Jude's FtM Journey

This blog is dedicated to learning more about trans* issues as I, myself, journey through transitition from female to male. I am 35, started my first shot of T 3/22/14, forced to miss 2 months of T, but back on track. I've learned a lot already and still learning. I'm very open about my process and also love questions. This should be pretty much SFW but there will be NSFW posts at times to help promote positive body images for those who are excited to share the changes in their lives. I do self-promo my reblogs to help spread the word about my blog and transition fund but if you'd like the caption removed please just send me an email and I would be happy to do so. To follow my transition check out my blog at: http://judesftmjourney.wordpress.com or my fund account at: http://gfwd.at/1sZN9Jv

[judesftmjourney]

I MOVED

I hadn’t blogged here in a long time and the last few blogs were kind of half-assed. I really didn’t like my posts here lately as they seemed rather poor quality. As it turned out, I had some medical stuff like Lyme Disease and Fibromyalgia that really made it difficult for me to do even simple things, even things I had a true passion for – such as my writing. But, thanks to my amazing friend…

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So I was at work and thought to myself – this is going to be an easy day. Had a great co-worker who I really trust and know she’s a hard worker and the clinic was short. I was looking forward to a breezy day and heading home early. Well, mid-way through we got this 60 pound akita who I could tell was nervous from his body language. I squatted down to introduce myself and pet him, going slow since I could see he wasn’t keen on being there. He started to move into my body, accepting the pets and was distracted enough to allow me to turn his body around so I could be in position to wrap him into a hold for blood work. At the last minute, however, the doctor opted to have the dog put on the table and when I went to attempt to lift the dog shot back and sunk his teeth into my right arm. When I released the hold and went to jump back he spun and got me again in my left arm.  Needless to say it was a trip to the hospital for me. Management came to help out with the clinic and drive me to the hospital where I was, surprisingly, in and out pretty quickly.

Thankfully, though, the bite on the right arm was high up on the forearm because I was scheduled for carpal tunnel surgery a little over a week later. When I went for medical clearance the doctor seemed to think there would be no issues so on April 21 I went into the surgery center (that I used to work at) and went in for my surgery. When I came to it was nice to see old friends that I worked with before there to say hello. I got stellar treatment but, what impressed me the most – they labeled my chart as male (even though, legally, they had to use my legal name). When they called me to give me the pre-op instructions the night before they asked my preferred name and then used that the rest of the day.

I spent the rest of the day sleeping off the anesthesia and healing but other than a little tenderness and getting antsy with my dressing I had virtually no pain. Like an idiot, though, I almost immediately started using my hand but apparently that worked to my favor. It kept the muscles from cramping up and acted as therapy allowing me to get right into fine motor skills before my second week post-op. My surgeon is still keeping the stitches in until the 13th because my job creates too much of a risk of opening the incision site. So yes, I’m typing this with stitches and a vet-wrap bandage.

I purposefully planned the surgery for the 21st so that I could take that Thursday and that weekend off from work and celebrate my birthday that weekend. Saturday was the day for dinner. My brother and his family had a soccer game so they weren’t coming until 7-730 that night. My sister and her kids kept me company most of the day as we just putzed around the house and played some cards (which was interesting trying to hold). My brother’s clan arrived and we had a nice dinner. I got some gift cards and the router I really wanted (yes, I’m a geek). The important thing I want to note here – the best present that I received from everyone – was the card I got from my brother’s family was made out to “Uncle Jude” my sister’s card was made out to Jude and my mother posted this to her facebook (the first time she ever referenced to me as male):

The following day was the day of my birthday but that seemed to be a busy day for everyone else. My sister, for some reason, made plans to spend the day with her in-laws instead of me for my day. My parents were busy and given that it was a Sunday everyone I know was working. My parents called me that afternoon around 4 to ask if I wanted Krisch’s (an ice cream/food place). I told them I had just made something to eat for myself and wasn’t that keen on Krisch’s anyway, but thanks for the offer. If they were up for Friendly’s or even Carvel I would be interested. When they got home my father kept asking to go to Krisch’s to which I said I really didn’t want to go there, but if they wanted it by all means don’t let me stop them from going. By 7 it was decided that we would, in fact, go to Friendly’s and we headed out. Mid-drive there my father said he wanted to watch the season finale of the previous Game of Thrones season before the new episodes started that night so we would not be staying at Friendly’s we would just get ice cream and head home instead. So, we went home and I ate my ice cream while watching GoT and then went to bed.

So right now I’m still healing. The bites have left some scars although they seem to be healing pretty nicely and my stitches from surgery will hopefully come out in a little over a week. I can’t wait to take a full shower and scrub my hand. It’s funny how you miss even the smallest things like being able to take a shower without wrapping up in a plastic bag and juggling yourself to minimize how wet the hand gets. There’s lots of fun stuff on the horizons as we get into the summer – if this weather would just knock it off with all this miserable rain and cold days and realize we’re in May already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FOR THOSE CURIOUS ABOUT THE BITE INJURIES THERE ARE PICTURES BELOW….. THERE IS A SPACE ADDED PURPOSEFULLY JUST IN CASE PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEM.

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Top of left arm

Bottom of left arm – yes, that’s stuff coming out of the wound

Bottom of right arm

Bottom of right arm with more stuff coming out of the wound

Top of right arm

Left arm wrapped

Right arm wrapped and already bleeding through the bandage

Ouchies and Happy Birthday

So I was at work and thought to myself – this is going to be an easy day.

