𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝𝐬 || 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐖𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐬𝐨𝐧
Summary: Wade discusses his next target his mercenary gig has assigned him, Peter doesn’t quite agree
Word Count: 1.5K
Warnings: Crude language (Its Deadpool guy c’mon)
A/N: this is based off the comic book series of spider-man/deadpool!!!
“Now webs don’t be mad at me…” Pouted Wade, his feet dangling over the side of the building they were currently sitting on top of. “But I need your help with something…”
“What Wade?” Peter asked, not even looking up from his foil wrapped burrito. He shuddered. “I’m not helping you manscape again.”
“You know how you work for Parker industries?”
Peter chuckled inwardly to himself. ‘Work for Parker Industries’ was certainly a way you could view it. If it wouldn’t completely destroy his secret identity he would’ve told Wade by now he was the CEO and founder, but Peter bit his tongue, knowing it would do more harm than good for the merc to know such knowledge.
“Yeah…?” Peter continued, not liking where this conversation was heading as he took another bite of his dinner, his mask shifting slightly so he could take a bigger chunk of burrito-y goodness.
“Can you help me kill the CEO?”
Peter choked on his burrito, coughing furiously as he attempted to clear his lung of the salsa he just inhaled.
“You want me to kill me- My boss?!” He asked, catching himself before he could prematurely spill the beans on his true identity.
“I knew you’d be mad!” Pouted Wade, dramatically leaning towards Peter. “I know you don’t agree with my thoughts on Peter Parker but I’ve just been given some crazy mad evidence to show you how right I am in my feelings!”
Peter stared at Wade silently, trying to decipher if what he’d heard was all true. ‘Evidence’? What ‘Evidence’? Last Peter checked he hadn’t been up to any devilishly fiendish activities.
“What exactly has…” Peter cleared his throat. “Mr. Parker done?”
Wade revealed a small USB from somewhere inside his suit (Peter didn’t want to think too hard about it) and waved it in front of Peter’s face.
“According to some very reliable sources-“
“Who are those sources Wade?” Asked peter, raising a dubious eyebrow.
“Very reliable.” Tsked Wade, booping Peter on the nose with the USB. “Now be quiet and let me monologue baby boy.”
Deadpool cleared his throat, and gestured to the nearby Parker Industries skyscraper. “according to my sources… Peter Parker’s newest technology- his web ware- has a component to control those who wears it thought’s…”
“Mind control man…” Wade gasped, waving his hands in front of an unamused Peter to get his point across. “Mind controoooolll……..” He whispered.
“So you’re going to kill him because your sources-“
“Very reliable.” Interjected Wade.
“Told you he’s plotting to control the minds of the entire populous of New York?”
“Now are you on my side?” Asked Wade, rolling over on to his stomach and kicking his legs back and forth like a little school girl.
“No Wade.” Deadpanned Peter, crushing the burrito’s foil in his hands and throwing it into a nearby trash can on the buildings roof.
“Peter wouldn’t do something like that…” He added, looking over at his skyscraper, trying to decipher if Wade really had reason to believe Parker Industries would commit such a crime.
Wade scoffed, obviously annoyed that Peter couldn’t see his side of the argument. Why was he being so defensive over his billionaire boss who like all scumbag CEO rich men would toss him aside? Spider-man was only a low level worker at Parker Industries shouldn’t he also rally against his boss like all red-blooded Americans…? Unless he’s already being mind controlled… OMG is spider-man evil right now…
Deadpool glanced over at Spider-man suspiciously, making a mental note to keep a closer eye on him.
Peter sighed, realizing that this argument would go no where like it always did.
“Look Wade, patrols over I’m going home.” Peter said, standing up and pulling his mask back over his face. “Don’t follow me or I’ll websling your foot to your skull.”
Wade watched Peter sling off into the distance, a frown etched onto his face.
Welp if Spidey wouldn’t help him, he’d just have to do it himself… And knowing Parker Industries that might be a tad bit hard.
Wade did his best impression of a cartoon robber, sneakily crawling his way up a large crystalline apartment complex in Brooklyn and using his tippy toes to stealth across the roof.
According to his very reliable resources this was the current home address of one Peter Parker- and if the two katanas and approximately thirty two other small weapons strapped to his body had anything to say- tonight was the night he died.
