Untitled

20 years old

[teaboot]

Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met Odysseus

[teaboot]

They say if she made a prophecy Nobody would believe her

[edgar-allan-possum]

I’ve gotta say, that is exactly the kind of stupid thing that probably would circumvent a curse.

[elidyce]

Cassandra: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO REGRET THIS SO MUCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. 

Odysseus: Regret it why?

Cassandra: You won’t believe me if I tell you. If I prophecy, nobody believes me. That is my curse.

Odysseus: … I’m Nobody. Fill me in. 

*A couple of months later* 

Odysseus: HELLO PENELOPE, I AM HERE PRECISELY ON TIME AND NOT YEARS LATE incidentally I rescued and adopted a Trojan seer while I was away, she’s great, got me home really fast, Cassandra this is your new mother who’s not going to treat you like shit. 

Penelope: … I’m going to need more details, but okay, sure. 

Cassandra: *in tears* I love you, new family. 

[cipheramnesia]

Cassandra: Penelope, I’ve had another vision.

Penelope, sighs: Go tell your father.

[val-the-bun]

[sankta-wraith]

the original? on my dash?

[letmebegaytodd]

Couldn't stop thinking about this little man

So i got on ebay and found him

Effervescent

[letmebegaytodd]

[letmebegaytodd]

i see we're all on the same wavelength today

[wanderingcoasties]

“The LEGO Movie was my favorite movie of 2014, but it strikes me that the main character was male, because I feel like in our current culture, he HAD to be. The whole point of Emmett is that he’s the most boring average person in the world. It’s impossible to imagine a female character playing that role, because according to our pop culture, if she’s female she’s already SOMEthing, because she’s not male. The baseline is male. The average person is male. You can see this all over but it’s weirdly prevalent in children’s entertainment. Why are almost all of the muppets dudes, except for Miss Piggy, who’s a parody of femininity? Why do all of the Despicable Me minions, genderless blobs, have boy names? I love the story (which I read on Wikipedia) that when the director of The Brave Little Toaster cast a woman to play the toaster, one of the guys on the crew was so mad he stormed out of the room. Because he thought the toaster was a man. A TOASTER. The character is a toaster. I try to think about that when writing new characters— is there anything inherently gendered about what this character is doing? Or is it a toaster?”

— Bojack Horseman creator Raphael Bob-Waksberg commenting on how weird gendered defaults in entertainment are, and why we should think twice about them. Excerpted from this longer original post. (via 360degreesasthecrowflies)

[oojamaflip-whatchamacallit]

#Shit I say this stuff all the time#Default is not male#Women are not a different species from men#It’s a toaster it’s make believe it can be whatever you fucking want it to be#Also voice actors get cast in the ‘wrong’ gender roles all the time#Do you know how many little boy characters are played by women#Do you know how many little boy characters are played by *Tara Strong*???#I did not watch an anime in which an adult man is played by a woman VA for 90 fucking episodes in the 90s#To have to suffer the stringent gender opinions of men who feel too threatened by the idea that a woman could be their equal

[alcoholicanarchist]

that photo of hunter s. thompson shooting his typewriter is such a mood

[alcoholicanarchist]

[pukicho]

Ate one year old fish yesterday and strangely feel bad today.

[pukicho]

I did not eat a baby fish. Stop this.

[teaboot]

SWEET CHRIST I FUCKED UP

[teaboot]

I WAS DOUNG A DEEP CLEAM OF MY KITCHEG

I FOUND A FRUIT JUICEER IN BRAND FUCKING NEW CONDOTIOJN FRO A PREVIOYS TENANT

Thought "Oh wicked I'll make soup"

NEVER USED ONE BEFORE

ONION JUIVE IN MY EYES

ONION JUICS SVERYWHERE

[teaboot]

I TWARGASSED MYSELF ADN MY BOY

[pingo1387]

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

[shower-thoughts-last-responder]

Waking up from a nap and still having a headache is so unfair. You were supposed to save me.

[luckyladylily]

So the thing is boobs really do be jiggling. If having breasts has taught me anything it is that the ladies frolic. I don't even have that large of boobs but every time I go down some stairs all I can think about is that stupid quote about boobing breastily down the stairs or whatever it is because God Damn.

But anime and video game boob jiggling is like. The most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen nine times out of ten. You would think people this horny about tits would have actually looked at some but I guess not.

