jumblr-described

this blog is still a work in progress. if anyone wanna help DM me.

[jumblr-described]

About this blog:

This is a blog for collecting and writing image and video descriptions for jumblr posts, to make them accessible for people using screen readers.

This blog is ran by @moran-with-a-g and currently has two mods, if you would like to help out, DM me or send an ask to this blog :)

check out @israblr-described for description posts in hebrew!

(These blogs are still a work in progress!)

Navigation:

#described | #image id | #video id | #image id in alt text

#jumblr | #religion | #antisemitism | #i/p | #long post | #hannukah

Will add to this list as the blog progresses.

(you can request an id for a post by sending it through an ask, or, as long as I stay the only mod of this blog, by DMs ^-^)

[jumblr-described]

Just letting you know you have a typo in the ai rabbi image id

On the subtitle you wrote "ai not fueled by..."

Og says "ai bot fueled by..."

Have a good day :)

oh shoot thanks anon!! fixed :)

[jewish-sideblog]

HEY I JUST HAD AN INTERESTING THOUGHT. WHAT IF WE DIDN’T.

[jumblr-described]

[image id: waterboarded image of a sponsored Tumblr ad by aish.com:

Title, all caps: What if I'm wasting my life and I don't even know it?

Sub-title: AI bot fueled by 3000 years of Jewish wisdom

Graphics of an AI chat prompt box with a button on it reading "Ask Rabbi AI"

In small letters in the corner: currently in beta testing

/.End id]

[gioia-rodica]

Explanation in alt

[attackfish]

As it is Passover again, it is time for the annual debate as to whether the frog plague, which thanks to a quirk in the Hebrew, is written as a plague of frog, singular, rather than the plural, plague of frogs, was in fact, as generally imagined, a plague of many frogs, or instead a singular giant Kaiju frog. This is an ancient and venerable argument that actually goes back to the Talmud because this is what the Jewish people are. If we can't argue for fun about this sort of thing, what are we even doing.

In that spirit, I would like to submit a third possibility, which is that in fact it was one perfectly normal sized frog, who was absolutely acing Untitled Frog Game: Ancient Egypt Edition. One particularly obnoxious frog, who through sheer hard work, managed to plague all of Egypt.

[koshercosplay]

[agam-shel-barvadim]

it's a beautiful day outside.

the sun is shining, frogs are croaking.

on days like these, enslavers like you

should be swimming in blood

[jumblr-described]

[image id: a drawing of a frog holding a knife with the text "it is a beautiful day in ancient Egypt and you are a horrible frog" /.End id]

[mintytrifecta]

[image description: the bugs bunny in a tuxedo "I wish all a very pleasant evening" meme edited to say "I wish all of my Jewish followers a very pleasant passover". Next to bugs is a photo of a small stack of matzo and the cup of Elijah. ]

[notaplaceofhonour]

I love that in Akiva and Elazar’s debate over Plague of Frog™️ they don’t even disagree that it was just one frog, simply whether that frog gave birth to the rest of the frogs or just whistled to summon them from the Nile

[notaplaceofhonour]

Rashi coming in with the steel chair: “clearly it was a kaiju frog that shed tiny frogs when the Egyptians hit it with sticks”

[notaplaceofhonour]

Elazar, every time Akiva opens his mouth: “shut the FUCK UP, you absolute IDIOT! who even let you teach??? stay in your lane, bro!”

[jumblr-described]

[image id: שמות רבה, פרשת וארא, פרשה י

רבי עקיבא אומר, צפרדע אחת היתה והיא השריצה ומלאה את ארץ מצרים. אמר לו רבי אלעזר בן עזריה, עקיבא! מה לך אצל הגדה? כלה מדברותיך ולך אצל נגעים ואהלות! צפרדע אחת היתה ושרקה להן ובאו

R. Akiva says, there was one frog which gave birth to swarms of frogs which covered the land of Egypt. R. Elazar ben Azariah told him: Akiva! Why are you teaching Midrash? Keep quiet and go to the laws of impurity! There was one frog, who whistled to the rest and brought them up from the Nile.

/.End ID]

[dreamingscience]

Happy soon to be pesach everyone

[jumblr-described]

[image id: The woman cleaning before guests arrive meme: "Get rid of the grains! We can't let people know we eat chametz!" /.End ID]

[pomegranates-and-poppies]

when you can't really keep kosher for passover because you share a house

[jumblr-described]

[image id: picture of a bunch of chametz food inside a plastic bag with "chametz prison" written on it in sharpie. /.End id]

[queenwille]

the eternal conflict of diaspora jews worried about jews in israel while jews in israel feel like being in israel is the safest and worry about the jews in diaspora having no protection

[mossadspypigeon]

exactly. i am constantly praying for israelis and you’re all like “ARE YOU OKAY??”

