Snows Bright Skies

21 and borin as heck

[tackled]

[homunculus-argument]

the universe: okay, you’re a human. I gave you free will and a conscious mind, so you’re free to do whatever you want. So what do you wanna do?

human: GO FAST

the universe: well, you’re a perfect pursuit predator but if that’s the way you want to evolve, go ahead.

human, climbing on a horse: GO FAST

the universe: wait what

human, inventing the carriage, the car and the bullet train: GO FASTER

the universe: I IMPLORE YOU TO STOP

human, trying to figure out lightspeed travel: FAS T ER

[abstractandedgyname]

human: 

THEORETICALLY MAXIMUM FAST

the universe:

[ifitaintbaroque]

I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

[ifitaintbaroque]

I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments

[ifitaintbaroque]

Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”

My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.

[ifitaintbaroque]

I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.

[goatbran-deactivated20190407]

please give us updates

[ifitaintbaroque]

Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”

And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying. 

[ifitaintbaroque]

I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.

[fauxfable]

In 2018 all of our reaction gifs will come from old Barbie VHS movies

[cockyhorror]

This is the best news I’ve heard all week

[theopenscroll]

[applejuicewerewolf]

Guys we might be onto something

[godtechturninheads]

[zahraaxix]

DUDE my teacher canceled class the other day and so the next day we were all like oh no is everything ok?? and shes like “oh yeah its fine its just my wife wasn’t feeling good so i took her home, made her some soup, yknow fun stuff” and i swear everyone in class froze for a sec cuz we never knew she was a lesbian but then we spent a good 30 min of class time discussing whether her wife actually ate the soup cuz we all know she sucks at cooking

[titaniatargaryen]

this is beautiful

[decalexas]

I had a professor who would talk in class about her wife and their four daughters and it always made me go !!! inside. like, wooooow, family goals.

[lesbiansandthelivingdead]

In my undergrad, I took a module that had two lecturers teaching it. The first was very butch and would occasionally talk about how brilliant her wife was in the field and would talk about her kids and general family life. Then the other lecturer took over classes, and she would talk about her wife too, and how brilliant her wife was academically. Then they taught a class together and the penny dropped. They were talking about each other and both thought the other was the literal shit in their area of media. 

[vaspider]

It’s been delightful for me to watch my friends finally able to get legally married. Every time @crofethr says “my wife” it’s like a chorus of bluejays dance around behind her.

[hazelbeewitched]

I was at work at a deli a few weeks ago and this group of three women came in pretty late at night. One was the mother of one of them, and the other two were just being really cute and holding hands and cuddling and whatnot. One was leaning on the other and she seemed really tired, so her wife ordered for her and the mom was like, “Married for seven years, they know each others’ orders by heart” and I honestly felt like I’d been blessed

[saeryal]

one time a lecturer was discussing all the stupid reasons she’s been called up in front of the board (which include an actual formal accusation of witchcraft) and once a student accused her of homophobia and homophobic statements and she walked into the formal board hearing with her only prepared defense being “remember how I’m married to another woman ok thanks let’s go get lunch” 

omg when ladies talk about their wives and just say “my wife” I just get so excited and happy because it is all possible and real. it’s so amazing and beautiful

[cozymello]

I’m an optician and one day I had 2 women, one blonde and one brunette, come in to pick up glasses. I had the blonde try on hers while the brunette was talking to one of my coworkers. When she put them on I said, “Oh looks like they’re not sitting straight.” Without missing a beat she said “Oh honey, nothing about me is straight,” and proceeded to pat her wife on the butt and say “Honey, did you hear what I said? It was really funny. Honey? Honey, I said nothing about me is straight.”

[kittykat8311]

this post cleared my skin watered my crops

[samuelandcandy-blog]

ok so this is something everyone on tumblr should know

imagine dragons was hired to write demo tracks for spiderman turn off the dark (aka the spiderman musical on broadway) in order to get people to invest in it and have enough money to hire someone more famous to write the musical

then the people who hired them thought, “hey, these are actually good songs we should make a cd of them and sell it”

so imagine dragons changed the words a little so they weren’t about spiderman and became famous

radioactive was originally about THE RADIOACTIVE SPIDER THAT BIT SPIDERMAN

[theradioghost]

you know I read this and thought “bullshit there’s no way that’s true” but apparently it is

[tsunamiwavesurfing]

this shit intense

[virgomoncler]

I was rooting for dragon egg and he took a L smh

[90stvqueen]

my body: blease…. i beg ofyou,,,,, give me vegetal

me, shoveling handfuls of macaroni and cheese into my mouth:

[ruinedchildhood]

This is Christmas spirit, as in spirits, booze.

