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@imgonnablogtheworldtodeath
Daughter: You realize this puts you in the top 1% of the top 1%, right? The elite of the elite! That's extremely good.
Father: *glaring at his brand new "#272993 Dad" mug* I still don't like it.
Father's Co-Worker: *drinking out of a "#5122653 Dad" mug* How was Father's Day?
Father: *feeling smug* Pretty great, actually.
This princess is Miranda (of Philadelphia) and she was voiced by Miranda Ram-Nolte who died of cancer (1995-2014).
WangXian AU Where...
Wei Wuxian runs Yiling Orphanage, taking care of little Yuan, baby Four, and little girl Popo (she insists she is a granny; no one knows why, but everyone runs with it.) Wen Ning and Wen Qing, whom Wei Wuxian took in when they were teenagers, have grown up and help him run the orphanage.
But times are tough, and their donations are running dry.
One day, Yuan disappears, and Wei Wuxian is beside himself. He searches the village to no avail. That evening, Yuan reappears, but this time with a wandering cultivator he's taken to calling A-Die. He says it's time Wei Wuxian found him a rich Daddy.
The person Yuan brought home is none other than Lan Wangji, the man Wei Wuxian had never forgotten. Old regrets are stirred up again. Longing reignites. And love blooms in Lan Wangji's palms, as he will not leave Wei Wuxian's side, having finally found him again.
The orphanage is about to gain a very generous donor.
(And if this becomes a self-indulgent mpreg fic where Lan Wangji gives Wei Wuxian two more mouths to feed, that's my business and my business alone.)
(Wei Wuxian just wants to give his Lan-er gege a dozen Lans, and Lan Wangji is happy to adopt all the children.)
Wangxian AU with Priest!Lan Wangji and Homeless!Wei Wuxian
Hearing that his high school crush followed the family trade and joined the clergy, a recently homeless Wei Wuxian stumbles into the church where Lan Wangji works, hoping that he'll help him find a place to stay.
He enters the confessional and, unable to help himself, says, "You're too hot to be a priest."
"Shameless," Lan Wangji says.
Wei Wuxian cannot see the blush that creeps over Lan Wangji's ears through the screen. "I can't complain, though," Wei Wuxian says. "It's just my luck that I have a good-hearted and generous friend like you who wouldn't just let me live on the streets. Man of the cloth and all that--you have to help, right?"
"Wei Ying..." There are many questions Lan Wangji wishes to ask, but he knows that if he pries too much, he will scare Wei Wuxian off. "Mn." There will be other days when Wei Wuxian will offer him tidbits of his past, Lan Wangji knows. For the time being, he can offer him a spot in his living quarters and help Wei Wuxian back on his feet. But memories of the past keep him awake at night. The feelings he denied in pursuit of joining the church have been rekindled by Wei Wuxian's presence in his rooms. In another life, perhaps Lan Wangji would have confessed, would have sacrificed this path, and disappointed his uncle.
For the second time, he is tempted to leave a life that seemed pre-destined for him, and perhaps, he is not willing to let Wei Wuxian go this time.
ScientistAU Wangxian Part 5
This takes place after Part 4 but before Part 2 and Part 3.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The grant writing season was coming to a close. Wei Wuxian understood this too well. Since late graduate school, he has existed in a cycle of applying for grants, obtaining one, and applying in the next calendar year. Without grants, he could not run a lab. His current projects would end. His loyal lab rat, Wen Ning, would be assigned to another team.
Of course, he could also be assigned to another team. But he wouldn't run his own lab. Wouldn't lead a project. He was bone-tired. None of the proposals he began were finished, and so none were sent. And later, when he's desperate, he might ask Lan Wangji to absorb him into his lab, but that night, he didn't have the energy.
Lan Wangji was beside him again, humming low as Wei Wuxian's eyes grew heavy. The medicine made him cold, sleepy, and, at worst, reflective.
"I just want to be in bed all day," he said to no one. Maybe to himself. "I just want to do something exciting. Not work then treatment then sleep then work then treatment. I'm becoming as boring as you are, Lan Zhan."
"You'll do something exciting from bed?"
Wei Wuxian felt Lan Wangji grimace internally. He hadn't intended to leave a trap, yet there was something delightful about the thought that Lan Wangji had dropped his guard just enough to fall into it. "Oh, Lan Zhan, my sweet, innocent Lan Zhan, there are so many fun things to do in bed. I'll tell you all about it sometime. I've got a dozen stories that'll leave even a prude like yourself blushing."
