the player ‘encourages’ it. What that entails is up to the DM. @flyingsquidzeez

92. Vest of Weight- a vest leather that lets you carry 20 more pounds. The vest itself weighs 19 pounds. @rikkustrike

93. Axe of the Golden Rule- a beautifully crafted battle axe coated in solid gold. Deals 5d10 damage. Upon dealing damage to a creature, this item deals the same amount of damage to you, before healing you both, and hoping you’ve learned your lesson. @heroponelxirion

94. Rose Brooch- a rose lapel pin that gives you a +1 to your charisma checks. It’s also a secret indicator that you’re selling drugs. @wittyandcharming

95. Bowl of Infinite and Unmatched Power, Blessed by the Ancients, Loved by the People, Gift and Savior to All- a metal bowl marked with unknown runes. This bowl can make infinite spaghetti. @the-handmaid

96. Necklace of Fire- a jewel-encrusted pendant in the shape of a flame strung on a leather chord. When worn, the wearer catches on fire. @whyischixiestressedouttoday

97. Broken Seer’s Glass- a silver mirror with a large crack running down the center. It was once used by a prophet to see into the future. This mirror tells the future, but it tells the user the exact opposite of what is actually going to happen. Can be used once per long rest. @gooberdoober

98. Gloves of Softness- a pair of pink gloves with flowers stitched on the sides. When worn, these gloves continuously excrete lotion, making the wearer’s hands baby-soft. @xakthedrak

99. Stormbringer- a sword with a blue tint. Has the same stats as a shortsword. Once pulled out of the sheathe, it casts a small storm cloud above the user with the occasional mini lightning strike that hits the player. @rayman425

100. Roll again

[ididntmeantotho]

Thanks I'll use this later

[thydungeongal]

Monsters as Complications

Not every monster needs to be reduced to 0 hp to effectively take them out of a fight. Some monsters can effectively serve the function of a trap or obstacle in a combat encounter. A few ideas:

Creatures of animal level intelligence don't really care about fighting to the death. Predators are usually more than happy to isolate one target and then retreat.

As a general rule herbivores won't care about fighting unless they're defending their young. However, even herbivores that are likely to flee at the sight of danger can be dangerous, especially since they often herd together and can stampede.

Not every creature needs to kill to eat.

So a couple of example ideas:

The creatures that run the dungeon have an otugh living in their refuse pit and most of the time the otyugh is happy to simply eat their scraps. However the sound of combat near the refuse pit might alert the otyugh to the possibility of fresh meat. The otyugh is more than happy to grab any character (whether PC or NPC) that steps near the edge of the refuse pit with their tentacles and then retreat into the depths of their pit.

A pair of rust monsters lair near a location where the PCs might run into NPCs. The rust monsters emerge from hiding, targetting the character (whether PC or NPC) closest to them with at least some ferrous metal on them. However, since they are smart they'd rather just grab the corpse of any creature wearing lots of armor into their lair. They will defend their lair with deadly force, cause that's where the eggs is. Their lair also containts the corpses of former adventurers they've already eaten bare of their weapons and armor, but their coin pouches remain untouched.

The enemy warband's path goes very close to the migration route of a herd of triceratopses. There might be some way to get them to stampede or something.

[ididntmeantotho]

Clever, I am going to use this to my benefit later.

[sepulchritude]

on the topic of humans being the intergalactic “hold my beer” species: imagine an alien stepping onto a human starship and seeing a space roomba™ with a knife duct taped onto it, just wandering around the ship

it doesn’t have any special intelligence. it’s just a normal space roomba. there are other space roombas on the ship and they don’t have knives. it’s just this one. knife space roomba has full clearance to every room in the ship. occasionally crew members will be talking and then suddenly swear and clutch their ankle. knife space roomba putters off, leaving them to their mild stab wounds.

“what is the point?” asks the alien as another crew member casually steps over the knife-wielding robot. “is it to test your speed and agility?”

“no it doesn’t really go that fast,” replies the captain.

“does it teach you to stay ever-vigilant?”

“I mean I guess so but that’s more of a side effect.”

“does it weed out the weak? does it protect you from invaders? do repeated stabbings let your species heal more quickly in the future?”

“it doesn’t stab very hard, it gets us more than it gets our enemies, and no, but that sounds cool — someone write that down.”

“but then what is its purpose?”

“I don’t know,” the captain says, leaning down to give the space roomba an affectionate pat. “it just seemed cool”

[aethersea]

this is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard but I thought about it for five seconds and realized that if I were, say, a random communications officer onboard this ship and someone taped a knife to a roomba it would take maybe three weeks before even I was inordinately fond of Stabby. I would be proud of Stabby when I met up with my other spacefleet friends for space coffee, I would tell them about the time Stabby got the second mate in the ankle five seconds before the fleet admiral beamed on board and she swore in seven different languages in front of high command. 

also by the fourth day Stabby would be in the ship’s log, he’d have little painted-on insignia, people would salute him as he went by, and someone would hook up a twitter account to tweet maniacal laughter and/or a truly terrible knock-knock joke every time he managed to nick someone.

[tallteal]

Omg so the ting I typed up might actually happen this is gold

[petralemaitre]

I am suddenly astonished that Stabby isn’t Farscape canon. 1812 was weird enough.

[dearthoughthenightisgone]

Stabby’s little charging dock would start accruing cuddly toys and commemorative holo-vids of Stabby’s greatest stabs. Its insignia would start off at a fairly low rank, but soon, without anyone every discussing it, everyone would know that Stabby got to take the rank of the highest ranking crew member it stabbed. The ceremony for Flag Admiral Stabby was beautiful. The captain gave a speech. 

[jumpingjacktrash]

why am i proud of stabby this is irrational

[bisectedbrioche]

INCIDENT LOG: 46-7-2 Action #45437: Desc: Covert enemy boarding attempt

Details: Six (6) members of a Mercenary/Pirate crew of little renown attempted to infiltrate ship in order to steal equipment and/or personnel.

Prior to being detained they had remained undetected for eight (8) hours and accumulated several high value materials (see attached log), and incapacitated and restrained several crewmen (see attached log) in dock #3, with the intention of using a life boat to exfiltrate.

Just prior to their would-be escape, the boarding party encountered the ship’s mascot. A cleaning unit which had been modified by crew members to mount a traditional Terran melee weapon, as well as an officer’s insignia (having been jokingly given a commission by the Captain the night before). Curious, one picked it up, before realising the mounted weapon had a nickel finish (highly toxic to their species) on the handle, and dropped it in a panic.

As the unit’s anti-impact sensors had been disabled, it immediately tried to right itself on landing. This caused it to flip over and slash the third knee of the boarder who dropped it, prompting the rest of the boarders to flee. In doing so, they tripped over a waste container, causing the unit to “chase” them, as it collected the trail of dust they left.

The security crew were alerted to the boarding party’s presence by an entry on “Sargent Stabby’s Hit List” - an account on an intership microblogging site which automatically logs any injuries caused by the cleaning unit in question - and quickly intercepted them.

Casualties: Four (4) crewmen treated for minor lacerations sustained after detaining boarding party, one (1) captured crewman treated for negative reaction to sedatives used by captors.

Belligerent status: Two (2) members of the enemy boarding party remain in stable condition in sickbay. Three (3) remaining surrendered peacefully and remain in the brig. One (1) refuses to leave the safety of a storage cupboard he went to ground in.

Recommendations/Actions:

All captured guards to undergo debriefing and possible disciplinary action for breaches of security protocol.

Remind all crew members to report missing colleagues immediately.

Retain a guard outside cleaning storage room 87 until the final boarder can be coaxed out and properly detained.

Cleaning unit D4.87 AKA “Sargent Stabby” has been promoted to Quartermaster, and is now considered the superior officer of all autonomous drones on the ship. All Class #1 drones have been programmed to salute their superior with their effector, should it enter the room while they’re active.

[theotheristhedoctor]

Ok but what about that final bit - all the other space roombas respectfully standing to the side and saluting when Quatermaster Stabby comes past?

