references & resources

sideblog, to more easily reference. [main: solvuntur]

[jesaurai]

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[coping-skill-toolkit]

During my first month with my therapist, I was given this worksheet to read and work on. She noticed that while I was talking with her, that my thoughts followed a lot of these. I wasn’t aware that my anxiety had brought me down paths of low self-worth and stinky thinking.  After a couple of weeks of talking with her, she gave me this worksheet to work on. 

While, at first, I thought these weren’t going to work out, I was very surprised to see just how easy they were to use . My homework at that time was to identify which sort of thinking I used on the regular and which ones would best challenge them for me. So, what do you think? Do any of the maladaptive thinking patterns sound like you? which ways would you like to untwist your thinking? 

[amatara]

I’m pretending all the time to be, kinder, stronger, funnier, more sociable than I am. I guess we’re all like that but it just feels so inadequate.

[animate-mush]

What’s the difference?

I know it sounds flippant but… certain things are fundamentally performative.  And other things are so close as makes no difference.

Kindness is performative.  Actions are kind, and people are kind by performing those actions.  You can’t “pretend” to be kinder than you are, you can only perform kindness or not perform kindness, and choosing to perform kindness is always worthwhile, no matter how much you may second-guess your motivations.

Strength is so many things.  It takes strength to pretend a strength you don’t feel.  And the way to achieve strength is to exercise it, so long as you do it in enough moderation to not strain or break anything.  Being able to affect strength when necessary while being able to put it down again when that in turn is necessary is healthy.  Everyone starts weight training with the littlest weights.  It’s not fake or pretending to do what you gotta do in any given situation.

Funniness lives in the interlocutor, not in the speaker.  It doesn’t matter how funny you think you are (or think you are pretending to be) - that’s not how it’s measured.  At what point are you “pretending” to be a musician if the music still gets made?  And often what it’s tempting to describe in first person as “pretending” is more accurately described in the third person as “practicing” - which is of course the way you cause things to Be.

Sociability is also performative.  Pretending to be sociable is just…being sociable, despite a disinclination towards it.  It’s making an effort towards something you value.  So long as the effort is not so great that it backfires into resentment, there’s no practical difference.  

Qualities or activities or whatever are no less worthy because you have to actively choose to perform them.  If anything, the worthiness lies in the act of choosing.  It’s not “pretending” - it’s agency.

tl;dr: ain’t nothing wrong with “fake it till you make it.”  A plastic spoon* holds just as much soup as a “real” one

* I keep wanting to talk about semantic domains!  Artifacts are defined by their utility, whereas living things are defined by their identity.  So plastic forks are still forks, but plastic flowers aren’t flowers.  So there’s two pep-talk messages to take away from this: (1) for certain things, the distinction between “fake” and “real” isn’t a relevant one so long as they still get the job done, and (2) the purpose of a living thing is to be the thing that it is.  The idea of a “useless person” is as semantically nonsensical as the idea of “pretend kindness” (or fake cutlery).

[dreamsy990]

i saw someone say nobody needs to know what a .txt file is anymore. what the fuck is the world coming to

[dreamsy990]

unironically i think we need to bring back computer labs because APPARENTLY some people WERENT taught basic computer literacy and internet safety in school

[dreamsy990]

things about computers/the internet i think kids should be formally taught in schools because theyre important to know and the amount of soon to be grown adults i know who know NOTHING about any of these is quite frankly almost all of them (and resources to learn if you dont know these things, because its never to late to get better with computers)

how to troubleshoot by yourself when you have a technical problem

what common file types are

some very basics on how to use ""developer tools"" on your computer (because i cant think of a better way to refer to them) like task manager and command prompt (and their mac equivalents, terminal and activity monitor ofc)

how to read and understand a privacy policy and what your personal data is, as well as what it being collected actually means and steps you can take to keep it private

how to understand terms of service (hey. if you have trouble with reading legalese and worry about being able to understand these policies anyways, here's a site that gives basic summaries of privacy policies and ToS)

what a cookie actually is

internet privacy and your digital footprint!! seriously i dont know why we stopped teaching people that they shouldnt be putting their entire real identity online in a world where your online actions can ruin you irl

basic safety measures like antivirus software (and why you should use it or if the built in one on windows or mac is enough for you) and backing up your computer (also a mac guide)

common keyboard shortcuts (and on mac)

as an additional note: things i think everyone should know on computers and the internet but schools may bit hesitant to teach about for whatever moral/legal standards schools pretend to operate on

vpns and adblockers! (btw for most of these where you can pay for things im purposefully not recommending any specific software but seriously just use ublock origin for an adblocker)

how to not get a virus while pirating something

what a temporary email is and when to use one

red flags that you shouldn't trust a website (and how to quickly check the security of a site)

what javascript on a website does and how to disable it to get around paywalls

[dreamsy990]

ok one last addition! if you want to take it one level higher, i think learning the very basics of at least one programming language is good for people. it makes computers less scary and it makes you feel very cool, and a lot of people get discouraged about it because it seems overly complicated and hard to learn outside a formal classroom setting, so heres some resources for learning the very basics of python (because i consider it the easiest language to learn and knowing one language will make it easier to learn others)

an online compiler so you dont need to download anything or worry about running code directly on your computer if that makes you nervous

a basic video guide to introduce you to python and walk you through beginner steps

a guide to some syntax and commands you should know (this was literally my lifeline in my first CS class)

some performance tasks to give you things to code to practice and assess yourself

[badsciencejokes]

Cicadas breeding cycle makes a great fashion choice.

[cassassinated]

I miss the days when, no matter how slow your internet was, if you paused any video and let it buffer long enough, you could watch it uninterrupted

[mythicalwashrag]

[useful-info-haver]

If you use Firefox, you can go to the about:config page, search for "media.mediasource.enabled" and double click on it to set it to false. After you restart Firefox, all youtube videos will load entirely even when paused! This also affects other streaming websites :)

[nyxgoddessofcandles]

There's more to do actually, now

go to About:config find media.mediasource.enabled and toggle it to false find media.cache_readahead_limit and change it to 9999 find media.cache_resume_threshold and change it to 9999

additionally if you'd prefer mp4 to webm

also in about:config, find: media.encoder.webm.enabled media.mediasource.webm.audio.enabled media.mediasource.webm.enabled media.webm.enabled and toggle them all to false

note! this will limit video to 1080p

Edit: As of at least 2024, this now drops the max quality to 360p.

and use https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/dont-accept-webp/ to kill WebP Fuck Google

[scorpionlafemme]

[queeranarchism]

For healing that stems from being unsafe, out of control and/or powerless: yeah, this definitely checks out, feeling safe, in control and capable is an essential part of healing.

Unfortunately, that experience isn't always available. If you're in a country at war, or an undocumented migrant in the current US, for example, feeling genuinely safe is not going to be on the table and the cause of that unsafety is beyond your control.

In such situations, you can trick your nervous system a bit to give it some of those experiences anyway.

For experiences of safety: try to cover your basic physical needs if possible (food, drink, warmth, rest, caring for physical injuries) and try to build routine, rhythm and familiarity into your life if possible. That could be making tea every morning, or praying at set times, or playing your favorite song every evening before bed. Whatever fits your situation: routines are gonna help your nervous system feel stable and less constantly unsafe.

For experiences of control and capableness: try to regularly do little things that affirm your sense of accomplishment. Fixing your bike, doing a crossword puzzle, learning to play a new song on your guitar, putting on make-up in a way that makes you feel stunning, finish a level of a video game. Again: whatever is available to you. Little moments of 'fuck yeah i did this' help your nervous system feel like you are capable of things and less constantly powerless.

This isn't going to totally save you from the constant stress of your situation, but it can reduce the worst of the stress and make life a little more manageable in the situation that you find yourself in.

[3liza]

one thing everyone who is struggling with cooking for themselves needs to know is that the shittiest rice cooker, like the ones that cost $5 at rite aid, can make entire meals. you can put anything you want (except uncooked meats that need prolonged temperatures to be safe to eat) in with the rice and push the button and go lie down for 20 minutes. you will learn through making slightly over or undercooked rice a few times how you need to adjust the liquid:rice ratios. you can put rice, a bag of baby carrots, whatever salt and spices, and a can of tuna (or a can of shredded chicken, beef, etc, or tofu, or canned beans, or canned tomatoes) in a rice cooker and it will be completely edible in ~20min. it costs like $1 per batch, less if you get regular carrots and cut them into chunks yourself. you should have frozen spinach and peas and corn in your freezer, or whatever frozen veg is safe for your food allergies. this kind of meal can survive in the fridge for a while and the freezer even longer. if you make it badly it wont poison you and can be salvaged with hot sauce, if you make it disastrously it can be thrown away without losing more than a dollar or two. if you make it okay it fullfills the Just Need Some Real Food requirements completely. if you need more calories you can add butter or oil, or eat sour cream on the side. if you forget about the rice cooker or fall asleep it will dry out on the bottom but wont burn. they should teach you this in 5th grade

[it-grrl]

If you enjoy an odd cookbook, Roger Ebert wrote "The Pot and How to Use It" in 2010. It's a rice cooker cookbook but also just an ode to the rice cooker. It's out of print but worth looking for at your local library; it's also available on The Internet Archive

[3liza]

thank you!! also i forgot to mention: when you are too sick or depressed to do dishes, you can eat your dinner out of the rice cooker pot itself. just dont touch a metal or ceramic utensil to the actual pot because it will scrape the nonstick coating which causes a lot of problems for another post. wooden or plastic spoon or chopsticks, or just eat carefully out of the middle of the pot without touching the sides. or you can use the actual rice paddle, who cares. ive done it! if youre too sick to cook "properly", making a one pot rice and veg and protein bowl and eating it directly out of the pot in your pajamas is 100% fine. you will recover and function so much better after eating a hot meal made of actual ingredients.

[letterful]

also, re: poems & structure. go in there 👇🏻

Structure & Surprise

Engaging Poetic Turns

[letterful]

ironic structure

emblem structure

concessional structure

retrospective-prospective structure 

elegy’s structures

dialectical argument structure

descriptive-meditative structure

mid-course turn

epiphanic structure

circular structure

cliche-and-critique structure

dejection-to-elation structure

dream-to-waking structure

list-with-a-twist structure

metaphor-to-meaning structure

question-and-answer structure

reductio ad absurdum

story-with-a-moral structure

turn-to-another structure

[intactics-deactivated20250505]

what Work is the most important? the work you have to do next. narrow the scope of focus down to that singular glittering point.

[sisyphusshrugged]

How to get out of a rut

[angelbabymikaa]

some of you are mentally unwell bc your reusable water bottle is filled with black mold go wash that shit

[kienava]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[birdsareblooming]

hi i was drinking mold all my freshman year and got the most sick ive ever been in my life here's good ways to avoid that shit:

number one rule is get stainless steel shit. stainless steel water bottle stainless steel straw, you dont want that rubber plastic etc shit it grows mold like a mf. turns out that was the main culprit of what happened to me, my reusable water bottle was plastic and it didn't matter how much i let it soak or cleaned it out.

get this either if you can or can't afford the stainless steel stuff and just be really on cleaning it; staw cleaner looks like this:

and get one its mammas the bottle cleaner for your cup:

this one is 3 dollars you get soap in there and spin this shit around and push it up and down and the mold will be begging for mercy

[magicalrocketships]

My additional piece of advice: get a pack of denture cleaning tablets. These are especially good if you use your bottle for anything other than water (squash, coffee etc) or if you’ve got a built in straw with awkward curvy bits.

You put that tablet in the bottle, add hot water, let it fizz and soak for a bit and hey presto, any stains or discolouration or weird little crevices are suddenly removed of their hidden nasty bits.

My niece kept saying her water bottle tasted weird, and she washed it and washed it, and then me and my mum were like GIVE IT HERE and we put a denture tablet in it and added the straw to it and it started fizzing up the straw and all this black gunk started coming out the weird curvy bits of the fitted straw like a Coke-mentos experiment.

It’ll taste slightly minty unless you rinse rinse rinse rinse rinse rinse but that’s not a terrible thing, and let’s face it, denture tablets are for cleaning dentures so, you know, designed to clean things that go in mouths.

Anyway: wash your water bottles! Wash your flasks! More often than you think you need to!! Keep denture tablets in the cupboard!!

[persianmom-deactivated20251026]

please don’t spend your life convincing yourself that love or joy is reserved for the idealized version of you that only exists in the future

[chasm-side]

My therapist, who specializes in adults with ADHD, recently told me that all of her clients need a three day crash period after a big life change. Finish the semester? Crash. Change jobs? Crash. Go on a really cool, really relaxing vacation? Crash the moment you get home.

It's true of literally all of her clients. She works with a lot of them to put systems in place so that their crashes are only three days. This includes the high-powered execs who travel regularly for work. It does not matter how successful or high functioning they are - they have ADHD, and crashing is just part of the process of living with it.

I'm sharing this with all you ADHD friends out there, just in case you (like me) start shaming yourself if your crash lasts more than one day. It turns out three days is kind of the best case scenario. Be kind to yourselves!

[This post has been edited to change "crashout" to "crash". It was causing confusion and/or offense, especially to people who thought I was referring to "crashout" as the term exists in AAVE (also being appropriated into gen z speak right now). I'm sorry about that. Please reblog this version of the post in the future!]

[coyoteincense]

so, you want to try some fragrances, but the big houses are pretty expensive

…here's some indie companies worth a try! they will generally be more affordable, and they also offer some unique fragrances that bigger houses might not have tried yet. remember to consider getting a sample of anything before blind buying a larger bottle!

deep midnight perfumes - incredible selection of perfume oils with a specific focus of folktales, high fantasy, goth/vampire vibes and retro inspiration, but there are plenty of options and themed sets as well

pulp fragrance - i love the general whimsigoth retro book cover aesthetic of theirs, but pulp fragrance also delivers on unique fragrances and realistic nature scents. their scent index is sure to have something you're looking for! fragrances come in roll-on and wand cap samples. amazing longevity from my experience as well

mad labs studios - very fun and well-made fandom inspired fragrances! right now they have fallout, baldur's gate 3, the last of us, resident evil, and much more. i was gifted the astarion fragrance and it genuinely smells so good. they also have wax melts!

alkemia perfumes - established in 2009 and still kicking, alkemia has an insane amount of unique options to try from for very reasonable prices. they're a very reputable indie company. their perfume list is crazy long and full of great options

groovygalaxy - a fragrance etsy shop with cryptid creature inspiration. i've gotten a sample for mothman mall specifically and enjoyed it more than i thought i would!

andromeda's curse - a really good indie shop with very nice custom sample packs. honestly really good projection of their notes, they know how to really balance a fragrance and let each note have their time to shine

lovesick witchery - i like a lot of these, babydoll head really threw me for a loop and i enjoy the more 'out there' artistic ones, but there's a lot to choose from and they're all pretty solid! their longevity isn't perfect but they're fairly inexpensive and worth it in my opinion

poesie perfume - there are some really unique fragrances in here. green girl, forest cat, library ghost, and marlowe really caught my eye and i really enjoy what they make!

here's a whole spreadsheet with way more indie houses to take a look at. i have not tried all of these, but this is an amazing resource to support smaller businesses and try fragrances you wouldn't be able to find elsewhere

[zeldaspeaks]

cleaning with ADHD is a nightmare. it’s an endless cycle of finding a half-finished chore and stopping the one you were already working on, then remembering that something else needs to be done and getting started on that, then finding half-finished chore and

[jumpingjacktrash]

i have the solution! i call it ‘junebugging’.

have you ever seen a junebug get to grips with a window screen? it’s remarkably persistent, but not very focused. all that matters is location.

how to junebug: choose the location you feel you can probably get some shit done on today. be specific. not ‘the bathroom’ but ‘the bathroom sink’. you are not choosing a range, you are choosing a center; you will move around, but your location is where you’ll keep coming back to. mentally stick a pin in it. consider yourself tethered to that spot by a long mental bungee cord.

go to your location. look at stuff. move stuff around. do a thing. get distracted. remember you’re junebugging the bathroom sink and go back there. look at it some more. do a different thing. get distracted. get a sandwich. remember you’re junebugging and go back to the bathroom sink.

nt’s will go crazy watching you, and if they demand to know When You Will Be Done you will probably have to roll them in a carpet and stuff them up the chimney. you’re done when you feel done, or you’re too bored to live, or it’s bedtime, or any number of other markers, you get to pick. but the thing is, by returning repeatedly to that one spot, you harness the ‘hyperactivity’ part instead of wasting all that energy battling with the ‘attention deficit’ part.

not only will the bathroom sink almost certainly be clean, and probably the mirror and soap dish too, you might’ve swapped in a fresh toothbrush, a new soap, you might’ve unclogged the drain – you will probably also have cleaned or fixed up several things in the near vicinity, or in the path between the sink and where you get the fresh toothbrush, or maybe you did your grocery shopping cuz you were out of soap, or maybe you couldn’t find a clean hand towel and ended up doing laundry.

this is good. you got shit done! it wasn’t necessarily Cleaned The Bathroom in the way nt’s think of it, but screw ‘em. things are better than they were.

plus you worked off enough energy to be able to sleep. which is not small potatoes when living the ADHD life. :D

[spoonie-living]

Don’t let the adorable name fool you—this is some Seriously Good Advice. May be useful for brain fog and depression, too!

[flavoracle]

Reblogging to save my fellow ADHD peeps from the Sisyphusian curse of cleaning with no focus.

[yearningheart]

when ask polly/heather havrilesky wrote "the pain of heartbreak isn't actually so terrible, once you subtract shame from the picture" !!!!!!

[yearningheart]

ask polly

[dozydawn]

silkbaron fabrics named after wine: castillon, marsala, merlot, bordeaux, monbousquet, chianti, sangria, beaujolais