What we really need is some pervert to compile the ultimate visual guide to boob bouncing physics that's just like 500 hours of meticulously organized videos of breasts of different size and shape and under different fabrics bouncing around from a wide variety of physical movements so horny game devs can finally get it right and I don't have to be creeped out by women who appear to have surgically implanted softballs in their chest under skin made of rubber bands.

[haptic-yogurt]

Man, I open Tumblr for the first time today and this is what greets me... I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it's definitely something

[luckyladylily]

*person logs onto tumblr and I kick down the door like the kool-aid man*

[valtsv]

i like the term "gallows humor" because it always makes me think of someone getting sentenced to death and being like "i have GOT to be the funniest person at my public execution"

[valtsv]

[autisticandcatholic]

The Story of St. Lawrence's death, patron saint of comedians

The prefect was so angry he told Lawrence that he would indeed have his wish to die—but it would be by inches. He had a great gridiron prepared with coals beneath it, and had Lawrence’s body placed on it. After the martyr had suffered the pain for a long time, the legend concludes, he made his famous cheerful remark, “It is well done. Turn me over!”

[ahopefulbromantic]

Always reblog St. Lawrence's execution!

[gauntletqueen]

Never gonna forgive Disney for making people think Alice had a good time at that tea party

[gauntletqueen]

Does this look like the face of a child who is having a good time?

[im-mender]

Alice at that party

[strangestcase]

>walks in

>random guy #1 calls her ugly

>random guy #2 calls her dumb

>forced to drink from someone else’s mug

[theknightlywolfe]

Reminder:

Police are using sonic weapons against protesters that can cause permanent hearing loss

LRADs, a sound-producing device used to control crowds, can inflict permanent damage on subjects

[crabussy]

just saw a chair so photogenic I had to reevaluate my feelings towards plastic furniture

[crabussy]

do you see this. beyond ridiculous

[crabussy]

what are our thoughts

I understand your feelings for the chair robin crabussy

unpost this right now you strange strange man

Voting ended onAug 12

[crabussy]

I hired a wizard to cast png on it. effervescent

[striving-artist]

The best piece of advice I ever got was not meant as advice, but as an edict. If I was going to threaten people as a joke, it had to be so far out of proportion with what happened that it would be obvious I was joking. This changed how I expressed frustration with others. It then changed how I expressed frustration with myself.

Not “I’m going to hit you” but “I am going to buy a tuna sub from the gas station and hide it under the seat of your car”

Not “I’m going to kill myself” but “I am going to walk into the desert and let the scarabs take me”

The other side then happened. When I mess something up, instead of saying it’s bad and perpetuating negative thoughts, swing hard the other way.

Not “this art is terrible” but “this shall be framed and mounted on the wall in my museum exhibition as testament to the suffering I had to overcome”

Have been doing this since high school. It was my drama teacher who asked me to please stop scaring the actors. The other half of the edict was that I had to say it in a polite tone, and end it with either please or thank you.

Life changing. 10/10 Mr Muëller. Highly reccomend.

[llsilvertail]

lol

[striving-artist]

#Queued

Which means you saw this, could have told me, but instead, you chose this course. You chose violence. I'll be adding you to the list of traitors to be embroidered in the tapestry of my throne room.

[blue--deer]

*slides this across the table* you're going to want to read this

[elodieunderglass]

There are Experiences behind this sign

[yourdadsghoulfriend]

Brevity is the soul of wit & this was so damn creative

[wordproblemapoligist]

[ID: a woman stands in front of a hell landscape cgi. she's talking to someone out of view; "... Not supposed to be here, I'm Hindu, I'm supposed to be reincarnated, I told you this bef-"

She's cut off my a section of Lil Nas X's song Montero, specifically the line "... Me in the the mornin', i'll be on...". As the line plays, she looks to the side down, as if something nearby is falling. The music fades in, gets louder, and fades back out. She pauses after it fades all the way out.

"Who the fuck was that??" End ID]

[nebulasreblogs]

“I told you this before” implying she has died and gone to Hell more than once, either in this life or a past

[marumicore]

everytime she dies she has to go through this whole long process of paperwork and bribery to get reincarnated

[thickness-protection-program]

Why is this heat so hot 😩

[fagapult]

It’s the heat

[thickness-protection-program]

Source?

[mamoswole]

[thickness-protection-program]

[pepsimansthickjuicymeatyschlong]

[greaserink]

cryin' shame that walmart markiplier is just too sexually charged to be on tumblr smh