BENT COPPERS BEWARE

[sexynakedblackguy]

People: “So tell me about yourself”

My introvert ass thinking about who I am:

[earthshaker1217]

Me thinking about which persona can appeal to this audience

[sixpenceee]

Satan’s twitter account is hilarious. Via boredpanda

[moreturkeymrchandler]

friends; relatable edition [1/?] 

[j-manandchanny]

even the portraits have had enough of my shit

[shitpostempire]

[shitpostempire]

[shitpostempire]

[callmedemjin-deactivated2022041]

[hawlucha]

new podcast: *appears*

blue apron: 

[hawlucha]

no its aimed at everyone whos listened to a single podcast in any capacity 

[tamamita]

She's fictional

And soon will you be

[k-dog-spoon-deactivated20190804]

i have no idea of the context of this post but its the most omnious thing ive ever read

[rite-of-darkness-deactivated201]

when you listen to music from the 70s and 80s

[writing-prompt-s]

When you die, you appear in a cinema with a number of other people who look like you. You find out that they are your previous reincarnations, and soon you all begin watching your next life on the big screen.

[lesbian-moon-gf]

too much

[postmarxed-deactivated20190429]

My previous incarnations throwing popcorn at the screen and booing: this bitch is fucking stupid!!!

[silkcrowns-deactivated20190419]

anderson cooper passive aggressively mentioning that time square looks nice but it’s too bad that there’s a million people in puerto rico who can’t see it because they haven’t had electricity for months is the political mood for 2018

[j-manandchanny]

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Reblogging to add a direct quote that I used today -

Please respect my work process: just do it the way I told you to and stop arguing with me, I don't care what you think

[amerlcanapparel-deactivated2020]

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

[straighthater]

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

[timelordpillbug]

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

[hikingnerd]

When Russia sends you nudes

[dr-thackery]

[dismantlerepaired]

[ilovepretzelrods]

[thegingerbalrog]

[onwardwall]

[miss-jaxon-flaxon-waxon]

#what the fuck happened here

[her-eyes-dared-me-with-danger]

This is my favorite post in all of tumblr

[kyloschuyler]

reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia

[emmg]

I’m Russian and I approve

[squidyword]

Do Not Drink & Drive Tonight

[j-manandchanny]

crop circles

everybody: aliens

nobody: corn is sentient