"Shameless." Lan Wangji turned away from him. "Will you quit?"
The question sounded more like: You should quit.
"But how will I pay the rent? Sick people are expensive. And bad at haggling. I'm too fucking tired to haggle. I just pay full price at the market. It's horrible."
"Move in with me."
Lan Wangji made it seem as if it were nothing. Moving in with the most-annoying-brat-in-existence coworker. As if it were no burden. "I'll uproot your life. I've already uprooted your life."
"Mn." In his drowsiness, Wei Wuxian swore Lan Wangji was smiling, but then again, Lan Wangji never smiled. "Let me drive you home."
"I won't say no to a ride, but moving in... Ah, Lan Zhan, I don't think it'd be for the best, alright? This is enough."
How Wei Wuxian ended up in the passenger seat of Lan Wangji's car, he didn't recall. Lan Wangji was buckling him in, his face hovering an inch or two from Wei Wuxian's. His jawline was sharp, his skin seeming so soft at close distance, nearly poreless.
"Pretty," Wei Wuxian said. "You carried me all the way here. My hero."
Lan Wangji shifted, his hair blanketing his face. The scent of sandalwood filled the car. Tame guqin music played, lullling him back to his dreams, where Lan Wangji was once again by his side, gazing at him when the car rolled to a stop at a red light, golden eyes softening. Dream Lan Wangji brushed his hair behind his ear and continued to drive down an endless road, the sun sinking no lower in the sky. A stretch of indigo and orange unfolded before them, and Wei Wuxian felt a wetness against his cheeks. At the next stop, Dream Lan Wangji frowned beautifully and wiped away his tears.
"I don't want to work anymore," Dream Wei Wuxian said.
"Then don't. It'll be okay."
Dream Lan Wangji was perfectly reassuring. Perfectly sure.
When Wei Wuxian woke up, he was seated on the couch inside the disaster he called his apartment. His research notes were splayed across the coffee table. There were old takeout containers on the kitchen counter. His clothes were on the floor. Lan Wangji was tidying up the dining table.
Lan Wangji was not something he usually found in his home. "What--"
"Rest. Dinner is coming in twenty minutes." A beat passed. Lan Wangji looked towards the kitchen. "You've been eating spicy food."
Wei Wuxian grinned, and without a shred of guilt said, "You can punish me later."
"Mark your words."
Lan Wangji could be so boring. Such a stickler for rules. Wei Wuxian felt warm as he drifted off again.
ScientistAU Wangxian Part 3
Welp, I needed dopamine today, so we get more in this universe.
Part 1
Part 2
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wei Wuxian prided himself on his seemingly endless spirit in the face of dire circumstances. He had, in his youth, felt there was no challenge he could not overcome, too brazen, too confident, too proud, and always smiling.
It had been three days, perhaps four, since Wei Wuxian had stopped trying to appear well. It had finally shocked him, his appearance in the mirror, the sadness in Lan Wangji's eyes when he stumbled into the bathroom by accident. That look, betraying the normally cold countenance, the unphased man carved from jade seemed to crack. And, for a moment, Wei Wuxian wished this could be listed as a side effect: People will not look at you the same.
He had been naked. It was not the first time Lan Wangji had seen him naked, but it was the first time Wei Wuxian had the strength and wherewithal to care that another's eyes could look at him, truly look at him. And, nausea threatening to upset an otherwise good morning, he wished Lan Wangji had walked in on him in the nude some three or four months ago when he still had some muscle on him, a pad of fat on his thighs. When his ass was still glorious and ethereal and inviting.
He showered beneath a cold stream of water that morning, hoping it would center his thoughts. It's not as if Lan Wangji would have cared to look at him when he was in better shape, anyhow. The shower didn't help.
On an evening some days later, Wei Wuxian's head was on Lan Wangji's shoulder. A movie was playing on the television that Lan Wangji bought because Wei Wuxian was prone to boredom whenever his caretaker-roommate-crush had to go into the lab. He didn't devote any attention to the plot, his thoughts drifting to the sight of Lan Wangji opening the door and the quiver of his bottom lip.
He had never loved nor hated Lan Wangji more than in that moment. Why did he have to realize it then? When he was certain Lan Wangji wouldn't feel the same for him?
"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji said, a finger brushing over his cheek.
"Sorry, Lan Zhan. I'm feeling a bit tired."
"Mn." Lan Wangji rose, and before Wei Wuxian could follow, an arm appeared underneath his knees and another underneath his back. Lan Wangji began to carry him to the bedroom.
