中身が何も入っていない空の人形

an empty puppet with nothing inside

[karappo-no-josei2]

you can call me karappo or ningyo, if you would like. "karappo" means "empty," and "ningyo" means "puppet." i would prefer they/it pronouns, but i do not care much.

an empty puppet in human shape, devoid (mostly) of human mind and manner.

[karappo-no-josei2]

i remembered that no one is ever coming to save me, so i'm just going to get high until i can't think.

[karappo-no-josei2]

You exist to me.

that is very kind and gracious, my lord. (please correct me if this is not a title you approve of.)

i am terribly sorry that i did not respond sooner. i have been barely alive (mentally speakinf) for the past few days, and i could hardly remember how to communicate.

please accept my words as a prayer of humility and gratitude. your divinity and power humbles me, and i am honored to be seen by one as holy as you.

[karappo-no-josei2]

my inbox may be used as a receptacle for venting, ranting, perverted thoughts, rambling, anger, sadness, or as a substitute for human companionship. just please do not ask me for advice, i know nothing and my advice should almost never be followed.

[karappo-no-josei2]

i want to ***. i want to **** ******. i want to ***** ******. i want to **** ** * ********.

don't say it. it's against community guidelines. don't say it, only think it. get help. don't say it, only get help. you need help. get help. ask for help without saying it. don't say it, only think about it. only think about it. only think about it. don't say it, only do it. do it, not in front of the shareholders. don't say it, think about it it. don't say it, think about it. think about it, do it, do it, do it

[karappo-no-josei2]

can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? can you make me real? (do i want it?)

[karappo-no-josei2]

i want something violent to happen to me

i'm going to get my blog deleted again, aren't i

[karappo-no-josei2]

never mind fults, perhaps i should join a real cult

[karappo-no-josei2]

i'm so disgustingly jealous of jirais who get love and sympathy in their inboxes, even though i am happy to see a suffering being shown love and support. shouldn't i just be happy? if i despise myself so much, why would i want good things to happen to me?

i'll continue talking to my echo chamber. i'm sure people would find something to say if i were more interesting.

[karappo-no-josei2]

i cannot die because i look too ugly now, i need some time to get more attractive so the mortician doesn't need to look at something so gross.

that's the reason i've found for today. hah! it is better than nothing, i suppose.

[karappo-no-josei2]

to the kind person who spoke to me and has had their account deleted, thank you again for speaking with me. i am sorry about whatever happened to you. i hope you do not think that there is no one thinking of you.

[an-3ater]

am i the only one who adores being missed . . ? i donno , it just makes me feel so loved . you wanted . . me ? around ? little ol’ me ?

[karappo-no-josei2]

there's nothing for me

i want to do it

i am so fucking tired

[karappo-no-josei2]

what can a therapist say to me?

"it's going to be okay. you're living in a country run by abusers, that's okay. you're living in a country that's racist, that's okay. you're forced to basic parts of yourself like your gender and still feel whole. that's okay, it's okay."

not really. it's fucked. that's why I'm not in therapy. useless, pointless. i'll suffer without spending $100, thank you very much.

[karappo-no-josei2]

i can't exist in this world

i can't, i can't, i can't

it's too cruel, and i am too weak, i am too weak to withstand the harsh reality

[karappo-no-josei2]

you may be horrible to me if it means that you'll give me attention, proof that i exist and somebody can see me

[karappo-no-josei2]

i think i am losing my mind