... "forget everything about how sex is supposed to go, and everything about how itâs supposed to look. Focus instead on how itâs supposed to feel, and what itâs supposed to do. Remember that everything about sex is about the people. Whether there is one or two or more people involved, every one of them is a partner, and every one needs to be happy with how it goes. To do that, they have to share information. Encourage each other to say what feels good (physically and emotionally), and do it more. Whatever doesnât work â either for you or for them (physically or emotionally), stop doing.
Thatâs it. Really. Some folks might tell you, for example, that âeveryoneâ loves oral sexâ . But not really. If you and your partner are not so into it, then it doesnât do you any good. People might tell you that sex only âcountsâ or goes âall the wayâ if a penisâ goes in a vaginaâ , or in some other entrance or whatever arbitrary definition âtheyâ agree on. What good does that kind of keeping score do anybody? That stuff is for gossip, it doesnât help anyone have better sex."
Thomas MacAulay Millar, Ethical Horniness, Or How To Find A Partner In An Enthusiastic Consent World