Trust Me

I'm hilarious

[number1mongrel]

"You hear that? They're saying The Odyssey doesn't even have nobody!"

"They've got nobody in the Odyssey?"

"No I'm saying they don't got nobody."

"Nobody's there?"

"Nobody's not there!"

"So everyone's there?"

"Everybody but nobody!"

[romanceyourdemons]

rip to the guy who posted his very expensive yixing teapot to r/tea, only for the comments to be not compliments on his taste as he expected, but instead GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY and I SHOULD CALL HER. he then crossposted it to r/gongfutea, which is ordinarily more dignified and self-serious, but was it? was it?? of course not, because this is reddit, and this was the teapot

[catsbeaversandducks]

By Herta Burbė

[divorce-enjoyer]

ice water is awesome because you get more water in your water

[divorce-enjoyer]

you think youre out of water but then you check back in five minutes and woah! theres more water! the world is so beautiful

[mistflarden-deactivated20200816]

“In Europe they–”

WHERE in Europe??!? WHERE??? You mean Iceland?? Azerbaijan? The Netherlands? Liechtenstein???? THERE ARE 50 COUNTRIES IN EUROPE. ALL WITH DIFFERENT CULTURES. SO PRAY TELL ME, WHERE IN FUCKING EUROPE.

[eldriitchmurmurs]

in europe they got antisemitism

[number-one-malloc-appreciator]

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

stop using chatgpt!!!! take a bronze pin and carve your questions onto an ox scapula, then toss it into the fire!!!! use the cracks to divine the gods answer!!!!

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

citations still have to be APA 7th edition though. if you plagiarise, the gods will flood the yellow river again. and you'll lose your academic standing.

[dkpsyhog]

(The Gods, personal communication, July 18, 2024)

[gayvampyr]

trying to explain why i like horror to people who don’t: ok so you know how it’s fun to be deeply disturbed and unsettled

[sailorbrazil]

thursday..... and i bet you wish you were her

[oldenglishtextposts]

þuresdæg..... and ic wene þæt wyscst þu hi sie

[biglawbear]

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He—wait. Why dost the Lord hath clippers.

[biglawbear]

The Lord sheareth me.

[teaboot]

“Jesus Shaves”

[pomgore]

i love learning about animals ive literally never seen or heard of before. what amazing diversity of life on this planet earth. what the hell is a japanese serow

[pomgore]

goat dog

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

One of my favorite thing I’ve learned about animals studies is that you should avoid using colorful leg bands when you’re banding birds because you can accidentally completely skew the data because female birds prefer males with colorful bands

Apparently if you put a red band on a male red wing blackbird his harem size can double

So like you can completely frick up the natural reproduction of a group of birds by giving a guy a bracelet so stylish that females CANNOT resist him

[volcanokids]

Me, putting a red bracelet on the leg of a male red wing blackbird: ON GOD we gonna get u some pussy bro

[jordisstigander]

I remember reading a study where researchers realized that female birds of a certain species preferred males with a darker breast. So they created what they literally called a “Super-Sexy Male” by catching a male and coloring his chest with a marker. They then ran dna tests on the eggs in the area.

Previously when the researchers had run these tests, they found a certain amount of infidelity was common for these birds. Somewhere around 10% of eggs were fathered by males who were not the primary mates of females.

After the advent of the Super Sexy Male, however, stuff got crazy in bird world. Infidelity skyrocketed, with upwards of 25% of ALL EGGS in the area being fathered by this specific male. Furthermore, his mate’s eggs were 100% his.

This is just insane to me. Just imagine you’re living your bird life when suddenly somebody scribbles on Dave’s chest and the ladies can’t stop throwing themselves at them. It’s stupid that we theoretically can wreck this kind of havoc on an ecosystem.

[moral-autism]

This is increasing my belief that we live in an era of unparalleled male bowerbird sexiness, not going to lie.

[tanadrin]

*me, eyeing the alien xenologists observing humanity in orbit* gosh, i hope no alien scientist decides to randomly turn me into a big tittied goth chick–

[thestroyer]

[dee-the-red-witch]

I HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE PAINT JOB I NEED ON MY CAR.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

driving my newly painted car down to my job at the children’s hospital

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Honestly, when I first read it, I thought that word was shit, too.

[angelicguy]

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

[milk5-deactivated20260704]

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

[angelicguy]

dude hes three….

[bumblr-dotcom]

And uncultured. Get a new child

[energyprison]

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

[love4hobi]

me @ jhope

[nihilo-sensei]

God, that beat…. I’m going to be humming that all day now. I had to track original artist so I could download this: Grace Hayes on YouTube.

[only-cat-memes]