angry chihuahua

(she/any) bi

[kindahotommo]

does anyone have fic recs with the prompt of "childhood friends meet again"?

bonus if one doesn't remember/pretends they don't remember the other

[yolkylemon]

myilya for those who believe

shane version

[yolkylemon]

💪 💦

ilya version

[ilyannarozanova]

Laughing my ass off thinking about the cottage bedroom sex scene because Ilya is lying there completely lost in the fucking sauce no thoughts head empty mouth open eyes half closed on another plane of existence while Shane mid-sex is like Okay it's time for an existential conversation about how we ended up together. And expects Ilya to seriously engage him. Meanwhile Ilya is like woaw I think I hauve covid

[julsbeinggay]

I love the idea of Shane being adopted by a group of drunk girls.

Like he ended up in a club, maybe Rose dragged him or his team, post-relationship with Rose but before-all stars. And somehow he ends up with a group of 4 drunk girls, himself being a little tipsy, it was one!! drink they made him try (witch ended being like three actually) gossiping the fuck out.

LIKE

Shane was now wondering if saying anything would reveal him. But they didn’t seem to recognize him and he was just getting through all of his feeling for Ilya and he was a little tipsy! He can have fun once in a while, even if the fun is talking shit about situationships with a bunch of drunk girls, he didn’t knew.

Cause after one of them, Beth, he thinks, explained to him what a situationship was, Shane was almost sure that’s what he and Rozanov were. Or at least used to, before Shane fucked it up. But he was going to fix it.

- The longest one for me is probably like half a year? - the girl, Anne, on Shane’s right side said.

- Girl. - Beth, basically threw herself on the girl. - Mine was like two months before I lost my shit and told him to get his shit together.

- I’m so happy I never had to experience this. - Marie, the blond girls on his left said with a laugh.

- Real. - said Rea, while sipping on her drink. Shane was still in awe of how sincere they were with each other, and well, him. And how he managed to remember their names right.

All of them looked right at him, waiting for his response and the only thought Shane had at the moment was: fuck this, why not?

- Um, I don’t know? Like six years. - and he never really thought before of how much time has passed, since him and Ilya have been involved.

- SIX YEARS?

- MAN WHAT THE FUCK?

- WHAT?

- I hate men.

- Well, we broke things of last october. But we’ll see each other next month and I hope that maybe-

And that’s how Shane spend next two hours explaining his and ‘Lily’s’ story and getting advices how to “woo his boy back”.

And after that night, Shane knew what he wanted.

Ilya Rozanov.

And he knew he was gonna get him back.

[lexicanons]

A few years after they’re married, Ilya and Shane decide they want to start a family. They decide they want two kids. Shane isn’t quite ready to step away from hockey, so they decide that Ilya will carry the first and Shane will have the second child a few years later. Ilya becomes pregnant soon after the conversation and Ilya discovers, over the course of the pregnancy, that he really likes being pregnant. After their daughter is born, Ilya asks Shane if he can carry the next baby as well and Shane is fine with that. Two kids turn into three and then four and then five. When Ilya announces that he’s pregnant with their sixth child, #Shanestayoffhim trends for three days straight.

[argillaforma]

thinking about shane who in his late 30’s discovers that he might be autistic and kind of freaks out about it because he’s already the gay hockey player and the asian hockey player he doesn’t also want to be the autistic hockey player with all the negative stereotypes it comes with but he finally confides in ilya one day and says i think i might have autism and ilya gives him a soft look and says yes i think maybe you do and at first shane gets a little angry at ilya because why does it seem like you knew? how did you know? why didn’t you tell me? and ilya says because i think you deserve to figure out how you feel without me plantning ideas in your head and no matter what you would still be my shane, trying to be all sweet about it and shane gives him a careful look and asks is that why you haven’t turned on the overheard light in 2 years and ilya sighs and nods

[tinylilhollander]

I just know the first time Shane Hollander hears the rink referred to as the 'boy aquarium' he's so mad he can't speak for a full half hour.

[providing-leverage]

#myshane has a policy, after they're married, of never apologizing for Ilya. Partly because if he starts, he'll spend the rest of his life doing it. Mostly because he agrees with pretty much everything Ilya says/does, or at least finds it hot.