[flyingwerecats]

Quartermaster Stabby goes on to have many more adventures and many more promotions.

Quartermaster Stabby becomes a famous icon of the human race, proof that humans can and often are unintentionally terrifying, but maybe there actually IS something to their strange attachments to inanimate objects…?

Aliens are now convinced that humans have some weird psychic/aura powers or something. “Object Tamers” they call us. Humans are so amused that they adopt the term for themselves. They love it. They start printing it on bracelets and T-shirts. Aliens can’t tell if this is a joke or a confession.

Through a disturbing number of coincidences like the above, aliens begin to fear Quartermaster Stabby and are legitimately unsure if it has intelligence or not. It doesn’t help that humans refuse to break the joke to explain it to them.

Alien scientists try to explain the strange phenomenon that is Quartermaster Stabby. They cannot. Humans are delighted.

Quartermaster Stabby is eventually promoted to a position of authority over all autonomous drones in the entire human empire. It also escaped the ship once and managed to become the mayor of a small alien city. That city has since begun using the fact as a tourist attraction, and the episode has brought to human attention the fact that Mayor Stabby technically fulfills all of the criteria necessary to become a president or council member. (Minus the sentience.)

Humans are now trying to vote Mayor Stabby into office, using the aliens’ inability to determine its sentience level to their advantage.

They are successful. Counselor Stabby is most universally beloved representative of the human race. (Among humans, anyway. The aliens have mixed reactions, ranging from amusement, to fear, to outrage.)

Counselor Stabby goes on to somehow reveal a corrupt plot among several other counsel members and essentially averts a huge political catastrophe, all because one of the spies dropped her earring and Counselor Stabby ate it. The earring was bugged. Good call, Counselor Stabby.

Every time Counselor Stabby breaks down and has to be repaired, trillions of humans flood its social media accounts with ‘get well’ messages, and many flowers and gifts are sent to the repair bay or to its charging station.

Counselor Stabby has somehow blundered its way into receiving all of the highest honors that can be bestowed by human society. It helps run an empire. It saves lives. It cleans donut crumbs off of the floor without being asked.

All without a single sentient thought.

Counselor Stabby becomes legend.

[dixeyray]

The humans have started a campaign to use Counselor Stabby as a model to create better bots. 

“Why does a human’s consideration for a ‘better bot’ mean more knives, sir?” the young ambassador said, staring at the contraption in front of him. 

“ we are unsure of their purpose, we have many reports of these creations protecting their home ships. “ The advisor said also staring at the contraptions many spinning blades. 

The residing human walked into the room squealing, quite to loud for the ambassador’s taste, at the contraption. 

“ Aren’t you just a spinning bundle of death! “ The human cried out happily? (The ambassador was still unsure of humans deployment of emotions.) The delivery droid, with knife blades above its propellors, bobbed up and down before depositing it’s ‘gift’ (as the human called it) and leaving through the bot-hatch with a frightening scream accompanying it.

Thes humans, they were, well, humans. The ambassador would need to read more on their culture to even remotely understand them. 

[spacefaringviking]

**STABBY**

[future-ghosts]

*buzzes happily*

[spacefaringviking]

Good Ole Stabby

[ididntmeantotho]

Warhammer 40k game plot. Get a randomly moving cleaner Droid to God status.

[inactiveaccount12345678]

My roomba is scared of thunderstorms

I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago, drawing, and a really loud crack of thunder went off–no power surges or anything, just thunder–and my roomba fled from its dock and started spinning in circles

I currently now have an active roomba sitting quietly on my lap

[systlin]

Humans will pack bond with anything. 

[apostatively]

I had a teenage girl come into my tea shop with her mother the other night. She purposely grabbed a teamaker in the most crunched-up looking box on the shelf (got banged around in shipment) and carried it protectively over to the counter. “If something’s in a damaged box I have to get it because I’m afraid no one else will love it,” she laughed nervously.

