the thing is that childhood doesn't just end when you turn 18 or when you turn 21. it's going to end dozens of times over. your childhood pet will die. actors you loved in movies you watched as a kid will die. your grandparents will die, and then your parents will die. it's going to end dozens and dozens of times and all you can do is let it. all you can do is stand in the middle of the grocery store and stare at freezers full of microwave pizza because you've suddenly been seized by the memory of what it felt like to have a pizza party on the last day of school before summer break. which is another ending in and of itself
I'm reminded of this a lot, again. My 21 year old cat died. I miscarried. My father died slowly and painfully. And then my ex husband just died suddenly, and it's all a lot. A year and a half of loss, and the amount of joy that sneaks up on you is weirdly gorgeous.
Like the grief is paralyzing and overwhelming, but it also creates this sharp delineation of "be in this insane moment of love and memory" that can only really happen when you are IN THE SHIT.