Chirping other players, on and off the ice? That's just hockey. Ilya knows where the line is and if he crosses it, you deserve it. Saying shit in press conferences that no one else ever would? Shane's actually more upset that his years of media training means he'll never be able to bring himself to respond that way. Being unhinged on the internet? Shane is blushing and kicking his feet.

Furthermore, Shane knows the importance of being a united front now. Even if Ilya did something that upset him (I think talking candidly about their sex life to the public would do it, and pretty much nothing else) he would never scold Ilya in front of others. Because Ilya is his partner, not his child.

[killerqueenmp3]

[laura-the-swarming]

My mans unlocked a higher level of synesthesia

[gaynehollander]

Ilya's so lucky Shane never hooked up with another man before him, someone who could've told him he didn't need to say "please" in bed, or made him feel embarrassed about folding his clothes, or showed him what casual sex actually looks like (thus cutting Ilya's time of feasibly insisting that what's going on between them is casual down by like 80%). Like, Ilya dickmatized that boy at 19, before anyone else could get to him, and he can thank his lucky stars.

[burymecherry]

happy fat baby shane friday! i think baby shane loveddd salmon ever since he could first eat solids, he was a bit of a picky eater when he was being weaned off milk a lot of the puréed baby foods they tried to start shane on he would put in his mouth but not really swallow. then one day yuna is making salmon and she gives a little piece to shane for him to try and his eyes light up and he starts happy kicking his chunky little legs in his high chair. after he finishes the piece he makes grabby hands and fusses until she gives him more. she feeds him almost a full filet just like that and he’s so happy. yuna and david start joking that he’s their “little bear” because his favorite foods are salmon and blueberries. when they go out for sushi one night fat baby shane is just knawing down on sashimi, gripping it in his little fist.🥺

[toasted-rivalry]

A ‘Bears walk in to Ilya’s house and see him napping with Shane AU’ where Ilya somehow manages to still keep Shane’s identity a secret.

Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.

Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.

He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.

So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”

So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.

Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.

Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.

Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.

So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.

When the Bears leave soon after, some of them have LEARNT some things about themselves. But crucially, none of them have learnt who their captain is fucking.

[lavenderprose]

Ottawa wins the Cup, wins it in LA, and due to the proximity to stardom and the several actual celebrities who make a point to come out and celebrate with the Centaurs, there are approximately seven hundred angles of the festivities on every social media by the following morning.

One of these is your classic TMZ highly invasive round-the-corner spy shot of Shane and Ilya--like, waiting for an Uber, is what it looks like, and the bass from inside the club is pounding and you can barely hear what they're saying except that the guy standing next to them is also TMZ and he's got a directional mic sticking out of his pocket pointed at them and when he gets into position you can hear Shane Hollander, like, fucking giggle.

"I'm sorry," Shane says, and his arms are around Ilya's neck. "I got--I'm a little drunk."

"It's okay," Ilya says, and he brushes a hand through Shane's hair. "Did you have fun?"

"Ye-s-s-s," Shane says, nodding his head decisively. "We won the Cu-p."

"Yes we did. I am proud of you."

"I'm proud of you!" Shane cups a hand around the back of Ilya's neck and giggles again into his shoulder. "Why aren't you drunk? I drank the same things as you--"

"I'm drunk," Ilya chuckles. "But I have twenty pounds on you and I am Russian, so."

"That's not a thing. That's not really a thing." Shane sighs and goes a bit boneless against Ilya's body and says, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, uh--"

"Shh. You said you had fun, and this is all that matters. My beautiful winner." He kisses the side of Shane's face, loudly and repeatedly.

Shane makes a sound that Twitter, TikTok and Instagram comment sections will all agree is a purr.

There are also, by the following morning, about a hundred discrete comments on various platforms that all say some version of Oh I just know he talks him through it.

[argillaforma]

hollanov at their kid’s autism assesment and the doctor says that autism can be genetic and asks if anyone in the family has autism and shane says no at the same time as ilya says yes

[mutinsfromthemoon]

i don’t care if it’s not canon i’m a hollanov digital camera truther they have photos together since their first time as a couple in the cottage. they just have to take pictures with something that don’t have access to the internet and never get to worry about being leaked and i will die on that even if it’s not true. i can’t believe they had to delete everything

[bambicoded]

ilyapie :)