Not only will humans pack bond with anything, the empathy level of adolescent girls in particular likely has puppy-saving, world hunger-solving, war-ending powers.

[a-dull-glow]

I once saw a really bumpy lime at the grocery store, just a real ugly fruit. Later that night my boyfriend & I were driving home from rehearsal at like 11:30pm & passed the grocery store & I stared crying & he said “is it that lime? Do you want to go back and get it?” And I nodded and pulled the car around and bought the lime.

[your-friendly-neighbohood-black]

I saw this post once but IT GOT EVEN BETTER

[ididntmeantotho]

My dog, a lab mix, will ocassionally find baby squirrels. I don't know if she goes looking for them or if it's some weird fluke, but once she does she will lick them and try to cuddle until they successfully run away. I think it might be more than just humans that do this.

[haiyaxai-deactivated20151103]

This is a summary of college only using two pictures; expensive as hell.

That’s my Sociology “book”. In fact what it is is a piece of paper with codes written on it to allow me to access an electronic version of a book. I was told by my professor that I could not buy any other paperback version, or use another code, so I was left with no option other than buying a piece of paper for over $200. Best part about all this is my professor wrote the books; there’s something hilariously sadistic about that. So I pretty much doled out $200 for a current edition of an online textbook that is no different than an older, paperback edition of the same book for $5; yeah, I checked. My mistake for listening to my professor.

This is why we download. 

 Alternatives to buying overpriced textbooks

Textbooknova 

Reddit

Bookboon 

Textbookrevolution 

GaTech Math Textbooks

Ebookee 

Freebookspot 

Free-ebooks

Getfreeebooks 

BookFinder

Oerconsortium 

Project Gutenberg

[crystalgarbage-blog]

Spreading this shit like nutella because goddamn textbooks are so expensive. 

[referencesforartists]

not necessarily art related but as someone who couldn’t afford their textbooks this semester this is a godsend

[amplifytheworld-blog]

REBLOGGING because after a little digging, I found my $200 textbook for free in PDF form.

[inunchartedwaters-deactivated20]

friendly reminder that this exists since I know we’re all going back to college soon

[1-4victor-out]

Will reblog every time I see it.

[theleakypen]

uggggh. this is so important, please signal boost this and save poor college students money!

[frecklesanddamane]

Don’t forget Chegg. If you can’t find your textbook free on one of those other sites, Chegg has amazing prices & its rental system is really nice.

[ididntmeantotho]

Reblogging for my own use at a later date.

[succubusboyfriend]

being a self-taught artist with no formal training is having done art seriously since you were a young teenager and only finding out that you’re supposed to do warm up sketches every time you’re about to work on serious art when you’re fuckin twenty-five

[succubusboyfriend]

someone: oh yeah, do this exercise during your warm ups! it’ll help

me: my what

[suave-eddboy]

[thepioden]

What’s up I have an actual college degree in art and I was never ONCE taught to do warm ups.

[sparksel]

when i was in undergrad, it was kind of mentioned in and offhand way that we should do warmups, but we were never shown what that meant. And, y’know, we were young so it didn’t matter so much. 

Being older now and having an art job it’s…kind of essential. 

So: a quick primer for those of you who are like ‘ok but how do i actually go about doing this warmup thing.’ 

1) you may be tempted to do ‘a warmup drawing’ which is just a drawing that will take longer than it needed to and probably be frustrating and kind of bad because you didn’t warm up first. It’s tempting but always a trick your brain is playing on you! Do not trust! 

2) warmups will vary based on what feels good to you/what task you’re about to do/what motor skills you want to practice. That being said, some good standbys:

a) circles. Just a whole page of circles on whatever drawing surface you’re going to be using, whether that’s your tablet or your sketchbook or a drawing pad on an easel. For these circles you should make sure that you’re drawing from your shoulder and not your wrist. In fact, you want to be drawing from your shoulder rather than your wrist most of the time! forever! your wrist is delicate please preserve it! 

