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@idratherbe-home
I like to think the Tunameltdown chirping never ends. They’re in their 50s and Shane innocently asks Ilya if he wants a tuna melt for lunch and Ilya goes, “Yes, but let me hide your running shoes first.” Shane just throws a fork at him.
thinking about how quietly heartbreaking it is that ilya is seen as this super good ally by every queer character in game changers when ilya so badly wants to be open and proud about his sexuality. no one reads him as gay or bi, and he can get away with a lot because of it, but that is also so lonely because he feels this distance between him and an openly gay character like harris who is so comfortable with his sexuality and is at the point where he doesn't need to hide it or shield himself from the world. whereas ilya needs to be read as straight for both his protection and to protect his relationship with shane. and there is something so heartbreaking when you are not out, but people just assume you're straight and use heteronormative language to describe you and a potential partner/your future, and you have to just sit there and bite your tongue. and it's not safe to be out and you know this realistically, but there is a part of you that so badly wants someone to look at you and see you for what you really are- especially around other queer people.
i think 19-year-old ilya rozanov had an "i <3 boobies" bracelet. his english was still not great but this simple message printed on a bracelet really resonated with him. he appreciated that it used terms he understood. and he found it incredibly funny in the way anyone who has recently discovered the term "boobies" would.
Shane knows Ilya is flirting with him. You think he doesn't understand what is happening because you don't understand his character and cannot read his emotions, so you project your preconceptions of autism onto him. When Ilya tells Shane that doing the commercial together was his idea, Shane knows that is an advance. He is visibly shocked by Ilya pursuing him and simultaneously nervous and excited by the implication. It is written all over his face and body language. I seriously just saw someone say Shane was "thinking it's just business" that Ilya planned for them to do the commercial together...no he wasn't. Also a lot of the time he is not missing jokes like y'all think he is, he just doesn't respond to them typically or the way you think he should. Also, he is making jokes and being sarcastic sometimes too and you guys are missing it! Ironic! Like when he says "I know the word for father," he knows that it's a really obvious word that's the same/similar in tons of languages and sometimes even used in English, so it obviously doesn't require knowing any Russian. He's being playful.
This is not to say he does not take things literally, miss jokes and sarcasm, misread tone, miss social cues, etc. He absolutely does, just not all the time. When it comes to Ilya, Shane is actually very good at reading his body language and facial expressions. He is very attuned to Ilya's emotions, even when he doesn't fully understand what those emotions mean. That is where he struggles. When Ilya is suddenly cold, Shane notices, he just can't figure out why. When Ilya lets his facial expressions show, Shane has a very good success rate at reading his thoughts. This is especially clear in the Heated Rivalry book, since we cannot get his inner monologue in the show and he is so anxious and inhibited in The Long Game, too consumed by his fears to be fully emotionally present. The best example of Shane reading Ilya's thoughts in this way that I can think of is when Ilya wins the cup, and Shane, watching him on TV, can tell from his face that Ilya has just proven something to someone, even without knowing anything about Ilya's family life or even knowing he had anyone to prove anything to. This is also just such a beautiful moment to me, despite how bittersweet it is. They are hiding their emotions from everyone, even themselves, and consequently do not allow themselves to get to know one another truly, yet they have such a natural compatibility that they understand each other on a uniquely deep level, percieving things no one else does, even through all these emotional barriers. In summary, I love them.
i need david to find out about ilya’s piece of shit abusive father & horrific childhood in unrivaled so bad it makes me unwell. i can’t even quite place why, except that yuna/ilya is the more obvious axis people talk about & david/shane, for good reason. shane was a sensitive kid, and even as an adult he’s easier to wound than ilya, with his quirks and particularities and softer upbringing, so david hollander, the gentle, observant, patient half of the hollander parents, is the most nurturing figure to be with him
and ilya is brash and sharp and off-putting sometimes, the same way yuna is (including to shane) so they get lumped together in this shared understanding of being Difficult People With Histories. which is true. but something about david, sweet teddy bear, soft-spoken, earnest david, knowing about ilya’s upbringing and being quietly, incandescently angry about it…
i need someone to be angry for ilya, not just sad or pitying. i need it to be someone who would never feel like that otherwise. i need it to deepen how good of an adoptive father david is to him—how he’s healing not just trauma but an entire warped understanding of what a father even is, for a grown-up kid who never, ever deserved any of that hell. david hollander is where shane gets his boring from, & ilya has never before received so much stability, steady love and affection, warmth, and boring in his life.
So much has been said about Ilya helping Shane down from his panic attack at his parents’ house but I want to point out the brief moment before he steps in.
Ilya catches on to what is happening to Shane and takes a half second to look between Yuna and David to check in with them. He’s asking with his eyes if they as parents want to manage the situation and sees that they are clearly also a bit too stunned, so Ilya takes charge.
I think its so beautiful that Yuna and David get to see Ilya in this way, see how gentle he is and how intrinsically he understands their son. How he knows how to make him feel seen and safe and okay.