And only then, in his arms, Wei Wuxian began to laugh again. "Do you know, Lan Zhan, I'm going to die a virgin? I mean, what an embarrassment. Don't tell anyone. I should have a good reputation. When you remember me, tell them I was once devilishly handsome. Don't tell them about the tragedy of the thirty-one-year-old devilishly handsome virgin, and his pure, untouched hole."
"Nonsense," Lan Wangji said.
"God, please tell me you didn't believe all that bullshit about the girls and guys I was seeing. I mean, anyone who's not you would've known I was making it up. Or at least thought I was making most of it up. You're too good, Lan Zhan. Too good!"
Wei Wuxian was cackling. Lan Wangji sat down on the edge of the bed. He was too far and too close. Wei Wuxian had no excuse for himself, yet he tugged at Lan Wangji's shirt until the other man lay down beside him. If he were healthier, he would have had to be drunk to confess to such things. But Lan Wangji had prohibited alcohol while he was under treatment. And, for once, Wei Wuxian listened.
"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji said softly.
"Do you know, I've never seen anyone as beautiful as you? Guy or girl. It was always so annoying on dates. No one frowns the way you do, with that perfect little pout."
"You shouldn't say things you don't mean."
"But I do! I mean it! A few times, more than a few times, I got to a front door or a drink inside, but then I'd find some excuse to go. Since undergrad, when you caught me sneaking Emperor's Smile into the lab. I even went on a date—a coincidence; I wasn't even looking for it—with a guy who almost looks like you. But it was all wrong. Cause he didn't know how to be angry with me. Fuck, you're really a problem for me, Lan Zhan. And I'm going to die a virgin because of you. So you have to know. It's all your fault." Wei Wuxian propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at Lan Wanji, whose hair had fallen away from his face, revealing two blushing ears, vividly red as beets. "You're really a problem for me. I think you ruined me for everyone else. And now you're like this. Nice, caring, perfect Lan Zhan. Do you know what you're doing to a girl like me? If we were in old times, you would've had to take responsibility."
"I'll take responsibility," Lan Wangji said.
Silence passed between the pair.
"What?" Wei Wuxian asked, dumbfounded.
No force was required to tug Wei Wuxian down. He collapsed into Lan Wangji's chest, and then the man guided his chin upwards until their lips brushed together, a whisper of a kiss. "I'll take responsibility."
And, for a moment, as Lan Wangji kissed him, Wei Wuxian thought that Lan Wangji had taken his sickness away. His body felt warm and whole and thrilled for tomorrow. And he thought he might live forever if Lan Wangji never stopped kissing him.
I love how in WWX's second life, LWJ doesn't even bother asking him if he'll come back to Gusu with him. He's just like, on a technicality, because this isn't forced, since MXY (who he knows is WWX) is so besotted with Hanguang-Jun, it's alright. MXY is basically begging for LWJ to save him from JC. And saving MXY means taking him back to Gusu, right? Right?!
LWJ, internally, must have been mortified with himself for using WWX-type logic, maybe a little proud, but mostly thinking: fucking finally!
Wei Wuxian wallpaper
Secretly rich (even to himself) Wei Wuxian AU wherein Wei Wuxian starts to anonymously sell original Tailsmans and Arrays when he's young and puts the money away in a secret account. He doesn't really use it except for emergencies so even he wasn't aware of how much money he had accumulated over the years until he needed to pull some money out for something.
Funniest justification for gay sex thank you Marlon Brando
I don't know. I just don't know
It took me a solid thirty seconds to realize that Phragmites was probably the genus name of the plants in the picture and not, like, an ancient Greek warrior waiting in the marshes to attack.
Spent tonight at a local short film festival. One of the shorts was made by two 12 year olds in their backyard and it was the best short of the entire night
“Hello I’m Officer Goodguy”
“I didn’t kill him!”
“I wasn’t going to ask if you killed somebody”
“Oh, sorry”
“Did you kill somebody?”
“Oh yeah”
“I’m gonna have to take a look around”
“Okayyy but you’re not gonna like it”
*opens door, reveals room full of badly keyed in fire and high pitched screaming, closes door*
“Well?”
“I didn’t like it”
It won the audience choice award, obviously
the gothest sentence in existence
i love things that come in glass jars because once its over the glass jar is mine
if i’m ever brutally murdered and everyone feels like they need to do something productive in my memory, all i want is for you to pass legislation banning LED headlights in my name. regardless of how irrelevant it is to my murder. it’s relevant to my heart.
“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore
