Jokingpenguin-smiles @jokingpenguin-smiles - Tumblr Blog

Hear me out

Marvel should have Squirrelgirl put alka seltzer pellets in her mouth to convince whoever she's fighting she has rabies. You know to throw them off their rhythm.

Street smarts bitch.

This is a wonderful idea, Marvel take notes.

funny-tik-toks

blastovkatamarinecromancy

Zazzles: LIES! SLANDER!

iheartvelma

you INSULT Zazzles? You insult his reputation like the football?

daughter-of-sapph0

guys will try to school you on colors as if THEY were the gatherers

mechagrrl

What color is this?

daughter-of-sapph0

pussy

mechagrrl

nightlilly0110

one-time-i-dreamt

I was sitting in a restaurant. Some time after my order arrived, a waiter sat at my table and started eating my food. I felt very insulted and just left.

mythologicalbiologist

Guys I got a new idea for a restaurant

zukosgay

nothing better than the wrong capitalization of Sie

zukosgay

la-mancha-screwjob

gageblackwood

#‘’we are obliged to keep this data for 4 weeks after which it will be destroyed’’#versus#‘’we are obliged to keep this data for 4 weeks after which YOU will be destroyed’’

unsnyttru

What people think it means when we say "Language is evolving": This pejorative term isn't bad anymore because it's funny to me and I say so.

What it actually means when we say "Language is evolving": English has developed a specific verb for tricking people into listening to Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up"

chongoblog

Haters be like

“It’s totally possible to make a path that goes through every door exactly once”

hexea

Idk if I did it right

chongoblog

sorry!

c0rpseductor

it’s true you can’t draw one continuous line that would do the trick. but if the kitty and bunny set out by going through the doors they’re marked beside and each walked the certain way their colored arrows show at the same time their “collective path” as a team would go through each door only once. The moral of the story is actually about friendship , and cooperation, because in this world there are tasks you can’t do on your own.

im just fucking with you i’m pretty sure this has no right answer

2pacula

i concocted a solution with a 100% mortality rate

chongoblog

Stop being so incredibly funny on my impossible puzzle post

sharkiethedork

You can switch the tracks so the trolley will kill one person, or you can allow it to attempt the fruitless crusade of running over each person in the maze only once.

catgirldick

all in a days work! *passes out*

kittybunprincess

My indecisive butt, walking in and being faced with having to make a decision, immediately leaving

pixiecatsupreme

oOoOoooo I’m a ghost!

kipplekipple

Fire

colemckenzies

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

ggiornojo

as well u can just add ‘ed’ to any object and it’s sounds like you were really drunk

example: i was absolutely coat hangered last night

colemckenzies

#i was gazeboed mate #i was absolutely baubled

animatedamerican

Meanwhile, “utter” works for the first (e.g., “you utter floorboard”) but somehow “utterly” doesn’t seem to work as well for the second (“I was utterly floorboarded”).

nentuaby

Utterly doesn’t work for drunk because it’s the affix for turning random objects into terms for *shocked*, obviously.

animatedamerican

… huh. I thought that might just be the similarity to “floored”, and yet “I was utterly coat hangered” does seem to convey something similar.

I have to tell you, I am utterly sandwiched at this discovery.

thepioden

Completely makes the phrase mean “super tired”.

“God, it’s been a long week, I am completely coat-hangered.”

derinthescarletpescatarian

Something is

Something is wrong with our language

rooksandravens

Is it a glitch or a feature?

cranberrybogmummy

Feature

s-peak-in-tongue-s

this neat feature is called collocative substitution, and it occurs when certain words are strongly linked to certain context and/or phrases. when you read/hear a pair of words that usually wouldn’t go together, your brain fills in the context with what would normally be inferred, given the originally phrased pairing. thus, finding out that there’s a term for this phenomenon may indeed leave you utterly sandwiched. lesser known or less strongly linked phrases and pairings may not be able to translate substituted words to appropriately fit the inferred context, so you were not utterly floorboarded at the club last night, but rather you were absolutely floorboarded, and as this explanation continues to drag on, you may by the end of it find yourself completely coathangered from read it all.

lizawithazed

I, like all linguists I have met or even heard of, have a deep intricate love-hate relationship with the English Language because of complete and total coathangering like this

kaijuno

misguided-matchmaker

@aroacedavestrider my dude i cannot in good faith accept these useless geography facts on account of them being iconic, actually

ruffboi-mags

oh my god nothing in my imagination could've prepared me for market island.

or for this review on google maps:

aroacedavestrider

im glad to know my horrible facts are making their rounds and im here with more horrible facts

- the most secluded inhabited island in the world is a place called tristan da cunha. its in the middle of the atlantic ocean at a whopping fucking 1500 miles away from the closest inhabited location (south africa). people just fucking live out there??

- the oldest lake in the world is (probably) lake zaysan in kazahstan. nobodys entirely certain yet but theres evidence that suggests that this is a 65 million year old body of water, meaning theres a lake that exists and can be looked at today that could have had dinosaurs drinking out of it at one point

-the lake immediately following that is confirmed to be at least 25 million years old and thats lake baikal in siberia russia. the bitch is on a continental fault that expands about 2cm per year and as of right now this lake is over a mile deep. the bottom however is FULL of sediment and the actual rift floor is NINE MILES DOWN. this monstrosity of a lake contains literally 20% of the earths nonfrozen fresh water, it has its own unique species of seal, and eventually in millions of years this thing is gonna be an ocean. lake baikal is a baby fucking ocean. its gonna split russias ass in two. i am 100% certain it is sentient

- there is not a single river in saudi arabia and that blows my mind for some reason

- theres whats now considered a lost “eighth continent” thats submerged in the south pacific ocean. the islands of new zealand are the highest peaks of the chunk of continental crust that we now call zealandia. its about half the size of australia and its also connected to other little archipelagos like new caledonia. we found it. old zealand

- the entrance to this fucking ancient bay lake in venezuela (lake maracaibo, over 20 million years old) is the most likely place to get struck by lightning in the world. it gets around 1.2 million lightning strikes per year

- LAKE HILLIER AUSTRALIA FUCKIGN PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- and finally. more enclave border bullshit. i told yall about baarle hertog. now look at india and pakistan. i present to you the one and only third order enclave

this . this was a piece of india, surrounded by a piece of bangladesh, surrounded.. by a piece of india..... surrounded by bangladesh . it has since been ceded over to bangladesh but the fact that we allowed this to exist is incredible

anyway do with all that what you will. raise your hand if you can tell this is a fixation of mine

heyimboredtalktome

I'll have y'all know that my favorite figure skater's parents told her that to get a dog she'd have to do well at the Olympics and she went and won the frickin Olympics when she was 15💀

Her: I want a dog

Her mom and dad: Yeah sweetie, do well at the Olympics and we'll see

Alina Zagitova: Ok

spirituallywhore-deactivated202

DID SHE GET THAT WELL DESERVED DOG SHE WANTED

heyimboredtalktome

Idk if her parents got her one, but the fucking president of Japan gave one to her when he found out that she wanted one

sineala

Thanks so much, Google Docs! I’dn’t ever seen that word before!

pileofknives

The answer is the 50 eagles and 10,000 rats. There's no other answer. The sheer mass of rats would smother every other animal and the hunter can't take out 50 eagles with a bolt action rifle.