Using his best form of lock picking (using a muffler on one of his pistols and shooting the door until it opened), Wade made his way inside of the apartment complex, sheathing his pistol and carefully descending the long stair case.
The night was dead silent, a pleasant surprise when living in the big apple.
‘Must come with residing in the fanciest of fucking apartments.’ thought Wade to himself as he continued, avoiding any step that might creek under his weight. ‘Another reason to hate Parker- he was richer than Wade.’
After six whole flights and a good cardio workout, Deadpool was standing in front of the door to Peter Parker’s apartment.
This time he’d be more classy, using some of his high tech tools (courtesy of S.H.I.E.L.D) Wade was able to unlock the doors fifty locks in record time! (An hour spent sitting outside the front door and praying none of his neighbors decided to get a midnight snack from the local connivence store.)
Peter Parker’s apartment was surprisingly messy. Clothes were strewn out in piles and dishes were left in unclean piles dirtying up the sink.
Wade scoffed, if he wasn’t here to kill the guy he might’ve done the fellow a good deed and wiped down his counters.
The door to Parker’s room was left wide open, as well as a nearby window.
Wade kicked himself for not checking the perimeter more closely.
Shedding a quick tear for all the time lost breaking into this joint and with a convenient get away nearby, Deadpool glanced over Parker’s bedroom briefly, noticing the fluffy brown haired demon of a man peacefully sleeping in a messy bed.
Near the night stand laid an unsuspecting duffel bag.
Uh oh- Wade was familiar with this one.
Was it new villainous technology? Money he got from dubious origins? Human remains? Deadpool didn’t know, but he’d be damned if he didn’t find out.
“What we got here Parker…” he whispered aloud to himself as he pried open the duffel bag only for his eyes to land on a little red and blue spandex number he could recognize in his sleep.
“Spidey…?” Gasped Wade, looking confusedly at the suit discarded in the bag.
“Wade…?” came a gruff half asleep voice from behind him.
Deadpool moved on instinct, throwing a small dagger towards the voice without thinking before turning around.
Peter Parker was staring wide eyed at Wade. His body leaning to the left after he dodged the knife Deadpool had thrown.
The man who was now only in boxers Deadpool realized, glanced incredulously at the dagger sticking out of his wall, inches from his head.
Peter looked from Deadpool to the suit in his hands before sighing and shooting a web from his wrist to flick on the light switch, bathing the room in annoying brightness.
“You’re… no…” fumbled Deadpool, a disbelieving laugh pushing past his lips.
“Yeah…” smirked Peter, scratching at the back of my neck.
“But the technology! The evil plans!” Fumbled Wade, trying to tuck the spider suit into his back pocket for later and non erotic reasons. Peter gave him a look and shot another string of web at Wade to pull the suit back towards him.
“That’s why I want to know who your sources are and who’s been using my tech for their own gain.” Frowned Peter, grabbing some nearby sweatpants and pulling them over his boxers (much to wades displeasure).
“Sorry baby boy- can’t get past the fact you’re fucking Peter Parker.” Wade practically shouted.
“Look Wade… can this wait till morning?” Asked Peter, scratching at the stubble on his chin. “It’s four AM and I have to be up at six for a board meeting.”
“Holy Shit! You have board meetings!” Laughed Deadpool, who might’ve gone insane at this point if he wasn’t already.
“Wade if you let me go back to sleep I’ll let you sleep on my couch and eat my strawberry cream cheese toaster strudels in the morning.”
Like someone had pulled a switch in the enigmatic mind of Deadpool - he gave Peter a cheerful smile and snuck back towards the door.
“Sleep tight baby boy I’ll be here in the morning!” He flourished, kicking his leg in the air in a way that would make a ballet teacher have an aneurysm and flicking off the light switch with his steel toed boot.
With the room bathed once more in darkness, Peter’s tranquility was short lived as Wade pressed a gentle mask covered kiss to his temple and pirouetted out the exit.
Peter knew that come tomorrow, Wade and him would have to have a long chat but for now he was content to go back to sleep.
And for the rest of his days- Peter would ignore the little side of him that wished Wade had done more than a little goodnight kiss.
Chapter two coming soon omg *vine boom sound effects in quick succession of each other*
