Daifenbachen Sheep

several cats in a trench coat

[depsidase]

[alleesaur]

the productivity creatures

[athanza]

From Veronica Tucker via Pinterest

[uwillneverknowwho]

Hey. Stop for a second. Take this moment to appreciate that you don't have to write a paper right now. No one is asking you to write a paper. You don't have to think about the paper or plan your time around the paper. You have the freedom to think about whatever you want. Everything is going to be okay. At least you don't have to write a paper right now

[ampervadasz]

[l0s3r-g0r3-d3s7r0y4]

[cute-catts]

[drtanner]

Guaranteed she knows other words, she just doesn't give a shit about them, lmao.

[cute-catts]

[teaboot]

The only downside to talking to small children like they’re normal people and treating them like normal people (as per my mom) is that as they develop into bigger children they are viscerally aware of every single moment in which they are pandered to like stupid little accessories (as per my dad, my teacher, the special ed aide, every adult in my middle school) and you end up getting a lot of phone calls from people reporting your kid for (checks notes) “undermining authority”, “disrupting the classroom environment”, “disobeying elder peers”, and “unionizing the grade eleven gym class with intent to incite a mutiny” (as per me) and you end up with a Grown Adult who will absolutely encourage and enable other people’s children to fuck the sustem

[teaboot]

Anyhow the most empowering shit you can say to a kid in my experience has to be

“Wow that adult was being a jerk”

“That sounds really frustrating”

”Good job handling that, I would have lost my mind”

“It’s cool, I don’t expect you to remember me”

“You don’t have to hug me if you don’t want to”

“Yeah sometimes (authority figure you can’t avoid) doesn’t know what they’re talking about, it’s not your fault, just do your best”

“I don’t totally understand what you mean but I get that you’re upset, is there anything I can do?”

”Wanna go yell and break stuff with me?”

“You don’t need to be friends with that kid as long as you can still be polite”

“If an adult tells you to do something that will get you hurt, you don’t have to listen.”

“My number one goal is to keep you safe, but I don’t know everything and sometimes I’m wrong, so let me know if I make a mistake.”

“Man. Today sucked.”

“Yeah I also kinda wanna cry right now”

“Whoops, yeah, my bad”

“I don’t know the answer to that but we can probably figure it out”

[yuriartillery]

bad things shouldn't happen to my friends. i should be the worst thing that happens to my friends

[tchaikovskaya]

I don’t really Go Here but u can always rely on this man to read a right wing politician’s outfit for filth

[tchaikovskaya]

I mean. Just devastating 😭

[tchaikovskaya]

[creepymutelilbugger]

[condensedvaporwave]

This man has LETHAL comebacks. Idiots keep trying to get one over on him and he has never missed

[condensedvaporwave]

Actually no I'm double reblogging this I found the one where he *calls a guy's tailor* to confirm his suit isn't actually bespoke

You cannot win in his arena. This isn't "if you come at the king you better not miss" this is "don't fight a shark in the water"

[theprofessional-amateur]

I gotta add this one

[travalicious]

he alerted the FBI about a january 6th rioter because he noticed their ugly shoes lol

[frogblast-the-ventcore]

[jackdaw-kraai]

“Is your blood also off-the-rack?”

I would never survive if someone said that to me after trying that shit goodBYE

[rylandsgrace]

This is cinema actually

[cinematicnomad]

#I love how ali looms as a threatening force the entire video #and she does try to commit murder suicide #absolute cinema (via @dragoonthegreat)

[making-friendos]

One must imagine Sisyphus happy

[byjove]

Heterosexual relationship culture is so alien to me and I don’t know if it’s the fact I’m not cishet or the fact I’m autistic but I hear so many things that make me go “Am I insane or are they?”

There’s a lot of hate on widowers and I saw a woman say “You cannot compete with a dead woman.” which is perhaps a reasonable statement to say if he’s constantly comparing you to his dead partner but that wasn’t what the post was about. And I realized “Oh my God, these people genuinely feel like they’re constantly in competition with their spouse’s exes and the ex being dead makes them feel insecure that they cannot best her.”

There’s also been an uptick in the ‘men and women cannot be ‘just’ friends’ rhetoric which I feel like is extremely dangerous and reflects the rise of fascism and sexism. Some of these stories of women feeling threatened by their husband’s female best friend have some merit and others are like “I feel angry that my husband still talks to the girl he grew up next door to and she and her wife are invited to family gatherings and included in family photos sometimes. Am I right to be suspicious?” No. No you’re not. I cannot imagine being you and living with that high level of stress and paranoia and constant torment and jealousy about your husband having a positive relationship with anyone who isn’t you.

[covington-shenanigans]

okay look i know this isn't relevant to this post past the second paragraph but. here's the thing. the facts of the case are as follows:

1) I am widowed. my Beloved Wife of Blessed Memory(tm) died in 2019

2) I got together with my current partner about 18 months later

3) when I am committing acts of Foolishness my current partner loves to gesture at the sky to my dead wife, like "do you see this shit, my liege" and regularly says to me things like "[wife's name] was right about this" when my Foolishness inevitably comes back to bite me in the ass

4) this happens. all the time

more importantly:

5) my current partner is on tumblr

6) they love to incessantly send me posts

WHICH MEANS:

7) they just sent me this post with this commentary:

8) they really, really are ganging up on me with her. god help us if there's an afterlife and those two ever actually meet. "eternal rest" my ass, i will never know peace again

[ozth]

what? oh sweetheart no, you're not weirding me out at all. you're weirding me in. keep talking, freak

[cute-catts]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

ITS BIG COOKIE DAY BITCHES

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i can’t find evidence of justin mcelroy saying he was going to get a big cookie at the mall on the day hulk hogan died but you have to trust me

[northerlyfilms]

Justin and Dwight Giant Cookie Day

[cheaphalloweencostume]

[majorheelturn]

oh it’s cookie time

[strawberry-head-forever]

@mcelroyfamilystaff

[ruffboi-mags]

I love that this is how i find out Hulk Hogan died

[camelidae]

If you want to make your backyard a safe haven for lesser dragons, you must keep a close eye on your pets. While it is unlikely that a curious kitten will be able to cause a dragon physical harm, the egos of these small wyrms are as fragile as they are beautiful.