In order to ensure that you’re drawing from your shoulder, when you’re holding your pencil or whatever drawing tool you’re using, the only part of your hand that should be touching the drawing surface is part of the last two fingers–some people prefer the finger tips, but I tend to favor the first knuckles. Either way, the fingers should really be ghosting over the surface, providing guidance rather than support. 

I usually start with big circles and then go to smaller circles and lines of ellipses, and then try to fit circles and ellipses inside other shapes i’ve already drawn as a precision exercise, but i don’t do that unless i’m feeling loose

b) spirals! i don’t always do spirals, but if i’m stiff and the circles just aren’t cutting it, spirals are a good fall back. I start from the center and work outward, going both clockwise and counterclockwise until i feel comfortable with the whole range of motion. Some people really care about getting perfect spirals but for me it’s all about making sure i’m comfortable with how i’m moving so who really even cares about how the spirals look. Not me! 

c) lines! straight lines! in parallel! i do a mix of vertical, horizontal, and diagonal. These are often more from the elbow than the shoulder, especially if I’m working on a smaller surface. For this exercise, I recommend holding the drawing tool perpendicular with the surface

d) connect the dots. This is a precision and accuracy exercise and takes two forms. The first is to draw two dots and then draw a straight line between them. The second is to draw three dots and draw the curve that connects them. This sounds a lot simpler than it is in practice. Take time to ghost over the line you plan to draw before actually committing to your line. (I don’t always remember where I picked up my warm up exercises, but I’m pretty sure I got this one from Scott Robertson. His how to draw and how to render books are very technical but also accessible and worth checking out)

e) cubes, spheres, cones, and cylinders. These help get your brain into a more volumetric space. I draw multiples of each, rotating the forms around, and I’ll often take the time to do some rough shading on at least a few of them

f) spidermans! This one is really good if you’re going to be storyboarding or working on dynamic poses. Just fill a page full of spidermans doing all sorts of acrobatics. 

g) beans. I don’t do beans too much anymore, but I know a lot of people like it so I’m mentioning it here. Fill an area with different size bean shapes without lifting your pencil off the paper. 

h) short medium and long line repetition. draw a short, medium, and long line on your page, and then draw directly on top of them 8 to 12 times, doing your best to exactly trace what you’ve already drawing. Repeat with a wavy line. I’m bad at this one, which means I probably need to do it more. 

And there are lots more options too! Hit up youtube to see what other people recommend, put together your own go-to list, mix it up when you’re getting bored, etc. 

This is a long list, I know, but I usually don’t take more than 10 to 15 minutes to warm up, and I can warm up one handed while I’m drinking coffee, so, multitasking hurrah. 

Sometimes I’ll advance to a precision warmup and find that I haven’t loosened up enough yet; it’s totally ok to go back to an earlier exercise! Also, all of this has the added benefit of kind of ritualistically getting you into the drawing mode so even if I’m not feeling it before I start, by the time I’ve gotten to the end I’m usually Ready For Drawin’. Brain hacks. 

so, yeah! that’s a lot of words, but! Warmups are important! Save your joints, take less advil, do better drawings! 

[soaringsearingphoenix]

I used to do a drawing practice that i called “an apple a day,” where even if i drew nothing else that day, i would draw an apple. For a while it was kind of a game, where I would try to draw an apple in a different style each day. Then when I ran out of distinct styles, it turned into kind of a journaling thing, where the apple might be placed in a scene that reflected a notable (or at least visually interesting) event from my day. But the thing is, when i was doing little sketches regularly, I actually found myself drawing more. Now i guess I know why.

Anyways my point is, while the above comment has some specific examples, here’s what they have in common (as I see it):

Draw something simple. Your warm up should not take much forethought or creative energy, it’s just to get those art muscles movin’

Draw something fun! The warm up shouldn’t be tedious, or a chore, it should be something that gets you feeling ready to draw, something that gets you feeling loosened up rather than an extra step that just makes you more in your head about drawing. Get those thoughts moving outward! Get silly with it, or whatever mood you need for the piece you’re trying to make.

I’m thinking I might just have to bring my apple thing back, as a warmup this time

[ididntmeantotho]

I have no followers but need this for quick reference.