Hot Take: Hektor and Odysseus aren't comparable as husbands and fathers - Odysseus wouldn't have (and didn't in mythic tradition) put his country and pride over the well-being of his wife and son.
Could not disagree more.
Firstly I don't think it's comparable at all because Hector is in a city that is being besieged. He does not have the option to just sit around and wait. Protecting Troy was the same as protecting his wife and son because the city falling is what would let the bad things happen to them.
If we are to accept that Odysseus is forced to go to Troy to fight because of an oath, we have to also accept that Hector is forced to fight when his entire city is being attacked.
(Though in my opinion leaving your wife and son to maybe go die as the aggressor in a war because you swore an oath and your attempt to be released from said oath failed is even more putting your pride over said wife and son than Hector going to fight Achilles who is proving himself to be most significant threat to not only Hector, but his entire people, but maybe that's just me.)
"#meanwhile hektor knew he would die at achilles' hands and he knew the fate that awaited andromache and their son if he died"
I fully disagree that Hector knew he would die and I don't think saying Hector's reasoning for his initial choice to fight Achilles was not at least partially motivated by pride would be accurate, but it seems to me his main reason is not "I need to fight Achilles to win glory" but rather "I am too ashamed to go hide inside the walls after my decision got so many men killed."
In book 22 we get:
"'Here I am badly caught. [...] No, I would not [take cover] would not, wiser though it would have been. Now troops have perished for my foolish pride, I am ashamed to face townsmen and women. [...] Better, when that time comes, that I appear as he who killed Akhilleus man to man, or else that I went down fighting him to the end before the city."
(Translation by Robert Fitzgerald and all subsequent quotations will be as well because it is the only copy I have on hand rn)
He considers trying to talk to Achilles and give back Helen and all the city's riches instead of fighting, but very rightly concludes that Achilles would just kill him.
He then sees Achilles barreling towards him and basically goes "Oh shit", then turns and runs away from Akhilles. He tries so desperately to get away that he rounds the city three times, and every time he tries to escape inside the city after all, Achilles is there to cut him off.
So even though he first decides to try to fight, he changes his mind.
Athena then appears to him in the form of his brother, and we get:
"Again the grey-eyed goddess Athêna spoke: [...] Now let us fight him and fight hard. No holding back. We'll see if this Akhilleus conquers us both, to take our armor seaward, or if he can be brought down by your spear.
This way, by guile, Athêna led him on. And when at last the two men faced each other, Hektor was the first to speak. He said:
'I will no longer fear you as before, son of Pëleus, though I ran from you round Priam's town three times and could not face you. Now my soul would have me stand and fight, whether I kill you or am killled. [...] I swear that terrible as you are, I'll not insult you corpse should Zeus allow me victory in the end, your life as prize. Once I have your gear, I'll give your body back to the Akhaians. Grant me, too, this grace.'"
When Hector finally turned to fight, he did not know that he would die, and Athena tricked him into thinking he had backup.
#and still went out to fight despite andromache begging him not to
In book 6, Andromache begs him not to fight and Hector responds:
"'Lady, these many things beset my mind no less than yours. But I should die of shame before our Trojan men and noblewomen if like a coward I avoided battle, not am I moved to. Long ago I learned how to be brave, how to go forward always and to contend for honor, Father's and mine. Honor- for in my heart and soul I know a day will come when ancient Illion falls, when Priam and the folk of Priam perish. Not by the Trojans' anguish on that day am I so overborne in mind - the pain of Hékabê herself, or Priam king, or of my brothers, many and valorous who will have fallen in dust before our enemies - as by your own grief, when some armed Akhaian takes you in tears, your free life stripped away. [...] Let me be hidden dark down in my grave before I hear your cry or know you captive!'"
This would be a fair prediction of what would happen if Troy falls because this is what happens when a city is sacked. So did he know what would happen if Troy fell? Yes.
But that does not mean that he thought this would happen if he died, or even that he thought Troy would fall, and again, he did not know that facing Achilles would mean his death.
We know that. We know Hector's death was the end of Troy, and so the poem ends with his funeral. But Hector does not know that, which I believe is shown immediately after:
Following the above, he picks up his son and prays:
"'O Zeus and all immortals, may this child, my son, become like me a prince among the Trojans. Let him be strong and brave and rule in power At Ilion; then someday men will say 'This fellow is far better than his father!' seeing him home from war, and in his arms the bloodstained gear of some tall warrior slain- making his mother proud'."
His response to her plea were his fears, and his prayer his hopes.
He then says to her:
"'Unquiet soul, do not be too distressed by thoughts of me. You know no man dispatches me into the undergloom against my fate; no mortal either can escape his fate, coward or brave man, once he comes to be. [...] As for the war, that is for all men, all who were born at Ilion, to put their minds on - most of all for me."
And that brings us back, both to my earlier point that Hector does not have much of a choice in fighting this war, being, you know besieged, but also to the overarching motivation for Hector (other than not having everybody die), which in my opinion is not glory, but duty.
Hector has to fight because Hector is Priam's oldest son. All of these people are Hector's responsibility. That is what makes hiding within the wall so shameful, especially after his decision got so many killed.
Hector did not "put his country and pride over the well-being of his wife and son", he had to fight for Troy, because fighting for Troy was the same as fighting for them. In Hector's mind (correctly!) Troy falling = Andromache being enslaved (and probably raped).
When he chose to fight Achilles, he thought he might win. When he saw Achilles coming, he thought he would die and ran. Athena then tricked him into thinking he might win, which would help protect Troy and in extension Andromache and Astyanax.