Since rookie season. Since the summer before.
i love you.
some proper art for them
david hollander is the true winner of the idgaf war. he doesn’t know what youtube is. he doesn’t care about shane’s sponsorships. he understands why shane doesn’t wanna go to wimbledon and is just happy to go with his wife. he sees his son making out with his supposed arch enemy and turns 180 degrees, gets in his car, and doesn’t tell a soul. he pulls out the vodka when his newly out gay son is having a freak out at the dinner table. if shane had even 1% of his idgaf powers he would be unstoppable. unfortunately that boy inherited his mom’s gaf-ability, which is constantly set to 150%.
I need to see ilya in his WAG era. like totally embracing the stay at home dads, husband to the captain lifestyle. he pick shane up from practice with sunglasses, sleeveless shirt and baby strapped to his chest. he insults nearly every team member in the playful way that he does, before showing off the thousand pictures he took of tiny baby sleeping that day. moms are cooing over him at the mommy and me classes that he goes to, and sometime drags a reluctant shane to. he’s the coolest dad at pre-school pick up. everyone is wanting to arrange a play date with him because he’s ilya fucking rozanov. he sits with the rest of the wives at home games and is the loudest and more annoying spectator. he is screaming to luca to take the shout, swears in russian when wyatt catches a the puck. he would be so endearing but so fucking insufferable, i need it so bad.
who up heating they rivalry? 🏒🥅🏳️🌈
when it's figure study day and you're captivated by the fictional queer jocks
The fact that there are multiple times in canon (and obv countless times in fic) where people find out about hollanov and are like "could this affect how they play against each other? Have they ever let each other win???"
And the true and normal answer is, "no, of course not, they are both professionals who take their craft very seriously."
But the even MORE true answer is, "well, it DOES affect their game, in that they are even more competive with each other, because winning at hockey is a Sex Thing for them."
But they can't tell people that :/
The thing is that Ilya has no fucking clue what autism is. He probably read the word when some twitter user called Shane autistic and wanted to look it up but got distracted by a post about Shane's tits or smth.
What he does know though is that Shane folds his clothes before sex. And he smiles at him with adoration when he does it and doesn't rush him or make fun of him for it. He knows Shane doesn't always pick up on his jokes and sarcasm "That's French, Ilya" but he doesn't mind it and would never make Shane feel bad about it or dismiss his response "Yeah I know, Shane". He knows Shane has a PhD in The Arts of Overthinking "Now the bed's all dirty" so he playfully chases his worries away and closes all those open tabs in Shane's brain "What? Shut up". He knows Shane will not rest until he has everything in his life under control so he grumbles when Shane wakes him up in the middle of the night to tell him how they can make it all work but still listens intently to his plan. He knows Shane feels overwhelmed and anxious when stuff doesn't go down as planned "This is my actual fucking nightmare, Ilya" "I'm okay I'm just freaking out I'll be okay in a second" so he softly comforts him and supports him through it "Then maybe it's time to wake up, yes?" "We're good here, your family's here, you're boyfriend's here, we're good here, ok?" He knows Shane has to hear it to believe it "My boyfriend?" so he gently goes "I mean yes, I think so, probably".
He doesn't know Shane is autistic but he knows Shane and he loves Shane and Shane happens to be autistic
Seeing someone fully and loving them for it is beautiful
ilya showing how much he loves shane in front of his parents will always make me cry. he does it without hesitation. comforting him, speaking so easily and openly about their relationship, "you would leave boston for shane" "yes". he is the loverboy of all time. he's meant to be on the verge of tears with love, eating pasta at his in-laws. this is what he was meant for. the uninhibited displays of emotion and vulnerability and how none of it seems to phase him, none of it is forced. he has wanted a chance to love shane so openly and he's been given it and he is taking it all.
finally taking what he has wanted for so long, and it's just loving Shane openly, what if I just died rn
sorry i cant stop thinking about it
shane: hey :) play better next time best buddy :)
scott: take ilyas dick out of your mouth before you talk to me
One of the core parts of Ilya’s identity is that he knows he’s hot, he knows he’s sexually desirable and he’s incredibly sexually literate.
What holds him back is he doesn’t believe he’s desirable romantically. He especially doesn’t believe that he deserves Shane. That insecurity and that low self worth given to him by his family, the one group of people who are supposed to love him unconditionally, is what drives their miscommunication.
He’s staring himself down in the mirror, disgusted with himself for needing Shane so much. Of course Shane doesn’t want him outside of sex. That’s all he’s good for. Of course Shane found a nice, sensible, beautiful woman.
Shane is a ‘good boy’. He’s going to settle down and get married and do all the things a professional hockey player should be doing.
Ilya is so deeply hurt and embarrassed that he thought for even a second he could be something more for Shane. Embarrassed that he wanted that.
He opened himself up for the first time in his adult life and got a knife through the heart- because of course he did. That’s what always happened when he was a kid. When he played a game and expected his father to be proud of him, only to be dismissed and belittled at every turn.
His brother calling him a ‘whiny faggot’ for expressing even the most surface level emotions.
I’m sick about this sad bisexual Russian man.
