Karma Bond

Turning my trauma into karma. 

[karmabond]

It’s finally over.

Two years. That how long you’re going to be gone for, two years. I know you’re going to sit in there and think of more reasons to hate me and put blame on me for your actions and I’m sorry that you’re not adult enough to face facts and admit to your wrongdoings and take responsibility for your actions. I wish you were different. I wish you were actually the person you perceived yourself to be. I wish that it didn’t have to be this way but in many ways, I’m grateful because I have benefited tremendously just by making that one phone call that changed it all. For all the times you said that I was going to suffer and that I can’t do it on my own and that I am going to be a single mom and not know what to do without you. I think its funny. How literally nothing has gone your way since that day. While the kids and I haven’t gotten everything we need and more. Your son has been in school for 3 months now and already has made tremendous improvements. Your daughter is walking and beginning to talk. You missed her first birthday, your sons 11th birthday, Thanksgiving and now Christmas and so many more moments you’re not going to be around for. All because of your decisions. Your kids are going to be 13, 5, 3 and 2 when you get out. Wow. That’s the first time I’ve mentioned the kids' ages and it actually just hit me. I’m so sad for them. None of them deserved this. Yet somehow I still miss you. Not as a lover as my friend. Even though I know that too was just another show you put on, I miss talking to you and laughing with you. What I really miss is beer condasoring with you. Which I know sounds dumb but it was sort of our thing and I also don't know wtf I’m looking for when I buy beer now. But I’ll get used to it. I wish you were mature enough to let me send you letters and pictures of the kids but I know you will only use that against me a way to get me back into your control. I so badly want to send you the Christmas pictures of the kids and tell you how well they’re doing but you won't see it that way. As a matter of fact I know you’re not thinking about the kids at all. They were never a priority to you and probably never will be. Your oldest is going to suffer more than any of the kids because of this too. Mark my words he’s going to become exactly like you and it’s devasting that you or his mom can’t see that. My kids will no longer be subjected to your childish behavior. Our son will grow up to respect women and treat them with kindness, your daughter is going to find a man that will love her and treat her like a queen. I hope that you spend your time in there thinking about how you’ve treated ALL the women in your life and how it’s finally caught up to you. You’re going to 40 when you get out, an old man. You will no longer be able to obtain your boyish image you will be old and tired. I will be thriving and you WILL see me shine and that’s a promise. I will always love you but I love myself more. Good luck to you in there...see you in 2 years asshole. 

[karmabond]

Happy NoThanksgiving

Dear Asshole,

Today when we all sat down at the table for thanksgiving your son looked at me and said where’s dad? Luckily he’s only 3 so I was able to tell him your just went bye bye and he’ll be back later and he just went back to eating. I hate you for that. Our kids dont deserve this. They deserve a father that doesn’t pretend to love them or do things with them just to make yourself look good. Your son adores you and you could care less what this is doing to him. For you to say you’ll see the kids when you’re ready is utter and complete bullshit!! Newsflash...it’s not about you! So I hope you enjoyed your thanksgiving from the cell you’re living in. I hope today you thought about the consequences of your actions and what it has cost you and your children but that will never happen and that’s what makes me sad. Even through all of this they are no important enough for you to even ask about them or put any sort of effort forth. Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you really think about what you should be grateful for this year bc it sure as hell isn’t spending time with your family.

Rant over

[karmabond]

Click here to support Help for my family. organized by Jennifer Ann

As precious as life is ...it can all change in a split second. A few months ago my loving Grandmother and her daughter, opened up their home

Every little bit helps 🥺

[karmabond]

Car donations?

Does anyone out there know about receiving car donations in the the state of Illinois? When I left my ex he was the one that had the car so I had to leave it behind. Now I finally got approved for housing and am finally going to move into my own place but once my mom goes back home to California I’m not gonna have a way of getting around. I know publicc transportation is an option but that is extremely difficult with two young children. If anyone knows of any resources to help out with this I would be forever grateful.  

[karmabond]

Exactly! 🙌🏼 https://www.instagram.com/p/BqBajJHhH5xIBwLt3vWCh0Uto15I2k_EOGKzS00/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vsw8vvceeyyu

[karmabond]

[thesocialanatomy]

[maternalscars]

[maternalscars]

Traumatic events can affect children’s moods and their ability to regulate their emotions. Kids who have been traumatized often get upset easily and have trouble calming down.

[narcissisticabuserecovery]

[akranick-author]

No one’s greatest enemy should be someone who should love them the most.

an adult daughter of a narcissistic mother (via akranick-author)

[steadfast-deactivated20191017]

Important reminders: 

You don’t have to make amends with people who hurt you or abused you.

You don’t have to forgive them.

You don’t owe them an apology.

You don’t have to forget what they did.

You don’t have to have a relationship with them in any capacity!

You’re allowed to grieve and be angry and yell and question things.

You’re allowed to grow and heal without them.

You don’t have to seek “closure” from them. Closure can come in many different forms and ways that don’t require that person or people.

You don’t owe your abuser(s) anything. Not your money, not your time, not your energy, not your love, not your forgiveness, not your blessing. Nothing. You owe them nothing.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Gaslighting is abuse, do not forget this.

[cdeine-crzy]

[karmabond]

Fuck you!

