Incorrect Brandon Quotes

[writing-in-the-grave]

Hey y'all why are writers always cold?

[run-remi-run]

...why?

[writing-in-the-grave]

They're always surrounded by drafts!

How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

[run-remi-run]

Oh god.

How many?

[writing-in-the-grave]

Two! One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end!

What do writers have for breakfast?

[run-remi-run]

Coffee?

[writing-in-the-grave]

Synonym buns!

Where do all the struggling writers live?

[run-remi-run]

How are you coming up with all these?

Where?

[writing-in-the-grave]

Writer's Block!

What do writers suffer from each spring?

(I've heard a lot of them over the years.)

[run-remi-run]

Allergies. Next question.

[writing-in-the-grave]

you were close; A case of allegories

Why are writers always in great shape?

[run-remi-run]

Circular prose

[writing-in-the-grave]

Nope! It's because we're always running out of ideas!

Did you hear about the famous writer who turned out to be a fraud?

[run-remi-run]

I did not

[writing-in-the-grave]

His life had it's prose and cons...

Why is editing a better job than writing?

[run-remi-run]

It's more rewording?

[writing-in-the-grave]

Correct! I am out of jokes. :(

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Victoria: Okay, so let’s start by talking about the emotions you’re feeling right now.

Ginger: Stabbing.

Victoria: Stabbing... isn’t really an emotion. It's more of an activity...See, an emotion is more of a feeling.

Ginger: …Well, maybe I feel stabby.

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Isabelle, to herself: I love Mahdi so much, he's such an important part of my life. I wouldn't be the same without him. How can I convey that to him?

Isabelle:

Isabelle: [sends Mahdi a meme out of nowhere at 2 AM]

Isabelle: Perfect.

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Sarah: Ginger, I-

Ginger: There is no “I” in this friendship, Sarah. Only “we.”

Sarah: ..Okay then, “we” are bi

Ginger: Damn right we are.

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Sarah: I’m bi and confused.

Victoria: About your sexuality?

Sarah: No, not about being bi. I just never know what is going on.

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Sam and Victoria: I have a disease that makes me like anime and titties its called being a fucking genius

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Isabelle: This is my ex-boyfriend.

Mahdi: Stop calling me that.

Mahdi: I’m her husband.

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Isabelle, sleep deprived: If you water water it grows.

Ginger: What the Actual Fuck

Sarah: No wait

Sarah: She’s onto something

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Brandon: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice!

Sarah: It's not a tone, I'm panicking!!

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Sarah: Look, I'm melting butter.

Victoria: That's great. Now you have the cooking skills of a hot day.

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Sarah: hey do you dare me to eat this whole thing of ice cream

Victoria: no

Sarah: *shaking her head and chuckling* I can't believe you're making me do this

Victoria: I'm not

Sarah: *eating right out of the thing* this is so wild you're so messed up for making me do this

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Sarah, texting Victoria, her international spy friend: hey what are you up to?

Victoria: not now, I'm on a mission

Sarah: oh so you're incognito

Sarah: but I think you're incog-neato ;D

Victoria:

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Chaotic Family as John Mulaney Quotes

Isabelle: I’ll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die.

Sarah: It is so much easier not to do things than to do them.

Sam: Part of me was like, whatever, you know. You know those days when you’re like… this might as well happen?

Brandon: If it’s a true or false question, you should be able to add a third option, which is… “Who’s to say?”

Ethan: I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.

Ginger: I am a proud woman and you will treat me with respect!

Victoria: I have had a very long day. I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Sarah: Yeeted!

Isabelle: Yote!

Sarah: YEETED!

Isabelle: Victoria! Please tell her it is yote!

Victoria: Guys! Please just tell me who threw Brandon off the roof!

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Victoria: Good responses to getting stabbed with a sword?

Sarah: Rude.

Sam: That's fair.

Isabelle: Not again.

Ginger: Are you going to want this back or can I keep it?

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

What you get when you search the chaotic family on conceptnet.io

Sarah

Victoria

Isabelle

Brandon

Ginger

Ethan

Sam

[incorrectbrandonquotes]

Victoria and Isabelle, teaching Ginger to drive: So, you’re driving down a road and you see Sarah and Brandon on the road. What do you hit?

Ginger: Oh, definitely Brandon. I could never hurt Sarah.

Victoria and Isabelle, rubbing their temples: The brakes, Ginger. You hit the brakes.