слава 𓂉

{INTP} - diagnosed i'm over 18 - i refuse to have a filter on this.

[divinexinyu]

I hate when I perceive something as distance, as being ignored. I hate the thoughts and feelings that follow. I know he most likely just had an exhausting day, got home and passed out. I still wake up to a goodmorning text and I know I will later today.

Two days of not talking that much should not make me start to question and get paranoid. Two days of him being busy should not make me form doubts. But I just can’t help it.

[itss1ava]

it is not your fault & i do not blame you for being worried as its a part of who you are.

i'm well aware your paranoia comes with talking to you and that's something i'm willing to take on.

i am a busy person in general however i will always try to make time for you one way or another.

i do not see us as getting distant or growing apart.

[divinexinyu]

Sometimes when I go to his profiles, they glitch and make it appear that I am no longer following them. That quick drop of my stomach forms, dread creeps with a sudden coldness and I can feel myself go still for a few seconds before the glitch fixes itself.

Sometimes I fear that one day it wont be a glitch anymore.

[itss1ava]

i am not a little bitch.

i am able to communicate very well.

you will not wake up blocked randomly as i am not that kind of person with ones i care for.

[dearly-leon]

[itss1ava]

its us in another universe huh?

[itss1ava]

leon is such a dirty boy.

he thinks about me when he touches himself.

the others told me he used up all the lube.

he is my good boy.

[itss1ava]

as of right now ciel feels as if he isn't able to trust anybody and given his past and history i am able to understand why.

i do hope he can find it in himself to gain trust for me as other alters in his system are able to trust me because i proved myself to them.

he said words aren't going to work for him to gain my trust meaning it's going to be more of a workout for me.

however i am willing to try the best i can to make ciel feel comfortable and happy when speaking to me.

[divinexinyu]

One of our friends called us a “good boy” in dms as a joke, we posted a screenshot since it was funny.

When he saw it he immediately asked who the fuck it was, i’m glad I will never be alone in those feelings. Ha, last time I saw him calling people “good boy” I about lost my damn mind.

[itss1ava]

i won't make you feel like your going crazy & that your to obsessed with me.

you return all the respect i give you back to me so i wont do you wrong.

i'll give you the same energy and care you give to me.

[dearly-leon]

Hes drunk. Hes different when hes drunk, like how I am when I get very tired. He called me pretty boy, said i was “so precious”. Truly caught me off guard, having things like that used in reference to me confuses me.

Its not like i dont like it, i find myself unable to respond appropriately and it makes me feel a bit bad. Im not good at this

[itss1ava]

i said and did what.

fucking hell what else did i do.

[divinexinyu]

I never think my abandonment issues or that bad or that I even hold the belief he would block me out of the blue until my phone glitches. Until my phone bugs out and makes it appear as he did for a split second. Then that sudden drop in my stomach forms and I feel dread before it snaps back to normal.

Sometimes I find myself repeatedly checking his accounts when he’s offline, just to make sure i’m still friended. I feel fucking crazy, he deserves my trust in these things and I struggle to even put faith in him. It’s embarrassing.

[itss1ava]

that's alright my dear.

i would not randomly block you so waking up to me gone isn't something you have to worry about.

your abandonment issues aren't something that will disappear over night and i'm well aware of that fact.

you are not crazy for constantly checking if i blocked you.

i understand your worry.

[fuyukisworld]

One strange thing that gives me major ethnic dysphoria, gender dysphoria and just dysphoria and general is my body hair. Just having it seriously makes me want to die at times. I cannot go outside in shorts EVER unless I pre-plan and shave in advance.

I want so bad to permanently remove it all from my body so I never have to deal with it ever again.

[itss1ava]

ah that explains why your cunt is so perfectly clean shaved.

i like it.

it looks quite appetizing i must say.

[itss1ava]

i'm alive and well however I severely scared my poor boy.

i made him overthink, go crazy, have doubts, and left him in a very vulnerable state.

it's not that I necessarily feel guilty, I'm simply self-aware enough to admit it.

I apologize for frightening you my dear.

[itss1ava]

just took 4 for my 40mg pills that i'm only able to take once a day.

let's see if anything will happen.

[dearly-leon]

Maybe he isnt so bad. I dont know, my emotions are a mess

[itss1ava]

i can promise you, my dear I am not that bad.

i could take care of you without making you feel any less.

however, these are decisions you have to make for yourself.

[itss1ava]

you better be thinking of me when you touch yourself.

if i find out you aren't then ill kill you.

i will be the only person you think of when you cum.

[itss1ava]

if anybody would like to join a discord server that is pro m@p/@@m message me.

you will have to get through the gateway server first.

[itss1ava]

my perfect boy has the best body. pretty ass, delicate hands, soft face, thick thighs, plump pussy, and topping it off with perfect moans.

you are my good boy

[itss1ava]

sometimes i sit and think to myself if i should make him worse or leave him be. he's a brat and a rape victim however that has never stopped me before and with the way he speaks to me i want to rape him till he can't walk nor speak his nonsense anymore.

maybe i should make him think about his past more and cause him to have a mental breakdown? so many options for me to choose from. he should keep that in mind and be obedient for me.