I’ve been fine, these past 3 months I’ve been fucking Golden. I’ve had to deal with my mother being here for the past 3 months and then my grandmas housing burning down and still way better off then I ever was with you. And just when everyone was quite you go and start with your bullshit. Why? Bc your court date is coming up and you need to con as many people as you can to make me the enemy? Is the no contact bothering you? You’re fucking right I said no to probation. You don’t deserve to see the light of day. Stop with your drama, leave me alone, any reaction you think you’re gonna get from me isn’t going to happen so do me a favor and drop the soap and get fucked!!

[the-courage-to-heal]

When Narcissists Apologize:

Partners of Cluster-B individuals often wonder if they’ll ever receive an apology. The answer is:

 You might, but it won’t be genuine. Why?

They Think You Hurt Them:

Healthy people apologize when they feel shame or guilt for their behavior. Their conscience tells them they did something wrong, and they want to make it right.

That’s not what happens in the mind of a narcissist or sociopath.

After they mistreat you, they are left with two realities:

“I mistreated you, cheated on you, abused you, gave you the silent treatment, ruined another relationship. Wow, something is seriously wrong with me.”

“You went crazy and abused me, so I had to let you go, because I am so heroic. Something is seriously wrong with you.”

One of these options is fabricated and false. The other involves feeling a great deal of shame self-loathing.

So their disorder opts for #2. It genuinely convinces them that you are bad and deserve this. It’s called splitting. Every time they do it, they disconnect further from reality and their true selves.

So you are awaiting an apology from someone who genuinely believes you harmed them. Yes, the reality is that they mistreated you. But they are not living in that reality. You cannot convince them to join you in reality, because that would involve experiencing the shame and self-loathing, which their entire disorder is devoted to avoiding at all costs.

You Can’t Change Them, So Change Yourself:

You must protect yourself by remaining in reality and refusing to accept their fabricated reality.

The moment you doubt yourself, apologize for things you didn’t do, pretend you did the things they accused you of, compromise that you’re both “equally as bad”, or repeatedly worry that it might be your fault when someone mistreats you – you have slipped into a false reality.

If you frequently find yourself considering other people’s false realities, or feeling the need to apologize to people who treated you like garbage, I highly recommend reading the book Codependent No More. Most individuals do not suffer from this constant self-doubt and self-blame, and you do not have to either. This constant voice of “the problem might be you" is the problem. You need to become aware of this and discover where it lives and how it got there, so you can dismiss it.

Apologies Can Be Used for Manipulation:

Another reason narcissists apologize is to get something out of you. They may want you to react to their new relationship (to prove you still care), or to get back together with you, or to keep you around for extra attention.

These apologies will usually be everything you want to hear. They’re so sorry, they’re a monster, they’re getting help, they’ll never do it again. But if you listen closely, you’ll realize it’s just a regurgitation of your pleas and hopes from past arguments. They may even believe it (or want to believe it) in the moment, but it’s always fleeting at best. If you don’t respond fast enough, or do not immediately accept their apology, or give them what they want – you will see the true colors behind the apology. Insults, lashing out, calling you “bitter”, etc…

Genuine apologies are not contingent upon the other person accepting your apology.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words:

Finally, people with Cluster-B disorders may say “I’m doing the best that I can”. That’s great, I respect when people try their best. However, you have to ask yourself: is anything changing?

People with these disorders may be on their best behavior for a few weeks after you let them back into your life, but inevitably they always seem to revert back to the same old nonsense. In fact, it usually gets worse.

So if they’re not changing, then they should “do their best” with a therapist. If the best someone can do is abuse their partner, they shouldn’t be in a romantic relationship until they spend years resolving their issues in therapy. Normal people don’t abuse other people, ever.

But What About Forgiveness?

I was talking with a guy who had a girlfriend with BPD. She screamed at him and accused him of hitting her whenever he tried to stick up for his own boundaries. When I suggested that she was an awful partner, he was shocked.

“But Jackson, don’t you believe in forgiveness?” he asked.

Yes, I do. It’s the life force in my heart, makes everything light. But if your version of forgiveness involves giving second chances to abusers, this is an incorrect version of forgiveness, which will only lead to further resentment and victimhood when they inevitably mistreat you again. If you can’t allow yourself to admit when someone is untrustworthy without feeling guilt, you’re going to be in for a world of pain. Forgiveness, as I have experienced it, has very little to do with the perpetrator. It’s not about digging into their past to invent sympathetic stories about why they abuse. This is codependent forgiveness, filled with fantasies of tear-filled reconciliations where your love and compassion cure everything. Except then they keep doing the exact same thing and then you feel angry: “How could they hurt me after I treated them so well!” Well no wonder you feel resentment. You’re not protecting yourself, so your body does it for you. If we’re interested in exploring forgiveness, we need to try a new approach. In my experience, it is just about releasing the whole idea of betrayal and victimhood. It is letting go of the tightly held belief that “bad or unfair things are happening to me”. It is protecting ourselves out of internal-love, rather than external-resentment.

This is when the tension in our heart dissolves, washing away the old heavy sludge of betrayal. You can physically feel it in your body, like the connection between mind, body, and spirit has been restored. Everything just becomes light and funny and good again. 

[psych2go]

“Just because you don’t see it, don’t mean it don’t exist”

[mtbdrummerjack]

It’s very real

[parkistan]

important !!!!