[animalgifdaily]

[shacklefunk-deactivated20220623]

exchanging grammatically correct emails with adults is the most uncomfortable form of human interaction in existence

[veraxplus]

People who unironically reblog this have to psych themselves up for 15+ minutes to make phone calls

[gravemom-deactivated20171207]

ur fucking right we do

[thyrell]

if that sewer clown makes himself an image of your worst fear before he eats you, i could kick his ass. what’s he gonna do turn into the physical manifestation of being abandoned by your closest friends? gonna turn into an ooky spooky visual representation of catastrophic failure and loss? jokes on you dumbass the only thing im afraid of is myself

[borklords]

This is an actual plot point in the book though as I recall, he doesn’t like hunting adults usually because hes a) a cowardly parasite and b) Children have very tangible fears that can be easily manifested physically while adults generally have quite abstract or conceptual fears about the future, or events, or feelings.

pennywise aint shit

[antifa-hulk]

Abstract fears have reached the youngins these days, pussywise gonna starve

[mcdyke-deactivated20171112]

sometimes I forget that Americans have to pay for university upfront like what the fuck is that are u guys ok

[whatisitcalledagain]

no

[rhv]

seduce me with ur history knowledge 

[simaraknows]

vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft

[danray002-deactivated20241205]

During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.

[lapisbitch]

raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death

[sirl33te]

during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.

[verysadskeleton]

The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people

[stitch-n-time]

King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. That’s where the “tradition” of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.

Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.

[kanthia]

Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes

[spockyykins]

At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.

[obaewankenope]

When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore as “spoils from the Ocean”.

Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.

[nat-20s]

During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.

[aphony-cree]

People refused to send art and sculptures to be displayed at the Chicago World’s Fair because of Chicago’s history with fire. They had to fireproof the Fine Arts building to get people to agree to loan them their art. A year after the fair closed most of the grounds were destroyed by fire but the Fine Arts building survived. It’s now the Museum of Science and Industry.

[naphula]

The carbon emissions thing from Ghenghis Khan is not the whole story. He also planted trees wherever he conquered land because he liked trees and thought they were important. He conquered enough to make an impact on the global climate.

[givemeunicorns]

Radu III, brother of Vlad III( Vlad the Impaler)  nearly killed Mehmed II, the future Sultan of the Ottoman’s, after Mehmed invited him up to his chambers. Radu, seemingly unaware that the offer was sexual in nature, was startled when Mehmed embraced and then tried to kiss him. Radu stabbed the prince in the leg, then ran and hid in a tree. They later became lovers, and maintained a relationship for the rest of their lives

[queerstorian]

Just googled the last one because holy shit that’s magnificent and seemed to good to be true, but not only did it actually happen, but I also learned that radu was known as “radu the beautiful”

[afewreelthoughts]

fun date idea: stab him in the leg

[inkskinned]

when i was 12 i babysat this girl for a few years and she would come to me and show me her art, drag me by my wrists and point at the pieces she’d made during the week. and she’d be like “do the voice” and i’d put on a sports-announcer olympics-style voice and be like “such form! this level of coloring! why i haven’t seen such perfection in crayola in a long time. and what is this? why jeff, now this is a true risk… it seems she’s made … a monochrome pink canvas…. i haven’t seen this attempted since winter 1932… and i gotta say, jeff, it’s absolutely splendid”  and she’d fall back giggling. at the end of every night she’d check with me: “did you really like it?” and i’d say yes and talk about something i noticed and tucked her in.

she was just accepted into 3 major art schools. she wrote me a letter. inside was a picture from when she was younger. monochrome pink. 

“thank you,” it said, “to somebody who saw the best in me.”

[kerenvaisblay]

I just cried.

[matvrity]

THIS IS THE CUTEST THING EVER

[vzd0h]

I just wanna cover my feelings up with tattoos

[already-missing-5sohs]

When you really want 5SOS3 to be released so you can have new music to listen too and new live performances to scream about but at the same time you want to respect the boys break and have them enjoy their time relaxing away from the stress of touring