[fromchaostocosmos]

It is called being family.

[mossadspypigeon]

[jumblr-described]

[image id: the Spiderman pointing at Spiderman meme. The left Spiderman is "Diaspora Jews worried about Israelis" and the right Spiderman is "Israelis worried about diaspora Jews". /.End id]

[girlactionfigure]

[jumblr-described]

[image id: picture of Matzah in a toaster with the caption "Mom, these pop-tarts suck." /.End id]

[tigerlilypurr]

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

[jumblr-described]

[image id: picture of a car's side mirror with a Matzah box reflected on it. Under it is the text "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear" /.End id]

[xclowniex]

[pusheenthenerdcat]

oh no

oh dear g-d no

[gioia-rodica]

ם_ם

[gal-gabot]

כל כך הרבה פחמימותתתתתתתת

[moran-with-a-g]

א-א

[jumblr-described]

[image id: a tweet from Rachel Shomel (@/RShomel) that reads:

The 3yo asked my husband to make him a pita with Matzah balls for dinner. And thus was born the Ashkenazi falafel.

The tweet is pasted over an image of a halved pita being held, containing three Matzah balls. /.End id]

[despazito]

Everybody shut up and look at the Cincinnati zoo Hanukkah otter

[will-write-for-food]

@edenfenixblogs

[edenfenixblogs]

Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jumblr-described]

[image id: an otter holding a dreidel, the letter ה facing the camera. /.End id]

[curieklei]

[lurks-no-more]

[Image ID: Screenshots of three tweets by Rabbi Akiva Weisinger (@MisfitTorah)

For those wondering why I, an Orthodox Rabbi, am outraged by the Texas trans law, aren't I supposed to stand up for Torah Values or whatever A thread:

I don't like it when kids kill themselves.

End of thread.

/.EndID]

[moethh]

praying for your mutuals is honestly so freaking funny

[jewish-microwave-laser]

רפאנו ד׳, ונרפא, הושיענו ונושעה, כי תהלתנו אתה, והעלה רפואה שלמה לכל מכותינו,

ויהי רצון מלפניך ד׳ אלקינו ואלקי אברהם, שתשלח מהרה רפואה שלמה מן השמים, רפואה הנפש ורפואת הגוף, ל־faggot-jew-3000 מבית אברהם ושרה בתוך שאר חולי ישראל, וחזק את ידי העוסקים בצרכיהם,

כי אל מלך רופא נאמן ורחמן אתה. ברוך אתה ד׳ רופה חולי עמו ישראל

[faggotry-enjoyer]

[ID: drawing of a person praying on their knees with hands together. They are saying "Dear God,

Please help Xx_Looplesnoot_xX's cat get better. Also, please help Pitterpickle not be so lonely and depressed. And please bless Sillyk1tty [plaintext: silly kitty], Ghsgajiendja, Itali4n_guy [plaintext: italian guy], and all of my other tumblr mutuals :]

Amen". /end ID]

#I can't read Hebrew so it's just a bunch of squiggles and squiggly boxes and our dear friend faggot-jew-3000

This is one of the brakhot of the weekday Amidah (standing prayer, said silently and a high point of much of the liturgy) (thank you to jewish-microwave-laser for clarifying in the replies! I'd initially looked in the wrong place). Here's a translation from Siddur Sim Shalom (among other places, pg. 143 of the weekday edition):

Heal us, Ad-nai, and we shall be healed. Help us and save us, for You are our glory. Grant complete healing for all our afflictions,

and may it be Your will, Ad-nai our God and God of our ancestors, to send complete healing, of body and soul, to faggot-jew-3000, along with all others who are stricken, and strengthen those who tend to them,

for You are the faithful and merciful God of healing. Praised are you Ad-nai, Healer of his people Israel.

And here's another translation, from Siddur Lev Shalem (pg. 274):

Heal us, Ad-nai, so that we may be truly healed; save us, that we may be truly saved. You are the one deserving of praise. Bring complete healing to all our suffering;

our God and God of our ancestors, may it be Your will to send speedy and complete healing of body and soul to faggot-jew-3000, along with all others who are ill; strengthen as well the hands of those concerned with their care,

for You are God and sovereign, a faithful and compassionate healer. Barukh atah Ad-nai, Healer of the ill among Your people Israel.

[wiki-but-made-them-up]

[kipotz]

Official kise keter post