Ouchies and Happy Birthday So I was at work and thought to myself - this is going to be an easy day.

[judesftmjourney]

Medication Shit-Show

When the average person is prescribed a medication by their physician it’s sent to their local pharmacy like CVS, Walgreens, or any other number of places. From there it’s filled either instantly or usually within the day. This is not the case, however, when you live in New York and you’re a trans person on HRT, especially one that requires injections. So this is how my newest adventure in…

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Where I've Been (Again)

Where I’ve Been (Again)

I know I’ve disappeared again but at least it’s for mostly good reasons. First and foremost my job has been keeping me busy so it’s always good to be employed. It’s with a really great group of folks who (I think all of them) know I’m trans and don’t make any fuss about it and treat me just like any other guy. It’s a job that I really enjoy and laugh a lot during the day and have a pretty good…

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Callen Lorde is Terrible

Callen Lorde is Terrible

After my previous doctor would constantly dead-name and misgender me I got aggravated but I was willing to bite the bullet and keep trying to educate and correct him as long as he would keep giving me my testosterone. After they screwed me with a massive bill and the continued lack of growth regarding being trans-aware I opted to discontinue using them and made my intake appointment with…

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Surviving Thanksgiving Part 2

Surviving Thanksgiving Part 2

Last year (2014) was my first Thanksgiving back in New York and the first one since I started my transition – and it was a rough time overall

While I’m definitely not happy with where I am still with my life but at least it’s on the upward swing of where I was last year. I am fully employed in a job that I really enjoy and, therein, can continually afford my T. I have “fired” my regular physician…

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Danish Girl

This more of a pre-review since the movie, Danish Girl, is set to release in another week. When the initial announcements were made that Eddie Redmayne was going to play Einar/Lili (based on the true story of) many felt insulted and betrayed. Many in the trans community felt this was a movie ploy that was simply riding on the Oscar Winning coat-tails of Redmayne’s work as Stephen Hawking in the T…

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It Wasn’t That Hard… Not

It Wasn’t That Hard… Not

For anyone who has been following the saga thus far (thank you for that, by the way) you know that the biggest area of contention in my life at this point is that absolute, steadfast, stubborn refusal of my family to get on board with my transition and use proper pronouns and name. It’s like nails across a chalk board every time I hear it and I do my best to just ignore them. I’ve made my…

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Dating and Holidays

Dating – it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve been single (not even a date) for a good while now and a person gets lonely. It’s not just a sexual thing. It’s missing the warmth and softness of another body beside you when you sleep or curling up together on the couch to watch a movie or casual conversation over dinner. There’s the getting to know someone and opening up about yourself and…

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Throwing Out My Life

Throwing Out My Life

When I moved to North Carolina I didn’t have much with me. In fact, all I had was whatever I managed to strap to my motorcycle when I rode out of New York. I traveled nearly 1,000 miles through 21 hours until I reached Nashville, TN and just a few weeks later rode (accompanied with a car this time) through the mountains and into North Carolina where I settled. I slowly started to accumulate…

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Caitlyn - Role Model for Some, Not for All

Caitlyn – Role Model for Some, Not for All

For a long time there was speculation about if “Bruce Jenner” was a trans woman and that noise increased exponentially last winter and I blogged about it in “Bruce Jenner and Judgments” in February. Since then you should know that Bruce officially came out as Caitlyn and odds are you’ve been inundated with news coverage regarding her coming out. And Come Out she did – with a bang on the Vanity…

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Removing Gender At StoresGender

Removing Gender At StoresGender

My sister once again made statements regarding gender and her utter lack of understanding regarding it and how it’s important to not impose only a gender binary thinking on our children. Once again she started the statement with “I don’t want to offend you, but…” and just like every other time before she’s offended and pissed me off. She said that she doesn’t understand why “we” feel it necessary…

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Straight Pride

When I was speaking about missing the NYC LGBT Pride event this year despite the best efforts at work to coordinate my getting there one of my co-workers (a straight, white, male) stated he wants a “Straight Pride Parade.” I told him that he was more than welcome to have a parade about anything he’s proud of, just don’t be surprised if it’s a one-man walk around the block kind of deal. A few…

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Who Has the Power?

I’m not sure when this happened. It seems like it just started over night but when you really think about it and trace it back it’s been a long, steady progression. When did someone suddenly start to think that they have the right to tell another person what they should and shouldn’t do, think or feel? Moreover, when did they get the audacity to feel that their own opinion about someone’s life is…

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100th POST: Cis Questions for Trans

For my 100th post I’d like to touch on some of the questions and comments that I (and so many others) have encountered.

A quick google search will often provide you with all the answers you could ever want – whether they’re accurate or not. But, despite having infinite information at our fingertips that can be accessed in mere seconds most people would rather remain ignorant or want you to hand…

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Where the Hell Have I Been

Where the Hell Have I Been

I’ve missed you all and hope you’ve all missed me :D I just needed a little break from all the writing to get my own head on straight but also not that it’s FINALLY warm (it really took an insanely long time and by warm I mean about 70s to mid-80s) I’ve been trying to spend as much time as I can outside, in the pool, getting a tan, enjoying my nieces and nephew and so forth. I would say “enjoying…

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When They've Moved On

NOTE: This is mainly just a personal rant and long rambling about my family being selfish pain in the asses. It really has nothing to do with transitioning or even their thoughts/reactions to my transition. It’s just purely a rant about them having their selfish heads up their asses.

I’ve been seeing it for a while and it’s not even a matter of my family having an issue with my transition. I used…

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